brain is in the blender

[gerbz0903]

Hi everyone, this is my first time doing one of these things and i apologise in advance because my current problem spans over a month and a half... without a doubt the worst month and a half of my life... to the point of that one thought we all try so hard to avoid was crossing my mind multiple times a day.

 

So we got together very young after meeting at a party, she was 16 i was 18, it has just crossed our 7 year anniversary two weeks prior to **** hitting the fan.. We are like most couples, bickering about the usual rubbish that everyone does, however one thing i did realise this last few weeks is her lack of communication when it comes to solving these little fights, she would rather run away and hide overnight and then wake up and pretend it never happened. We never really had any huge fights so i never thought uch about not addressing these little ones. unfortunately due to working nightshirt and long hours i was tired most of the last 5 years so sometimes a little short fused, however i still made sure i went out of my way to do whatever she wanted to do and to make things easier for her. She always had been the picky argumentative type where she had to mention if something bothered her or you could see it in her body language but i didn't care, because making her happy made me happy. i did absolutely everything for this girl, i would work a 15 hour nightshirt and then drive 50min up and back to pick her up from placement in peak hour traffic here n Melbourne just so she didn't have to catch public transport.

 

The past 12 months have been pretty rocky, for her instead of uni during the week with time to do other things, she entered a placement roll 4 days a week while going to uni the other 1 weekday and working with her mother every second weekend... her placement days took 12 hours a day including travel which left us with one weekend a fortnight and thats not including my work schedule. We both fresh out of school kind of choose to just be with one another and made the mistake of pretty much cutting most ties with friends, so when it came to that alone time we never really had it apart from at work. I never had a problem with her organising to do things with her friends as long as she let me know so i could plan for us around that...

 

i was having problems at work due to new management and it was really affecting my overall mood and even i noticed it was pulling me down. so i organised to resign and decided to look for a normal day job to concentrate on us and give us more time to grow. We had spoken about getting fit together and just getting out enjoying life, we never did much due to one of us always being tired.

 

so two weeks after our 7 year anniversary where i got given a card telling me how much i was loved and how she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me, i was dropped and stood and jumped on like a bloody door matt.

 

Now just prior to this she had finished placement and just started back uni again, which was to be her final (Honours) year. She became close again with another friend of hers who 10 months ago separated with her boyfriend.

Through text she told me she wanted a break and for me to leave her alone, out of nothing i started to freak, asking why what who how when... i had no idea and her answers just wouldn't make sense in my mind, first it was she felt locked down yet i never denied her the right to go out or spend time with friends. So i told her no prob, once a week we can both book in with others. She said she doesn't feel good about herself (she has put on about 10kg but still has an amazing figure) i told her well i dont either so lets start working out together. multiple time she would start the gym then lose motivation, i was always asleep when she got home from work and it was more the convenience of her jumping into bed with me then going out to see her friends or go to the gym... she grew this resent and hatred towards me over night and i had no idea why.... that same day she decided she was buying a dog and went with her dad up to mildura to buy this dog. So i really didn't want to give her the space she wanted because i thought either one she had someone on the side already lined up or the dog would be an absolute perfect replacement to distract your feelings while you get over me.

It felt every time i spoke she felt inconvenienced, i felt for the first time ever that i didn't mean a damn thing to her, she didn't have the time of day, would ignore most messages and simply reply to the one she finds most offensive even if they are genuinely just a question or observation... leave the phone to ring out... but would be on social media sites. she blocked me on snap chat, Instagram, fb and when she didn't want to talk or couldn't be bothered, she would turn her phone off or block my number too. This would kill be because i wasn't accusing or anything, they were questions to help me better myself to get her back again. I wanted to know exactly where i went wrong.... she then for the first time in 7 years, started lying, i offered to pick her up from work at 8pm and go for dinner, she said her mum had dinner waiting. then ignored me, something wasn't right so i looked into it and i was right, a part we both got invited to that i didnt go to in respect of where our relationship was, she lied about and went. Never spoke a word.

 

The next morning all these adds from guys and followers, liking each others pictures and statuses, mind you these guys are the only guys i ever had doubts about with her during the relationship. Which she assured me no way... the ones i feel most uneasy about..

