Author Phase_shift22 Posted May 3, 2017 Author Posted May 3, 2017 Something that's difficult about this situation in terms of trying to give you advice is that you went from being interested in dating (maybe?) to not being interested to having some interest. If you are interested in dating someone then ask them out for a date. You didn't do this initially and it just sounded like you wanted her advice - you said you wanted to be her apprentice. The situation just wasn't terribly clear all the way along so it's really hard to advise you. I too would have thought that if you were interested you would have contacted her more than once a week, if she were interested she would have also texted you or helped the conversation flow. As it is it was a kind of odd situation as you flip flopped on being interested, then not, then possibly interested...it's very difficult to advise when that happens. I am confused. If anything, I would think that this is a “better” approach than others, in the sense that because I was almost-turned off to her, I wasn’t burning with unrequited emotions or affection towards her. To be clear, yet again, I was initially interested, but then once I got to know her better through FB, I was turned off, yet, not opposed to entertaining the possibility of something happening between us. There was no “flip flop.” Basically, if something would happen between us, it would have been spontaneous where both would become mutually interested over time- not me just running after her nor were there any “butterflies.” Isn’t this ideally what most people are after, since both people don't have as much of a possibility of getting hurt? Had she just ghosted, I most likely wouldn’t have made this thread. Since I got such an angry response from here, I used that feedback as an opportunity for self reflection and analysis. That could be misinterpreted as “interest” I suppose. Looking at earlier posts on this thread, if I amalgamate the strategies articulated, I guess what I should have done is to text her a lot more early on (within the first week of meeting up) and then when she stopped texting/ghosting to move on. Call me old school, but I thought these things had to be built up over time; that is when two people meet, they have a slow “getting to know you” or “friends first” phase where they will text every now and then and occasionally hangout as friends. As the two people get to know each other, the texting and hanging out increases, over the course of days and weeks, even months depending on the situation before their relationship becomes romantic. My understanding of what’s being proposed here is that if two people are interested in each other, they will jump straight into constant texting/hanging out within the first week and the “getting to know you” phase is compressed; that is it happens in several weeks at the most and certainly not months. That being said, if one party has a misunderstanding or has unrequited feelings, then the other side will know it within the first few days of meeting; after all- It's really very simple. When contacting, if they don't contact back in response, they're not interested and you can't MAKE them interested. Women know who they might be attracted to right away. It's not a case of having to convince them to give you a shot. They already know it's either on or off as a potential sexual partner. and all hope for something happening as “friends first” will be rendered impossible. As I stated earlier in this thread, one of my weaknesses in the past has been being too passive, and if my understanding is correct in terms of what is being stated here then that still might be the case.
GemmaUK Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 These are quotes from your posts all in order, Flip: You were interested At the end of the night, we exchanged numbers and she even invited me to go shooting with her the next week. She was kind of cute, and we had a common interest, so I wanted to see how things would play out between us. (What I don't understand about the above is why you didn't accept her offer - it doesn't appear that you counter offered either. This was your best opportunity to meet and get to know her when she asked you to hang out. Flop: You were not interested. She still seemed like a nice person and had a lot of technical photography knowledge, so it would still be good to get her advice. I now viewed this relationship as platonic. Flop: You were not interested. and then I proceeded to tell her that I really just wanted to meet up for photography advice and nothing more. I told her I’d still be up for it, now that things were cleared up. Flop: You were not interested. At the end of the night, we exchanged numbers and she even invited me to go shooting with her the next week. She was kind of cute, and we had a common interest, so I wanted to see how things would play out between us. Flop: You were not interested. She still seemed like a nice person and had a lot of technical photography knowledge, so it would still be good to get her advice. I now viewed this relationship as platonic. Flop: You were not interested. and then I proceeded to tell her that I really just wanted to meet up for photography advice and nothing more. I told her I’d still be up for it, now that things were cleared up. Flop: You were not interested. I was initially interested in her, but when I told her I wasn't I really wasn't. Flip: You were interested again. Despite her facebook, had something developed spontaneously, I wouldn’t have been opposed to giving it some consideration. So I guess my romantic interest wasn’t 0% You wrote this in your first post: I needed to build rapport, and once a week texting seemed like a low impact way of doing that. You don't build real rapport through texting - it's the worst tool of communication. You need to be with someone to build rapport. Had you agreed to go shopping with her or counter offered something you might have had a chance to build some, you were already part way there as you got on well that night you met and she asked you to hang out. This was from your last post: Call me old school, but I thought these things had to be built up over time; that is when two people meet, they have a slow “getting to know you” or “friends first” phase where they will text every now and then and occasionally hangout as friends. As the two people get to know each other, the texting and hanging out increases, over the course of days and weeks, even months depending on the situation before their relationship becomes romantic. My understanding of what’s being proposed here is that if two people are interested in each other, they will jump straight into constant texting/hanging out within the first week and the “getting to know you” phase is compressed; that is it happens in several weeks at the most and certainly not months. That being said, if one party has a misunderstanding or has unrequited feelings, then the other side will know it within the first few days of meeting; after all- Pretty much para # 2 except constant texting is a bore and a bad form of communication. But yep, you do need to build some kind of momentum in the beginning at least. When you were originally interested you let that ball drop and roll away. It almost seems like your texting style is like an accountant chasing a payment once a week as it's on a list of things to do. Step it up a little in future to be a bit more like a sales person who contacts a customer every couple of days maybe? Also, don't rely purely on texts to get to know someone - arrange to meet them.
Purepony Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Okay judging by the ops writing I don't think he's in the wrong this girls a weirdo ! Move on and write it off .... 1 text a week is not overwhelming, let's be real no one and I mean no one is that f*ckIng busy I don't care who you are or who you think you are!! Everyone's glued to their damn phones at one time or another
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