The joys of OLD

[greenicon]

I guess thats why OLD didn't work out well for me... I actually read about the person and messaged if I wanted to know them better.

 

I could have cared less about pictures myself, it was about me getting out there and meeting people after a long marriage and recent divorce. I even met a couple guys that had no pictures on their profile. I have never met an ogre, or someone so ugly I would have run the other direction upon seeing them either.

 

Maybe I'm set up weird, I don't know. But I quickly discovered OLD wasn't for me, and now prefer to join groups or volunteer more to meet people.

 

 

I think that's a very fair assessment of OLD. I sometimes think it's not for me. Tremendous amount of deception. Chatted to a women last week. Got on ok. Would havr dated but there was a distance so we agreed it wasnt worthwhile. Looked her up online. Profile pic from 2007. 10 years ago....

[Silverstring]

Again it's only frustrating if your expectations are unrealistic. These are strangers. You have literally NO IDEA what makes them tick. You're just making best guesses based on what's on their profile.

 

And why expend any emotional energy on people that aren't interested in meeting up for a date? Honestly, why? The only ones you actually have to think about are the ones that do want to meet you.

[greenicon]

I hear you, I often joke that I was born in the wrong era! I despise OLD, won't go back to it again. At least thats what I tell myself....

 

Then I have a day where I'm feeling exceptionally lonely and say.. what the hell I'll try it again... only to cancel it again two days later when I remember why I stopped it in the first place.

 

Totally with you on that score...its a process i really struggle with at times.

[coolheadal]

I think that's a very fair assessment of OLD. I sometimes think it's not for me. Tremendous amount of deception. Chatted to a women last week. Got on ok. Would havr dated but there was a distance so we agreed it wasnt worthwhile. Looked her up online. Profile pic from 2007. 10 years ago....

 

Be very careful with the pictures they use. If they have 6 or more only one is the true self image of her the rest are younger to older. These are the mind games they play. I use 2017 photos high quality. No excuse to put up fuzzy pictures.

[greenicon]

Again it's only frustrating if your expectations are unrealistic. These are strangers. You have literally NO IDEA what makes them tick. You're just making best guesses based on what's on their profile.

 

And why expend any emotional energy on people that aren't interested in meeting up for a date? Honestly, why? The only ones you actually have to think about are the ones that do want to meet you.

 

I know..trust me....

My expectations are zero...otherwise you go stir crazy..

I'm just generalising based on things i've observed on the site. that's all.

I'm actually quite a positive guy. Otherwise I wouldn't go anywhere near OLD..

[Larryville]

I am actually referring to a simple and polite message that is all.

 

Ok cool G but just pause for a minute and think. First wherever pool you are searching in, you find a single woman attractive. How many men (in you search area) do you think have sent that woman a “genuine” message.

 

I live in the U.S. Midwest, in a 100 mile radius of where I live is around 2.2 million people.

 

I spoke to a woman one time who told me in the first week she was online she received more than 200 emails.

 

So let’s use that number how many nice, polite, sincere heartfelt messages do you think were sent to her? 10%, 20%, 50%? All I am saying is some of you guys who are “frustrated” act as if you specifically are being dissed.

 

Not dismissing your point I just fundamentally understand what women deal with and it is getting worse. I spoke about it here countless times. Much of that is due to age and how long I have been navigating the waters.

 

That is a good point - I chatted to a women the other day on POF who is constantly 'online' she has never had a date in 2 years.

 

She openly admitted she just chats to guys because she is lonely..

 

Needless to say - I moved on from the chat...

 

Something else I have stated till blue in the face. A SIGNIFICANT number of women on OLD is NOT looking for Mr. Right. Some may argue but next time you are browsing a dating site, don’t care which one, when you come to a very attractive, smart, seemingly fun successful woman and ask yourself how in the hell is this women on this site (particularly POF) and she is unable to find a single, decent, sane, employed, even average looking dude? Some who are near my age (50 plus) and there are women on a site for YEARS. There is a disconnect somewhere.

 

If the lady you were chatting with was reasonable decent looking and she is LONELY? Does that make sense unless in person she has some serious mental issues going on.

 

If dating site where actually trying to match people, they only need to do ONE THING. Either provide proof of "dating activity," (no lonely people, taking up space!)actual activity on the site, profile activity and some way of rating people but this goes both ways.

 

If a dude is sending any warm body emails and he has a jacked up profile and a history of mistreatment of women or harassment the profile would get a negative rating.

 

I hate having my time wasted so I don't post my picture anymore I get on a site long enough select woman I am interested in at least meeting. Write messages to them if the respond cool, if not, I mean those I have reached out to I get off the site, take a break hopefully the pool get stirred somewhat or I choose another site.

 

The bottom line is for OLD is NOT working for you, stop using it or step away until you are 100% ready to meet someone but nobody should be taking up space with an inactive or BS profile, playing with or teasing people.

[coolheadal]

Again it's only frustrating if your expectations are unrealistic. These are strangers. You have literally NO IDEA what makes them tick. You're just making best guesses based on what's on their profile.

 

And why expend any emotional energy on people that aren't interested in meeting up for a date? Honestly, why? The only ones you actually have to think about are the ones that do want to meet you.