 

So i held back the anger from what she did trying to be the better person and pull this **** back together, and i planned dinner and a movie, i told her in a text around midday that afternoon, (because she wont answer my calls)

i believed that her friend had a big part to play so if we enjoyed our time together the heart will conquer the **** she has fed her brain and hopefully understand before its too late, i got no reply all day. I then continued to call as i thought maybe something had happened, only to be told she has tickets to some lawn bowls and alcohol night with her sister her mum and who else but that mate of hers. i then asked if i could pick her up afterwards thinking maybe the alcohol would die down her anger, she said sounds good ill call you when we are done here. I had a big grin thinking it was coming together nicely, unfortunately i got no phone call, she didn't answer hers, or reply to texts... i had no idea what the hell was going on. I found out late the next day, while she is speaking to me like ****, like i stood her up, that they decided to go into the city to this bimbo rnb nightclub. i saw a couple pictures and she was absolutely HAMMERED, wearing more revealing clothing than normal posing in club photos.

 

Again i held back in hope to not throw away 7 years of our lives. i had just put a deposit on a ring 4 months ago... :? she continued to ignore me until one day telling me she doesn't love me anymore, she doesn't find me attractive anymore and she wants to work on herself now. I asked for a chance to take her in a date because she never came. i tried explaining that she could be thinking negatively because of whats going on and if we enjoy our time together that is from the heart and you know things will be okay... she just said no, no, no and told me she doesn't want to try fix it. Like she had cement in her ears and had the answer before i opened my mouth.

So its all changed, a week after that it was because of the way i apparently speak to her.... yet everyone knows i treat her like a queen. Told me she doesn't want a husband to call her a slut in front of her children no way.

(she hasn't got children).... i said to her she was acting like a slut purely because he told a friend of mine on Wednesday that she was sad and missed me and still loved me and that i still had a chance, so here i am spring in my step, come Friday... snap-chat filled with her smashed as, saying inappropriate sexual things with her friend, then getting to the club hammered and uploading her commenting on how her underwear ripped dancing and is now dancing in a skirt on the dance-floor with no panties. (posted multiple times)... 10 minutes after that, a picture cheek to cheek big grin on her face looking all happy with her lipstick all over her face and some guy almost old enough to be her dad grinning next to her. So she hooked up with him and who knows who else or what else considering the no panties situation. You could imagine how that made me feel.... i didn't even know what i felt but the videos and pictures kept coming so i went to sleep.

 

The next day, no regret, sympathy, apologies, support, no call when she got up or text after i left her a message explaining how offended i was and how she has embarrassed me in front of all our friends now. She wasn't sorry at all.. She got angry at me for trying to contact her as she ignored me after the incident. not a work about her fun the night before.

 

Her birthday is coming up, so she decided to go and make an event and invite 70 random as people she hasn't spoken to in 10 years to meet at a local bar. no invite for me or any of my relatives or family our age. The group of guys i was cautious about got invited and happen to be the first ones to be attending. She never and still hasn't mentioned a word about the party and its next weekend.

 

after all of this i still held back my anger, all bottled up i had so many questions and she just made out she had so little time for me or even to take into consideration how i was feeling because of her actions.

 

slowly finances started gettin outta hand, no partner, no friends, no money, no direction, no one to help... and no one to tell me it was going to be okay... i was sooo lost i had no idea where to start, i was so close so many times, i even tried to reach out to her to help me... she still didnt even reply. played it as a game... i sent $150 chocolates and flowers to her house to try cheer her up as she was stressing from uni. she didnt even care. i offered to help for weeks, but got no, no, no. I used to always help her, id even take days off work to help her complete her assignment. I just didnt understand why her frame of mind was so negative, i told her i was happy to give her space but i wanted to leave on good terms and with an idea what we both can improve on one another. Otherwise i was afraid she would judge so called mystery man against our bad times rather than our good... this wasn't good enough and she ended it on the spot. ignored me and didn't give a **** about anything i asked.

 

My birthday was a few days after that, she messaged me good morning and i missed a call. so i eventually spoke to her and i had been thinking of ways we could regain that spark, i asked if she would do coffee, she automatically started being bitchy... and ignored me most of the day. she then had an hour to kill before work and asked if i wanted to do a quick one but she didn't have time to be long and mentioned me not getting the wrong idea and its just because its my birthday "a friendly birthday coffee" in her words.

we met and i told her everyone is egging me to go out tonight, but id rather be with you... my family owns a nice holiday house in northern Vic in the Murray river, i asked her if i waited for to to finish work would she make the decision with me and go **** it and leave to head there for a little while.. in the middle of explaining how just our feelings and no interactions would give us the truth, her body language and attitude showed she already had answers and was giving them before i even opened her mouth.

