spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Hi. I met a girl at a bar a year and a half ago, had an awkward conversation, but could tell she was into me. Didn't ask for her number because I was too anxious. Been thinking about her ever since. I met her again about two months ago at a different bar. She vaguely remembered me. I saw the same sort of initial interest (she initiated the conversation by literally moving down the bar to compliment my drink order), but because of the event taking place this time we didn't get to have a long enough conversation where I could ask for her number. She did tell me where she worked though and I knew her name (though I had to figure out it has a weird spelling on my own.) Looking up her name plus employer I was taken to a page which has a link to her profile and work email. I'm wondering, would it be too creepy to send her an email asking if she wanted to go out sometime? I mean we had what I would consider to be two relatively unmemorable conversations about a year apart (but we mentioned that we're both supreme introverts). I have no idea how to gauge her current interest. An email would be completely out of the blue, I don't even know if she'd remember me by name. I was considering linking my facebook or linkedin page so she'd see my face. Dunno. I'm torn. I think she's beautiful and I can tell she's smart and interesting, and she's very successful. I'm good looking, handsome, strapping, empathetic, hard working, but have social anxiety that I'm working hard on improving. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.
GorillaTheater Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I wouldn't get my hopes up either way, but I think your chances would be better if you called her up. What the hell, give it a shot. 3
Imajerk17 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 (edited) I have another suggestion. Couldn't you message her on Facebook with "For some random reason you showed up in my "People I may know" feed. How have you been?" Then depending on how she responds, you could message her for the date. It is a rather low-percentage shot, but you never know. I think it would go better than you saying that you looked up her email and sending her a message. I like @GorillaTheater's idea of calling her up too. [i did that once, with a girl I hardly ever talked to in grad school. I got her office number from the Internet. We actually did meet for lunch!] [i can already imagine many people say that you shouldn't do anything as it would come across stalkerish. It very well might, but everyone will survive. It might lead to a date too. Life is short and you never know. If you do get her on the phone, pace her reality and say that it is kind of weird but you were kicking yourself for not getting her number.] Edited April 27, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
SoulCat Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Personally, I'm not convinced this is a good plan. It's her work email, not her personal one so not really appropriate to use it to ask her out. Also, it's been 8 weeks and your previous encounters weren't particularly memorable in terms of conversation. As you said yourself, you may not even remember your name. Are there any other avenues you could try to make contact? And if and when you do, make sure to try and get her number or personal email. Go from there. 1
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 I have another suggestion. Couldn't you message her on Facebook with "For some random reason you showed up in my "People I may know" feed. How have you been?" Then depending on how she responds, you could message her for the date. It is a rather low-percentage shot, but you never know. I think it would go better than you saying that you looked up her email and sending her a message. I like GT's idea of calling her up too.[i did that once, with a girl I hardly ever talked to in grad school. I got her office number from the Internet. We actually did meet for lunch!] [i can already imagine many people say that you shouldn't do anything as it would come across stalkerish. It very well might, but everyone will survive. It might lead to a date too. Life is short and you never know.] I wanted to try messaging her on facebook, or even linkedin. But she has neither at the moment. @GorillaTheater I can't call her up because as I said, I dont have her phone number. lol maybe I'll run into her again in another year...I'm 31, she's 32
GorillaTheater Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 @GorillaTheater I can't call her up because as I said, I dont have her phone number. C'mon man, put those stalker skills to work! 4
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 Personally, I'm not convinced this is a good plan. It's her work email, not her personal one so not really appropriate to use it to ask her out. Also, it's been 8 weeks and your previous encounters weren't particularly memorable in terms of conversation. As you said yourself, you may not even remember your name. Are there any other avenues you could try to make contact? And if and when you do, make sure to try and get her number or personal email. Go from there. I don't like the plan either. It's just I'm going through my list of dating options atm and she's the only one that ignites any passion and chance of compatibility. I'm a little desperate I suppose. We met the first time randomly. The second time we met as part of a pretty large meetup event group. They put on different events monthly or so throughout the year. Maybe I'll just try to attend those and see if she shows up. She told me her friend was one of the organizers (though I don't know who). She also said she's an introvert and doesn't usually go out, but on this particular occasion her friend dragged her out. So I think my chances are slim for another encounter, but I might just have to wait.
