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Third date - no kiss? Wtf

Miss Spider

By Miss Spider
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
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I've been trying this "go outside your 'type'" thing that everyone seems to rave about on here. And I'll be, I think it worked. This guy is completely contra my physical type, but tonight as I was drinking some wine at a bar with him I started feeling like 'I could kiss this dude. I really could.' And I started getting butterflies, nervous, like maybe the kiss could happen tonight.

 

?He told me he's not forward with approaching women and never does. The wine was making me feel a little more flirty, looked at his lips and stuff. But he kept chattering on. There was barely any kino. I accidentally(seriously) bumped his foot and he tapped my shoulder(but that was just to emphasize a story of tapping someone's shoulder) I even asked him "are your gparents still back at your place?"(they stopped by from out of town)

He walked me to my car and then just a freaking hug!!! Again. I guess the good news is they get more natural each time we do it.

 

I don't understand. I've never been on so many dates without kisses because usually if the chemistry is not off the chain by the first date, I'm out. Could he just not be into me? I feel like we click personality-wise and he called me pretty and attractive. Maybe he's just not really into me. Is this even normal? Was i friend zoned?

 

Oh yea and he has not texted since we left 1/2 hour ago

Thanks

Edited by Cookiesandough
SirRamalot New Member

SirRamalot

Posted
Posted

Maybe he is shy Or maybe he could be curved. Only way 2 find out is just go in for the kiss yoself. Make the first move hahaha! Nothing wrong with that. Going 4 3 dates im sure hes into u.

  • Like 1
act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

Wow. Just a hug. I guess that's something, and it's better than nothing. Men don't know what to do. They don't want to be too forward and are afraid of putting out the wrong impression. I haven't gone out three times without a kiss. I get one on round two, for sure, but usually on round one. I do tend to be affectionate and touch a lot if I'm interested, so I guess I'm putting out the vibes that a kiss is totally okay. My last date (most recent first date...we're going on five weeks now) walked me to my car after our first date and I got a hug. I don't usually carry a purse, so my hands were a bit full, so I deposited my stuff in the car and went in for a hands-free, round two, proper hug and the kiss. I can't say that either one of us fully initiated the kiss, but I went after it. It started out the basic peck and quickly advanced to a mini-makeout before parting ways.

 

You should text him. If you like him, just do it. Don't wait around for him to do it first, though he really should or could, but there is nothing wrong with you letting him know how you feel. He might be waiting to text until tomorrow or he has to wait x-hours/days, so he doesn't look too eager. You're playing the same game. It's a big ball of stupidity. There is nothing wrong with a "thanks, had a great time" text. I text when I get home. I typically write, "Home." "Thank you for a nice evening. I really had a great time." If I didn't have a great time, and really don't want to see him again, I won't text. I like this guy, so I text a "thank you."

 

He told you he's not very forward. I think when you go out for date number four, you just need to plant one on him. Make it good.

 

What does "barely any kino mean?"

  • Like 2
act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

My first post got censored, and censored posts never appear, so I'm writing again. My apologies if that other one does show up and there's a double post.

 

Text him. Tell him thank you. Tell him you had a nice evening. There is nothing wrong or too eager or clingy by a simple "thanks." "Thank you for the evening. I had a great time."

 

When you go out on date #4, go in for the kiss when you get the hug. He said he's not forward with women, so I'm thinking if you don't make that leap yourself, it could take another three dates, four, five...Just plant one on him.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
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Maybe he is shy Or maybe he could be curved. Only way 2 find out is just go in for the kiss yoself. Make the first move hahaha! Nothing wrong with that. Going 4 3 dates im sure hes into u.

 

Lol. Isn't it kind if abnormal, though. Idk if I want to now. I mean it just seems weird at this point. I don't feel a lot of sexual tension on his end at all. He talks to me like a friend. We met through a friend. Oh well, I guess this is a dud. Ty.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My first post got censored, and censored posts never appear, so I'm writing again. My apologies if that other one does show up and there's a double post.