 

I sent one text asking if we could simply walk dogs together and just she is wearing less and less, and im no longer texting or looking, she posts memes about not being happy for years and is so much better that she is taking care of her self now... like all this **** you do to a partner snow ho did wrong by you? i literally did nothing but refuse to give up on the hope her mind inst in the right space atm and is making silly decisions... she decided to defer her last year of uni and blamed me to my face that she got no assignments done.

so i asked her Did you not think you didn't get them done because you didn't let me help you? and now she pretty much has everything blocked so i cant see what she is doing or anything. she ignores even basic nice messages like the walking dog option... she just never replied no matter how touching. so i told her i was sick of it all and she was damaging me mentally more than she could ever imagine, by keeping me guessing, told her i dont understand how she can drop it like that knowing she is hurting me liking posts relating to sex and posting these pics like who you trying to be? still no reply....

 

 

i know im an absolute clown for letting her do this to me but i just cant accept the fact that this person is her.... i feel like im giving up on her and 7 years if i leave and find happiness elsewhere and then she comes back to find me and i have to sit there and it will actually hurt me breaking her heart... like its not a game of win lose because we both lose... i just dont know if i could get back with her if she gets around too much... even having sex once will be too much for me.. that would be the game changer. even today!. All i know is i dont get why i still care so much? she has treated me like a bloody doormat....

 

thanks for reading, apologies for the length

[Maldives]

Hi everyone, this is my first time doing one of these things and i apologise in advance because my current problem spans over a month and a half... without a doubt the worst month and a half of my life... to the point of that one thought we all try so hard to avoid was crossing my mind multiple times a day.

 

So we got together very young after meeting at a party, she was 16 i was 18, it has just crossed our 7 year anniversary two weeks prior to **** hitting the fan.. We are like most couples, bickering about the usual rubbish that everyone does, however one thing i did realise this last few weeks is her lack of communication when it comes to solving these little fights, she would rather run away and hide overnight and then wake up and pretend it never happened. We never really had any huge fights so i never thought uch about not addressing these little ones. unfortunately due to working nightshirt and long hours i was tired most of the last 5 years so sometimes a little short fused, however i still made sure i went out of my way to do whatever she wanted to do and to make things easier for her. She always had been the picky argumentative type where she had to mention if something bothered her or you could see it in her body language but i didn't care, because making her happy made me happy. i did absolutely everything for this girl, i would work a 15 hour nightshirt and then drive 50min up and back to pick her up from placement in peak hour traffic here n Melbourne just so she didn't have to catch public transport.

 

The past 12 months have been pretty rocky, for her instead of uni during the week with time to do other things, she entered a placement roll 4 days a week while going to uni the other 1 weekday and working with her mother every second weekend... her placement days took 12 hours a day including travel which left us with one weekend a fortnight and thats not including my work schedule. We both fresh out of school kind of choose to just be with one another and made the mistake of pretty much cutting most ties with friends, so when it came to that alone time we never really had it apart from at work. I never had a problem with her organising to do things with her friends as long as she let me know so i could plan for us around that...

 

i was having problems at work due to new management and it was really affecting my overall mood and even i noticed it was pulling me down. so i organised to resign and decided to look for a normal day job to concentrate on us and give us more time to grow. We had spoken about getting fit together and just getting out enjoying life, we never did much due to one of us always being tired.

 

so two weeks after our 7 year anniversary where i got given a card telling me how much i was loved and how she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me, i was dropped and stood and jumped on like a bloody door matt.

 

Now just prior to this she had finished placement and just started back uni again, which was to be her final (Honours) year. She became close again with another friend of hers who 10 months ago separated with her boyfriend.

Through text she told me she wanted a break and for me to leave her alone, out of nothing i started to freak, asking why what who how when... i had no idea and her answers just wouldn't make sense in my mind, first it was she felt locked down yet i never denied her the right to go out or spend time with friends. So i told her no prob, once a week we can both book in with others. She said she doesn't feel good about herself (she has put on about 10kg but still has an amazing figure) i told her well i dont either so lets start working out together. multiple time she would start the gym then lose motivation, i was always asleep when she got home from work and it was more the convenience of her jumping into bed with me then going out to see her friends or go to the gym... she grew this resent and hatred towards me over night and i had no idea why.... that same day she decided she was buying a dog and went with her dad up to mildura to buy this dog. So i really didn't want to give her the space she wanted because i thought either one she had someone on the side already lined up or the dog would be an absolute perfect replacement to distract your feelings while you get over me.

