***My Real Estate Agent???***

[Maggie4]

Pretty sure its haunted too but I'd rather live with that than my upstairs neighbor

 

Oh no...!

 

Well, if it's been on the market for a long time, it may become available to rent. But don't do it, I got so scared just reading what you described there.

 

If you tell the guy agent, that your dad pulled out of the deal, it's out of your control, and that you're also very disappointed, would he go back to finding you a rental?

[Midnight.Amber]

I totally get what you're saying guys but once my dad says, no...he means NO.

 

Because I didnt see that the property had significant damage and went to see it, I am no longer qualified to purchase in the eyes of my father

 

Thats the story of my life when it comes to my family. One little slip up and I pay for it for a very long time

 

It is a smarter choice to buy instead of pouring money into a property that I'll never see a return on but its a no go at this point

 

There is another option.

 

Put the $75K down on the house, and get a job at night so you can pay your own mortgage. Become self-supporting.

 

Lots of people have jobs while in school and do just that, I did.

 

It would also show your dad you are an independent responsible adult who can take care of yourself and get you out from under his thumb/rule.

 

That's what I would do. My dad was very controlling too, but once he saw that I was a responsible person, supporting myself, while still in school, he saw me differently and the dynamic of our relationship changed.

 

Just a thought.

Edited July 3, 2017 by Midnight.Amber

[SammySammy]

Hahaha!

 

Well, according to a friend who is a RE agent, she says he's going to be really pissed so I shouldnt ask

 

So now I'm conflicted

 

I dont know if its a good idea considering we're parting ways because I'm firing him

 

Thats the new dilemma

 

He shouldn't be too upset. It's part of the business. Happens to everyone at some point. This sounds like your friend is just trying to protect her friend's commission.

 

Heck, I fired myself from trying to sell my own properties. I wasn't moving the properties fast enough and someone in my office could move them much more quickly. I took my signs down. Hired her. And gladly paid her to sell my houses.

 

He can be disappointed, but still be professional. You win some, you lose some. Any good salesperson should know that.

[Midnight.Amber]

There is another option.

 

Put the $75K down on the house, and get a job at night so you can pay your own mortgage. Become self-supporting.

 

Lots of people have jobs while in school and do just that, I did.

 

It would also show your dad you are an independent responsible adult who can take care of yourself and get you out from under his thumb/rule.

 

That's what I would do. My dad was very controlling too, but once he saw that I was a responsible person, supporting myself, while still in school, he saw me differently and the dynamic of our relationship changed.

 

Just a thought.

 

Another option would be to put maybe 50K down (which is still very substantial) and use the 25K to pay mortgage and support yourself until school ends next April. Get a part time job on weekends or something for extra cash.

 

At 31 years of age, there are other options than allowing your dad to call all the shots, don't you think?

[Eternal Sunshine]

My dad reminds me of your dad Dis. He is also like Sheldon: hyper critical and logical and has zero interest in my romantic life. Literally, he never asks even if I am dating someone and gets awkward when it comes to any emotional topics.

 

When I was looking for a house, I took along him to every home open. He is a genius when it comes to money and making logical decisions. I am too emotional and trip myself up. When I became really interested in a house, I bought along my brother and a real estate agent friend as well. They all noticed things I didn't and made sure I got the best deal I could, even if the whole process of buying took me 9 months. I am sure your dad is looking out for you.

 

As for the agent, I never had much luck initiating. Actually, I never had ANY luck initiating. It's almost refreshing to daydream and wonder after the forced pace of OLD. Despite my failures, I would absolutely initiate again if I was getting mixed signals. It's really easy to send a quick text "let me know if you want to get a drink sometime". That's all you need to do if he is at all interested.

[act00]

Since you're still in school and not sure where you'll eventually be working, maybe buying a house is not the best idea right now. Continue to rent and then when you've established yourself with employment, you can choose to buy in a location that's close to work. I think the major issue for you right now is to get away from the upstairs neighbor, which will clear your head and you won't feel so desperate. Do you really need an agent to find an apartment? Can you move to a new apartment in the same complex?

[coolheadal]

Hi guys!

 

So I called it quits with OLD....my soul has been offically crushed after 1.75 years of it

 

I'm looking for a new place to live. My upstairs neighbor is a pretty ill woman (mentally) and very loud. I've always been civil but but her behavior has been getting worse lately. So much so that the cops told her if she contacts me again she'll be charged with harrassment. So ya...its time to move!

