johndail Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I was the dumper. I broke up with her after a year and a half. I was going through a lot personally and should of told her but didn't and by not doing so I pushed her away from me. I thought the relationship was part of my stress but it wasn't. We have been broken up for 2 months and I miss her. So she started texting me about a month again. Every other day and we would have some voncersation but nothing about us. Two days ago I meet up with her and one of our mutual friend and we have a good time. Nothing awkward about it but it did make me miss her more. I asked her what she thought about us getting back together and she told me "I don't know". " I don't know if I want to go back to to being in a relationship like that". I told I was just stressed out and I should of talked to her but I didn't and I'm sorry for that. She just said she doesn't know and that was her only response. She said she needed to go to bed and maybe we can talk about it another time. I just want some ipinions, good or bad. Need to know what she thinks
MrAK Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 Give her time, let her process the idea, and realize that you can't just jump right back into a relationship. Slow your roll and good luck. 1
Author johndail Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 Yeah I figured that. If she wants to talk about anything at all I will let her reach out to me. I haven't talked to her much since. I asked her two days ago and she texted me the next day and we talked about normal work things but not about that. Haven't talked to her today at all.I asked her is she wanted to work on things and was expecting her to say no. I wasn't expecting anything from. Not to sound like I don't want it to happen because I do but if she just flat out said no I mentally wanted to be prepared for it. So I was just kinda caught be surprised when she didn't say no.
lolablue17 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 Your attitude is "what do you say about getting back together? Do you want to work on things?" You ask her, instead of telling her first how you feel. You want her to say she wants you, before you even prove and demonstrate how much YOU WANT HER. You are the dumper. So if you want an answer you should first give something. You should show her that you miss her badly, that you love her, and you'll do anything to get her back. In order to trust you again, she needs to see some actions. She needs to see some cards on the table first. 1
Author johndail Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 I did tell her how I felt. I told her that I miss her and made a mistake for what I did. I told her I had a lot of pressure on me and I should of talked to her about it but that I thought she would see it as weakness. That I wanted to work on things together...not jump right into things but take the time that is needed. I should of said that in my post but I didn't. My apologies. 1
Altair0770 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 You broke it so you should earn it. I agree that you need to show some action. Give her some space and contact her after about a week. Show her you want her back.
Author johndail Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 I know that's what I need to do. I need prove myself do but I didn't want her to feel like I was over whelming her. Like I said I haven't talked to her since yesterday when she texted me. I responded but left it at that. I just don't know how to go about it you know. Like what is a good time length before I ask her again or do I ask again? Do I text her at all just to have a casual conversation or wait until she texted me.
lolablue17 Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 Like what is a good time length before I ask her again or do I ask again? Do I text her at all just to have a casual conversation or wait until she texted me. You should be the one who manages the process. It means, don't wait until she texts. You must initiate every time even if she doesn't. You shouldn't be nagging her of course, but you should sense yourself how often to contact her, not every hour. Do as you feel, and you may take some risks. One important thing thing - Don't be casual. First because casual approach will not give her the security she needs in order to trust your love, and second, because by being casual you're not being honest. Be honest. Real true honesty is the one thing she wants, we all want. (Well, not sure about the "we all", looking at the dating scene these days, when people afraid to be honest)
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 I'm a big believer in flowers. They fix a lot. Send her some with a note that says something along the lines of: No pressure but I wanted you to know I am truly sorry for hurting you. I was stressed & handled it badly. Instead of turning to you for support, I ran away. That was a mistake. Please forgive me. I'd like to make it up to you & see if we can try again. Love, Johndail Do not contact her for 24 hours after she gets the flowers. Then call & ask her on a date. It's more of a grand romantic gesture then pestering her with texts & calls. If she says no, respect that & leave her alone.
Cephalopod Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 You don't need to do anything until you fix your issues. You sound like you have bad coping skills. Get yourself into therapy to learn how to cope with the stresses of life in a productive way, instead of burning down the house and pushing people away every time your life gets stressful. No woman wants to date a flake. 1
springy Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 You don't need to do anything until you fix your issues. You sound like you have bad coping skills. Get yourself into therapy to learn how to cope with the stresses of life in a productive way, instead of burning down the house and pushing people away every time your life gets stressful. No woman wants to date a flake. I agree with this. What has changed? Nothing, other than now you think she wasn't the problem after all. She doesn't want to be in a relationship "like that". It seems the experience wasn't so great for her. Sorry but why should she believe any real behavioral change has taken place? 1
Ronni_W Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 That I wanted to work on things together... Based on my interpretation of what you've posted, YOU are the one who needs to work on how you handle stress, by yourself; it's not a "work on things together" type of situation. If you really wanted to prove - TO YOUR OWN SELF - that you are serious, then you'd already have started acquiring some better emotions and stress management knowledge and practices. One possible place to start is this website that is based in part on Daniel Goleman's work, Working with Emotional Intelligence. Like what is a good time length before I ask her again or do I ask again? Don't ask her about a reconciliation again; not at all, ever. She ALREADY knows your feelings and desire about it. Unless she is intellectually challenged, she won't forget it. So, just leave it up to her if or ever she wants to bring it up. Yes, it puts you in a possibly emotionally difficult position - but that's on account of your original lack of effective/constructive stress-handling skills. Cause and effect; it's on you to 'pay the piper', as it were. 1
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