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To girls, was I right to not reply or should I have? It felt like I didn't need to

amazonrambo

By amazonrambo
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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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You have a date on Wednrsday? Text her again Tuesday to confirm, if you don't hear from her first.

 

Tuesday is only two days from now. Surely you can hold off texting with her for two days? :)

 

Or txt Monday even, late. Something jokey and fun, something to make her laugh!

 

I did plan to not text for a couple of days, given the last few days I have contacted her.

 

It's Monday (2am) now. I was thinking of texting her Tuesday night but I will be asleep early as I'm working early on Wednesday, so wondering if it was wise to just text her Wednesday morning?

 

Surely if she's interested she'll have kept that date and time in her head and if she claims she forgot then she isn't worth it. If she doesn't reply to that I'll probably turn up just in case and text her that "i'm here" as I did on previous two dates!

GoneGirl32 Member

GoneGirl32

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2:00 am? Where do you live? The U.K.?

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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2:00 am? Where do you live? The U.K.?

 

Yeah, just about to hit the hay otherwise I'll sleep through my birthday haha. Anyway least we have a plan, but my gut says this date might not happen.

 

Not sure how that conversation looked to you, it's just what I was feeling.

GoneGirl32 Member

GoneGirl32

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Yeah, just about to hit the hay otherwise I'll sleep through my birthday haha. Anyway least we have a plan, but my gut says this date might not happen.

 

Not sure how that conversation looked to you, it's just what I was feeling.

 

It sounded fine, fun! And hey "Happy Birthday"!!

 

I am sure it's not as nice as getting a greeting from her, but it's 'something' and I mean it too. :)

 

Re your date, why do you think that? It all sounds good.

 

Try to think positive.

 

You're just nervous, remember breeeeeathe.

Edited by GoneGirl32
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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If I really liked a guy, I would want to hear from him regularly. A few texts a day to show he is thinking about me would be great. Pressure to reply back straightaway would not be so great because sometimes I can't if I am at work. I'm sure it would be the same for him. A bit of leeway and understanding helps. If I like him though, I want that text!

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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In your message you said 'see you Wednesday'

So basically you've ended the conversation until you meet on Wednesday.

 

She may stick to that - especially considering you didn't initiate at all in those first days and then took over 24 hours to reply once you did initiate a drunk text.

 

The texts all sound massively positive so I can't figure out why you are seeing red flags or why you think the date won' happen.

The date might not happen if you go totally radio silent on her between now and the time of the date.

 

Just relax and text her today if you want to. She seems quite happy to reply unless of course you stop the conversation dead so don't just stop the conversation dead.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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Oh snap she just text me this morning

 

"Morning :) so what did you get up to last night? Can I ask a serious question; because I'm new to all this dating stuff. Are you seeing other girls apart from me? X"

 

I am talking to another girl but I'm only physically seeing this one right now as this other girl is going on holiday for a week.

 

I was going to say I'm only seeing her at the moment but also keeping my options open too so it doesn't look like I'm too focussed on her, but then again I'd rather just be dating her as I have no other time to date multiple people with the work hours I do. Should I mention the options bit? I mean she's the girl I'd rather focus on.

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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No need to say anything about keeping options open, just say she's the only lady you have any dates/first meets set up with.

 

If you aren't into multi-dating and don't do that you can tell her that also.

 

OP, you actually appear to keep wanting to sabotage this before you even meet for some reason. Has this maybe got a bit too real for you and you're worried it might lead somewhere?

 

Just take it as what it is, a meet up to see if you are both interested in going on an actual date.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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No need to say anything about keeping options open, just say she's the only lady you have any dates/first meets set up with.

 

If you aren't into multi-dating and don't do that you can tell her that also.

 

OP, you actually appear to keep wanting to sabotage this before you even meet for some reason. Has this maybe got a bit too real for you and you're worried it might lead somewhere?

 

Just take it as what it is, a meet up to see if you are both interested in going on an actual date.

 

We've been out twice already and spoken for 3-4 weeks.

 

Okay so if I send "I'm only seeing you right now, as I can't see multiple people with the work hours I do. Hope you're not going to propose next!"

 

Not sure about the last bit but it's supposed to be a joke.

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GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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We've been out twice already and spoken for 3-4 weeks.

 

Okay so if I send "I'm only seeing you right now, as I can't see multiple people with the work hours I do. Hope you're not going to propose next!"

 

Not sure about the last bit but it's supposed to be a joke.

 

No no no to the bolded parts - not unless you totally want to scare her off with the second part and with the first part make her think that if your work hours ease up you will be off dating others and all that is stopping you is your current workload.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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Messaged deleted

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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No no no to the bolded parts - not unless you totally want to scare her off with the second part and with the first part make her think that if your work hours ease up you will be off dating others and all that is stopping you is your current workload.

 

I was so close to sending it!

 

Okay I went with "Morning :) well, afternoon! Left my phone on charge as I've been with family today. You're the only girl I'm seeing at this moment x"

 

Kept it simple, the "at this moment" suggests it could change and I see others.

 

I also didn't reply to her question about what I did last night to keep her guessing. I had already told her I was going for drinks with a eork mate yesterday anyway, so she should know.

 

She also sent her text four hours ago so she could be sweating for my answer too, although that's because I was busy with my family on my birthday.

 

Is that all good to send?

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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Yep, that sounds OK.

 

As she is clearly quite Ok with texting a few times a day though don't go and cut the conversation off completely until date time like you did before.

The 'see you on Wednesday' clearly made her think you were stopping that conversation to concentrate on another girl.

 

Not replying for a few hours if fine, normal and healthy for both of you to be doing.