 

I got hooked up with a real estate agent from one of my friends. I didnt think anything of it when I would talk to him on the phone other than the fact that he's very nice and helpful

 

We met 2 weeks ago to go over what I wanted from a new place and he's actually cute! He a year younger than me, he's about 5'9, not much muscle so he's not my type (but omg where has my type gotten me?!) He seemed a little nervous...kind of stumbling over his words and apologizing for his computer lagging (which he didnt need to because it only took 2 seconds for it to catch up). I think he was a little intimidated....I've been told I'm very attractive but I can't be everyone's cup of tea. So who knows. We've met up twice (professionally) and sometimes we get to talking about things outside of real estate

 

When he showed me a house yesterday we were chatting casually and I decided to be bold and ask him if he was single. Not sure if that was stupid move or not but being shy has never gotten me anywhere. He said he was and how he knew it would happen for him when the time was right. He didnt ask me if I was single but I volunteered the info casually. We then got to talking about dating and OLD (hes never done it...fortunate soul) It was a nice convo. Then I took off.

 

I know that because of our professional relationship, he cant ask me out until I no longer need his services. Plus, I dont even know if he is interested. But I would like to go out on a date with him when I find a place to live. He's really sweet (hes a Taurus, I'm a Cancer yas! lol) But I'm really not too smooth when it comes to this stuff.

 

Any advice? Thanks guys!

 

Wow lucky you! My child you need to be more yourself and you are so direct. But you needed to know if this guy was single. You know now! Zodiac Signs match-up cool! I am all about Zodiac studied and got Certified in it.. Forget the OLD way do it your way make it work. Sounds like you have great catch. I hope it all works out for you in the end. But one word of advise don't rush this guy you see how he is already chill back and relax and watch how everything falls into place.! Bye for now!

[No_Go]

That's a great idea - it will be 33% down, which is much more than what typical first time buyer puts down, no PMI, enough for mortgage payments well past April (the graduation time)...

 

Only thing here is the credit score - with a good one op is all set to go.

 

Another option would be to put maybe 50K down (which is still very substantial) and use the 25K to pay mortgage and support yourself until school ends next April. Get a part time job on weekends or something for extra cash.

 

At 31 years of age, there are other options than allowing your dad to call all the shots, don't you think?

[No_Go]

But she can invest the money in some financial instruments (e.g., stocks) to generate returns.

 

Too risky if she'll be needing the money for down payment in an Year or less. Maybe conservative mutual funds (that's what I did before buying) but they generate next to nothing...

[thefooloftheyear]

There is no crime in continuing to rent...Renting isn't as much of a detriment to buying as it once was, as the capital appreciation on houses is still pretty stagnant in most areas and if you are renting, you aren't paying property taxes. repairs, etc, and you can basically come and go as the lease permits....Not so easy with a buy...You can take that deposit money and turn it into a profit generating entity with some smart investing...

 

Heck, most of us that invest have made tons of money in the last few years, while my paid for house has done absolutely nothing...Kinda wish that money was put to better use, to be honest...

 

On another note, is the only approach line for women "Can we go get a drink sometime"?....:laugh:

 

TFY

Edited July 3, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[NuevoYorko]

Let's cut the dad some slack...It doesn't matter how old she is, he still probably sees her as something he needs to protect...I/m very protective of my own daughter and probably would do the same thing..

I disagree. Sorry OP but your dad is disrespecting you. His financial help comes with too many strings. You did not prove that you're unready to own a home because you looked at a home that was outside of your parameters. If you'd tried to buy that home without doing your due diligence that would be a different story. Also your father could always refuse to purchase the house with you if it did not meet his standards without "punishing" you.

 

The agent also did nothing egregious by showing you that property. When I've used real estate agents I've appreciated it when they brought me properties slightly outside of my parameters to consider. Big deal.

 

You are not a "thing" of your father's you are a grown ass woman. Maybe you need to hold off on buying a house until you are able to do this without depending on your dad, he sounds very controlling. Don't get me wrong, he loves you, wants the best for you etc but this is not a good situation.

