lawgirl79 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 (edited) So I have been dating a guy for a little while now, not exclusively and we haven't had sex yet but I am assuming it will happen soon. I went out with another guy yesterday and we kissed. After the kiss I felt like I was cheating on the other guy. Idk why since we arent exclusive yet. Is it possible that my feelings are growing for the guy I have been dating? I really like him but I thought I was on the fence until the kiss last night. I don't want to get hurt so I need to know how the guy I'm dating feels about me. How do i ask him? If he feels like his feeling will never be mutual l need to stop seeing him. Edited May 2, 2017 by lawgirl79
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 How long have you been dating guy number 1? and how many dates? Simply tell him you enjoy seeing him and you'd like from this point to be dating each other exclusively. Do not talk about feelings, this is not about feelings yet. Feelings grow with time and exclusivity so your next move is exclusivity. If he likes you a lot he will be thrilled to date you exclusively. If he sounds unsure about exclusivity than find another man to date and drop him. If he agrees to date exclusively both of you delete your profiles. 2
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Gaeta we have been on about 6 dates over the past 1 1/2 months. I see him again this weekend. I do plan on asking about exclusivity. I am just so confused as to what happened. I had no idea that kissing this other guy would change things for me so drastically. The only other thing I can think of is that maybe the chemistry between me and the guy I kissed last night was so off that it is screwing up how I feel for the guy I have been seeing the past month. I am so confused at the moment but hopefully the talk about exclusivity will help me get through this.
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Gaeta we have been on about 6 dates over the past 1 1/2 months. I see him again this weekend. I do plan on asking about exclusivity. I am just so confused as to what happened. I had no idea that kissing this other guy would change things for me so drastically. The only other thing I can think of is that maybe the chemistry between me and the guy I kissed last night was so off that it is screwing up how I feel for the guy I have been seeing the past month. I am so confused at the moment but hopefully the talk about exclusivity will help me get through this. After 6 dates over 6 weeks it's normal to feel uneasy when kissing someone else. Even if you are not in love yet with guy #1 you do have enough interest in him that carried you through 6 weeks of seeing him. When I was dating, after 3 dates I would not engage in meeting a new guy. My philosophy was if I have enough interest in a man to see him 3+ times I do not need to meet a new man for the moment. I cannot imagine meeting a new man after dating another one for 6 dates. 2
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Gaeta, it is not standard practice for me to date anyone after a third date as well, but this guy was attractive and I wasnt in an exclusive relationship so I said why not see what happens. Im am sorry I went against my standard practice now.
preraph Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Don't go asking for exclusivity if you have the opportunity to multi-date and aren't sure of either one, and I know you're not at all sure of either one. You sound totally lackluster. Keep dating around and find one you like better.
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Is it possible that my feelings are growing for the guy I have been dating? I really like him but I thought I was on the fence until the kiss last night.. Are your feelings still on the fence about guy #1 ? It's also normal to not be in love after 6 weeks. You should know by now though if you are interested in seeing only him and see where it leads. Would you like that with guy #1 ?
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 I definetly would like to be exclusive with guy #1
kgcolonel Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 I definetly would like to be exclusive with guy #1 Seek out in life what YOU want, otherwise, you'll be living a passive life and not taking control of what you want but waiting for that POT OF GOLD that never comes. COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP....ASK HIM WHERE HE STANDS AND LISTEN, YOU'LL KNOW HOW TO RESPOND OR DISCUSS THIS WITH HIM IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP. Also, how would you feel if you saw him in a bar or restaurant with another date? That tells you where you should be with him.... 1
Titanll Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Not being judgmental of how you date but I keep things simple by being more or less exclusive from date one. Basically, one date is enough for me to know if I want date two. If we both want date two, then I exclusively date her. I'm just not wired to date multiple people at the same time. As always, communicate your feelings to him...
Silverstring Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 I generally follow the rule of 3. If a first date goes more than 3 hours, that usually means I'll want a second date. If I go out with someone and don't want to kiss them by the 3rd date, generally it means there won't be a fourth. If I go past the 3rd date (i.e. it means things are starting to ramp up physically), it generally means I will want to be exclusive with them shortly. If things get to 3 months without flags it usually means we are moving towards a serious relationship. And then if things get past the honeymoon period, and we're still in love and want to be together - well long term relationship / marriage etc. is not far behind... So all that to say, you can't control how he feels about you, but you can ask him to be exclusive if that's what you want. Either he'll agree or he won't. Either way you can move forward. 3
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Thank you guys. Silverstring: that is a great way of thinking.
kendahke Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 So I have been dating a guy for a little while now, not exclusively and we haven't had sex yet but I am assuming it will happen soon. I went out with another guy yesterday and we kissed. After the kiss I felt like I was cheating on the other guy. Idk why since we arent exclusive yet. Is it possible that my feelings are growing for the guy I have been dating? I really like him but I thought I was on the fence until the kiss last night. I don't want to get hurt so I need to know how the guy I'm dating feels about me. How do i ask him? If he feels like his feeling will never be mutual l need to stop seeing him. Focus on "what is", not "what you wished would be". Is this guy you've been dating the one whose life is so busy he can't make time for you? No declarations of exclusivity means no cheating. That guy, from what I remember of your last posts about him, isn't of the mind to make room in his life to your satisfaction, so that's where that lies... you're free to see others and kiss others and it's not cheating. You've been needing to have a talk with him about where he is in all of this. Stop being afraid to hear the answer because it may be what you don't want to hear. Living in denial is not good policy. 1
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Kendahke it is not the same guy that was busy.
kendahke Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Kendahke it is not the same guy that was busy. My advice still stands: No declarations of exclusivity means no cheating. You're free to see others and kiss others and it's not cheating UNTIL you both agree that you are exclusive to one another. Not a moment sooner. Stop being afraid to hear the answer because it may be what you don't want to hear. Living in denial is not good policy.
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