Titanll Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I hear you. I still believe going on the date would have been the right thing to do but sitting on a date with no chemistry isn't much fun either. I guess if you're going to do any type of OLD make sure the picture looks EXACTLY like you. Have a bunch of shots showing you at different angles and don't do any photoshopping. This way if somebody sees your picture they know exactly what to expect. The only difference that I will concede to between OLD and IRL is what you touched on. It is very important to be as "truthful" as possible about your appearance. When I did OLD, I included head to toe pics, face shots, and even threw in a shirtless beach pic. Never once did I have a date stand me up or bail after meeting. Not every date turned into a relationship but not every date will. And I believe no one when they say that they don't judge by appearance. I do. Is it the only thing that I am attracted to or repulsed by? Nope. Standing someone up, even if it's based on their looks, or bailing on a date or telling someone up front that you don't find them attractive is all normal behavior and above reproach or judgement, to me. Cheating, lying and such, that's the kind of behavior that I have a problem with. I mean, is it rude to go on one date, not say that you aren't attracted to the person and turn them down for date two when they ask? Who's the person that has this list of "rules" about things like this? When you turn down the second date, are you "required" to disclose your lack of attraction?
blockrockinbeat74 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I understand your point. But the ladylike thing to do was to meet him, go for coffee (cheap enough) chat a little and sort of make it obvious that there was no "love connection." OP would have been a bit sad but he wouldn't have thought about it too much. Not showing up at all is mean. It's OK. I believe in karma and some guy is going to do it to her. I get what you're saying but I'm not sure making yourself go on a date when you're not feeling it is the ladylike thing to do. It's perfectly ok to have second thoughts, IMO. What's not ok is to not have given OP sufficient warning. With that being said, nothing much has been lost in the sense that the effort invested was minimal, there is no need to give this girl any more time or head space. 1
Titanll Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 Haha! There is a difference between excusing a behavior and being oblivious to it. In the end, we all have our opinions and life experiences and some of us are more sensitive than others. You are free to wallow in self pity but I just float right over that feeling... 1
Author ZA Dater Posted April 29, 2017 Author Posted April 29, 2017 People do things for whatever reason, I am actually at the point where I couldn't care less. How one wants the world to be and what it actually is, well these two ideas never really match up. Perhaps, I got some inkling as to what was to come when after she mentioned going for a drink I mentioned I didn't drink..
coolheadal Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 I guess this shouldn't be much of a surprise, it was Tinder after all. Arranged to meet someone who didn't show or I suspect she did, saw me an thought it better to just walk away because I got a text saying I wasn't for her. The lack of decency and honesty doesn't surprise me anymore, perhaps its just a symptom of the throw away society. People ask me why I don't date, each experience like this makes me wonder why I bother to even try. She prejudge you before you could even say hi to her.. This happens always. Just don't worry about it. Try to change the look and style you have it it continues like this always. What might look good fit for you might not make the appeal to other women for you. Stand straight, wear current outfits, clean shave, look confident and not scared. Try to hide and see if you can see her first works out nice. I had one yesterday drive directly to my house. But she drove into my driveway and came out and gave me a huge hug! I was showing confidence. Try it! It does have the greatest results!
greymatter Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 The only dating apps I use are Tinder and OKC and have had great experiences with both. Tinder is not a hookup app, at least not in my area. I ended up having a 14 month relationship with a man I met on Tinder and like the app. Believe it or not I just made a friend on Tinder, someone I went out with who I really like but didn't think was a good fit for me, but I thought highly of. We always talk about being cast to the dreaded friendzone on this board, and that is what I did (offered him friendship instead of dating) and he accepted. If it weren't for OLD, I would never meet anyone given that I work full time, parent, have a property to maintain, etc. etc. I don't have time to attend community events where I might meet someone, because I'm seeing friends in what little spare time I have since friendships are so important. All of that aside, being stood up really sucks and is very crummy behavior. Even though it hurts, she was not someone you would ever want to date if she would do that to someone. Sorry it happened.
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 I don't like you thinking this was about not liking your looks because that's bad for your confidence. So the one way to make sure that never happens again at the date is to be sure you are using photos from this year taken from every angle and showing your entire self, and something to give an idea of actual height, also. Then you won't have someone see you and run. She may have simply chickened out meeting someone off Tinder, too, which isn't a bad impulse, IMO. Put your real self out there, so someone who likes that will be the only ones accepting invitations. 1
act00 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Welcome to the club. I've had the last-minute bail, which pisses me off the most when I turned down another plan/date in order to go on this date. I've been stood up a few times. I just make sure the location is not a hardship or is close to home, and figure if it doesn't happen, I need to stop at X and Y and I can deal with this while I'm out if the guy doesn't show, and I won't have to deal with it later. I can't say that anyone has walked in, had a look, and walked back out. I guess it could happen. You have to go through a few frogs. Make the time worth it. I mean, you could have met this girl and found that you just didn't mesh, and you'd be complaining, "There's a wasted 2 hours of my life." It's not a waste. You tried. It's frustrating and hurtful and this person obviously doesn't value you or your time. She's obviously uncaring and selfish to inform you "it's not going to work out" after the meeting time. Descent people would at least bail before you left the house...not that it's better, but it's slightly better.
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