[clia]

Reading all of the above, this seems like a blessing in disguise. I think you are far better off waiting to buy a house until you can do so without your father's help. If he contributes to buying the house, he is always going to feel like he has a say in what you do. It also might be smarter to wait to buy until you have a full time job, so you know your work location.

 

I would honestly be offended if, at the age of 31, my father told me I wasn't qualified to buy a house. I agree with Nuevo -- there's no harm in looking at the house, so I can't really understand why your dad is so furious and has you on "blast" over this. (Or is this the house that you actually had him come inspect? Because that's a little different...)

 

As for the agent, just nicely tell him it isn't working out for you and you'd like to go with a different agent. You can add that if he'd ever like to get together for dinner or drinks you'd like that. That gets the message across and leaves the ball in his court to ask you out on a date. But don't hold your breath...

[thefooloftheyear]

I disagree. Sorry OP but your dad is disrespecting you. His financial help comes with too many strings. You did not prove that you're unready to own a home because you looked at a home that was outside of your parameters. If you'd tried to buy that home without doing your due diligence that would be a different story. Also your father could always refuse to purchase the house with you if it did not meet his standards without "punishing" you.

 

The agent also did nothing egregious by showing you that property. When I've used real estate agents I've appreciated it when they brought me properties slightly outside of my parameters to consider. Big deal.

 

You are not a "thing" of your father's you are a grown ass woman. Maybe you need to hold off on buying a house until you are able to do this without depending on your dad, he sounds very controlling. Don't get me wrong, he loves you, wants the best for you etc but this is not a good situation.

 

Stop picking apart the wording....Parents get this completely...She's uneducated in this area and he is, so he is protecting his DAUGHTER from being had...Doesn't matter if she's 12 or 50.....And he cares or he wouldn't bother...My guess is you have no kids..

 

Anyone who gave half a crap would realize that the agent is either an idiot or he's trying to take advantage of a noob....The "harm" is that he ignored her wishes and said nothing about it...If she made a bad decision, he wouldn't be the one paying 30 grand for a new septic..

 

If you actually bothered to read HER words, she thinks the world of her parents...What some people find controlling, others view as concern..

 

TFY

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Stop picking apart the wording....Parents get this completely...She's uneducated in this area and he is, so he is protecting his DAUGHTER from being had...Doesn't matter if she's 12 or 50.....And he cares or he wouldn't bother...My guess is you have no kids..

 

If you actually bothered to read HER words, she thinks the world of her parents...What some people find controlling, others view as concern..

 

TFY

 

Agree. OP did not start this thread seeking advice about her relationship with her dad, so I don't think we should be giving it . My dad was so supportive of me, and this thread is making me miss him!

[lana-banana]

Your relationship with your father is not the subject of this thread, but it's inextricable from everything else you do so long as he has such a major influence on your life. How can you have a healthy relationship with any grown man while your dad (who does seem awesome in his own way, and I actually understand/support his anger about the house) still calls all the shots? If I was single I would never date someone who was completely financially dependent on their parents. Dating is hard enough and you're bringing a third wheel and a lot of baggage into it.

 

I am torn on whether you should rent or buy; based on the numbers you threw out, you live in an area with an unusually low cost of living, which has some upsides but if you don't plan on staying for a long time then it may be hard to sell later down the road. Use the New York Times Rent or Buy Calculator as a guideline.

 

You have enough money to find a new place and find work to support yourself in the meantime. Your father has been amazing, but you have to start standing on your own.

[JuneL]

It appears that OP is capable of supporting herself through nursing school using her savings/inheritance (which is what most would do at her age typically), but is relying on her dad for financial support instead. Perhaps that's the norm in her "family culture"?

[clia]

Except her dad is the one who is insisting she fire her agent. I'm not even sure she wants to fire her agent -- she's doing it because her dad is forcing her to. Do you want to fire your agent, OP? Do you agree with your dad that he's done a poor job?

 

We can be fair to the dad and assume he is doing it all out of love, but let's also be fair to the agent, since OP hasn't told us exactly how it came about that she went to visit this property. When I've bought real estate, my agent sent me the listings that met my price/location requirements. I then went through them and told the agent which ones I wanted to tour. Sometimes, my agent would specifically point out listings she thought I would be interested in, but the ultimate decision to see the place was up to me, after I reviewed the listing.

