Considering Dropping Everything

[Steestee]

So there's this girl I'm acquainted with, and I've recently become totally infatuated with her. We met briefly 2 years ago when I lived in Washington, DC (where she still lives) and hit it off (in a friendly way). I wanted to ask her out then, but decided against it. I moved back south and we haven't spoken much since, but I'm still able to keep up with her because she runs a fairly popular Facebook page that I keep up with. We share similar interests and morals, and I'm convinced we would go great together.

 

Today at work, out of nowhere, I suddenly had an OVERWHELMING urge to quit, go back to DC, and ask her on a date. I need to lose some weight first and make some preparations but I'm seriously considering doing it. Without going into too much detail, because of financial and other concerns this effort would likely take weeks to months to come to fruition so anything other than hitting her up online out of nowhere (and almost certainly blowing my chances) will require me to take up residence there. But it would seem like such a shame to derail my career and leave my family only to have her turn me down. I've always been told to follow my gut, but this seems rash. I've always lived life very cautiously, but I'm tired of living with the regret of chances I never took. What should I do? Is there a 3rd option I'm missing?

 

PS: We ARE Facebook friends, if that makes a difference.

[GemmaUK]

From your post it doesn't sound like you even actually communicate - sounds like you just watch what's going on on her FB page.

 

Do you communicate at all?

Has she expressed any romantic interest in you ever?

[basil67]

I wouldn't do anything unless the two of you have frequent and enjoyable conversations.

[GemmaUK]

I wouldn't do anything unless the two of you have frequent and enjoyable conversations.

 

Maybe I am over cautious but I wouldn't do anything until you have met several times, been on dates, been intimate and know that you are both on the same page. Say six months (absolute minimum) to a year into a relationship.

I wouldn't ditch my whole life to move somewhere over what more than anything here appears to be just infatuation.

[basil67]

Maybe I am over cautious but I wouldn't do anything until you have met several times, been on dates, been intimate and know that you are both on the same page. Say six months (absolute minimum) to a year into a relationship.

I wouldn't ditch my whole life to move somewhere over what more than anything here appears to be just infatuation.

 

When I say "do anything" I mean it quite literally. As in "don't even think of doing anything if you don't already have a rapport going"

 

And I agree with Gemma. If do have a rapport going, then go see her and find out if you can even get this off the ground. Start dating, seeing each other. Get some kind of commitment before throwing away everything you've got on a pipe dream.

 

Yes, life does involve taking risks. But there's also a thing called 'risk management'. Don't be foolish and take such an enormous risk without even knowing if there's a chance of it working.

 

Do you know if she has a boyfriend?

[d0nnivain]

That is way too rash. Don't upend your life for someone you are not married to. Quitting your job is crazy in this economy.

 

 

If you want to lose weight, work on that.

 

 

Be brave & call her if you like. Perhaps go to D.C. for a week to see her. If there is a mutual connection, by all means pursue an LDR while you search for a new job in DC but don't just pick up & go there.

[Lilyana76]

When you say leave your family, you mean like parents and siblings right? Please tell me you aren't married with kids at home....

[waltereed]

Seestee, I would seriously advise you against just dropping everything and moving to DC for one girl you met long ago. First hit the gym and get in shape with cardio and weight lifting. Trust me I know. I'm 6' 180 and in top shape. It makes a world of difference the way you see yourself and others see you. Then you will have a better chance of meeting someone in your area who you are compatible with. Don't quit your job because then you will have financial problems on top of everything else. I live here in the hornets nest of DC, have for decades and know how life is like here. There are thousands of eligible women all over and unless you live in a town of population 150 then you can meet someone and forget about making such a drastic change in your life. There are other ways to live an adventurous life without throwing chaos into the formula. Good luck. My 2 cents worth.

[rushed]

So there's this girl I'm acquainted with, and I've recently become totally infatuated with her. We met briefly 2 years ago when I lived in Washington, DC (where she still lives) and hit it off (in a friendly way). I wanted to ask her out then, but decided against it. I moved back south and we haven't spoken much since, but I'm still able to keep up with her because she runs a fairly popular Facebook page that I keep up with. We share similar interests and morals, and I'm convinced we would go great together.

 

I would stay where you are, keep your job, and focus on reality. Going strictly on the information you provided, you sound like a really creepy stalker or a teenybopper with a crush on a celebrity. Sure it's fun to daydream, but this isn't going to materialize.

[Titanll]

Stop drinking, OP!

 

How about this: Get a gym membership, get ripped and post pics on FB. She will see you, fall in love and come to you. Win/Win!

[Gr8fuln2020]

I would stay where you are, keep your job, and focus on reality. Going strictly on the information you provided, you sound like a really creepy stalker or a teenybopper with a crush on a celebrity. Sure it's fun to daydream, but this isn't going to materialize.

 

 

I agree with much of this. You are allowing yourself to leave the realm of reality and plummet into the abyss of fantasy...

 

You need to get yourself fit and establish some consistent communication before leaving your job and relocating. It's crazy to quit your job (I suspect you are not happy with it) and just pack up and go! Irresponsible. If you're going b/c you are not happy with your job and location, then plan for that. PLAN! If it's for some fantasy relationship that does not exist and with a woman with whom you have very little personal information (is she dating now? ), then you are going overboard.

[kendahke]

So there's this girl I'm acquainted with, and I've recently become totally infatuated with her. We met briefly 2 years ago when I lived in Washington, DC (where she still lives) and hit it off (in a friendly way). I wanted to ask her out then, but decided against it. I moved back south and we haven't spoken much since, but I'm still able to keep up with her because she runs a fairly popular Facebook page that I keep up with. We share similar interests and morals, and I'm convinced we would go great together.

 

Today at work, out of nowhere, I suddenly had an OVERWHELMING urge to quit, go back to DC, and ask her on a date. I need to lose some weight first and make some preparations but I'm seriously considering doing it. Without going into too much detail, because of financial and other concerns this effort would likely take weeks to months to come to fruition so anything other than hitting her up online out of nowhere (and almost certainly blowing my chances) will require me to take up residence there. But it would seem like such a shame to derail my career and leave my family only to have her turn me down. I've always been told to follow my gut, but this seems rash. I've always lived life very cautiously, but I'm tired of living with the regret of chances I never took. What should I do? Is there a 3rd option I'm missing?

 

PS: We ARE Facebook friends, if that makes a difference.

 

About this family---who exactly is this family?

 

Do not leave a steady job for uncertainty unless you've got a trust fund or can generate income no matter where you are.

 

If she barely has a clue that you exist, then upending your life on a whim is not a wise thing to do. This could have repercussions that reverberate longer than you anticipate.

 

Why not try contacting her and gauging her interest? You also need to find out if she's already in a relationship before you write your termination letter. In the meantime, work on losing the weight because you want to do this, not to get this chick. Get a job in DC if you really want to move back here (I can't understand why, but to each his own...) and take things from there.

Edited May 9, 2017 by kendahke

[Miss Spider]

This doesn't sound healthy.

[VeveCakes]

Being friends on Facebook means nothing. Do you talk? Are you sure she's even single?

[smackie9]

I hope you came here to get knocked back down to reality. Tho being motivated to make positive changes in your life to move forward is great, keep this girl and dropping the job out of the equation. You are obsessing and it's getting out of hand. You don't put a woman up on a pedestal...no no no, never ever. I hope you find something else to motivate you.