Fallen_Angel Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Well. It's been 18 whole days since the last time I spoke to my ex. Since then, we've been playing phone tag. The last time I tried to contact him was late last Thursday. He had said he was going to France with some friends from school (hello, random!) at the end of the month, so I'm sure that factors into the lack of contact, but in the last voicemail he left for me (early on a Friday morning, after I left him a voicemail the night before) he was all "I'm sorry I didn't call you back; just got your call; I didn't want you to think I wasn't going to call you..." and so on. A few weeks ago he stressed he wanted me to call him several times a week because he thought it would help me heal (HA!) and in an e-mail he sent me last month he said he worried a great deal about losing my friendship. So there it is, that crazy word...friends. Conventional wisdom states it would never work, and I tend to agree. After three and a half years of being in love, you don't just wake up and decide to simply be friends. Plus, I really thought this relationship was going somewhere, so picking up all kinds of shattered dreams is pretty painful too. Part of me wants to be his friend, which I know is ridiculous. Today I got to thinking...so it's been a while since we've actually spoken. Does he expect for me to keep trying to contact him?! WHY would I want to sacrifice what's left of my dignity by continually calling or e-mailing or whatever?!?!? The more I think about it (I know, I wish I could just stop already), the more I figure, well, let's face the simple facts: HE dumped me. By doing so, HE indicated he was no longer willing to deal with a relationship. It's not fair for me to have to keep exerting effort when his decision to end the relationship clearly indicated his lack of interest in me. I'm sure this post doesn't make a whole lot of sense. In fact, those last few sentences have brought tears to my eyes, but at the very least it's been a good week or so since I've had a real cry over all of this. I've teared up on more than one occasion, but I haven't had a sobfest. So maybe I've turned a corner. I guess my point is, as much as I WANT to contact my ex, there doesn't seem to be a point in doing so. I don't see why I should prove to him again and again that he is in control of the situation and he can take from me what he pleases. Why should everything be on his terms anyway?
ButtonPusher Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Your post makes a lot of sense. I've gone through the same things. Except in my case a month ago I decided to really stick to NC, even to the point of turning my phone off when my ex had a tendency to call. I had hoped that we could have a friendship because even if you took away the intimate side of my relationship with her, she was a great person to have as a friend. But after a few weeks of having absolutely NO contact, I'm beginning to see that the hope of having a friendship with an ex is really just a hidden desire that one day you will get back together, and your afraid that if you don't stay in touch that will never happen. I'm sure everyone will tell you and you've probably heard it a hundred times, but keep him out of your life for a few months, maybe even 6 or more, and then decide if you want a friendship with him.
pippen_2k Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Its unfortunate, but if they broke up with you its always on their terms... unless you can totally shift the tables which would take time. Its really hard, but I just look at it now as if they dont wanna make time for me, im not gonna bother making time for them. And that even comes down to little things like phone calls and messages. Id be really really disapointed with myself if I even texted my ex girl friend these days.. sure I always think about doing it but I just dont now.... why hurt yourself more than you have to.. your already going through a preety hectic time, and messaging or calling is only gonna make matters worse.. so just dont do it... it aint worth it.
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