is it over..??

[Nighthawk51]

Hi all, i wanted some advice on what to do next in my broken relationship.

I'm male 51 years old and have a 27 year old daughter and 3 grandkids, who i love to bits.

Now to get to my story.

 

Last year around about September 2016 i went to hospital appointment with my daughter and my grandson,

my daughters friend 31 year old female was there and the vibes and attraction was something i had never felt in my life,

so i asked my daughters friend out and she said yes, on our first date she told me she felt the same vibes and attraction.

Now before anyone calls me a creep i must point out that my daughter was only friends with this woman for about 2 years due to meeting in a one parent family group.

 

and she only really started to hang about with her in summer last year...so a couple of months before we started going out with each other.

I still see and say hello to the friends my daughter grew up with and i would never even think of going with any of them.

So now my daughters friend is now my ex girlfriend, and i don't know what to do for the better as i will explain.

6 weeks ago my girlfriend finished with me after 5 months together( at start we said we were meant for each other, and it was meant to be), we started going out with each other on 8th October last year, she blamed the breakup on me having no money.

 

When we first dated i told her i had met her at a bad time as i'm on sickness benefit (Stay in UK uk),

and that i was saving for xmas and then in january it was my grandaughters birthday, then in february the road tax for car, then at beginning of March had to pay for M.O.T and whatever it failed on. (me and my mother half in to run car, she pays insurance, i pay road tax and M.O.T). My girlfriend says that's ok, i told her i would have money to treat her at end of march and beyond and to make up for money she had spent on me.

 

I just couldn't reason with her that in a few weeks my finances would be back to normal, but she keeps saying she just wants to focus on her and her 2 kids, and that she doesn't want to be with me.

 

Now i'll give you the lowdown on my ex.She has two kids, daughter of 11yrs old and son who is 7 yrs old. Her daughter stays with my ex's aunt and uncle, she don't want to go back to her mums after breaking her ankle. Her son stays with her but is a very badly behaved boy.

 

That is reason daughter stays with ex's aunt and uncle, as my ex can't handle the two kids together. She shouts and swears at the kids, they are not allowed to play in living room,

She goes off her head if the kids make a mess. When i first met her daughter she moaned to me that her mum don't let her have fun. Her 7 year old son is worse, not just in house but in school aswell, he has to get his own way or all hell breaks loose,

he is violent...has hit his mum with toys and hit me, he has also hit classmates in school and his teacher (the social work are involved, similar to U.S child services).

 

My ex has smoked cannabis since she was 13 yrs old and it's become an addiction...it comes first in her life.

Alot has happened to my ex in 2016, well since November 2015, when she finished with kids dad after 12 years together, he had a drink problem. Then in May 2016 she lost her mum to drugs (herion), She admitted to going off the rails and sleeping about after her mums death, she got pregnant didn't know who father was and had an abortion just before i met her, and 10 years before that she lost her dad to alcohol.

 

She says she can't get over death of her mum and past few weeks have been bad, as it was mothers day in March, her mums birthday in April, and now next week 5th May her mums annaversary of passing away.We met 3 weeks ago to sort thing out but she says she has no emotions, no feelings at all and admitted she don't have feelings for her kids and said "how bad is that". I asked if there is any chance of getting back together in future and she said "i don't think so".

 

I had tears in my eyes and she told me to stop crying as it sets her back and doesn't make it easy to go back with me.

She has also tried to come between me and my daughter. At start of our relationship my daughter found it hard to accept and was doing things to annoy us, i said in anger to my girlfriend that i'd end up falling out with my daughter if she didn't stop causing friction....but i couldn't fall out with my daughter, i love my daughter to bits...but my ex said to me..."you better get her told" and "if you don't tell her then we are finished.

 

She is also jealous of my mum, and i'm not supposed to talk to my daughters mum either. Yet i don't cause a fuss when she talks to her kids dad, in fact it was me who encouraged my ex to let the kids see their dad.I feel that my ex has issues because her dad wasn't there for her, so she is jealous of my relationship with my daughter, and because her mother wasn't there for her like o proper mum she is also jealous of my close relationship with my mother.

 

Everytime i talk to her i get the same replies, " i just want to concentrate on me and kids" and "i don't want to be with you".

I asked her how come things ended up like this, she said " i didn't think i'd end up ****ed up the way i am".

 

All advice is very much appreciated.

Edited April 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[William]

Moderator bump due to this getting caught in our moderation queue and languishing there for most of today.....I'll add some paragraphs and see if we can't help this new member out. ...