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Creepy, don't do it....a year and a half ago? She isn't going to remember you.
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 (edited) Creepy, don't do it....a year and a half ago? She isn't going to remember you. A year and a half ago the first time, then two months ago the second time. Reread. I'm leaning towards forgetting about it. Regrettably. Edited April 27, 2017 by spicecloud
Miss Peach Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 We met the first time randomly. The second time we met as part of a pretty large meetup event group. They put on different events monthly or so throughout the year. Maybe I'll just try to attend those and see if she shows up. She told me her friend was one of the organizers (though I don't know who). I would message her through meetup then. They have a PM function on the site. If her friend was the organizer and she was the plus one, it should be easy to figure out which person RSVPed with a plus one. I get messages from guys there all the time. I find it creepy when men do that and send recurrent messages and we've never met. But since you met, *I* wouldn't find it creepy. I would find it creepy to know you stalked me online and found my personal info though... 3
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 You put an awful lot of effort to track her down. . . too much effort. It will come across as creepy & an invasion of privacy. She might be flattered but that is less likely than she will see this as something bad. Go back to the places where you met her. When you see her again, get a number. Two months is still too much time to have passed for you to act on all the tracking her down you did. 1
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 OK you missed your opportunity TWICE .....for the love of....why didn't you just ask for her name and number so you can take her out on a date.....Stop doing it the coward's way of doing things....put your big boy pants on and go and meet her again AND ASK HER OUT...I'm sure she frequents those places that you have met up at before. 3
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 I would message her through meetup then. They have a PM function on the site. If her friend was the organizer and she was the plus one, it should be easy to figure out which person RSVPed with a plus one. I get messages from guys there all the time. I find it creepy when men do that and send recurrent messages and we've never met. But since you met, *I* wouldn't find it creepy. I would find it creepy to know you stalked me online and found my personal info though... It wasn't the meetup app, sorry for the confusion, it was just a particular group that schedules social event meetups on their own website. there's no personal info or messaging capability on there.
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 It wasn't the meetup app, sorry for the confusion, it was just a particular group that schedules social event meetups on their own website. there's no personal info or messaging capability on there. So stalk the page & make sure you attend the next thing she is going to. 1
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 OK you missed your opportunity TWICE .....for the love of....why didn't you just ask for her name and number so you can take her out on a date.....Stop doing it the coward's way of doing things....put your big boy pants on and go and meet her again AND ASK HER OUT...I'm sure she frequents those places that you have met up at before. I frequent those places (two different bars). She doesn't. I've never seen her at either of those venues apart from those two times (as I said she doesn't go out much). The first time, I didn't ask for her number after a long convo. I dropped the ball there. The second time we were only able to chat for a minute or two before she had to go, and it was in a group. Anyway. I'm not gonna message her. I'll just wait and hope we bump into each other again.
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 So stalk the page & make sure you attend the next thing she is going to. Yeah, they've got something this weekend but I'll be out of town...ugh. The next one probably will be in a month. Each event varies drastically in terms of popularity. Thanks for the responses everyone. Wish I didn't make this so frustrating.
JuneL Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Yeah, they've got something this weekend but I'll be out of town...ugh. The next one probably will be in a month. Each event varies drastically in terms of popularity. Thanks for the responses everyone. Wish I didn't make this so frustrating. May I ask: if you are so attracted to her, why did you not ask for her number, twice?
