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Talk about inexperience?

Judith1284

By Judith1284
in Dating

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Judith1284 New Member

Judith1284

Posted
Posted

Started dating a nice guy. Been on 5 dates.

 

Question is I do not have a lot of sexual experience. And I'm 33. Never married. Not a virgin but pretty close to one. I did not start dating until I was almost 30.

 

The guy I am seeing is 41.

 

How do I approach the subject without scaring the guy I like away?

 

I have not slept with the guy.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

is there a reason you dint start dating until you were thrity were you involved in makign a career for yourself.....i dont feel lack of sexual experieince should scare any guy away but im not a guy.....this area of sex is oen where i feel lack fo experience is better than mutliple experiences with mutliple people.....be proud that you havent..be honest.you are discerning......i am interested to know why you chose so late to date? it could help me in my responses to you........as probably the guy would be also interested to know why so late .....deb.....

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Judith1284 New Member

Judith1284

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I always read that you can never love someone until you love yourself. I had very low self esteem in my teens and 20s and did not love myself. I have grown to love myself and so I felt I was ready to start dating.

  • Like 2
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't bring it up because it's just going to lead to your reason why and seems like new guys really hate to have a date going on about heavy stuff. Guys just want to have fun on dates. I think you leave that stuff to leak out little by little if you two keep dating and become exclusive.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

This is not a subject for any conversation. You're not a virgin. You are an adult. You and you alone know whether you want to have sex. If you don't want to ever or before you are married, the guy should be told. Not being the most adventurous sort . . . well he'll figure that as you go along.

 

 

Not everything has to be discussed.

 

 

Keep your own counsel & proceed as you see fit. This guy is your BF, not your shrink or your confessor

  • Like 3
bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

Posted
Posted

If you want to sleep with him, telling him that you are not that experienced probably won't scare him off. It might even be a turn-on.

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

I don't think that has much to do with it, does it? It would be if you were still a virgin, but you're not. Even if you'd only slept with one or two men before this guy (if you are going to do it), that's just how it is.

 

I wouldn't bring it up. Let whatever will be will be.

  • Like 1
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
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I wouldn't mention it, except in the context of discussion about sexual history and safe sex. In which case, I would just tell him that you haven't had many partners.

 

I can imagine that it may be pretty exciting for him if you tell him that you are looking forward to gaining more experience and you want him to teach you a few new tricks...

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

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It really depends on the guy. Some want experienced and some don't. Time will tell you and him both.

TheAntiHero Established Member

TheAntiHero

Posted
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So wait, experience levels matter?

 

Leave it to society to make a big deal out of nothing as evidenced here.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)
I always read that you can never love someone until you love yourself. I had very low self esteem in my teens and 20s and did not love myself. I have grown to love myself and so I felt I was ready to start dating.

 

well i think you did the right thing.......and im glad for you...i will agree with other posters that you dont let a guy know you struggled with low self esteem......its for you to decide when adn if to share that....thankyou for sharing it here.....im sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable ..hopin i didnt...:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:..

 

i went on a date...... i am the opposite to you ....masses of experience sexually..ex hooker.....never married ....now celibate...makes it quite hard for me to date outside my church......anyway i went on a date with a guy and had to explain to him that i havent kissed anyone in a long while because i knew instinctually he was going to go for it...felt that vibe........ and it was true i hadnt.....i have kissed very few men and the last man i had really kissed was years and years ago..........i hold kissing close to my heart......didnt want that tainted..its one of three things i have besides than means something special to me........and yep he thought he would educate me on how it was like riding a bike....i showed vulnerability in honesty and he took the opportunity when i felt vulnerable to go ahead..........

 

i am an honest person and have chosen after that particular date i have decided not to say on future dates.....how long its been and to exit cars at the end of dates when i date...rather quickly.....a kiss on the cheek and im out....lol..ahem.....ill text them later and thank them

 

i have to tell guys my experience level and my previous occupation because chances are i could get outed...and so i give them an out early for i feel they have a right to know....because i am what people would consider high risk...even though it was another life time to me.....but you dont have to say why......as donnivain said its none fo their business and honestly shouldnt change their view on you at all anyway other than to appreciate you more..cherish a beauty who chose to wait more often than not........i wish you many happy dates.....good luck....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

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I will think most guys would consider not having too much experience a plus. And if he is 41, I hope that he is mature enough to understand that not everybody starts having sex at the same time.

 

Thanks much bigger question is IMHO whether all of the reasons that held you back are in the past.

  • Like 1
Chilli Established Member

Chilli

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Yeah, don't stress l wouldn't worry at all, he might even like it and sure wouldn't hold y against you.

lf you keep going out things all come out bit by bit as you go anyway.

Have fun.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

In general, as they age, men do like experienced women. Not too much experience and not "in their face", but some.

 

With that said, you're still very much at an advantage with it.

 

You will only scare off guys who have no intention of sticking around

 

 

Now there are still quite a few guys who get excited at the idea your first and don't care what happens after. This is why you don't discuss your virginity until you have gotten a good feel for the guy/dated a bit. And he shouldn't be asking anyway. When you feel ready!! for sex(and I don't mean when you're both naked and he's lined up), then tell him. Like I said, if he runs, he just wasn't interested in sticking around in the first place and you did yourself a favor!

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

The guy has taken you out on 5 dates...he's not going to be running away from you anytime soon. It's obvious he has a strong interest in you....let things happen organically....it will happen.

  • Like 1
Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

Posted
Posted (edited)
Started dating a nice guy. Been on 5 dat.

 

Question is I do not have a lot of sexual experience. And I'm 33. Never married. Not a virgin but pretty close to one. I did not start dating until I was almost 30.

 

The guy I am seeing is 41.

 

How do I approach the subject without scaring the guy I like away?

 

I have not slept with the guy.

 

I would not approach the subject. When and if you have sex with him, I would not try being someone you are not.

 

All men and women enjoy different things, but all men enjoy a woman who enjoy having sex with them. You figure out the rest as you go.

Edited by Simple Logic
Lilyana76 Established Member

Lilyana76

Posted
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I guess I speak pretty openly about my past and experience (or lack there of), I would think it only scares off men that I really wouldn't want sticking around anyway.

 

For me, I was married from the age of 19 to 39. He was the only one I had been with my entire life. After the ink dried on my divorce papers, I went through this second horny teenager phase, and gained a bit more experience. But, still not as much as others. I can still count on one hand the number of partners I've had.

 

I have yet to have a man tell me they didn't like me just because I wasn't more experienced. And if they felt that way and just didn't tell me, then good riddance.

devilish innocent Established Member

devilish innocent

Posted
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Unless you get really hysterical or something, I doubt the way you say it is going to effect anything. If he doesn't want to date an inexperienced woman, then he doesn't. It just means he's not the right guy for you. There are enough other guys out there who won't care. Some would probably even feel more comfortable with an inexperienced woman knowing you have fewer other guys to compare them to.

Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted

lt's about freshness , that is a really attractive thing in a women and a lot of guys will love it,

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