Bobbysgirl123 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 My fiancé and I have been together for almost 4 years. We are in our late 20's. we both currently live with our parents. When the relationship first started we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Kissing all the time, sex multiple times a week. Fast forward a year and the affection stops on his part. Less kissing, less sex, even though I plan romantic getaways he looks at those as a waste of time. Another year goes by we get engaged. We buy a house few months later. At this point we've been engaged for over a year and have had sex ONE time. He doesn't kiss me or hug me I have to Ask for him to. When I do he rolls his eyes and sighs then gives me a quick peck on the lips. I've confronted him asking if something is wrong but he says no. Claims he is just stressed working on our house. I try to plan little trips and he says no doesn't have time. I tried forcefully kissing him and he cuts them off. He doesn't look me in the eyes and says I love you he claims it's too much like a hallmark movie and it's "corny"... I'm st my wits end and am seriously considering calling off the wedding. Am I crazy for doing so? Thanks in advance.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 My fiancé and I have been together for almost 4 years. We are in our late 20's. we both currently live with our parents. When the relationship first started we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Kissing all the time, sex multiple times a week. Fast forward a year and the affection stops on his part. Less kissing, less sex, even though I plan romantic getaways he looks at those as a waste of time. Another year goes by we get engaged. We buy a house few months later. At this point we've been engaged for over a year and have had sex ONE time. He doesn't kiss me or hug me I have to Ask for him to. When I do he rolls his eyes and sighs then gives me a quick peck on the lips. I've confronted him asking if something is wrong but he says no. Claims he is just stressed working on our house. I try to plan little trips and he says no doesn't have time. I tried forcefully kissing him and he cuts them off. He doesn't look me in the eyes and says I love you he claims it's too much like a hallmark movie and it's "corny"... I'm st my wits end and am seriously considering calling off the wedding. Am I crazy for doing so? Thanks in advance. I would cut you off, too. Don't force affection on someone who clearly doesn't want it. Having said that, something is obviously wrong. Having sex once in a year and pushing away all other attempts at dates or intimacy is a big red flag. How much stress is this new house adding? Are there money worries? Also, have you changed in any significant way? I'm a woman too so I know it's a sensitive topic, but have you put on weight or stopped looking after yourself? Something is eating at him. At this point, it almost sounds like he doesn't want to be in the relationship. When he proposed, was he excited and enthusiastic? You two should probably consider couple's counseling before tying the knot. There is clearly something that has changed for him and as his future wife, you need to know what that is. 1
Author Bobbysgirl123 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 I agree, forcing any type of affection on someone isn't appropriate. I guess I worded it wrong, it was more like when he would give me a quick kiss goodbye like a peck on the lips that I actually had to ask for, I'd part my lips hoping for more. He'd reject it therefor I felt I forced him. As far as the house stress, it's just a typical renovation. Money isn't really an issue. He doesn't handle stress well and blames everything on the house as to why he isn't affectionate. He thinks once it's finished we will be more intimate but it's not like life gets any easier so stress will always be a factor. and as far as my looks, I haven't gained any weight and I dress and look how I did when we first met. If anything I'm putting more effort into my looks for him to notice me more but it doesn't seem to matter. I mentioned counseling and he says absolutely not. Refuses to do it. I mentioned a few other resolutions and he also shut those down. At this point I feel like if he does attempt to show me affection that I'll think he's only doing it out of obligation.... is this marriage doomed?
Altair0770 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 These aren't good signs for getting married. After marriage, there's the honeymoon and then things get serious. I'd have a serious talk with him. See where he's at. Granted the house is stress but you have your needs too. One of my regrets in my last relationship was taking "I don't want to talk about it" when there were obvious flaws in my relationship. In the end I'm here on LS. I'd ask to have a serious sit down. What plans are for the future and if things need to change. His reaction to having a talk will tell you what you need to do.
zouz71 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 IMO during the previous period he just was trying to impress you ; now you will see the real him .
BG1 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 May sound like a clichè but intimacy and communications are the key to succesful relationships and you have none of this. Seems you are afraid of confronting the situation due to liking what he may say. Something needs to change because this has been happening for quite a long time, and seems from the sounds of things that you deserve and want more from your partner.
BluesPower Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Yes you need to end it... If he will not talk about what is bothering him and will not listen to you about your need for affection and sex, you need to let him go. At this point in your life, with no kids, you guys should not be able to keep your hands off each other. You should be having some of the best sex of your life so far. Something is wrong with him in some way. It won't get better with marriage. If you cannot fix it you need to get out. Like Yesterday... 1
jorgeg3d Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 I agree with the rest of the group. If he's not willing to give an effort into fixing whats wrong, let alone actually talk about the problems, then its time to consider seriously letting him go. Tell him too, its not fair for you to live that way, especially right before you get married.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Is it possible that he doesn't want to get married after all, but is hoping you will pull the plug, OP?
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