Creepymermaid Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 So basically my boyfriend (first boyfriend) of three years cheated on me and we broke up. We were going through a rough patch and I noticed he started acting differently towards me. His 'friend' started staying round his place a lot and I found some very disgusting messages on his phone. I confronted him about it and found out he was seeing her for like two weeks before we split up. I felt really stupid and hurt because she was kind of my friend too, I just don't understand how people can be so heartless. I admit I was wrong to go though his phone but I felt it in my gut and whenever I asked if we were okay he would just say 'yeah I think so'. We went through abit of a bad breakup and to be honest it's still effecting me a lot but I am trying to move on. This happened about a month and a half ago. The only problem I've got is that he owes me about £500 and I'm really struggling to get over it. He said he would pay me back but it's killing me that I've got this hanging over my head, I can't sleep, I can't eat and it's really getting me down. I messaged him about two weeks after we split asking when I could have the money back and he replied saying he wasn't sure because he didn't have a job. I then I asked if I could have it before my birthday which Is the end of June and he said yes. I now have knowledge that he has a job and is together with his so called 'friend'. I have this constant anxiety and I have no idea how to sort this situation out. I feel like I can't move on at all without getting this money back, the end of June is still another two months away and I don't think I can put myself through the pain and anxiety. So I'm basically asking advice on what to do in this situation? I know £500 is a lot of money and I've definatley learned from my mistakes about lending money out. I feel so stupid for doing it and I'm so glad that we broke up, I just want him out of my life. I also know that it takes abit of time to get that money together. Do I have a right to demand the money before the end of June? Can I ask him to lend it from someone else? I don't know what to do I've never been in this situation before.
magnesium Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Sorry to hear what happened. Don't beat yourself up for going through his phone. Your intuition was screaming that something is wrong, and you got proof since your ex would never confess to any truth. 'Right and wrong' is subjective. Going through someone's phone isn't cool. But in your situation, I think you did the right thing. It confirmed what you suspected all along. About the money, if possible....just cut your losses and take the lessons you learned from this. Your ex is going to use this opportunity to torture you just because he knows he has power over you. He won't return the money; all you will get are excuses. Your mental health is more important than money.
Arieswoman Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Mermaid, I know that you don't want to hear this but my advice is to let the loan go. As magnesium say, he'll just use this debt to keep you on a string and mess you about. Take a deep breath then block him completely and go total NC with him. He's your ex, so keep it that way. I know it hurts and I know you feel he's taken you for a fool, but you can learn from this. He knows that he owes you the money, so let his conscience punish him. it will do a better job than you can. And if it doesn't bother him, then he's just an irresponsible scumbag that you don't want in your life. I'm sorry x 1
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Sorry about all your troubles. You can demand the money all you want but you won't get it. Unless you have a writing signed by him acknowledging the loan & agreeing to pay you back, you will have a great deal of difficulty recovering the money in Court. He'll say it was a gift & absent a contract to the contrary, you have no proof that it wasn't 1
Zahara Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Sever that money tie. It's only going to keep you connected and affected. It's just not worth it especially when you're dealing with someone that doesn't have much integrity. Your mental and emotional sanity is much more valuable than money. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I think you're going to have to say goodbye to that money, OP. He's not likely to give it back and it's only going to keep you hooked on him. 1
1fish2fish Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I understand how you feel. My ex has some exercise equipment of mine (expensive!) and owes me several hundred dollars. The price I would have to pay asking for it back isn't worth it, though. I will never give him, or anyone else, so much control over me again. 1
Purepony Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Sue him in small claims I think you're in Europe ? You have evidence on your phone that he said he would pay you back
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