 

Just keep things light, don't talk too much or you'll have nothing to catch up about when you see each other.

not too much humour that could be construed in the wrong way either - the propose bit could have been taken badly especially as you cut the convo and originally weren't initiating contact.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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Yep, that sounds OK.

 

As she is clearly quite Ok with texting a few times a day though don't go and cut the conversation off completely until date time like you did before.

The 'see you on Wednesday' clearly made her think you were stopping that conversation to concentrate on another girl.

 

Not replying for a few hours if fine, normal and healthy for both of you to be doing.

 

Just keep things light, don't talk too much or you'll have nothing to catch up about when you see each other.

not too much humour that could be construed in the wrong way either - the propose bit could have been taken badly especially as you cut the convo and originally weren't initiating contact.

 

She told me that's all she wanted to know and wished me happy birthday, we sent a good four texts to each other (before I cut it off) and she asked what I got for my birthday, what I was doing, etc.

 

I kept it light and to the point.. and when I told her I was going to this chinese buffet place with my sister, I made a joke about it saying "i'll probably turn into a king prawn at this rate.." i.e at my love for chinese food. That was my only joke I put in, so I wasn't overdoing it.

 

I also mentioned something about my grandad's funny birthday card he sent me, she was intrigued but I said she'll have to wait until she sees me to see it. (I won't actually bring the card, it'll be a photo on my phone)

 

I did cut the conversation off though, telling her I'm going to put my phone down and I said "speak soon cheeky". She knows I'm going for a meal with my sister later and that I'm spending today with family (hence the 4 hours delay in my reply) so it makes sense to cut it off here.

 

And like you said, we don't want to be talking all day and revealing too much so we have nothing to talk about on our third date.

 

Texting like this, it's best to give the "trailer version" of myself rather than the full movie and give too much away

 

I don't want her thinking I'm going spend my whole birthday talking to her either, especially when I'm with my family.

Edited by amazonrambo
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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A little white lie about texting back, but I was considering sending something

 

Christ! Lying already about nothing of consequence.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Are you kidding? If not what has the world come to?

 

 

You send a drunken text to a woman (which she's OK with). She replies back in the morning, when if it really was a drunken b-day bash I can't imagine that you were even up at 9 a.m. Now it's 2 p.m. when you posted this & you are worried that 5 hours have passed since you texted some person you barely know. OMG. I don't understand this instant gratification generation so clearly my advice will be minimal.

 

 

But, people get bent about less. If the person who sent you a text can see you were participating in any other form of communication social media they will probably be freaked out by the fact that you didn't text them. If it's potentially romantic like this she will conclude one of two things, neither good for you: 1). you are not that into her & she was a fool for reaching out OR 2). you are already in a drunken hook up.

 

 

Communicate sooner rather than later. .

That's 2AM the following day! almost 24 hours have passed.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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That's 2AM the following day! almost 24 hours have passed.

 

Yeah it was pretty much this. Like today, she sent a text at 9:30am and I replied at 2pm so I had no problem with that but when it's been nearly 24 hours..

 

I was hungover though but didn't want to text at that moment so I just left it until the next day seeing as I had work later too.

 

Just thought it was better explaining it to her in a way that didn't make her feel totally ignored.

 

On the bright side at least I know why she's been a bit more reserved, not initiating text and going online on the dating app. She must have seen me on it and then when I said I was out with friends for drinks/movie she must have put two and two together.

 

I did browse the app now and then though, but she actually is the only girl I've gone out with this last month. Sometimes this says you're online too even if you're not on it if connected to wifi.

Edited by amazonrambo
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GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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She told me that's all she wanted to know and wished me happy birthday, we sent a good four texts to each other (before I cut it off) and she asked what I got for my birthday, what I was doing, etc.

 

I kept it light and to the point.. and when I told her I was going to this chinese buffet place with my sister, I made a joke about it saying "i'll probably turn into a king prawn at this rate.." i.e at my love for chinese food. That was my only joke I put in, so I wasn't overdoing it.

 

I also mentioned something about my grandad's funny birthday card he sent me, she was intrigued but I said she'll have to wait until she sees me to see it. (I won't actually bring the card, it'll be a photo on my phone)

 

I did cut the conversation off though, telling her I'm going to put my phone down and I said "speak soon cheeky". She knows I'm going for a meal with my sister later and that I'm spending today with family (hence the 4 hours delay in my reply) so it makes sense to cut it off here.

 

And like you said, we don't want to be talking all day and revealing too much so we have nothing to talk about on our third date.

 

Texting like this, it's best to give the "trailer version" of myself rather than the full movie and give too much away

 

I don't want her thinking I'm going spend my whole birthday talking to her either, especially when I'm with my family.

 

I think I mentioned in another post that I'm not into big time texting (I have experienced the worst of it from a few guys where it was so much too much!!).

 

You're doing good here - I like it.

Hopefully she will too and I think she will be cool with it - you are pre-warning busy times and yes - the 'trainer version'.

 

I get a feeling from your first post that you used to be a bit more of an avid texter (?) Well, you have learned, have stepped back but then stepped up when it was needed. Good on ya! :)

 

Happy medium is where you appear to be at.

 

 

Joking is fine - and that last joke you mentioned is fine - perfectly fine actually - the ones to avoid are anything which jokes about you or her being too keen or not keen enough - they can sound like a passive aggressive dig and I honestly don't think that you have that in you - or would mean it in that way. Not really.

Trick is to type it, read it, read it from how she might take it , read it from how she might take it, delete some (eg: hope you aren't going to propose) and then when you have checked it send it. Doing this kind of thing also stops you from replying really quickly - you have to check what you have written before you send it.

I never send a text without checking it.

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