 

Text him. Tell him thank you. Tell him you had a nice evening. There is nothing wrong or too eager or clingy by a simple "thanks." "Thank you for the evening. I had a great time."

 

When you go out on date #4, go in for the kiss when you get the hug. He said he's not forward with women, so I'm thinking if you don't make that leap yourself, it could take another three dates, four, five...Just plant one on him.

Hi I hate that censoring thing. Thanks for taking the time to rewrite. See, the thing he paid for the last 2 dates so I paid this time. I feel like it should be the other way around???

 

& yes he's said he doesn't approach women, but I mean, that's different than being out on 3 dates and having dafe flirt, right. It seriously felt more buddy like than anything. I've been out with shy guys and they have went in for the kiss. Maybe he's just not that attracted to me or he is just not kissing type? Leaning more towards not crazy attracted

 

I don't feel that crazy about him either. Idk I'm so confused!!! Ty.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
Lol. Isn't it kind if abnormal, though. Idk if I want to now. I mean it just seems weird at this point.

 

No offence Cookies, but you've had more than one 'abnormal' glitch yourself. If you want patience and acceptance of your own glitches, start with giving it to those you date.

  • Like 10
Sara1989 Established Member

Sara1989

Posted
Posted

I dated someone and we did not kiss until our fifth date! like your guy, he said he was shy and found it hard to make the move on a woman.

 

With me, even though he was an lovely guy and physically attractive his lack of assertiveness was a turn off and in the end I saw him more as an friend.

 

You may have to be the one to kiss him and be physically affectionate, hopefully from that point he be more confident and open... I would give him more time to open up though before you give up on him.

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

i agree witth the above posters he may just be shy.....give him more time you are stating it is gettign more natural in physical tocuh it will progress more with time...he may be your guy who is worth the wait.....deb

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Cookiesanddough

 

 

I feel your pain. I dated outside my type once too. (OK by looks he was exactly my type but he was shy & quiet) He didn't kiss me until the 4th date! Honestly, I wore a short sexy skirt & was practically shameless. I was so frustrated & couldn't understand this guy's problem. If he hadn't kissed me then or at least given me the opportunity to kiss him, I was done. He did kiss me, just as we arrived at the restaurant & we've been happily married for 8.5 years. Have a little hope.

 

 

The fact that he has hasn't texted you a mere 1/2 hour after the end of your date is a GOOD thing. It means he's not a smothering cling-on.

  • Like 3
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Hah when I was feeling it, I made the move.....I liked being the aggressor, especially with the oh so reserved ones...gets them all flustered lol. But I pulled back and cut them off like a player ;P give them a little taste.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I've been trying this "go outside your 'type'" thing that everyone seems to rave about on here. And I'll be, I think it worked. This guy is completely contra my physical type, but tonight as I was drinking some wine at a bar with him I started feeling like 'I could kiss this dude. I really could.' And I started getting butterflies, nervous, like maybe the kiss could happen tonight.

 

?He told me he's not forward with approaching women and never does. The wine was making me feel a little more flirty, looked at his lips and stuff. But he kept chattering on. There was barely any kino. I accidentally(seriously) bumped his foot and he tapped my shoulder(but that was just to emphasize a story of tapping someone's shoulder) I even asked him "are your gparents still back at your place?"(they stopped by from out of town)

He walked me to my car and then just a freaking hug!!! Again. I guess the good news is they get more natural each time we do it.

 

I don't understand. I've never been on so many dates without kisses because usually if the chemistry is not off the chain by the first date, I'm out. Could he just not be into me? I feel like we click personality-wise and he called me pretty and attractive. Maybe he's just not really into me. Is this even normal? Was i friend zoned?

 

Oh yea and he has not texted since we left 1/2 hour ago

Thanks

 

Why didn't you kiss him? That would have removed any doubt in his mind.

 

Try to meet up with him one more time and make your move--then gauge his reaction from that. If he recoils in horror, then you were probably friendzoned. If he leans in, you're off to the races!!!

