Girlfriend with boyfriend just broke me off-hear me out

[jarob]

So before I start- Please don't post anything telling me I shouldn't be messing around and talking to a girl with a boyfriend of 2 years- I know and I was wrong.

Now starting. I'm really in need of advice on this one. Has anyone ever talked with a girl with a boyfriend before? I have known her for about 7 months but it really started about 2.5 months ago. She's always known I liked her from the start, but it never went anywhere because she had a boyfriend. But periodically it would flirt and touch my thigh and our friends would see the chemistry we had. But still- she was firm-no. I wanted more, but I respect the hell out of her so I stayed my distance. Now it all changed 2.5 months ago when we were spending time alone and went to explore our city. The chemistry was great and we both knew the connection was there- and after our time together, she told me that she just realized how bad she wanted me and that she wanted to be with me. I was shocked- she was the one that brought her feelings up to me.

 

Now, as the time got on, more was said- nothing really physically, because I told her I wanted to wait because of her past(she has been constantly used for her body) and wanted to make her feel different and special. To this day after it is all said and done, we haven't done anything. As time went on, we became closer and closer. She started to tell me her personal secrets. I did as well. We were very close. She would never let me kiss her on her lips though. Random fact. Now, her boyfriend has never been there for her emotionally and spiritually, and I am. So about a month ago she was going to stay at my place because her boyfriend's mom was coming into town and they didn't get alone. He saw her texts and threatened to break up with her.

 

She told me to stop texting her and I thought we were done and she told me we could only be friends. That lasted two days, and the flirting and dirty talk started again. Fast forward to now- three nights ago she came over for the first time and we had a great night and just relaxed and got lost in each other's presence. I really love this girl and have from the start.

 

Yesterday she told me she couldn't do this anymore and swears we can only be friends and that feelings changed and she wants to be with her boyfriend.

 

Why did her feelings change? I was always there for her. What should I do?

 

Thank you

[Altair0770]

Respect her wishes and do be her cheating bait. When someone is already taken you should always respect that. Also how do you know her boyfriend treats her wrong? Sounds like she was just manipulating you because she liked the high.

[stillafool]

She wants you both but him more probably because of their history together, family, friends and going to get married. Poor him.

[fromheart]

You're being used like an emotional tampon. You're accepting second place to the man she has sex with, whereas she will not have sex with you. Your doing the absolute worst thing to a man you've never met, ie her BF.

 

Best to get out of the situation, and don't re visit it.

[springy]

She enjoys the attention and ego stroke. What should you do? Cut her off.

[Rockdad]

You're being used like an emotional tampon.

 

The things I learn in here

[Jimmyjackson]

You are filling her emotional needs while her boyfriend is pumping her. She likely was going through a rough patch emotionally and used you for comfort

[Purepony]

Can anyone chime in on why she wouldn't leave the bf for him ?

I mean seems like she's been getting a little personal spending time with them staying out with him and staying at his house or what not but why wouldn't go or what holds her from going to the next level ?

[jarob]

Respect her wishes and do be her cheating bait. When someone is already taken you should always respect that. Also how do you know her boyfriend treats her wrong? Sounds like she was just manipulating you because she liked the high.

 

 

She has told me from her past how she has only been used for her body and I can tell how she has to fight for his attention. She just needed somebody to be there for her and I was that guy- second place. I don't have any problem doing it, in fact- I like to be there for her- my intentions are always right. I pretty much told her we'll never be just friends and she said we should try really hard but I don't see why I should continue to be there when she does this to me. LEt me know what you think

[jarob]

Can anyone chime in on why she wouldn't leave the bf for him ?

I mean seems like she's been getting a little personal spending time with them staying out with him and staying at his house or what not but why wouldn't go or what holds her from going to the next level ?

 

Tell me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like I was just there to give her confidence(she lacks any confidence because she isn't told she's pretty) and I was there because she was bored in her relationship.

[jarob]

You are filling her emotional needs while her boyfriend is pumping her. She likely was going through a rough patch emotionally and used you for comfort

 

She is depressed about things that have happened in her past.. I was there for her. I'm not trying to sound like an ass, but I am better looking and am going to have a brighter future than he will ever have. Around him, she is complacent, drinks a lot, and is bored.

[jarob]

She wants you both but him more probably because of their history together, family, friends and going to get married. Poor him.

 

I'm not going to be there for her when she can't decide on what she wants to be with me. A few nights ago we had our best night so far. I don't know why she said her feelings changed but I have to live with that.

[jarob]

She enjoys the attention and ego stroke. What should you do? Cut her off.

