BeeT Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 So me and this guy were sort of hanging out for a bit, things were a bit bumpy in December but got back on track in January. We hadn't had sex at this point though, which I was frustrated by. I finally told him in February that I wasn't really looking for a relationship (which I was honestly 100% not) and in March we started having regular sex. The sex was/is great, we are very compatible and explore together, so that was all good. Perfect situation for a month or so. We also grew a lot closer as a result, but honestly I would've just been happy having him as my friend and having sex. However, he bought up wanting to take me out on a date (outside the bedroom), and I agreed. We have not yet been out, but are planning to do so after out exams are finished (both of us are busy studying right now, still see eachother most days, but the sex has waned a little as we are studying). About 3 weeks ago, right after sex and during post-coital cuddling/intimacy he suddenly asked me 'Will you be my girlfriend?' I was taken aback and said that we should go on a date together first before jumping into anything, he agreed. Both of us are a little worried about commitment/relationships- we have openly discussed this together and admitted that we like each other a lot/are very open and aren't seeing other people. Communication-wise we work very well. He has also started treating me a lot more seriously- now whenever we meet someone he knows in public when we are together, he formally introduces me by name, and I've met all his flatmates (which is a big deal as he has known them for years- they are like family to him). He expresses public affection with me. This evening it got onto the subject of how much we like each other again, and he said he was probably a bit silly to impulsively ask me to be his girlfriend and that we could just stay as we are now if we liked- which is essentially boyfriend and girlfriend without the labels, however we do not go on any real dates together. I reiterated again to him that I honestly was interested in having a relationship with him, only that we should perhaps have some formal courtship before I agreed to be his girlfriend. Basically, I am looking for advice on this situation. I do want things to progress, I am a bit anxious about how much I like him, but the feelings seem to be very much returned, and I have no doubt that he likes me very much too. He has bought up getting tickets to an event together/taking me for coffee/a hike, but none of this is happening right now as we are obviously studying for exams. Not sure if he will follow through on a formal date- in which case it would not bother me too much as I know things will continue how they are. However I can't help thinking that we will just continue round in circles, with him asking me to be his official girlfriend, and me saying lets have some formal courtship before hand etc. Or the relationship thing might happen inevitably- we have been growing incredibly close lately. Basically I am looking for advice on how to steer this situation to an eventual relationship, without coming across a needy/pushy. This one has been a really slow burn.
morrowrd Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Well call me old fashioned but this whole thing is backwards. The date should have definitely come first.... I can't imagine starting a relationship with sex, and coming together emotionally, and then bickering over the status because you haven't gone on a first date. It comes down to this, are you in or are you out? Date aside. 7
Author BeeT Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 Well call me old fashioned but this whole thing is backwards. The date should have definitely come first.... I can't imagine starting a relationship with sex, and coming together emotionally, and then bickering over the status because you haven't gone on a first date. It comes down to this, are you in or are you out? Date aside. In. Since it already feels like we are a couple- to me a healthy relationship is a good sex life and good open communication, which we have. I don't care about the guy spending a bunch of money on the girl on dates (we are both poor students anyway). If he bought it up again I would probably say yes.
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Well call me old fashioned but this whole thing is backwards. The date should have definitely come first.... I can't imagine starting a relationship with sex, and coming together emotionally, and then bickering over the status because you haven't gone on a first date. It comes down to this, are you in or are you out? Date aside. Kids these days huh...... 3
act00 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 You guys have settled into the hang out at home, sex, movie stage. It is backwards. Dating should have been first, but you just seemed to settle into what works for you. You are both broke college students, busy with studies, possibly work, and lounging and hanging out with a movie is just something easy, affordable, and you enjoy it. I don't know why you're hung up on having a "real date" at this stage of the game. You're already boyfriend/girlfriend by the looks of it. Maybe make it a point to go out once a month or every other week to do something different, as time and money permits, but it sounds to me like you've got a good thing going, and an official date really isn't going to change anything. I think it's good to suggest getting out and doing stuff, though. If the only thing he wants to do is hang out and have sex, then you might have to rethink things, but you two didn't start mattress dancing for awhile and hit it off, so hopefully that's not his motivation. It is important to connect outside of the bedroom and doing activities together, so I would continue to push getting out when things settle down. Even just coffee in between studies for an hour would be good. Since you talk openly, do express you think you are ready for a relationship, as you had told him in February you weren't. You communicate well and he seems to be on the same page, so just keep up what you're doing. Don't overthink it, and let things continue as they have been and progress. There are no guarantees, but he sounds like a good guy and worth a try.
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