  • Like 3
SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted
And I started getting butterflies, nervous, like maybe the kiss could happen tonight.

 

if the chemistry is not off the chain by the first date, I'm out.

 

Maybe he's just not really into me. Is this even normal? Was i friend zoned?

 

Oh yea and he has not texted since we left 1/2 hour ago

Thanks

First, breathe... then calm down.

 

Sometimes it takes a guy a little longer than most.

 

All of this "instant" desire crap can ruin a potential good relationship.

 

If the chemistry is not "off the chain" by the first date, you're out?

 

Took me 4 dates to kiss my current kick @ss girlfriend. Waited for the perfect time, and it was absolutely perfect.

 

She told me it was the best first kiss she'd ever had and ever dreamed of.

 

If she would have been too impatient, she would still be looking for someone instead of being head-over-heels for me.

 

I would relax. Some people don't move as quickly as others.

  • Like 2
Titanll Established Member

Titanll

Posted
Posted

Personally, I think you should lick his face for a greeting next date. As a guy, I respond well to that sort of forwardness.

 

All this waiting to kiss is horse biscuits.

  • Like 3
Titanll Established Member

Titanll

Posted
Posted

And what is this dating outside your type mess? What does that even mean? I'm slow..please aware me.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
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Posted

Aww that's sweet @ Donnovain. And sothathapened

 

Yea, he's just not my type physically. I think I was trying hard to maybe see some kind of romantic connection last night, but he did not make a move. And tbh, I'm turned off when*i* have to be the assertive one. I like the man to take the lead there (not that there's anything wrong with the opposite, just a preference) It's kind of a turn off!! I'm trying to be open minded. He still hasn't texted, so maybe I won't even hear from him again anyway...but I care not.

 

Thanks for the responses. This will be last I go out with a guy who is not my physical type !

  • Like 2
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
Aww that's sweet @ Donnovain. And sothathapened

 

Yea, he's just not my type physically. I think I was trying hard to maybe see some kind of romantic connection last night, but he did not make a move. And tbh, I'm turned off when*i* have to be the assertive one. I like the man to take the lead there (not that there's anything wrong with the opposite, just a preference) It's kind of a turn off!! I'm trying to be open minded. He still hasn't texted, so maybe I won't even hear from him again anyway...but I care not.

 

Thanks for the responses. This will be last I go out with a guy who is not my physical type !

 

This happened to me before. Same thing. The guy wasnt my 'type' physically or mentally....he was really passive and shy...and very short

 

We finally kissed on the forth date and I think I talked myself into feeling chemistry with him because he was such a wonderful guy in all other areas

 

But the fact that he waited that long and was such a p***y about the whole thing...eventually led me to call things off. Once I got to the point where I was turned off...there was no coming back from that despite how hard I wanted it to work

 

I'm all for dating outside of your type and giving guys a chance but when it gets to the point where you're actually turned off...its best to walk away

 

Also want to add...the crazy chemistry you're looking for might end up causing you to pass on really great guys in the future. But you also dont want to date a guy that turns you off because he's overly passive. Try finding a balance between the two instead. Which is easier said than done lol ;)

  • Like 1
Titanll Established Member

Titanll

Posted
Posted

So is the whole dating outside of ones type like me ordering a pizza with green peppers and then throwing it in the trash because I don't like green peppers? Can't I just keep ordering one without green peppers or do I need to keep trying green peppers on the off chance that my tastes have changed?

 

Help please...

  • Like 5
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
So is the whole dating outside of ones type like me ordering a pizza with green peppers and then throwing it in the trash because I don't like green peppers? Can't I just keep ordering one without green peppers or do I need to keep trying green peppers on the off chance that my tastes have changed?

 

Help please...

 

 

Some women pick bad man. They are encouraged to date against type because their type is usually bad news.

 

 

To explain it using your pizza analogy: a woman who repeatedly orders a pizza with green peppers but is allergic to green peppers & routinely gets sick after eating them is encouraged to try say a Pepperoni slice on the theory that she may enjoy it more.