It felt every time i spoke she felt inconvenienced, i felt for the first time ever that i didn't mean a damn thing to her, she didn't have the time of day, would ignore most messages and simply reply to the one she finds most offensive even if they are genuinely just a question or observation... leave the phone to ring out... but would be on social media sites. she blocked me on snap chat, Instagram, fb and when she didn't want to talk or couldn't be bothered, she would turn her phone off or block my number too. This would kill be because i wasn't accusing or anything, they were questions to help me better myself to get her back again. I wanted to know exactly where i went wrong.... she then for the first time in 7 years, started lying, i offered to pick her up from work at 8pm and go for dinner, she said her mum had dinner waiting. then ignored me, something wasn't right so i looked into it and i was right, a part we both got invited to that i didnt go to in respect of where our relationship was, she lied about and went. Never spoke a word.

 

The next morning all these adds from guys and followers, liking each others pictures and statuses, mind you these guys are the only guys i ever had doubts about with her during the relationship. Which she assured me no way... the ones i feel most uneasy about..

 

So i held back the anger from what she did trying to be the better person and pull this **** back together, and i planned dinner and a movie, i told her in a text around midday that afternoon, (because she wont answer my calls)

i believed that her friend had a big part to play so if we enjoyed our time together the heart will conquer the **** she has fed her brain and hopefully understand before its too late, i got no reply all day. I then continued to call as i thought maybe something had happened, only to be told she has tickets to some lawn bowls and alcohol night with her sister her mum and who else but that mate of hers. i then asked if i could pick her up afterwards thinking maybe the alcohol would die down her anger, she said sounds good ill call you when we are done here. I had a big grin thinking it was coming together nicely, unfortunately i got no phone call, she didn't answer hers, or reply to texts... i had no idea what the hell was going on. I found out late the next day, while she is speaking to me like ****, like i stood her up, that they decided to go into the city to this bimbo rnb nightclub. i saw a couple pictures and she was absolutely HAMMERED, wearing more revealing clothing than normal posing in club photos.

 

Again i held back in hope to not throw away 7 years of our lives. i had just put a deposit on a ring 4 months ago... :? she continued to ignore me until one day telling me she doesn't love me anymore, she doesn't find me attractive anymore and she wants to work on herself now. I asked for a chance to take her in a date because she never came. i tried explaining that she could be thinking negatively because of whats going on and if we enjoy our time together that is from the heart and you know things will be okay... she just said no, no, no and told me she doesn't want to try fix it. Like she had cement in her ears and had the answer before i opened my mouth.

So its all changed, a week after that it was because of the way i apparently speak to her.... yet everyone knows i treat her like a queen. Told me she doesn't want a husband to call her a slut in front of her children no way.

(she hasn't got children).... i said to her she was acting like a slut purely because he told a friend of mine on Wednesday that she was sad and missed me and still loved me and that i still had a chance, so here i am spring in my step, come Friday... snap-chat filled with her smashed as, saying inappropriate sexual things with her friend, then getting to the club hammered and uploading her commenting on how her underwear ripped dancing and is now dancing in a skirt on the dance-floor with no panties. (posted multiple times)... 10 minutes after that, a picture cheek to cheek big grin on her face looking all happy with her lipstick all over her face and some guy almost old enough to be her dad grinning next to her. So she hooked up with him and who knows who else or what else considering the no panties situation. You could imagine how that made me feel.... i didn't even know what i felt but the videos and pictures kept coming so i went to sleep.

 

The next day, no regret, sympathy, apologies, support, no call when she got up or text after i left her a message explaining how offended i was and how she has embarrassed me in front of all our friends now. She wasn't sorry at all.. She got angry at me for trying to contact her as she ignored me after the incident. not a work about her fun the night before.

 

Her birthday is coming up, so she decided to go and make an event and invite 70 random as people she hasn't spoken to in 10 years to meet at a local bar. no invite for me or any of my relatives or family our age. The group of guys i was cautious about got invited and happen to be the first ones to be attending. She never and still hasn't mentioned a word about the party and its next weekend.

