Privatelady677 Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 So this guy I have been talking to/dating for the past almost 2 months told me tonight that he is abstaining from sex due to spirituality reasons, so he says. However me and him had sex a little over 2 weeks ago (I did initiate it, and he obviously didn't object). Is this a good or a bad sign? He did cook for me tonight, we watched movies, talked, and we played cards... And he also mentioned us hanging out again in the near future... How should I take this? If it matters he is 23 and I am 28.
Tressugar Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Why would you doubt what he's saying to you? Ppl do abstain sexually for all reasons. So it's good for him because he's doing what he wants to do, but I think you're probably thinking it's a bad thing for you. Discuss your concerns with him and see what he says. If no sex is a deal breaker for you then you know what you gotta do.
mikeylo Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 So this guy I have been talking to/dating for the past almost 2 months told me tonight that he is abstaining from sex due to spirituality reasons, so he says. However me and him had sex a little over 2 weeks ago (I did initiate it, and he obviously didn't object). Is this a good or a bad sign? He did cook for me tonight, we watched movies, talked, and we played cards... And he also mentioned us hanging out again in the near future... How should I take this? If it matters he is 23 and I am 28. He said it AFTER the deed.
salparadise Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 And you're sure he's actually male, right? You saw the penis and it was definitely attached to the same person? I had a relationship once where the woman pulled that same thing on me, or tried to anyway. She tried it after three months, and we'd been having sex all that time. At first she had asked what I thought about abstinence in the context of someone else she knew who was dating a guy seriously and waiting for religious reasons. Then she said, you don't have to worry––I know you can't put the genie back in the bottle. But then she decided to try. I just told her, well, I'm sorry to hear that. It's been nice knowing you. I wish you all the best with your next boyfriend. I suggested that next time she proclaim abstinence from the beginning rather than using sex to secure the attachment and then cutting it off. So, it was her turn to come see me (long distance) and she asked if I still wanted her to come. I said sure, I'd love to see you. I am very fond of you and I hate to end it with a phone call. So she comes to visit and my demeanor had changed. I wasn't physically affectionate and made no advances, not even kissing. Finally, she says, I prayed about it and God told me it's ok for us to have sex. Religious people have an advantage––they only have to say they prayed and this is the result. No rational explanation required. We broke up after a year of this on/off stuff about sex. She really enjoyed sex, but the priest was shaming her. I was absolutely certain for my part that I wasn't going to be in a sexless relationship, much less a long-distance one. Since you initiated, I presume that you're a sexual person who doesn't have religious issues or shame associated with sex. My suggestion is to move on to someone who has compatible values and lifestyle. Like when my girlfriend tried to cut me off––my reasoning was, if you want to abstain because of your religion, that's certainly your prerogative, however, I am not going to allow your religion to impose abstinence on me.
basil67 Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 I just told her, well, I'm sorry to hear that. It's been nice knowing you. I wish you all the best This is almost exact the wording I was going to give the OP. Oh and I have to comment: she prayed on it and God said it was OK to have sex? Bahaha. Funniest thing I've heard in ages. 1
salparadise Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Oh and I have to comment: she prayed on it and God said it was OK to have sex? Bahaha. Funniest thing I've heard in ages. Yes, it is funny. But probably only if you're not very religious. But who am I to question it if God told her to sex me up some more? Needless to say, my faith was restored for the next few days 1
act00 Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 What you need to worry about is if you want to participate in his religion and if you believe in it. If he is this religious, he's going to expect his wife to be the same. He's going to want to raise his children in it. Unless you participate in his faith and are equally invested in it, it's good you find this out now and can break away from this relationship before you get too invested in it. I married a man and had children with him, and he was non-practicing. It was after we married that I learned what his religion is all about and I wanted nothing to do with it. He eventually reverted back to being more devout, and it did not go well for our marriage. You need to consider this. Don't grow a relationship with someone unless you can work around their faith. A person's religion can be a deal-breaker on both ends. I absolutely will not date anyone of a particular faith, the one my ex-husband was. I'm glad it works for you, but I want nothing to do with it. Maybe your "boyfriend" (for lack of a better descriptive) didn't consider this, and maybe you can tell him this is what he needs to do. He needs to be upfront with any women he dates that he is a devout <religious denomination> and he will be abstaining until marriage, and he wants to meet a women who is of the same faith and is equally devout. There are people of differing faiths and differing levels of devoutness that make it work. It's up to you (and him) if your difference in values is something that you can work around or if it will cause division. You need to know what he wants and expects of his partner, and if this is something you can work with, long-term.
Popsicle Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 You're in for a serious head trip. I'd cut him of NOW!
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