 

Just cut her off last night and she is already texting me thinking everything is okay and trying to make jokes- I don't think it is anything more than her trying to be friends

[jarob]

You're being used like an emotional tampon. You're accepting second place to the man she has sex with, whereas she will not have sex with you. Your doing the absolute worst thing to a man you've never met, ie her BF.

 

Best to get out of the situation, and don't re visit it.

 

Thank you for the input, but I didn't say she didn't want to have sex with me. She wants to and brings it up about 3 times a week. I held out because I wanted her to experience 'potential love' differently.

[Redhead14]

Why did her feelings change? - Conscience, self-reflection and realizing that she was playing with fire and didn't want to lose her "real" boyfriend.

 

Apart from that, perhaps, her feelings haven't changed, she's just confused and unsure of her current relationship. In which case, you need to back off for your own good and not continue to string yourself along. Even if she decides that her current relationship isn't for her, she's going to need a long time to process/accept and be prepared to move forward with her dating life.

[d0nnivain]

She's with the BF because he's a challenge. She likes whatever status she gets out of being his GF, no matter how badly she tells you he treats her.

 

 

You are where she gets comfort. You make it easy. You are not a man in her eyes. If she saw you as having higher value, being more desirable then her BF, she'd dump him to be with you. She's not doing that, is she?

 

 

Even if she breaks up with him, it won't be to date you. You wouldn't be a homewrecker for sleeping with her at that point but you would a rebound in the worst sense -- just a temporary guy to fill the void -- until somebody better came along.

 

 

Find a girl who sees you as the prize, not the back up plan.

[Jimmyjackson]

She is depressed about things that have happened in her past.. I was there for her. I'm not trying to sound like an ass, but I am better looking and am going to have a brighter future than he will ever have. Around him, she is complacent, drinks a lot, and is bored.

 

Exactly, you were 'there for her'. You're being used when her boyfriend doesn't give her what she wants. No doubt as soon as he clicks his fingers she comes running.

[Spring23]

You're being used like an emotional tampon.

 

That saying is classic. High five if you made it up.

 

Now that I'm married I find it kind of funny when bf and gf talk about cheating.

 

Have an open relationship until you're ready to ring shop.

[spiderowl]

It sounds a confusing situation. I don't think she is just using you as someone to talk to. If she does want sex, then that does not fit the situation, although she may think that would be inevitable to get your attention.

 

It sounds like she is interested in you but basically still attached emotionally to her boyfriend. Unless she disentangles herself from her boyfriend, there is no point pursuing her. However, I feel she wanted to 'try you out', so to speak, to see if you would be a better, all-round bet than her boyfriend. Liking someone as a friend is great but if you are to become boyfriend/girlfriend, then you need to be sexually compatible too. Maybe she was wondering about that. Hard to say.

 

What bothers me is that she said her feelings have changed and she wants to be friends. Feelings make all the difference: unless she is talking about wanting to be your lover and girlfriend, you are best avoiding her. A wishy-washy friends situation is not good for you.

 

I would back off. If she contacts you, you could let her know that you would like a relationship with her when she is free. I would make it clear though that you don't expect her to stay with her current boyfriend until she is bored of him then turn to you. It needs to be soon or not at all.

[Jj66]

When someone is already taken you should always respect that.

 

Why?

 

They're not married so she's fair game in my book.

[Maldives]

Too messy if u ask me ur just making it way hard for ureself being wth someone that's attached. If she was truly unhappy she would of left him my ex did she mad it clear she wasn't interested anorexia in her fiance wen we started going out.

[jarob]

So before I start- Please don't post anything telling me I shouldn't be messing around and talking to a girl with a boyfriend of 2 years- I know and I was wrong.

Now starting. I'm really in need of advice on this one. Has anyone ever talked with a girl with a boyfriend before? I have known her for about 7 months but it really started about 2.5 months ago. She's always known I liked her from the start, but it never went anywhere because she had a boyfriend. But periodically it would flirt and touch my thigh and our friends would see the chemistry we had. But still- she was firm-no. I wanted more, but I respect the hell out of her so I stayed my distance. Now it all changed 2.5 months ago when we were spending time alone and went to explore our city. The chemistry was great and we both knew the connection was there- and after our time together, she told me that she just realized how bad she wanted me and that she wanted to be with me. I was shocked- she was the one that brought her feelings up to me.

 

Now, as the time got on, more was said- nothing really physically, because I told her I wanted to wait because of her past(she has been constantly used for her body) and wanted to make her feel different and special. To this day after it is all said and done, we haven't done anything. As time went on, we became closer and closer. She started to tell me her personal secrets. I did as well. We were very close. She would never let me kiss her on her lips though. Random fact. Now, her boyfriend has never been there for her emotionally and spiritually, and I am. So about a month ago she was going to stay at my place because her boyfriend's mom was coming into town and they didn't get alone. He saw her texts and threatened to break up with her.

