spiderowl Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Is it common for a MM to tell his friend that he is having an affair?
aileD Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Yeah, they like to brag to the boys that they're getting some on the side. Makes them look badass and helps their ego. If we are quoting The Boss (my fave!): "the door is open, but the ride--it ain't free" 4
Author spiderowl Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 I thought that might be the case, but there is a certain risk in doing that, surely? Yes, I love Bruce's songs too
Whoknew30 Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Yes, extremely common. I'm WW & I told my friends.
Overtaxed Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Is it common for a MM to tell his friend that he is having an affair? Yes, all the time. Including details and pictures. Often over a work dinner. No, I'm not kidding. 1
Daisy2013 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Mine didn't. I asked him several times if he had ever told anyone about us and he said no. I told him that perhaps he could find support for us if he'd talk with his brother or grown kids who would know how things were in his marriage or even help sway back the other way. He said no. I never understood why he didn't because if things were so terrible as he said they were, those that knew would want him to be happy. I'd mentioned him talking to his grown kids because they were from a prior marriage and his wife wasn't kind to them and still doesn't have a relationship with them. But, no. He said I was lucky to have friends I could talk with about it.
ice3784 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Mine didn't tell but he just bring me to met his friends...and..things just gets easier when she choose to leave. i moved into his home. so , i met his friends and family, but things gets complicated when they haven't divorce which means the wife has any right at anytime to comes back.
QuietDan Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Is it common for a MM to tell his friend that he is having an affair? Depends on the man and the situation and the woman. As for me... I did not tell anyone until I was discovered. I kept it to a minimum, only on a need to know basis. The more people that know the greater the risk of discovery. Plus, I was out of bounds involved with what I considered to be immoral behavior. Not proud of having an affair then or now. 2
darkbloom Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 MM told his best man and one of his good friends that's a co-worker in his office. Did not tell his other co-best man or either of his other groomsman. 1
Inya Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 MM1 - didn't tell anyone, the risk was too high MM2 - didn't exactly bragg but did "showed me" around (open M or something) MM3 - told his best friend 1
basil67 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Mine didn't. I asked him several times if he had ever told anyone about us and he said no. I told him that perhaps he could find support for us if he'd talk with his brother or grown kids who would know how things were in his marriage or even help sway back the other way. He said no. I never understood why he didn't because if things were so terrible as he said they were, those that knew would want him to be happy. I'd mentioned him talking to his grown kids because they were from a prior marriage and his wife wasn't kind to them and still doesn't have a relationship with them. But, no. He said I was lucky to have friends I could talk with about it. My guess is that he didn't tell anyone because they might indeed have encouraged him to leave. But despite the complaining, he didn't want to leave. 3
FoundMyStrength Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 My xMM told one person, an old close friend who is more distant from his wife. It was at my encouragement as he was struggling with this and had noone to talk to. He had already mentioned me to this person speculatively -- I think I'm falling in love with a woman at work -- so the cat was already half out of the bag. 1
Birdies Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Mine didn't tell anyone, and I didn't either (I was also married). We both wanted to keep things as compartmentalized and "in the bubble" as possible. I think it depends on whether the MM is a player serial cheater type (more likely to brag), or a one-time cheater who really fell in love or thought he fell in love with someone while married (less likely to be proud of his actions and more worried about the potential fallout, so more likely to keep it a secret). 1
Birdies Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Yes, all the time. Including details and pictures. Often over a work dinner. No, I'm not kidding. Exhibit A for the serial cheat / player types I mentioned above. 2
Overtaxed Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Exhibit A for the serial cheat / player types I mentioned above. Yup. Remember, your chances of running into a serial cheat/player type is MUCH higher than the starcrossed lovers/first time cheat. The player types are out there actively working to get new partners. You're cheating for the first time, this is their 10th time. They might even have a few running at one time (especially if they travel often). Sure, the "it's because your so special I'm willing to blow up my marriage" cheats do exist, but they are only working one AP at a time, instead of the serial who's working 10. Your chances of being one of those 10 is much higher than your chances of being that "one and only" for an already committed man. I wish my wife had known this before her A, would have saved us so much suffering and pain; she's number 3 for the AP that his wife knows about, which probably means she's number 10 or 20 (how many undiscovered A's are there for every uncovered one for a serial cheat)? 3
Chica80 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Mine didn't and won't. It would ruin the image he's worked so hard to portray. 1
WarriorBabe Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 He's telling to prove a point instead of dealing with the situation he is faced with. Looking like "the man" to other men may make him feel special. 2
Rebelnoir Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Mine did. He told some of his friends. After D Day he told all his friends and family about the A, how much he loved me and wanted to be with with. After each D Day I started spending time with his friends (who are also friends with his wife). At the end of the day it didn't matter. He's going back to his wife and all it means is he has more people to feel as if he had disappointed...which he then uses as justification for why he needs to go back. 2
Life lessons Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I think it's pretty common for men to brag about sleeping with a married woman...my exOM was/is single but I know his siblings are aware of me and I think his best friend is as well. Me being the MW, I haven't told a soul! The more people that know, the greater risk there is of discovery! I'm thankful my exOM lives hours from me!! 1
Author spiderowl Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 So a MM might talk to a friend or friends to boast, but it seems like he would be taking a huge risk. Is there any other reason he might talk? Maybe he is having doubts? Maybe he wants to be found out?
darkbloom Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 So a MM might talk to a friend or friends to boast, but it seems like he would be taking a huge risk. Is there any other reason he might talk? Maybe he is having doubts? Maybe he wants to be found out? I think mine had to talk to someone. He wasn't sleeping and having trouble functioning. The good friend in his office was the most understanding. He was choosing between me and getting married. He told one of the best men for his wedding. Best man asked him not to say anymore about me because he couldn't stand up at the alter and watch him marry someone else and stay silent. He also called me the night of his bachelor party and screamed how much he loved me through the streets.
RecentChange Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 (edited) Let's see.... I know single guys that's brag about banging married women. My husband cheated and didn't tell a soul (and neither did I besides a counselor). I cheated - and didn't tell a soul. (Oh, and there were times I so wanted to, but kept my lips sealed) My married man cheated - and didn't tell a soul, he was petrified of being caught. Edited April 27, 2017 by RecentChange 2
savingshards Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 My WH, having an affair with an old high school friend, did not want to tell. His AP told him repeatedly he needed support. One day, husband got a text from a mutual friend of his and APs from high school saying that he'd just gotten the strangest text message from AP...she had shared they were crazy about each other? So that friend was brought into the triangle. The only other person he told was a friend at work, also engaged in an affair... After DDay and as WH began to realize the depth of his own deception, he systematically told his family, close friends, etc...in shame. Now, he works actively with men who are engaged in infidelity helping them sort their choices out...and together we work with couples.
Poppy47 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 NO. He was afraid of the loss of his image as Mr Upright Citizen. Also afraid his family would hear of it. He didn't trust anybody enough. Poppy
Lady2163 Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 ExMM didn't tell anyone. Loose lips sink ships. Too risky that a friend would tell his own spouse and he didn't want people to know he was morally weak.
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