minou23 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 My ex and I broke up 8 months ago. We had a very serious relationship and he broke up with me. The last two months I really felt like I was moving on and over the hurt. I felt like I could meet someone and give them a fair shot. But now all of a sudden I find myself having anxiety about it at 3 a.m. We talked recently. His sister in law had a baby so I texted him to congratulate him. He asked how I was. We chatted for a while then he did the usual thing he does which is give very short answers and make things really weird. We talked about it and he said he wants to be able to talk to me without any weirdness. I tell him we used to talk all day everyday why is it so hard now? And I brought up how I was always there for him more than anyone. I was basically his only friend. I asked how could he not miss me and want to talk to me? He said he does want to but he has to stop himself from texting me because it wouldn't be right. That he feels like it would be leading me on." I said why do you think I want you? You hurt me. But I miss talking to you. You were my best friend." and then he started talking to me more normally made jokes and stuff. And the thing is, when I talk to him it's NEVER about the relationship or anything sexual so it's not like I made it seem like I want him or anything. Now we haven't talked in a couple days. So it's 3 am and I'm super upset about it. Like I miss him and want him back sorta. I feel like it's not right because I deserve someone who is crazy about me. And with less issues. But I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him. Is this a normal psychological thing lol? And I also worry that he won't want to talk to me at all anymore. When we would meet up in person he would always say I promise this isn't the last time we'll see each other and I promise I'll text you. But he made it seem like he is really purposely avoiding me now. He also said he's an introvert and not good with dealing with his emotions (which is true) and that's why he hasn't contacted me. Ugh I wish I could just not care! I have so many other things going on that need my full attention, like sleep!
ExpatInItaly Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 Yes, what you're feeling is normal. It's hard to go from coupledom to not speaking all the time. It will take time, but you prolonged your healing by getting in touch with him again and rehashing the hurt. He sees that you're still in a lot of pain so he's doing the right thing by keeping his distance. As he said, being friends would only lead you on when he knows he doesn't want more.
BG1 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 Are you doing exercising, meditating or writing in a journal? That may help you to deal with anxiety. Also think short term, as we sometimes like to plan ahead and it's better to focus on small goals. For the sounds of things, you can't get much positive out of talking to him at this stage. Have you considered not talking to him at all?
stillafool Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 We talked recently. His sister in law had a baby so I texted him to congratulate him. He asked how I was. We chatted for a while then he did the usual thing he does which is give very short answers and make things really weird. We talked about it and he said he wants to be able to talk to me without any weirdness. I tell him we used to talk all day everyday why is it so hard now? And I brought up how I was always there for him more than anyone. I was basically his only friend. I asked how could he not miss me and want to talk to me? He said he does want to but he has to stop himself from texting me because it wouldn't be right. That he feels like it would be leading me on." I said why do you think I want you? You hurt me. But I miss talking to you. You were my best friend." and then he started talking to me more normally made jokes and stuff. And the thing is, when I talk to him it's NEVER about the relationship or anything sexual so it's not like I made it seem like I want him or anything. Now we haven't talked in a couple days. It gets weird because you bring up the past and he doesn't want to hear about it. He wants you to move on and heal and then perhaps you two can go back to being friends. Dumpers don't want to hear about the past.
Author minou23 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 It gets weird because you bring up the past and he doesn't want to hear about it. He wants you to move on and heal and then perhaps you two can go back to being friends. Dumpers don't want to hear about the past. I know it sounds like that, but I only brought it up this time. And sometimes he brings up things from the past too. What I mean by him being weird is like we'll be joking around or just chatting then all of a sudden it's "hah" and "yeah" and he just stops replying. But we're not talking about anything personal or related to the relationship. So this time I was basically saying if you don't want to talk to me Then who else do you have? And we hadn't talked for like a good 3 weeks before this. And that time he was super nice. And it felt good to talk but then I just stopped because of his push and pull antics. When he broke up with me he first said he wasn't sure that he's doing the right thing(in breaking up). Then he'd ask to hang out tell me he thinks he made a mistake then get cold on me. It's exhausting but he was my best friend. And I started moving on. Excited about other guys. Didn't think about him a lot. Now I'm really depressed. I wonder if it's all hormonal?? Lol
Author minou23 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 Are you doing exercising, meditating or writing in a journal? That may help you to deal with anxiety. Also think short term, as we sometimes like to plan ahead and it's better to focus on small goals. For the sounds of things, you can't get much positive out of talking to him at this stage. Have you considered not talking to him at all? Actually yes! I exercise a lot and have started a journal. Those things do help a lot. But now that you mention it, I've cut back on exercise because I've had so much work to do with school. Plus, I've been feeling this depression/ anxiety building up that's keeping me from leaving the house. We don't talk all the time just on and off. Most times it feels good but he does get cold. We would occasionally meet up too. So we'd hang out. He'd be very nice and reminiscent of good times then like a day or two later acts like he doesn't know me again.
Justyaaveraggurl Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) It's sounds like you are really struggling emotionally. I'm so sorry for that. In my opinion I think you contacted him too soon. It may be very true that you don't talk about the relationship in your conversations but that doesn't mean it's not screaming in your thoughts as well as his. That to me sounds like why he is off an on. The break is still too new. Eight months is not really a long time depending on how deeply enmeshed you were in the relationship. You will know when it's safe for you emotionally and mentally to be in a platonic relationship with your ex, when the thought of them being with another person doesn't move you and the thought of them not being in your life at all doesn't disturb your sense of peace and well being. That don't mean you hate the other person, but rather you no longer need them emotionally and psychologically. Any relationship you try to have prior to this can be emotionally and psychologically unhealthy for the both of you. As hard as it might be, I think you should break ties with him, and focus on self-care with out him in your life to give yourself more time get over and get pass the break up. Edited May 7, 2017 by Justyaaveraggurl misspelling 1
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 You made up an excuse to contact him (it's not HIS baby) and he was happy enough to just have a chat but that's all, and you were hoping for more. You need to cut ties with him and his family and move on because you're wasting your life. It's over.
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