 

Did the agent just schedule a showing without clearing it with OP? It sounds here like OP went to see the property without reading the listing. I don't see why that's the agent's fault. And the whole point of an inspection is that you know what you are getting into as far as repairs, so the "blast" she's getting from her father about merely visiting this property and his view that she's not qualified to buy a place now and must fire her agent seems excessive. That's why you have an inspection. That's why you read the listing. Anyway...I feel like we are missing part of the story and am feeling some sympathy for the agent.

[Popsicle]

Although I agree with the dad, I also agree that there will be strings attached to receiving his help.

 

I also can see how when you're struggling, it's pretty damn hard not to accept help from someone, especially your own loving parent.

 

But yes, I have seen this dynamic grow into something insidious and not admirable. It doesn't always turn into something bad but sometimes it does. And the worst part is, the people involved (parent and child) never saw it coming.

 

If I were in Dis's position, more than likely I would take the help from my loving dad. It would be hard to resist. But being on the outside now and cautiously looking in, I'm tempted to say don't take the help from your dad and work to buy a house on your own.

[No_Go]

I guess if her dad pays, it is his word... that's part of the deal for people that use financial support from parents, spouses etc.

 

Or she could have gone my route - scraping all the money that I could for down payment for like 8 years, doing it all by myself in 3 months, and tgen doing all the repairs by myself, and then ending with questionable remarks ' oh but why bother as a single woman?' (yeah I should have put my entire life in hold for being single), 'who paid' (after repeating 100x that no one in my circles could help), 'why so late' (I'm 32 for god sake, not 72), 'why so slow' (3 months is not slow in f*cking Boston) etc... People just seem to enjoy judging house buyers haha.

 

Regarding buying/renting if I was her, I'd buy in a hearbeat... I almost gasped that you can buy for so cheap in a neighboring state (here under 500K is rare and under 200K - impossible)... now I understand why some people at work commute from CT daily...Even if selling will be hard (which I doubt looking at the market here, 2h away), she can rent it out if she really needs to relocate.

 

She has 5 pets - renting with pets is a nightmare. And she's sitting on a pile of money that are losing value if not invested right...

 

Your relationship with your father is not the subject of this thread, but it's inextricable from everything else you do so long as he has such a major influence on your life. How can you have a healthy relationship with any grown man while your dad (who does seem awesome in his own way, and I actually understand/support his anger about the house) still calls all the shots? If I was single I would never date someone who was completely financially dependent on their parents. Dating is hard enough and you're bringing a third wheel and a lot of baggage into it.

 

I am torn on whether you should rent or buy; based on the numbers you threw out, you live in an area with an unusually low cost of living, which has some upsides but if you don't plan on staying for a long time then it may be hard to sell later down the road. Use the New York Times Rent or Buy Calculator as a guideline.

 

You have enough money to find a new place and find work to support yourself in the meantime. Your father has been amazing, but you have to start standing on your own.

[thefooloftheyear]

ion to see the place was up to me, after I reviewed the listing.

 

Did the agent just schedule a showing without clearing it with OP? It sounds here like OP went to see the property without reading the listing. I don't see why that's the agent's fault. .

 

Let's say I was selling you a used car...You tell me " I don't want anything with major problems" .I know it's going to need a transmission soon, say nothing about it, and just show it to you and you buy it...

 

100 miles later and you are on the shoulder of the interstate...

 

You mad at me for selling you a compromised vehicle, or yourself for not knowing any better??

 

TFY

[Maggie4]

I think Dad is off limits to criticism here. It's a long thread, but if you read the posts about how close she is to her family, then you don't go there.

[clia]

Let's say I was selling you a used car...You tell me " I don't want anything with major problems" .I know it's going to need a transmission soon, say nothing about it, and just show it to you and you buy it...

 

100 miles later and you are on the shoulder of the interstate...

 

You mad at me for selling you a compromised vehicle, or yourself for not knowing any better??

 

TFY

 

Well, again, OP hasn't told us how all of this came about. I just don't get the impression that her agent was plotting some nefarious plan to get her to buy a place that needed a ton of work.

 

As I said above, my experience with home buying is that the agent has some kind of search set up with my price/location requirements, and I go look at the listings that come up that meet those requirements. There was no option to exclude properties that needed a lot of repairs done. You read the listing, look at the pictures -- that's how you know which properties to avoid. After viewing, you can get an inspection, read the seller's disclosure, get an inspection, ask questions, etc.

