Pinkerbelle Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Hi, I'm new to this site. Anyway, me and my ex were together for 2 years and 8 months, we split up 8 days ago, however we've broken up a few times in the past. I made it clear to him last time we broke up that this was my final straw and that we can't keep going through this. Most of the causes of our relationship are because we row and it gets so out of hand and he says such horrible things like "I don't love you" "I don't want you" "you don't make me happy" so he'll break up with me and the cycle repeats. We broke up on the morning of the 23rd April, he woke up in a bad mood, I don't even know what was wrong with him, I asked him what was wrong he'd just say "I'm just in a bad mood" I said there has to be a reason? Are you worried about something? Stressed? Have I done something? He "no, I've told you nothing!" He just kept being really snappy towards me. I asked if he wanted breakfast he said no, so I gave him some space as I didn't want to annoy him with questions. After that he made himself breakfast after saying he wasn't hungry and I kind of took it personally, I know I shouldn't of. After that I came back into the bedroom and sat next to him, but he started shouting at me for not closing his bedroom door, even though he never asked me to. He called me a lazy C*** (sorry for my language) I told him not to talk to me like that and how you only had to ask, but he told me to shut the **** up and how I'm getting on his nerves. I didn't say anything after that, he just kept not speaking to me and anytime I did speak to him he snapped at me. After another hour went by, I had enough and said to him "if anything's bothering you, you can speak to me you know" again, he gave me the whole "nothing's wrong" so I said there has to be a reason though, you can't just be like this for no reason? I said have I done anything and he said "No, but you're really pissing me off" after that things just blew up and we rowed, then he broke up with me I made the mistake of begging him not to and asked if he loved me and he said no. I know I didn't handle it well, but I just didn't like seeing him like that and wanted us to be okay. I started NC the day we broke up, but he sent me a text Wednesday morning saying "I don't blame you because of my bad moods, doubt I'll write back again" I stupidly broke NC replying and I said If you didn't blame me, you wouldn't of broken up with me. He never responded, so I text him again basically apologising and how much he meant to me, but I accept we're over (stupid of me I know) I restarted NC, I just miss him so much. I can't eat, sleep or anything. Someone please advice me on what to do.
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I made it clear to him last time we broke up that this was my final straw and that we can't keep going through this.-- Get RESOLVED that this is the last time you will deal with this PERIOD. The guy doesn't love you but he keeps coming back because he's either too lazy to find someone else, or already has someone else but isn't secure in that relationship but worst of all, he keeps coming back because you allow him to come back!!!! Stop being a doormat and move forward with your life. You deserve be be treated better than this and until you get real with yourself, you will find yourself in this continuous cycle in this relationship or future ones. I wouldn't be so harsh if this relationship hadn't been spinning wheels for so long and there have been a number of "break ups" already. Whatever is bothering this guy, he's not sharing it with you and that is a huge flag that demonstrates that his emotional investment in you is very weak at best. Stay no contact FOREVER.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 The best thing for you to do would be to get some help in understanding why you tolerate mistreatment, and learn how to love yourself more so you kick jerks like this to the curb a lot sooner. Any man who had the cojones to call me the vile name yours did...well, he wouldn't be darkening my doorway ever again. Much less getting an apology out of me. You need to ask yourself why you're so attached to a guy who treats you so poorly. This isn't love.
Zahara Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 so I text him again basically apologising and how much he meant to me, but I accept we're over (stupid of me I know) I restarted NC, I just miss him so much. I can't eat, sleep or anything. Someone please advice me on what to do. This man called you names and spoke to you so disrespectfully and I am sure this isn't the first time. It seems that you tolerate mistreatment. You're apologizing to him? You should have booted his butt to the curb. Stop chasing a man that treats you badly. Since you both seem to do the on and off -- I would suggest you block him so that you don't get sucked into this toxic pattern. Yes, you miss him eventhough he's a jerk but it can never justify you ever revisiting this man again. Process those hurt emotions on your own and reach out to people that care for you for support.
Author Pinkerbelle Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks for the responce. I know you're right, just every time we've broken up, it's always been his doing and not mine. The thing is, I could accept it's over if he treated me badly all the time, but the thing is, he doesn't. Sometimes we just get on so well and I couldn't be more happy
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks for the responce. I know you're right, just every time we've broken up, it's always been his doing and not mine. The thing is, I could accept it's over if he treated me badly all the time, but the thing is, he doesn't. Sometimes we just get on so well and I couldn't be more happy Even the worst abusers don't treat their partners badly all the time. That's how they keep their victims hooked - they break them down and then build them back up again to confuse them and keep them from actually leaving. It's typical of toxic relationships, which it sounds like you very much had. Sometimes getting on well and making you happy is insufficient, in my books. There should be zero name-calling; there shouldn't be multiple break-ups to begin with. Most men would never dream of calling their girlfriend names like your does. That tells you he doesn't respect or love you. You need to be on your own and take a big step back to see the bigger picture. A mature, healthy man in love doesn't behave the way your ex does. He's got you thinking you need him, but you don't. You do, however, need much stronger boundaries and huge dose of self-love.
Zahara Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Thanks for the responce. I know you're right, just every time we've broken up, it's always been his doing and not mine. The thing is, I could accept it's over if he treated me badly all the time, but the thing is, he doesn't. Sometimes we just get on so well and I couldn't be more happy Don't focus on the "sometimes" because a healthy relationship is one that has consistency. It's not a relationship that is kind to you one moment and calls you vile names the next. Even if he doesn't treat you badly, the fact that you both keep breaking up is a sign that this will never work.
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