The joys of OLD

[Chilli]

Yeah l dunno about pof , might've just been for my area and l'm far from an expert.

But with my area it looked like no one was even using it or logging on and if you did a search it was the same girls over and over every second or third page.

Pretty sure 3/4 of them were just fakes.

[OatsAndHall]

Huh???

 

Thats not fair Larry

 

So because a woman is very attractive....that somehow equates to her being a waste of time???

 

I was on OLD for 1.75 years. I put in a ton of effort, went on lots of dates. Had two short term relationships that didnt work out...but I still kept going...all along wondering why nothing was sticking (no I'm not crazy) very sweet and caring...relationship oriented....generous etc

 

But according to your outlook on 'very attractive women' and maybe other men's....maybe thats why I never had luck with OLD

 

Btw, I updated my pics every 6 months

 

If there's any truth to guys actually being so dillusional to think a woman is a time waster just because she's in the top 1% looks wise...then thanks for the insight as to why OLD was so awful

 

 

I can certainly attest to Larry's statement as I have done my homework on this subject.

 

I live in an area where the biggest city has a population of 3,000 people. There are many tiny towns around here with populations of 200 people or less. When I was still using OLD, there were "new matches" that popped up in these tiny, tiny towns. Gorgeous women with extremely well written profiles and no obvious email scams. The pictures were authentic; many of them were taken in areas that looked like farm pastures. Three of these women supposedly lived in a town where I know people very well (a town with a population of around 150 people.). So, I pulled up the dating app and showed several of my acquaintances that are natives from these communities those profile pictures. Literally no one knew any one these women. These people grew up in these communities, grew up with the people around them and new faces would not have gone unseen.

 

I did some more poking around and there are profiles like this all over the place up here. This is another reason why I ditched OLD.

Edited April 28, 2017 by OatsAndHall

[selinaluv]

I can certainly attest to Larry's statement as I have done my homework on this subject.

 

I live in an area where the biggest city has a population of 3,000 people. There are many tiny towns around here with populations of 200 people or less. When I was still using OLD, there were "new matches" that popped up in these tiny, tiny towns. Gorgeous women with extremely well written profiles and no obvious email scams. The pictures were authentic; many of them were taken in areas that looked like farm pastures. Three of these women supposedly lived in a town where I know people very well (a town with a population of around 150 people.). So, I pulled up the dating app and showed several of my acquaintances that are natives from these communities those profile pictures. Literally no one knew any one these women. These people grew up in these communities, grew up with the people around them and new faces would not have gone unseen.

 

I did some more poking around and there are profiles like this all over the place up here. This is another reason why I ditched OLD.

 

No doubt it happens (guys tell me this often), but it also happens to woman all the time. When I had just signed up with Bumble, initially all the men had Ivy League degrees, were tech tycoons, or worked at Google, and all looked like GQ models. Their photos were "authentic" travel and water sport images. AND I matched with all of them. I was dumbfounded, until after three or four of these profiles I caught on. Honestly I was insulted a bit and felt like it was so obvious they weren't even trying that hard.

 

Despite that, I still sent a hello and received no response. I knew what was up. And a few may have been real profiles and they just chose to ignore. I don't know, but you never know until you try and not assume.

 

The more "regular" down to earth guys I received a response and had a couple great dates and one became a very good friend. Like real life you just keep weeding through the noise to find the right people.

 

But a woman online has to usually weed through many messages and sometimes dozens of new men a day. If she talks to 3-4 consistently at a time, and some get her number, then that is happening and she is distracted. Then you commit to a date or two with a few, and maybe one sticks for a month or so until one of you isn't into it. Then she is back on dealing with the messages again. The whole time she didn't take her profile down. This is just my experience, it is a cycle and messages can definitely get lost in the mix.

 

And adding, sometimes our intuition is wrong. We opt for one guy over the other and it isn't about looks. Sometimes it is how someone communicates, keeps up messaging, their interest level, etc. I have often saddled the conventionally better looking guy for someone who holds my attention better. And even after all that and my best efforts, I often pick wrong. Sometimes they have lied about their situation, intentions, etc. When that happens (and it just did to me) I can feel let down and question whether I should have chosen guy behind door #1 instead. Happens in real life too. Thing is the right person will be there no matter what because it is right.

 

Right now my attention has been caught by a blue collar 48 year old who works on runway construction at our major airport. He is attractive to me for sure, but also holding my attention better than the others who are "better on paper" and I don't know why. He isn't a huge texter, took a bit to ask me out, and seems to be slightly shy, but he is smart and fun to talk to. And his opening line was hello.

