Should I wait for things to end with him and his new girlfriend?

[katesharpe]

This is my first go at one of these things, so here goes nothing.

 

I am currently extremely sad due to a recent breakup. You may ask how this break up happened, but like most, it's a long story. I will start from the beginning...

 

I first started talking this guy, lets call him Alex, during the end my senior year of high school. Alex is a year older than me so he was in his freshman year of college at the time. We had great conversations and all that but I was always so hesitant to actually be with him because I never thought that he was over his ex, he was still in contact with her at the time and continued to "be there" for her a year into our so-called relationship. I say so-called because I thought he still had feelings for her so I never committed.

 

Throughout the years he has been the perfect man to me, despite the fact that for the next two years I insisted we remain in a open-relationship. I did this for two reasons, one because i was scared to get hurt and two so that he would be able to live out his college life and not have any regrets. For these three years he always begged me to just be his girlfriend and that he didn't want an open-relationship. The last year of us being together I couldn't take that my uncertainty was hurting him so much so I tried ending things multiple times. We always ended up back together and just spent this last summer together. We both really loved each other then and throughout everything we went through.

 

Once school rolled around, now he is a senior in college and I a junior, I tired ending things again. This didn't work, so we would see each other and then try and end things again. THEN he finds someone else along the way, someone who is more than just a casual hookup - I'm talking Instagram pictures. We were together the first day of April, and now we are completely over due to the new person in his life and I hate myself for being so foolish!

 

I am completely broken inside and feel like I mean nothing to him. I panicked and reached out to him multiple times trying to win him back. He said some pretty confusing things to me after I basically poured my heart out to him. I asked him if we can be together now and he said "not now" but then he said he is not sure how long this new relationship will last and that he would want to try again with me. I asked him if he wanted me to wait (I know, so stupid) and he said he would really like me to, it's just he doesn't want to keep me waiting because he knows it will hurt me and that he isn't sure how everything will play out with his new girl. he also said that she will be going back to school come September and he will be a graduate so he is not sure how he would feel about that..

 

It all just stinks because now that he would be done with school is the time I would've wanted to be in a serious relationship..and it's too late. I still am in love with this man and I feel like I am going to lose him forever.

 

I am so lost, and hurt, and seeking some guidance with this entire situation.

[Khop97]

Go No Contact.. Make him miss you.. now he thinks he has the best of both worlds.. if you disappear for a while, he will start wondering and most likely reach out to you.

[Sweetfish]

This is my first go at one of these things, so here goes nothing.

 

I am currently extremely sad due to a recent breakup. You may ask how this break up happened, but like most, it's a long story. I will start from the beginning...

 

I first started talking this guy, lets call him Alex, during the end my senior year of high school. Alex is a year older than me so he was in his freshman year of college at the time. We had great conversations and all that but I was always so hesitant to actually be with him because I never thought that he was over his ex, he was still in contact with her at the time and continued to "be there" for her a year into our so-called relationship. I say so-called because I thought he still had feelings for her so I never committed.

 

Throughout the years he has been the perfect man to me, despite the fact that for the next two years I insisted we remain in a open-relationship. I did this for two reasons, one because i was scared to get hurt and two so that he would be able to live out his college life and not have any regrets. For these three years he always begged me to just be his girlfriend and that he didn't want an open-relationship. The last year of us being together I couldn't take that my uncertainty was hurting him so much so I tried ending things multiple times. We always ended up back together and just spent this last summer together. We both really loved each other then and throughout everything we went through.

 

Once school rolled around, now he is a senior in college and I a junior, I tired ending things again. This didn't work, so we would see each other and then try and end things again. THEN he finds someone else along the way, someone who is more than just a casual hookup - I'm talking Instagram pictures. We were together the first day of April, and now we are completely over due to the new person in his life and I hate myself for being so foolish!

 

I am completely broken inside and feel like I mean nothing to him. I panicked and reached out to him multiple times trying to win him back. He said some pretty confusing things to me after I basically poured my heart out to him. I asked him if we can be together now and he said "not now" but then he said he is not sure how long this new relationship will last and that he would want to try again with me. I asked him if he wanted me to wait (I know, so stupid) and he said he would really like me to, it's just he doesn't want to keep me waiting because he knows it will hurt me and that he isn't sure how everything will play out with his new girl. he also said that she will be going back to school come September and he will be a graduate so he is not sure how he would feel about that..

 

It all just stinks because now that he would be done with school is the time I would've wanted to be in a serious relationship..and it's too late. I still am in love with this man and I feel like I am going to lose him forever.

 

I am so lost, and hurt, and seeking some guidance with this entire situation.

 

 

Sounds like in the end this is all about you...

 

You placed him on a back-burner by making assumptions about what he would do. You best bet is NC and reflect.

[ExpatInItaly]

He got tired of you pushing him away and making him feel unwanted. So he found someone who knows what she wants and wouldn't dream of insisting on an open relationship (seriously, that made no sense) and is excited to be with him. Who wouldn't want that?

 

Take this is a lesson learned. You can't expect someone to hang around when you continuously reject them. They will eventually get tired of it and lose interest.

[d0nnivain]

Based on your actions I seriously doubt that Alex felt secure or loved in your relationship. You made it a dysfunctional train wreck.

 

 

You need to learn how to commit. Until you find out why you constantly pushed Alex away you won't be able to have a healthy relationship with anybody.

 

 

Please let Alex go. You have damaged him enough.

[katesharpe]

Thank you, I know I did it all wring I was just scared if ending up broken but look at me now. He said we would want to re-connect eventually Im guessing that's just him being a nice guy? I wouldn't know he was my first everything..Thanks for the input