We barely see each other anymore because he lives with his mother and won't move out

[Gaeta]

After 2 years how come you are not involved in his child's life? This child should have a room in your home so they can come over on weekends.

 

This man is not sure about you. He is not seeking to be with you, his child is not involved with you, he's delaying talking about future, he keeps saying he wants to make sure. This is not a man that beleives in you.

[springflowers]

After 2 years how come you are not involved in his child's life? This child should have a room in your home so they can come over on weekends.

 

This man is not sure about you. He is not seeking to be with you, his child is not involved with you, he's delaying talking about future, he keeps saying he wants to make sure. This is not a man that beleives in you.

 

It has been 1 year and I was very involved and then everything changed since I can't go to where he lives. When he has his child, we would mostly spend the time at their place for overnights. They spend time at my place during the day. The odd overnight. He said there's not enough for his son to do here as all his toys are at home and neighborhood kids etc. Makes me think how he could ever do the move then.

[coolheadal]

Hi THanks for the reply but no, that's not the case at all with him. He is very helpful and definitely not a lazy person. His mom does not babysit at all. He has his child 50% of the time, joint custody. When we see each other and have our children, we never get sitters. We are both family oriented and enjoy being at home with the kids.

 

He does come here with his child but rarely overnights as the child prefers to be home with his toys etc. my problem is it's cut way back because he lives outside of the city (which is over 1/2 hour drive away) with his mother who is no longer getting along with him or myself not allowing anyone at her house and apparently he has always butted heads with.

 

I think when you reach a certain age you know a lot sooner if someone is right for you or not as you have experienced more with relationships.

 

I agree with you solely because the way you think is the way it should be. But you have to give a little because he's not only him to consider he has a son (child) and his mom controls him because he lives under her same roof. The excuse he gave you about him and his ex living arrangement is just an excuse. You get up and leave his butt, and you tell him I am not going to sit around waiting on your dumb butt forever! I have better things to do that just doing that, isn't how you see life in general. Wrap it up and go! Because he is not ready for you and you shouldn't hang around for this one because he it will always be the same way each day with him. He is not a free man he has a mom and a child to take care of no matter how he's doing it he gave the effort but now he's paying his dues. You where just along for the ride.

[Gaeta]

It has been 1 year and I was very involved and then everything changed since I can't go to where he lives. When he has his child, we would mostly spend the time at their place for overnights. They spend time at my place during the day. The odd overnight. He said there's not enough for his son to do here as all his toys are at home and neighborhood kids etc. Makes me think how he could ever do the move then.

 

I am sorry I got mixed up with dating 1 year and his father passing 2 years ago.

 

Springflower: 1 year is not enough time dating to move in together especially when a child is involved and the relationship has stalled. Some couples do it but they are 100% devoted to the relationship, unlike your guy.

 

A relationships is being tested often as it progresses. We're tested at 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. Each of these milestones are a 'make it or break it moment'. If both parties are devoted to the relationship each of these milestones will solidify the relationship. If the relationship is on shaky ground it won't pass the test.

 

With everything you've shared with us it seems this relationship isn't evolving as it should be at its 1 year milestone but regressing. It's a make it or break it moment.

 

Out of this 1 year dating when did he start changing?

[springflowers]

 

With everything you've shared with us it seems this relationship isn't evolving as it should be at its 1 year milestone but regressing. It's a make it or break it moment.

 

Out of this 1 year dating when did he start changing?

 

That's exactly how I feel. That it is not evolving. Things seemed to be going downhill around the 6 month mark and progressively getting worse. Topics of feeling uncomfortable at his place due to him mom, our kids on opposite schedules etc were brought up and brushed under the rug until I said I'm done and leaving. We broke up for a few weeks and he begged me to come back. Said all this can be fixed. Dont throw this away as he searched high and low for someone like me. That's when he talked to him mom and now I can't go there at all and it feels he's just leaving things as is.

 

I feel I need to walk away. I don't think both our needs can be met and I'm not going to feel like a filler in his free time. I want a relationship.

[Gaeta]

That's exactly how I feel. That it is not evolving. Things seemed to be going downhill around the 6 month mark and progressively getting worse. Topics of feeling uncomfortable at his place due to him mom, our kids on opposite schedules etc were brought up and brushed under the rug until I said I'm done and leaving. We broke up for a few weeks and he begged me to come back. Said all this can be fixed. Dont throw this away as he searched high and low for someone like me. That's when he talked to him mom and now I can't go there at all and it feels he's just leaving things as is.

 

I feel I need to walk away. I don't think both our needs can be met and I'm not going to feel like a filler in his free time. I want a relationship.

 

You do need to walk away.

 

50% of this relationship is doing bad and you even broke up at some times. This is not a viable relationship, it's a relationship on life-support and surviving artificially.

 

He can huff and puff all he wants, when it's over it's over.