 

She told me to stop texting her and I thought we were done and she told me we could only be friends. That lasted two days, and the flirting and dirty talk started again. Fast forward to now- three nights ago she came over for the first time and we had a great night and just relaxed and got lost in each other's presence. I really love this girl and have from the start.

 

Yesterday she told me she couldn't do this anymore and swears we can only be friends and that feelings changed and she wants to be with her boyfriend.

 

A couple days later she texts me that her feelings about me haven't changed and she only said the things she said because she was scared for me to get hurt and she felt like she was a "black hole."

 

After our conversation, we pretty much go back to how it used to be. Her and her boyfriend just celebrated their two year anniversary together last week and she was posting a lot of pictures with him on snapchat- but when she was talking with me on that day she was saying how lonely she was and that she missed me while she was with him.

 

So this week was the last week of school at my university- so we hung out everyday until 4 a.m. just talking and driving. This past week, we grew so much together and things were amazing. She even grabbed my hand, and then leaned in and kissed it.

 

So, what should I do? I won't see her for three months over the summer, but when I asked her if her feelings will change for me she said she will still like me and all that so don't be worried.

 

I'm 21 so I have been through my share of break-ups or things that don't work out so I'm not afraid of that, I just feel something special for her and will wait, I just have an issue waiting for something that may never happen, but I can tell that I make her happy. Things are special.

 

Please give me feedback and advice

 

Thank you

[Telemachus]

To answer your question, yes, I have and most people here probably have.

 

What should you do? Not much. I know you think it's special, because you posted such; however, it isn't really all that special. It's an old story, repeated many times. Like most university crushes and flings, ten years from now, you'll rarely think of her, and she'll rarely, if ever, think of you.

 

What makes it so special, aside from your feeling something you haven't felt before? Do you really think that you've made a miracle discovery called attraction? It's been done. You like her more than she likes you - oldest story on earth.

 

There's a saying: "I've seen it all, heard it all, done it all; at my age, I just can't remember it all." You'll get there one day too. In the meantime, enjoy the ride. Enjoy that misimpression that no one anywhere has ever experienced or felt what you're experiencing now.

[jarob]

Alright so before I start I'll say I shouldn't be into a girl who has a boyfriend. I'll make it short and sweet as I think many people can relate to this situation. I've been really into this girl for a long time who has had a boyfriend of two years. We have been friends for a decent while but she knows I have always been into her.. and a couple months back she responded to it and started to become into me as well. I really care about her well-being and would never want to hurt her. Recently we have left school and moved away to different cities and things have been slow and distant. We have amazing chemistry and she has said that many times.

 

Before we left college to go back to our homes, we got really close and spent every night out until 4 A.M together. She has told me that she likes me and if it wasn't for having boyfriend we would be dating.

 

Now, two weeks out of college she has said how she only wants to be friends with me and nothing else because she can't give me anything else because she's not breaking up with her boyfriend.

 

From my perspective, I don't like being friend-zoned and am not being second place to anyone and I told her that. There has been too much done and said to be "just friends". Whether she likes it or not, we will always be more than friends.

 

I see a future with this girl but know it is not the right time. She pretty much gave me an ultimatum- friends or nothing- and I said nothing but backtracked because I don't want to lose this girl in my life and don't want to leave her like so many other people in her life have done- like I said I would never do.

 

Guys and Girls-

 

What should I do?

 

I appreciate all the feedback. I am confused on what should happen.

Edited May 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
3 threads merged ~6

[preraph]

So before I start- Please don't post anything telling me I shouldn't be messing around and talking to a girl with a boyfriend of 2 years- I know and I was wrong.

Now starting. I'm really in need of advice on this one. Has anyone ever talked with a girl with a boyfriend before? I have known her for about 7 months but it really started about 2.5 months ago. She's always known I liked her from the start, but it never went anywhere because she had a boyfriend. But periodically it would flirt and touch my thigh and our friends would see the chemistry we had.

 

Did it also put the lotion in the basket? Hope that was a typo.

 

Seriously, she has a boyfriend and she's cheating emotionally with you. So now you know she will go behind a boyfriend's back, so if that became you, you'd be having to wonder who she was cheating with. It doesn't matter how good you think you've been to her. If she liked you more than she likes her boyfriend she'd have left him for you a long time ago. She doesn't feel that strongly about you. She may turn to you when they fizzle, but I think she'll just be looking over your shoulder for the next guy that she likes more.