Edited April 28, 2017 by selinaluv

[coolheadal]

OLD just know what your getting into and you might not like the end results. I say this from experience. Whatever you are inside what you seek is not always what seems to be.

 

Single Person

Don't you think that person should be 100% free.

Think again.

1. Seeing someone

2. Has a Boyfriend/Girlfriend

3. Engaged or getting Married and still doing online dating

4. Married

5. Married and seeing other people

6. Married and dating same as 5.

7. Married and cheating

8. Married and going through a divorce (husband still sleeps with her)

9. Married and going through a divorce (husband moved out)

[Silverstring]

I think the big take home message for anyone doing dating at all, including OLD, is this:

 

Don't invest emotionally in anyone until you've actually met them in person. And even then, wait until you've had a few dates before investing emotionally.

 

All this negativity and strife is a direct result of people getting too invested in people that aren't interested (or aren't even real!!!).

[coolheadal]

Let me share you one these so called OLD Women.

 

Subject:

Single

 

What I had learn after a few text and did call her up on the phone, (she called me) She hunted me down on OLD. So after talking with her I find out she has been married for 20 years and got divorce (would be nice to have some proof)

Single has daughter living with her (no running around the house nude with the mom then) She has some mystery job that keeps her from contacting me. Odd times she would contact. She hints that we can see each other over coffee. Then changes that to 2 days out she has other arrangements for the night and day. Hint, hint.. I asked her her height she said 5.0 inches I am 10 more inches but she prefers 6 or higher. Ouch Right there I would even go there to take her out knowing I do not meet the man she wants is 6 or higher.

 

Seems small but the truth of the matter is she's a stranger no matter what, takes time to build up any relationship, but who is she seeing otherwise, why is her guy friend coming over to get his motorcycle out of her apartment. She told me she wasn't in a relationship sort of.. Even that another hint to something is up. The text reply's always start with Hahahahahaha from her. Takes hours for her to get back to me. When she did call me up I thought she said she was at work she was at home, so she was available to talk for 52 mins and then said she had other things to do like going back on OLD site or seeing someone else.

 

I don't have no problems with this person but the clues are there she's pretty much doing her own thing and her own rules may apply here. I moved on..

[Miss Spider]

Don't invest emotionally may be sound advice, but from reading these boards and my own experience, I'm wondering if that's even a choice! Emotions can be hard to control

[Kamille]

Don't invest emotionally may be sound advice, but from reading these boards and my own experience, I'm wondering if that's even a choice! Emotions can be hard to control

 

I feel like that's a cop out. If two people haven't met, know the risk of misrepresentation and flaking is high, know there's a very high chance there won't be chemistry once they meet, why would they invest emotionally?

 

I honestly do not understand why people get invested before a first meet. Actually, I don't understand why people get invested until they both agree to a second meet.

[Silverstring]

Don't invest emotionally may be sound advice, but from reading these boards and my own experience, I'm wondering if that's even a choice! Emotions can be hard to control

 

Only because people make up things in their minds rather than acknowledge what is actually true. The only way one can become emotionally invested in a veritable stranger is if you've made up some story in your mind about what a good match or a good catch they would be.

 

Here's something - if someone isn't interested in you, they're not compatible! Full stop! And that's perfectly okay. Even if you think they're a great match and you would be so good for them etc. etc.

 

If they're not interested, you're not compatible. Next!

[selinaluv]

Let me share you one these so called OLD Women.

 

Subject:

Single

 

What I had learn after a few text and did call her up on the phone, (she called me) She hunted me down on OLD. So after talking with her I find out she has been married for 20 years and got divorce (would be nice to have some proof)

Single has daughter living with her (no running around the house nude with the mom then) She has some mystery job that keeps her from contacting me. Odd times she would contact. She hints that we can see each other over coffee. Then changes that to 2 days out she has other arrangements for the night and day. Hint, hint.. I asked her her height she said 5.0 inches I am 10 more inches but she prefers 6 or higher. Ouch Right there I would even go there to take her out knowing I do not meet the man she wants is 6 or higher.

 

Seems small but the truth of the matter is she's a stranger no matter what, takes time to build up any relationship, but who is she seeing otherwise, why is her guy friend coming over to get his motorcycle out of her apartment. She told me she wasn't in a relationship sort of.. Even that another hint to something is up. The text reply's always start with Hahahahahaha from her. Takes hours for her to get back to me. When she did call me up I thought she said she was at work she was at home, so she was available to talk for 52 mins and then said she had other things to do like going back on OLD site or seeing someone else.