  • Like 5
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
So is the whole dating outside of ones type like me ordering a pizza with green peppers and then throwing it in the trash because I don't like green peppers? Can't I just keep ordering one without green peppers or do I need to keep trying green peppers on the off chance that my tastes have changed?

 

Help please...

 

Sometimes its recommended to date outside your type because ....a person's type might not be the wisest choice for a partner. Like, a 260lb, 6'2 man jacked up on steroids and who is also a huge douche (that was my type for a long time). Thats probably not the best guy to have a relationship with

 

I've dated guys that werent my type in the past and sometimes I was surprisingly, very attracted to them after meeting

 

So end point...its about keeping an open mind in an attempt to find the right person :)

  • Like 1
Titanll Established Member

Titanll

Posted
Posted

Women are from Venus....

 

I just steer clear of green peppers and my pizza is always good...it's pizza, no need to complicate things.

  • Like 1
Abhainn Member

Abhainn

Posted
Posted

Just to put a different spin on this whole issue,

 

there are some of us out there who cannot kiss on a first date ever, or a second. The earliest I've ever been able to kiss anyone is on at least the third date, if not later.

 

It is just how I am wired. I think the question is whether he is actively pursuing, wanting to call and text, treating you right and generally showing signs of interest.

 

If it bothers you, than ask him about it. Guys are pretty transparent about most things and as long as you come from a cool-headed, non-judgmental, and just curious frame of mind (not a pretend one, mind you--that they will sniff out in a heartbeat) but a real one, they generally just answer and its nbd.

 

Because I know most men judge things like how the date went by whether they got kissed, I just upfront let them know that its not happening, that its part of who I am, and not to judge the date on that criteria alone.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

Why in the world would you date outside your type? I can't even tell if you like him or not.

  • Like 3
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This happened to me before. Same thing. The guy wasnt my 'type' physically or mentally....he was really passive and shy...and very short

 

We finally kissed on the forth date and I think I talked myself into feeling chemistry with him because he was such a wonderful guy in all other areas

 

But the fact that he waited that long and was such a p***y about the whole thing...eventually led me to call things off. Once I got to the point where I was turned off...there was no coming back from that despite how hard I wanted it to work

 

I'm all for dating outside of your type and giving guys a chance but when it gets to the point where you're actually turned off...its best to walk away

 

Also want to add...the crazy chemistry you're looking for might end up causing you to pass on really great guys in the future. But you also dont want to date a guy that turns you off because he's overly passive. Try finding a balance between the two instead. Which is easier said than done lol ;)

 

 

Thanks, girl. This makes so muchsense. What everyone here has said makes a lot of sense. Thank you for the insight everyone

 

I'm really struggling now because I found out this guy REALLY likes me. Now, don't get me wrong, I like him, but I don't feel that attracted to him. I think it's a lot like that thread you made awhile back on that guy, D.

 

I feel like I'm trying hard to 'trick' my mind to think outside of what I am attracted to. And it's not working like I thought. I have to get drunk before I'm thinking "maybe I do wanna kiss this guy I'm dating" NOT good, right? You shouldn't have to intellectualize that. Ahhh

 

But now I have a dilemma because I (unfortunately) said on the first date if I'm not interested I tell people "were just not a match" Now I have to give that 'speech' to him. Even though after our first date he said hopefully I didn't have to give him that speech.

 

NO MORE No more going out with guys I'm not attracted to physically. It just does not work. Different personality? Sure. And I recommend that for people who find themselves falling into the same 'trap'. But no attraction??? It's just guys I'm attracted are just so hard to find :cry:

Lilyana76 Established Member

Lilyana76

Posted
Posted

I've dated outside my type, and met some really cool people this way. But, it never amounted to anything. Most of the time I think they figure out that you aren't really their type either, so they either make a move to just score some sex out of the deal, or they friendzone you quickly.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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