Laurenhergensen Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 (edited) Okay, so... First of all, thanks to those who are reading this, lol. This is the thing: My ex and I had this CRAZY story together, like, I'm starting to believe he will ALWAYS matter to me. We were together for 4 years. We broke up 7 months ago. So, we WERE going to get back together... Until something awful happened. His best friend, while he was on a trip, kissed me. I stopped him, obviously, because I would never do such a thing. However, I told him about it (my ex), I told him what his friend did... And everything went to hell after that. After his trip, he went to my house, we talked, and he told me things would never be the same between us after what his friend did... After that, we ended up kissing and having sex and oh my god... We slept together, like we used to do when we were a couple, it was crazy... That happened like two months ago. I ran into him a few days ago, in a club... And we talked, A LOT outside the club. I know he's already dating someone else and all... But he invited me to his house, because his family really misses me and I miss them too... And I went. We talked there, and I just casually told him that a friend of mine that he always hated, tried to hit on me a few weeks ago... And after that, he was like weird, as if he was mad at me for it... It was weird. He took me home after that, and told me that it really pissed him off, because it reminded him of when he was jealous of this friend and all, back to when "I was still in his head"... But then he told me that it was okay if I wanted to date him or something, that he only wanted me to be happy... And I do want the same for him, of course. And now I'm sitting in bed, realizing how he already moved on and I CAN'T SEEM TO DO THE SAME. Like, I think I'm fine, and I TRULY AM, but then I run into him, or talk to him, and f*ck! I still love him. But I know we will never get back together... Tips anyone? Please? How do I move on? thank you! Edited May 1, 2017 by Laurenhergensen
Maldives Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Okay, so... First of all, thanks to those who are reading this, lol. This is the thing: My ex and I had this CRAZY story together, like, I'm starting to believe he will ALWAYS matter to me. We were together for 4 years. We broke up 7 months ago. So, we WERE going to get back together... Until something awful happened. His best friend, while he was on a trip, kissed me. I stopped him, obviously, because I would never do such a thing. However, I told him about it (my ex), I told him what his friend did... And everything went to hell after that. After his trip, he went to my house, we talked, and he told me things would never be the same between us after what his friend did... After that, we ended up kissing and having sex and oh my god... We slept together, like we used to do when we were a couple, it was crazy... That happened like two months ago. I ran into him a few days ago, in a club... And we talked, A LOT outside the club. I know he's already dating someone else and all... But he invited me to his house, because his family really misses me and I miss them too... And I went. We talked there, and I just casually told him that a friend of mine that he always hated, tried to hit on me a few weeks ago... And after that, he was like weird, as if he was mad at me for it... It was weird. He took me home after that, and told me that it really pissed him off, because it reminded him of when he was jealous of this friend and all, back to when "I was still in his head"... But then he told me that it was okay if I wanted to date him or something, that he only wanted me to be happy... And I do want the same for him, of course. And now I'm sitting in bed, realizing how he already moved on and I CAN'T SEEM TO DO THE SAME. Like, I think I'm fine, and I TRULY AM, but then I run into him, or talk to him, and f*ck! I still love him. But I know we will never get back together... Tips anyone? Please? How do I move on? thank you! I don't believe he's moved on. He got angry meaning theres still feelings there. God it's sad something that's so misunderstood can end up breaking couples up. I don't think u and him were meant to of broken up. Obviously that kiss by his friends has hurt him and i get that. He's hurt he"ll be making up all sorts of scenarios in his head about it and that I think is why he's left. You know reading into it to much. Question tho how did u and his friend end up alone? Trust is so fragile that's crossing the line it was too hard for him to process and handle. Even tho u didn't do anything nor had any intentions to wth his very bad friend he thinks otherwise and is probably not buying what uve told him Anyway the bottom line about him wishing u all the best wth this new guy and vice versa u both know it's bullocks common u both still feel for each other. Having said that I'd he's got another partner now that means you can't really do anything like try and work things out. You may hav to just take a back seat and see how that plays out before anything can move forward having said that you don't wanna put your life on hold but I wouldnt be dating som new guy if you stil hav feelings for your ex you can still not have your life on hold and move forward and be single. Be single for a while
d0nnivain Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 The reason you are not over him is that you are still in contact with him & his friends You act like you can go back in time. Truth is these little meeting are just you picking at the scab. He needs new friends if his buddy tried to kiss you. But his buddy doing that tells me the buddy saw no chance of you & your EX getting back together. What does that tell you? It's time for you to explore new clubs, make new friends, get new hobbies. In short move on. The longer you hold out hope, the harder it will be for you to get over him. 1
Author Laurenhergensen Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Yeah, I know that that gross kiss changed everything. We weren't even alone... The guy was just talking to me about some bull**** at a bar after we ran into each other, and the next thing I knew was that he was already pulling me... Gross. Dumb me, I thought he was my friend too. But my ex won't get that... No matter how many times I tell him, he's still thinking that I could've stopped him or whatever, it's like he thinks I kind of wanted that. Which is ridiculous, but there is no way to make him understand that. That's another issue I have... It amazes me how incredibly picky I am when it comes to guys, and I can't find anyone that can actually interest me. It sucks. Trust me, I've tried, and in seven months, NOTHING. But I'm not putting my life on hold, yesterday I decided that I'm going to England for a whole semester... I always wanted to do that, I hope it turns out fine.
