dmf Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 HELP. I am in a horrible situation following a breakup that should never have happened and I am at a loss on what to do. Bear with me because it is a LONG story. My partner and I had been together for nearly two years and this man.. he is my soulmate. Without a doubt we are absolutely made for each other and I've never experienced a connection like ours. We were long distance for a while but eventually I moved to be with him. Due to some personal circumstances, he has been battling pretty heavy depression for the last 6 months or so, to the point where some days he can't get out of bed. Now we have had our fair share of ups and downs but we could never stay apart. We have talked about our future, wedding, children.. everything. We both get on so well with each others families. It seems as though every flaw that one of us has, the other has qualities which make up for it and we just balance each other perfectly. Recently we had an argument where I overreacted to something and got so upset, however he read it as me breaking up with him. I was not and could never end things with him as I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. We gave each other some space and then gradually started talking again. I was shocked to learn he thought I had broken up with him and I set the record straight immediately with high hopes we could work through this. THEN I find out.... in the TWO WEEKS we hadn't been speaking, he had gotten another girlfriend. He said he needed someone to keep his head above water and he had been struggling so much thinking I had ended things. We had a huge falling out and didn't speak for a week but then.. like always.. started talking again. We have spent a bit of time together and its obvious the connection has not changed a bit. We are both still in love with each other. His head is an absolute mess. The other night he was around and some things happened between us which I took to mean he had ended his new relationship, since I never ever thought he would cheat. From what I can tell he hasn't actually ended it he is just completely confused and torn. Today we went for a walk together and he was acting so sweet, putting his arm around me, kissing my forehead, kissing me goodbye. What the bloody hell do I do. I feel as though we should never have broken up because it was all a huge misunderstanding. His new girlfriend seems like a lovely girl and probably has no idea what she has landed in the middle of. I want us to start working things out but I can tell he is stuck on what to do. I don't want him to feel he can keep acting like this with me when he hasn't ended things with her but at the same time if I give him a huge ultimatum I feel as though it will push him away. Any words of advice would be so welcome right now because I truly don't know what to do.
basil67 Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 I'm so sorry you're in this situation. But let's start looking at some basic facts here. YOU may believe that you are truly meant to be together, but it's pretty clear that he has some serious doubts. And if telling him that he needs to choose between the two of you drives him away, then it's pretty clear that he doesn't want to be with you. Frankly, if he was your soulmate, he wouldn't have moved on with such apparent ease. And the two of you wouldn't have spent TWO WEEKS (!) not talking because of a fight. If you were soulmates, you'd have both been working to sort it out right quickly. For that matter, soulmates don't have this kind of drama anyway. It should be calm and easy. I have to ask: What was this misunderstanding over? And what kind of reaction did you do to make him think it was all over? As you weren't talking to each other....and you hadn't apologised for your behaviour.... it's understandable he would think the relationship had ended. In short, a person can't go losing their temper in a big way and then go radio silence if they want a relationship to continue. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 You think you are in this amazing mutually connected relationship. He thinks of you as a life raft. He doesn't care who it is -- you or this new girl -- all he wants is somebody who can keep his head above water. If after all this time he can't chose you -- his long term partner -- over some rebound he's known for 2 weeks -- that speaks volumes about how little he cares about you. Sorry to be so harsh but he doesn't have the connection to you that you have with him. You can't marry him & have kids. He's in no position to be anybody's father. Run away. Lick your wounds & go date a healthy man. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 I'm afraid I have to agree with the others, OP. This connection had become a lot more one-sided than you realized. If this man felt as strongly about you as you do about him, you two would be working this out together and there wouldn't be a new girlfriend at all. The fact that he started a new relationship within 14 days of a breakup suggested one of two things: A) He is emotionally immature enough to latch on to a new person at lightening speed or B) This started before you two were broken up 1
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