ZA Dater Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 (edited) Ok, background, I am sitting at home contemplating whether I should go to some overcrowded club. Lets say you are good at certain things and not others, how do you make them work for you? Suppose you are capable of intelligent conversation but don't like crowds Suppose you don't drink and everyone else does. Suppose you don't dance but everyone else does. Suppose you are simply going based on a hope of meeting someone. Suppose you have the option of simply just paying for a date. My point here is at what point do you add up the good and realise you cannot work with it? Its a sobering thing to say but is it possible some people don't have the required attributes to date or be attractive or be appealing or even be fun. What do those people do? Do they just circumvent the entire system using money? Do they give up? Do they lower their standard so low that they cannot loose but also cannot find anyone they like. Lots of questions here. Should trying to find a date be fun or should it be work? Its always felt like the latter to me. Lot is made of being dominant, what if you aren't that, what if you aren't the life of the party, do you simply accept and try and work with what you have and by virtue try accept you cannot attract what you like? I can go to this club, I can look around, feel very uncomfortable and ultimately I ask why I would want to. In the hope someone might find me attractive enough, then I am confronted with having no experience. Edited April 29, 2017 by ZA Dater
Ronni_W Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 Its a sobering thing to say but is it possible some people don't have the required attributes to date or be attractive or be appealing or even be fun. No, that's not possible. Everyone has inherent positive attributes or qualities; they might be dormant or buried by your psyche/psychology (your 'human' programming and conditioning) and, if so, they presently exist in potential only...so then it's on you to uncover and cultivate and develop them. Truly not unlike the garden that already has seeds planted -- but it needs you to be the gardener. It will take personal development and getting over any basic pattern that has you keep looking at yourself as somebody who is so different or 'oddball' from the rest of society. You need to do the actual psychological work and stick with it even when it gets messy and uncomfortable, which you can guarantee it will. One possible place to start is this website that is based in part on Daniel Goleman's work, Working with Emotional Intelligence. Also, of course, a profession therapist or even spiritual counselor. You owe it to yourself to start doing the actual work that you need to do for your own growth and development, to start realizing and demonstrating more of your potential for this lifetime. Now than later is in your own best interest. Wishing you the best. 2
NTV Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 So are you going or not? I used to like clubs. Now I'm not. Bars are good for conversation but maybe not if you don't like to drink. Paying for dates each time does such especially if it's the first time you meet someone. Maybe meetups?
JustGettingBy Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Suppose you are capable of intelligent conversation but don't like crowds Suppose you don't drink and everyone else does. Suppose you don't dance but everyone else does. Intelligent conversation doesn't require more than 2 people, and they don;t even need to meet face to face. Not every date requires alcohol. Not every couple dances. Your questions are like saying 'oh, my friend's moving away, I'll never be able to talk to them again because I don't have a phone,' and ignoring the fact that there's so many ways to communicate digitally. 1
normal person Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 No, that's not possible. Everyone has inherent positive attributes or qualities; they might be dormant or buried by your psyche/psychology (your 'human' programming and conditioning) and, if so, they presently exist in potential only...so then it's on you to uncover and cultivate and develop them. Truly not unlike the garden that already has seeds planted -- but it needs you to be the gardener. It will take personal development and getting over any basic pattern that has you keep looking at yourself as somebody who is so different or 'oddball' from the rest of society. You need to do the actual psychological work and stick with it even when it gets messy and uncomfortable, which you can guarantee it will. One possible place to start is this website that is based in part on Daniel Goleman's work, Working with Emotional Intelligence. Also, of course, a profession therapist or even spiritual counselor. You owe it to yourself to start doing the actual work that you need to do for your own growth and development, to start realizing and demonstrating more of your potential for this lifetime. Now than later is in your own best interest. Wishing you the best. This is such a great post. I can go to this club, I can look around, feel very uncomfortable and ultimately I ask why I would want to. In the hope someone might find me attractive enough, then I am confronted with having no experience. As I've been telling you across various threads, to get what you don't have you'll need to step out of your comfort zone and pay whatever psychological toll that is. If your desire for women outweighs your fear of discomfort, then take action, do something uncomfortable and difficult, and get on the right track. If your fear of discomfort outweighs your desire for women, just accept it already, give up, and stop wondering if there's some other magic solution -- I think after 15+ years of trying and dozens of threads, it's pretty evident that there isn't. If you want experience, it won't be handed to you, you need to get, or even take it. If you're too scared to do that, you'll likely never get what you want. It's pretty simple: If you're too scared to do the necessary things, you won't get what you want. If you can conquer your fear of discomfort, that's the first step towards getting what you want. Will you let fear control you and dictate your life, or will you control it and dictate your own? Are you going to actually do something or just keep wondering if you should or not? How much more time are you going to spend doing this? Life is so precious and you're in the prime of it. Perhaps it's time you took action instead of writing about all the reasons why you supposedly can't. There's still hope for you to get the things you want if you implement the things people have told you here rather than cowering in fear of them. In your early 30s, there will never be a better time for you to appeal to the best women out there. Intelligent, ambitious, beautiful women ages 23-33 will be throwing themselves at you if you can learn to play your cards right. You are the best combination of attractive, appealing, successful, and promising as you're going to be and you have roughly 1000-1500 more days left of that in your life. If you don't figure it out soon, your golden opportunity will start to erode. How many more golden days are you going to waste because you're too scared of being uncomfortable? How many more threads do you need to convince of you this? If you're too afraid to do uncomfortable things, fine, accept that and accept that you won't get what you want. If you're willing to do uncomfortable things in hopes that it might get you what you want, I would suggest you start immediately rather than write about it more. Stop writing about things. Start doing them, learning from your mistakes, and implementing what you learn elsewhere. Or be too scared and just accept it, already.
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