Author Laurenhergensen Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Yes, running into him every month, or having his friends talking to me all the time (because my circle and his circle were very close) is definitely not helping. I decided yesterday that I'm going to England for a semester, so I guess that huge change should help...
d0nnivain Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Nobody else is measuring up because you are not in a mental place where you are truly open to a new relationship. You are still hung up on him. When you pass that hurdle a new guy will come along.
Author Laurenhergensen Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Totally. I enjoy being single anyway, there's a positive side, I guess. (except when my ex's around and messes up my mental health lol) 1
Maldives Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Totally. I enjoy being single anyway, there's a positive side, I guess. (except when my ex's around and messes up my mental health lol) Yes I can relate to that. I work wth mine and like today I saw her buying lunch wth her rebound or new romance and it sets you back
todreaminblue Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 speaking from experience its confusing...for me i feel a real sadness because no matter even if did go back .....it would not be the relationship i want to be in..he isnt into marriage or waiting until marriage why should he, we have three girls together...i am pretty sure ...as far as it goes it is simply for sex.....and for me that reneforces a die hard belief that is really hard to kill in thats all i am good for.....all men see me for.....im too quirky .....different ...not wholesome enough.....too giving...anyway ...makes me more than sad .....and through our relationship i would often slip into depression.....it was either accept the relationship or go it alone i dotn know if going back to exes(i have said this before on this board) is ever a good idea.....the problems that broke you up were real.....the division that happened had relevance and a reason...everything in life does....and going backwards could be really bad decision for you.....you said he is dating someone else.....i dont really know if that screams out that he loves you...... as far as being weird about you metnionign another guy who likes you...most guys would act a little funny...its a territorial thing and doesnt mean he wants you back at all.....it can become a challenge.....and when he has what he wants ...he then gets bored....i dont know if this is the case with you....but twith me i have known this to be the case...i get seen as a challenge.....and that isnt love....not what i want.....or for sure need in my life....i dont mean to be a challenge i just want it to be real.........and im not an attention seeker...i just want to know the guy i am with really does love me and not the chase i like to be courted but not just for the guy to say hey yeah i had her she is hot in bed but it took me ages though my advice is dont mention other guys chasing you for a guy who is competitive...its not a good idea.....honestly i would not bring others guys up in the company of a guy you are thinking you are going to be with unless he asks...then be honest but dismissive...and discuss things to do with the two of you......concentrate on one guy not more than one..... i dont know your ex..or these others guys on the hunt....but the fact your ex is seeing someone sort of makes it time that you do move on..i would not go for the friend of your ex either...thats looking for trouble..been there done that.......and the way i find you can do that the best .....is remember why you broke up in the first place......and do something else other than think of him give a guy who is totally unrelated to your ex a chance...he is out there somewhere.......i hope you find peace........deb
Author Laurenhergensen Posted May 4, 2017 Author Posted May 4, 2017 So, I've been thinking, you guys... And you know what? I love this guy and all... but I've realized that every single time we had a fight or something, I was the one who had to fix things, because, well, he would just ignore the problem. And why should I still be head over heels for someone who acts as if he just doesn't care? He tried a few times, but whenever things didn't go as he wanted to, he would just get mad and back off again. I know is not a contest, but I must say: he would always give up first. I guess a part of me was waiting for this big change that just never happened, you know, and then I saw him and, well, you know the story. I'm definitely feeling better today, and I think I should just keep what I just told you in mind next time I feel bad. Thank you all
springy Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Yes, running into him every month, or having his friends talking to me all the time (because my circle and his circle were very close) is definitely not helping. I decided yesterday that I'm going to England for a semester, so I guess that huge change should help.. Running into him accidentally is one thing, going over his house and 'hanging out' with him is another. No contact, as much as possible. 3
Sweetfish Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Totally. I enjoy being single anyway, there's a positive side, I guess. (except when my ex's around and messes up my mental health lol) What was the point of telling him about a guy who hit on you that he hates.. kinda like putting fuel on a house that had a previous fire.. just to see if there is still a flame. 1
BC1980 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 And now I'm sitting in bed, realizing how he already moved on and I CAN'T SEEM TO DO THE SAME. Like, I think I'm fine, and I TRULY AM, but then I run into him, or talk to him, and f*ck! I still love him. But I know we will never get back together... Tips anyone? Please? How do I move on? thank you! Stop talking to him. You see the pattern. You are okay, but, when you talk to him, everything goes sideways. You should definitely go NC at this point if you want to move on. Each time you see him, it's a trigger, and you go down a rabbit hole. He is no longer part of your life, so you have no reason to talk to him anymore. Save 1
BC1980 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Running into him accidentally is one thing, going over his house and 'hanging out' with him is another. No contact, as much as possible. Right. And you don't have to engage in a conversation with him when you run into him. You can say hey and move on. I run into my ex at work occasionally, but I just say hey and keep going. I don't start talking to him about my life and asking about his. You can still be polite without engaging with a person. 1
Author Laurenhergensen Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 What was the point of telling him about a guy who hit on you that he hates.. kinda like putting fuel on a house that had a previous fire.. just to see if there is still a flame. Because I'm a moron... *sigh* you are totally right
Author Laurenhergensen Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 Stop talking to him. You see the pattern. You are okay, but, when you talk to him, everything goes sideways. You should definitely go NC at this point if you want to move on. Each time you see him, it's a trigger, and you go down a rabbit hole. He is no longer part of your life, so you have no reason to talk to him anymore. Save I know. Now I know... I've this party next weekend, pretty sure he's going to be there, but I just won't mind him... I'll let you guys know how that went. But I'm definitely feeling 100% better now And I don't even want to see him or talk to him, which is GREAT
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