 

I don't have no problems with this person but the clues are there she's pretty much doing her own thing and her own rules may apply here. I moved on..

 

But were you guys seeing each other, gone on a date, or just texting at the moment?

 

She needs proof of her divorce? Sounds like she was living her life and because you are essentially a stranger to her, she is doing her thing, and not including you in all the details. This makes her a "so called OLD woman?" I call this healthy and maintaining boundaries. I would do this with someone I also met in person and most women I know would do the same. There is a wellness and safety thing here too. I agree the height thing is much, but in person she may have vetoed you without you even knowing it because of your height.

 

Some men have expectations that the moment you give them your number, you are at their beck and call even before meeting. Anyone who does that raises my red flags. I will give him some attention, but not whenever he wants it. I have learned this the hard way. The ones who wanted me to jump all in right away were also the ones who burned out fast and left me hanging. I have been hurt that way a few times and I know I'm not alone.

 

I have curbed men because all they want to do is text while I am working. I also have many guy friends, who are just that. I do limit talking to them when I am dating someone, but I'm not going to do that for a guy I am talking with online.

 

Men do this all the time and mimick the same behavior constantly. I can be aware, but can't judge their actions because they also have lives established long before I started texting them.

Edited April 28, 2017 by selinaluv

[Miss Spider]

Only because people make up things in their minds rather than acknowledge what is actually true. The only way one can become emotionally invested in a veritable stranger is if you've made up some story in your mind about what a good match or a good catch they would be.

 

Here's something - if someone isn't interested in you, they're not compatible! Full stop! And that's perfectly okay. Even if you think they're a great match and you would be so good for them etc. etc.

 

If they're not interested, you're not compatible. Next!

 

Ideally, they should. That's very reasonable. Unfortunately, feelings often transcend reason.

[Kamille]

Ideally, they should. That's very reasonable. Unfortunately, feelings often transcend reason.

 

Could you explain how?

 

I understand feelings trumping reason once you have met someone. I genuinely do not understand it before.

[Silverstring]

Ideally, they should. That's very reasonable. Unfortunately, feelings often transcend reason.

 

But the feelings, in this case, are caused by thoughts. And I know it can be hard, when I first started OLD (over 10 years ago) I was the same way. But I learned from my mistakes and changed my thinking. I implemented some things, like multidating for example, that allowed me not to get too excited or attached too early.

 

I didn't take lack of interest personally, as I knew I wasn't interested in everyone. Some of the people here seem to get so hurt if someone isn't interested in them or doesn't send them a message back. It's not personal! These are strangers...just because you're not their type doesn't mean you're unattractive. Next!!

[coolheadal]

But were you guys seeing each other, gone on a date, or just texting at the moment?

 

She needs proof of her divorce? Sounds like she was living her life and because you are essentially a stranger to her, she is doing her thing, and not including you in all the details. This makes her a "so called OLD woman?" I call this healthy and maintaining boundaries. I would do this with someone I also met in person and most women I know would do the same. There is a wellness and safety thing here too. I agree the height thing is much, but in person she may have vetoed you without you even knowing it because of your height.

 

Some men have expectations that the moment you give them your number, you are at their beck and call even before meeting. Anyone who does that raises my red flags. I will give him some attention, but not whenever he wants it. I have learned this the hard way. The ones who wanted me to jump all in right away were also the ones who burned out fast and left me hanging. I have been hurt that way a few times and I know I'm not alone.

 

I have curbed men because all they want to do is text while I am working. I also have many guy friends, who are just that. I do limit talking to them when I am dating someone, but I'm not going to do that for a guy I am talking with online.

 

Men do this all the time and mimick the same behavior constantly. I can be aware, but can't judge their actions because they also have lives established long before I started texting them.

 

No, no, no.. This was just a few days ago. No never gone out on a date because she made up excuses. There is someone else in the picture still. Why say Sort of? When I had asked her if she was in a relationship right now? She twisted her words. Today she drove me crazy with her text messages. I told her this wouldn't work between us. She kept bothering me with crazy text messages saying she felt we where so intelligent together. Funny she was texting a lot more today than ever. She's hiding something. When I said OLD I was refering to online dating woman. Her profile online reads are they're any good men out there.