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 May I ask: if you are so attracted to her, why did you not ask for her number, twice? The first time I was just really anxious and I felt like the conversation was awkward. I got into a mode of self doubt and thought she wasn't interested. The second time we barely managed a conversation before we had to split up and go back to our groups and leave the venue. We were both also being approached by other people for other stuff. It didn't feel like we even talked enough to warrant me asking for a number. I'm aware that these are just excuses, particularly the first time I really should have asked. The second time it was really a rushed circumstance. I've gotten numbers from women in the past, but in the latter case I feel like I'd have to be really smooth to pull it off. I'm not that smooth. I also find it harder to ask the more I'm into someone. If I ever see her again I'll probably just ask for her number without even saying hi first.
JuneL Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Okay, since your second interaction was brief (and she didn't really remember you from the first time), it's definitely going to creep her out if she receives an email from you at her work address. The first time I was just really anxious and I felt like the conversation was awkward. I got into a mode of self doubt and thought she wasn't interested. The second time we barely managed a conversation before we had to split up and go back to our groups and leave the venue. We were both also being approached by other people for other stuff. It didn't feel like we even talked enough to warrant me asking for a number. I'm aware that these are just excuses, particularly the first time I really should have asked. The second time it was really a rushed circumstance. I've gotten numbers from women in the past, but in the latter case I feel like I'd have to be really smooth to pull it off. I'm not that smooth. I also find it harder to ask the more I'm into someone. If I ever see her again I'll probably just ask for her number without even saying hi first.
Popsicle Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I don't see why not. I mean, what other choice do you have? The worst that can happen is she says no or doesn't respond. You won't die and God loves a tryer. 2
lolablue17 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Yes, why not messaging her? But you should put something on the table first and not just "how, how you're doing..." For example you can invest few minutes writing a nice story about how destiny put you together with her twice, and you didn't have the opportunity to take that chance, so you want to create a third chance (English is not my language so I can't be creative here, but you can try). You can send her two photos, which you took on the 2 days you met... you got the thing? something cute an romantic which shows that you put some thoughts on her.
Author spicecloud Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 (edited) I don't see why not. I mean, what other choice do you have? The worst that can happen is she says no or doesn't respond. You won't die and God loves a tryer. That is my main conflict. What's the worst? I send a polite email, she says no, maybe weirded out by the randomness. I run into her again in the future, it's awkward but I leave it alone. I can accept rejection and at least it'll be a closed avenue. On the other hand, maybe she liked me more than she let on, can overlook the weirdness, says yes. I get stuck here though because I will have to explain how I found her email. Anything I think of comes off a bit too creepy/lame. Which is why I'm deciding to let it go Maybe I just wait it out, we run into each other a third time and I muster the courage to ask. Edited April 27, 2017 by spicecloud 1
Popsicle Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 That is my main conflict. What's the worst? I send a polite email, she says no, maybe weirded out by the randomness. I run into her again in the future, it's awkward but I leave it alone. I can accept rejection and at least it'll be a closed avenue. On the other hand, maybe she liked me more than she let on, can overlook the weirdness, says yes. I get stuck here though because I will have to explain how I found her email. Anything I think of comes off a bit too creepy/lame. Which is why I'm deciding to let it go Maybe I just wait it out, we run into each other a third time and I muster the courage to ask. You can just tell her the truth. That she was on your mind after you saw her, so you googled her name to see if you can find a way to contact her. Most people google anyway. If she likes you, she will be flattered. It's only creepy when they don't like you. 2
SoulCat Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 For example you can invest few minutes writing a nice story about how destiny put you together with her twice, and you didn't have the opportunity to take that chance, so you want to create a third chance (English is not my language so I can't be creative here, but you can try). You can send her two photos, which you took on the 2 days you met... you got the thing? something cute an romantic which shows that you put some thoughts on her. I have to say, if something like the above suggestion landed in my work inbox I'd be a little creeped out and very put off. Talk of destiny? Pictures of the days of the 2 random meetings? Pretty creepy and a bit stalkerish. Definitely not 'cute'.
Recommended Posts