 

after all of this i still held back my anger, all bottled up i had so many questions and she just made out she had so little time for me or even to take into consideration how i was feeling because of her actions.

 

slowly finances started gettin outta hand, no partner, no friends, no money, no direction, no one to help... and no one to tell me it was going to be okay... i was sooo lost i had no idea where to start, i was so close so many times, i even tried to reach out to her to help me... she still didnt even reply. played it as a game... i sent $150 chocolates and flowers to her house to try cheer her up as she was stressing from uni. she didnt even care. i offered to help for weeks, but got no, no, no. I used to always help her, id even take days off work to help her complete her assignment. I just didnt understand why her frame of mind was so negative, i told her i was happy to give her space but i wanted to leave on good terms and with an idea what we both can improve on one another. Otherwise i was afraid she would judge so called mystery man against our bad times rather than our good... this wasn't good enough and she ended it on the spot. ignored me and didn't give a **** about anything i asked.

 

My birthday was a few days after that, she messaged me good morning and i missed a call. so i eventually spoke to her and i had been thinking of ways we could regain that spark, i asked if she would do coffee, she automatically started being bitchy... and ignored me most of the day. she then had an hour to kill before work and asked if i wanted to do a quick one but she didn't have time to be long and mentioned me not getting the wrong idea and its just because its my birthday "a friendly birthday coffee" in her words.

we met and i told her everyone is egging me to go out tonight, but id rather be with you... my family owns a nice holiday house in northern Vic in the Murray river, i asked her if i waited for to to finish work would she make the decision with me and go **** it and leave to head there for a little while.. in the middle of explaining how just our feelings and no interactions would give us the truth, her body language and attitude showed she already had answers and was giving them before i even opened her mouth.

 

I sent one text asking if we could simply walk dogs together and just she is wearing less and less, and im no longer texting or looking, she posts memes about not being happy for years and is so much better that she is taking care of her self now... like all this **** you do to a partner snow ho did wrong by you? i literally did nothing but refuse to give up on the hope her mind inst in the right space atm and is making silly decisions... she decided to defer her last year of uni and blamed me to my face that she got no assignments done.

so i asked her Did you not think you didn't get them done because you didn't let me help you? and now she pretty much has everything blocked so i cant see what she is doing or anything. she ignores even basic nice messages like the walking dog option... she just never replied no matter how touching. so i told her i was sick of it all and she was damaging me mentally more than she could ever imagine, by keeping me guessing, told her i dont understand how she can drop it like that knowing she is hurting me liking posts relating to sex and posting these pics like who you trying to be? still no reply....

 

 

i know im an absolute clown for letting her do this to me but i just cant accept the fact that this person is her.... i feel like im giving up on her and 7 years if i leave and find happiness elsewhere and then she comes back to find me and i have to sit there and it will actually hurt me breaking her heart... like its not a game of win lose because we both lose... i just dont know if i could get back with her if she gets around too much... even having sex once will be too much for me.. that would be the game changer. even today!. All i know is i dont get why i still care so much? she has treated me like a bloody doormat....

 

thanks for reading, apologies for the length

 

 

She's checked out of the relationship dude emotionally that's why she is behaving like this. Meaning she's lost feelings why your guess is as good as mine.

 

It's most likely happened over some time or mths. Maybe you'll realise as some time passes som subtle changes complaining makeing excuses for not going out one etc. You been what they called blindsided ( you didn't see it coming) if i was to take a guess she probably felt controlled and wanted to be independent and free who knows she's young.

 

It makes no difference now trying to get answers. u may not even be really to blame for her decision. It may simply be an age thing she wants to explore before committing.

Having said that you will get answers as time passes wether she tells you or not. Trust me on that I know just from age and experience in my 40's. U will.

If you want her back nest thing u can do which probably goes against everything u think u should do however this can work is not contact her at all and move on and shoe your happy. If she sees your doing fine without her she will start to wonder why and get jealous and possibly come back. Having said that, there's no garauntee she'll stick around a second time.

7 yrs is a long time i know I just came out of a 6 yr relationship people change and what you'll learn as you get older is especially wen it comes to relationships there are no garauntees In life.

This day and age ive seen and heard people break up over the most craziest of reasons like star sign compatability.

 

I think in this case dude she's young and wants to be free for now from the sounds of how she's behaving. Definatley don't contact anymore you'll only repel her not attract.

Edited May 1, 2017 by Goodguy05