 

She hasn't found one yet. I even often to cook her a meal she had turned me down. She wants to go out and spend money, I don't even know her yet to do all of that. It really doesn't matter to me what her intent was she already made it clear in a sarcastic way about the height and what she wanted 6 or higher and made chuckle sound (laughter) oh well you don't meet my requirement. She had contacted me. I gave her my cell number I am on on the OLD site always. She text me as soon as she wanted too. This came to end today. I told her never to contact me ever again your creepy and scary. There is not excuse for her behavior.

[Miss Spider]

Could you explain how?

 

I understand feelings trumping reason once you have met someone. I genuinely do not understand it before.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to be contrarian. It's good to manage expectations in any way , but from my own experience, I can't pace myself for when I fall for someone. It just happens...

 

I can't explain why different people feel the way they do. I guess I can imagine one circumstance where it could happen easily. A person is lonely, maybe a bit insecure, maybe a bit sensitive, has very particular taste in looks and personality, messages a girl who has the exact look he admires, they chat for a bit and her personality is even better, he imposes characteristics into this girl based on their interaction(we all do this to an extent in dating...it's what gets initially interested before we know much else about the person), he envisions this girl being perfect for him.

 

Bam. Oneitis.

 

 

I'm just saying Im a bit iffy about setting an arbitrary amount of dates (time, conversations) until it's cool to emotionally invest. And as soon as we really like someone, if we are looking for quality, not quantity, multidating isn't so affective. It actually muddles things up for some.

[coolheadal]

I date a lot and seen everything as I can see it. I have someone that acts up on me that's why I go looking. I've disabled my account on OLD for now. Gone back to what I had. I tired of back and forth. Emotions play a lot on me otherwise. Here I have notice on this thread we all of had our share men and women who we have talked with on OLD sites. No matter what we end up with just have to work on it. Emotions, Love, Sex, Relationships, Marriage if you get that far. I've made a lot of friends mostly women. I only have one Girl Friend (main squeeze) the rest are just friends that are women. My main GF can't understand why I need all these women. I don't need them. But we all are friends some come to me for personal advise.

 

I'll share one with you.

Subject Pilot

 

Girl is 44 of age the Man is 57 of age. Married twice already and divorce or it seems that way. County records shows him as still married. Girl is crying over that. She asked him to marry her it's been 2 years and you know what he said to her? Well this is what: WOW HE FELT HONORED" It's another word for NO! He told her to come over his place, she told him she would only go over to him if he agrees to marry her. Now she has given up and gone onto the next guy. What she wants is to marry and live with the guy. He has to have money so she don't have to worry about anything. She struggles to work now. Family is very important to her. She's nice but she wants brawny men and they tend to be less likely to give her the love she needs.

[selinaluv]

No, no, no.. This was just a few days ago. No never gone out on a date because she made up excuses. There is someone else in the picture still. Why say Sort of? When I had asked her if she was in a relationship right now? She twisted her words. Today she drove me crazy with her text messages. I told her this wouldn't work between us. She kept bothering me with crazy text messages saying she felt we where so intelligent together. Funny she was texting a lot more today than ever. She's hiding something. When I said OLD I was refering to online dating woman. Her profile online reads are they're any good men out there.

 

She hasn't found one yet. I even often to cook her a meal she had turned me down. She wants to go out and spend money, I don't even know her yet to do all of that. It really doesn't matter to me what her intent was she already made it clear in a sarcastic way about the height and what she wanted 6 or higher and made chuckle sound (laughter) oh well you don't meet my requirement. She had contacted me. I gave her my cell number I am on on the OLD site always. She text me as soon as she wanted too. This came to end today. I told her never to contact me ever again your creepy and scary. There is not excuse for her behavior.

 

I do see what you are saying, but your original post made it seem like because she wasn't giving you her full story, that she was being shady. That it is typical of "so called women" on online dating sites. I got that and knew you didn't mean her age.

 

It does sound like she was being a little odd. They key is you caught that quickly, cut bait, and moved on. You aren't sweating it, which it seems is the right way to be when online dating.

[mortensorchid]

OLD ... It's become something else entirely from what it was intended to be. But remember, there were Lonely Hearts ads in newspapers for years before it became something mainstream. People probably experienced such things before the advent of technology and the horror of dick pics.

 

I'm sorry you have had these experiences, but you are not alone in it. People are crazy and we all go into things innocent and find out otherwise. It's all about learning about people and ourselves.

 

If there was an answer, like I said before, I would tell you what the answer is. But I don't have that answer, like no one does. Just keep trying.

[selinaluv]

OLD ... It's become something else entirely from what it was intended to be. But remember, there were Lonely Hearts ads in newspapers for years before it became something mainstream. People probably experienced such things before the advent of technology and the horror of dick pics.