 

Your car example above isn't the same as OP's situation. OP didn't buy the house and she also said it was disclosed in the listing and seller's disclosure that the house needed all this work. So, contrary to your example above, it doesn't sound like anyone was trying to withhold this information from her. I also don't know what her agent told her. I don't know how it all happened and neither do you. I don't know why she agreed to go and see a house that needed a ton of work if she didn't want a house with a ton of work. Maybe she can explain.

 

But, to take your example for the car above, and assuming nothing is disclosed in the listing, in buying a used car, it's typically buyer beware. If I choose to take someone's word for it that the car is in great shape, and don't bother to get an inspection or do the research, then that is somewhat on me. I might be mad at the seller, but I would also be mad at myself. I just don't get the impression here that anyone was hiding this information from OP.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, again, OP hasn't told us how all of this came about. I just don't get the impression that her agent was plotting some nefarious plan to get her to buy a place that needed a ton of work.

 

As I said above, my experience with home buying is that the agent has some kind of search set up with my price/location requirements, and I go look at the listings that come up that meet those requirements. There was no option to exclude properties that needed a lot of repairs done. You read the listing, look at the pictures -- that's how you know which properties to avoid. After viewing, you can get an inspection, read the seller's disclosure, get an inspection, ask questions, etc.

 

Your car example above isn't the same as OP's situation. OP didn't buy the house and she also said it was disclosed in the listing and seller's disclosure that the house needed all this work. So, contrary to your example above, it doesn't sound like anyone was trying to withhold this information from her. I also don't know what her agent told her. I don't know how it all happened and neither do you. I don't know why she agreed to go and see a house that needed a ton of work if she didn't want a house with a ton of work. Maybe she can explain.

 

But, to take your example for the car above, and assuming nothing is disclosed in the listing, in buying a used car, it's typically buyer beware. If I choose to take someone's word for it that the car is in great shape, and don't bother to get an inspection or do the research, then that is somewhat on me. I might be mad at the seller, but I would also be mad at myself. I just don't get the impression here that anyone was hiding this information from OP.

 

I don't want to belabor it...But any good salesperson "reads" his customer...This way, he/she can make the best deal for the agent and the client ,and do so in the most expedient way(flirting with women aside, these people aren't paid by the hour).....It's the agents responsibility to "qualify" the properties based on the guidelines set forth by the customer...She clearly stated no major work, yet he planned to show her properties(at least one, anyway) that needed major work..That's a foul on him....Just saying "she should read the listing" well...sure, but then why enlist the help of a buyers agent, then? At that rate, she should then just scour the MLS and call the listing brokers and make her own deal...

 

The only time alternate choices that are outside the customers guidelines are to be considered is when all other options have been exhausted and only after presenting it to the client as "compromised"....Then she can decide if its worth her time...

 

The purpose of the agent is to work on her behalf...In that case, he let her down, and that's why the dad said to can him.....

 

And I agree 100%

 

TFY

Edited July 3, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[Shining One]

When I bought my place many years ago, my realtor showed me places that had "deal-breaker" items. However, he factored those items into the math. If a place needed a new AC (roughly $6000) but cost $8000 less than another unit, he showed it to me.

 

With that being said, I did fire my previous agent for showing me multiple places with deal-breaker items and not factoring that into the math.

[lana-banana]

The median home price in my city is 550k. 180 would get you half a bedroom in a basement apartment. As reasonable as it sounds to buy if you can afford it, it depends whether the local housing market is strong and if she could rent an equivalent property for less. If she lives in the middle of nowhere and the housing market isn't great, she could end up saddled with a piece of property that costs more than it's worth. Outside of major metropolitan areas it doesn't always make sense to buy. (And if you live in a place like Florida or Arizona, or any place being wrecked by climate change---forget it!)

 

My fiancé is on your dad's side. He thinks you're ultimately responsible for dragging this out with the real estate agent and not paying attention to the problems with this house, and if you can't be more conscientious about your property then you probably shouldn't be buying. I'm more mixed. I think there's plenty of fault and frustration to go around, but it does seem like you've become dependent in a way that isn't good for you.

 

One thing is for sure: this is a bust, romantically speaking. It sounds like your former agent is furious and wants nothing to do with you or your father. You'll need to find another gentleman to date.