mach3 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Hi - long time reader. Hoping to get some advice from the forum. I'm cross posting here, since I didn't really know where it should go. Summary of situation: I have had a crush on a girl in my social circle for several months. I finally asked her out and we went out a couple of times alone, and a few times with friends. Some background - she was engaged last year but he called it off - I am the first guy she has dated since. We have known each other about six months, but started dating within the last month. She is very shy and quiet, so I had to take most of the initiative. To be honest, I wasn't sure how things were going until last week - our second date. She was very hard to read. But I thought we had a really nice time, lots more touching, food sharing, etc. I planned on kissing her at the end of the date but just decided to continue taking things slowly. She was sick the first part of this week, but I asked her over where I would make dinner this weekend. She said she'd like to, but still wasn't feeling well and would call me the day of - which she did. Said she still wasn't feeling well. No big deal. So I called her today to suggest a movie and got the "I don't think we should see each other anymore line". I was really caught off guard - not that big of a deal, but I had no inkling she felt that way. I was worried I was taking things too fast, now wonder if I was going to slow? I did really like this girl and looked forward to getting to know her more, since I felt some barriers were finally dropping. Things were just so much more relaxed last week, I thought for sure we would go out again. Obviously I cannot continue to call her - any advice? Perhaps I did something wrong? I don't really think she is a game player, and at the very least appreciate her honesty. Thanks as always (we are both in our mid twenties).
sanne Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 your not going to like this answer, but it's possible she's just not that into you. it's also possible she's not over her ex quite yet. hard to say really, the only thing you can do at this point is to back off and let her make the next move, otherwise you'll definitely put yourself out of the race.
lindya Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 If she was engaged to this guy and she's a quiet sort of girl, then it could take her a while to get over him properly. Perhaps dating someone else triggered off memories of her first few dates with him and brought back a rash of sad feelings. I really think you have to just leave her be if she's saying that's what she wants, otherwise she might start getting stressed out and narky towards you. None of this means you did anything untoward. Wrong time, place and girl...that's all.
Author mach3 Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 Had the second date gone like the first, I would have agreed regarding her not being into me. To be honest, I felt she was slightly hesitant to even go out again. But we had a very pleasant time with MUCH more chemistry the second time around. Some playful phonecalls during the week as well. I guess I reluctantly agree there's nothing else I can really do. I just wish I could ask her why she felt this way - but can't for fear of coming off as some sort of backboneless nit. It's obviously more difficult because we are friends and will certainly see each other again. Unfortunately, I think we could have done well together. We were both burned in our most recent relationships, but I honestly have no idea if she lot I was moving too fast (having her over for dinner) or too slow (not kissing her)...
sanne Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 a girl is not going to breakup with you for being a little slow.
Author mach3 Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 I guess you are right. I maintain that I'm not a moron however and can tell when a girl is interested and having a decent time. I guess this will go down as one of those things I'll never understand... I also just learned I'll be seeing her this weekend at a party. What's the best thing to do - just act like nothing happened and play it cool?
Mary3 Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 For whatever reason there was something about you that she did not want to persue any further. It could be anything from the way you smelled to the way you touched her to your general appearance. Whatever it was ....it was the deathblow of your future relationship as her bf. The roles can be reversed and a man can leave a woman for his own reasons. Humans are complex. No easy answers for long term chemistry. Sorry.
lindya Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 I'll be seeing her this weekend at a party. What's the best thing to do - just act like nothing happened and play it cool? Yep. Be friendly when you encounter her at the party, but don't get into any lengthy conversations with her. If she's as quiet as you say, then she might start talking about the situation between you purely for the sake of having someone to talk to at the party. You certainly don't want to get into that when you could be busy meeting someone else, so just say "no probs" and move on.
Author mach3 Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 It will be interesting because it's a pretty intimate location and there is bound to be a lot of contact. It's been a day now and for the life of me I haven't reached any conclusions. It seems kind of silly to me to be upset over something that was a month or two long, but I was just having a really nice time getting to know her and was looking forward to it - not really even considering serious romantic stuff yet.
Author mach3 Posted August 8, 2005 Author Posted August 8, 2005 Well - the party was this weekend. I acted normal, I think she was a little nervous at first but warmed up. She talked a bit with a friend and said she didn't really know what she wanted so she ended things before they got serious. Is that code for she didn't like me that much? She was dressed to the hilt and I caught her glanicing several times, a mutual friend came running up to me afterwards to confirm this. Additionally - she emailed me a few little comments this week, but nothing about us. Should I just lay low for a while? I'd really like to tell her I think she jumped the gun a bit. I know we were both having a nice time and there is obviously a lot of flirtation going on, even now. Why can't we just see what develops? Thoughts?
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