 

I'm sorry you have had these experiences, but you are not alone in it. People are crazy and we all go into things innocent and find out otherwise. It's all about learning about people and ourselves.

 

If there was an answer, like I said before, I would tell you what the answer is. But I don't have that answer, like no one does. Just keep trying.

 

I always tell people who are married or together with someone for years that they have no idea how it is these days. And when I tell them my experiences, they really can't believe it.

 

Someone told me recently to not take dating advice from someone who hasn't tried OLD or has not been dating within the past five years, cause they really have no clue.

 

I have a friend that did Match years ago and reconciled with his wife fours years ago. When I tell him about the apps and Tinder, he is truly lost and dumbfounded.

[coolheadal]

I do see what you are saying, but your original post made it seem like because she wasn't giving you her full story, that she was being shady. That it is typical of "so called women" on online dating sites. I got that and knew you didn't mean her age.

 

It does sound like she was being a little odd. They key is you caught that quickly, cut bait, and moved on. You aren't sweating it, which it seems is the right way to be when online dating.

 

I had figured out what she did for a living she's a Olympic pool team coach / swimmer coach. I know where she swims. I won't be going there anytime soon plus since we both live in the same county I can swim there for free. If I ever run into her I won't say anything. Do not need anyone playing mind games on me. She can't fool we I am not armature to OLD at all.. I do remember her saying things about OLD like she new the game and she new on to deal the deck of confusion. Yes I've moved on...

Edited April 29, 2017 by coolheadal

[Chilli]

I feel like that's a cop out. If two people haven't met, know the risk of misrepresentation and flaking is high, know there's a very high chance there won't be chemistry once they meet, why would they invest emotionally?

 

I honestly do not understand why people get invested before a first meet. Actually, I don't understand why people get invested until they both agree to a second meet.

 

 

Well , l dunno if we call it emotional but the few l actually went along to meet,for example for a start, they were both a few hours away.

So it took a wk or two to 1, even get the chance to get over there but 2 , to suss them and ourselves out enough to know whether it was even worth bothering,

 

So in those few each time we'd basically been calling each other and getting along really well in the meantime.

So it was pretty hard not to start liking each other in the meantime.

[Miss Spider]

Well , l dunno if we call it emotional but the few l actually went along to meet,for example for a start, they were both a few hours away.

So it took a wk or two to 1, even get the chance to get over there but 2 , to suss them and ourselves out enough to know whether it was even worth bothering,

 

So in those few each time we'd basically been calling each other and getting along really well in the meantime.

So it was pretty hard not to start liking each other in the meantime.

 

Chilli, a lot of people form pen pal type relationships and depending on the people, it is no weaker than any other relationship! I found a friend through an online game when I was a teen. We didn't meet for 5 years(live 900 miles) but when we finally did it was the most emotional experience ever. She is a sister to me... and was even before we met. People don't need to see each other to create bond with them .

[Chilli]

OLD ... It's become something else entirely from what it was intended to be. But remember, there were Lonely Hearts ads in newspapers for years before it became something mainstream. People probably experienced such things before the advent of technology and the horror of dick pics.

 

I'm sorry you have had these experiences, but you are not alone in it. People are crazy and we all go into things innocent and find out otherwise. It's all about learning about people and ourselves.

 

If there was an answer, like I said before, I would tell you what the answer is. But I don't have that answer, like no one does. Just keep trying.

 

 

Haha, l was always getting told stories from guys about all the girls sending c@@t pics and much more.

So now not that l wanted any, there aren't many people that turn me on that easily l'm fussy buttttttt, l never got one in my mail.

Damn it, just for the hell of it.

[Chilli]

I always tell people who are married or together with someone for years that they have no idea how it is these days. And when I tell them my experiences, they really can't believe it.

 

Someone told me recently to not take dating advice from someone who hasn't tried OLD or has not been dating within the past five years, cause they really have no clue.

 

I have a friend that did Match years ago and reconciled with his wife fours years ago. When I tell him about the apps and Tinder, he is truly lost and dumbfounded.

 

 

Yeah when l was married we use to actually cringe at the idea of being single now days and really felt the hell sorry for any single friends and the trouble they all had finding a bf or gf.

 

But l did think with all these forums and free date sites, holy hell it looked like one nice big chocolate factory out there from where l was standing married.

 

But huh , how wrong could l have been, nightmare more like it.

Edited April 29, 2017 by Chilli