 

That my be easy said and done. But it's not always the case. Here I have one that said she would drive me if I drank too much home. That's was nice but I don't drink. If you put down you don't drink no women would contact you. But I am seeing dreaded "maybe we can meet at starbucks for coffee, but if your available or around?" Or I am just too busy to talk to you right now I have business meeting. Another excuse, if they don't want to see you they should just say it outright.

[greenicon]

Be very careful with the pictures they use. If they have 6 or more only one is the true self image of her the rest are younger to older. These are the mind games they play. I use 2017 photos high quality. No excuse to put up fuzzy pictures.

 

Good point and very true in a lot of cases. On some you can see the difference its that obvious..

[greenicon]

Ok cool G but just pause for a minute and think. First wherever pool you are searching in, you find a single woman attractive. How many men (in you search area) do you think have sent that woman a “genuine” message.

 

I live in the U.S. Midwest, in a 100 mile radius of where I live is around 2.2 million people.

 

I spoke to a woman one time who told me in the first week she was online she received more than 200 emails.

 

So let’s use that number how many nice, polite, sincere heartfelt messages do you think were sent to her? 10%, 20%, 50%? All I am saying is some of you guys who are “frustrated” act as if you specifically are being dissed.

 

Not dismissing your point I just fundamentally understand what women deal with and it is getting worse. I spoke about it here countless times. Much of that is due to age and how long I have been navigating the waters.

 

 

 

 

 

Something else I have stated till blue in the face. A SIGNIFICANT number of women on OLD is NOT looking for Mr. Right. Some may argue but next time you are browsing a dating site, don’t care which one, when you come to a very attractive, smart, seemingly fun successful woman and ask yourself how in the hell is this women on this site (particularly POF) and she is unable to find a single, decent, sane, employed, even average looking dude? Some who are near my age (50 plus) and there are women on a site for YEARS. There is a disconnect somewhere.

 

If the lady you were chatting with was reasonable decent looking and she is LONELY? Does that make sense unless in person she has some serious mental issues going on.

 

If dating site where actually trying to match people, they only need to do ONE THING. Either provide proof of "dating activity," (no lonely people, taking up space!)actual activity on the site, profile activity and some way of rating people but this goes both ways.

 

If a dude is sending any warm body emails and he has a jacked up profile and a history of mistreatment of women or harassment the profile would get a negative rating.

 

I hate having my time wasted so I don't post my picture anymore I get on a site long enough select woman I am interested in at least meeting. Write messages to them if the respond cool, if not, I mean those I have reached out to I get off the site, take a break hopefully the pool get stirred somewhat or I choose another site.

 

The bottom line is for OLD is NOT working for you, stop using it or step away until you are 100% ready to meet someone but nobody should be taking up space with an inactive or BS profile, playing with or teasing people.

 

 

Excellent message - agree with all of it. Very interesting points and all are accurate.I've been more active on OLD. since late 2015. Back after a 1yr relationship. Countless women still on the site. There has to be major issues going on. I feel genuinely sad to an extent. I'm in the UK and we are in a mess.

 

I agree. I get messed about all the time. Drives me insane..

[Miss Spider]

You're 'still' on the site too though? xD

[Gr8fuln2020]

Countless women still on the site.

 

I have notice quite a few ladies from a while back still on. Many of them very attractive. I cannot help wonder if these profiles are not 'plants' to entice non-paying members to upgrade or to keep people coming back.

[SevenCity]

That my be easy said and done. But it's not always the case. Here I have one that said she would drive me if I drank too much home. That's was nice but I don't drink. If you put down you don't drink no women would contact you. But I am seeing dreaded "maybe we can meet at starbucks for coffee, but if your available or around?" Or I am just too busy to talk to you right now I have business meeting. Another excuse, if they don't want to see you they should just say it outright.

 

Women don't operate like guys. They feel that it will hurt your feelings if too direct because it would hurt theirs.

 

That's why they say things like "It's not gonna work right now", "I love you but I'm not in love with you", etc when they break off an RL.

 

I hate the indirectness. I asked this one girl out and she said "Maybe Thursday" so I pulled the Corey Wayne takeaway "If you're not sure of your schedule call me when you are sure you're free and we'll make a definite date then".

 

She changed her tune to "oh I can definitely meet you on Thursday ".

 

Banged her for a few weeks but she was really a nut so not worth long term.

[OatsAndHall]

Truisms Of OLD:

 

1. As you have stated, women get bombarded with messages. So, you can expect to send out dozens of messages and maybe get a 10% response rate. From that 10%, you'll get a few conversations. From those few conversations, you'll get 2-3 dates if you play your cards right. Ask for dates quickly and don't turn into pen pals.

 

2. A woman gets hammered with 200 messages and the vast majority of them are "polite" messages. Chances are these will be "read/deleted" quickly unless your profile picture makes you look like a Calvin Klein model. The next category of messages are those commenting on a woman's profile. You'll get a few profile views or a response form that but usually not. If you're going to comment on their profile, make a joke of some kind.

 

"I see you like hunting and gardening. Don't you waste a lot of ammo shooting earthworms? -insert random emoticon-".

 

These kinds of messages will spark more interest.

 

3. Never be afraid to send out a random, funny message. "So.. You're open to anything fun on a first date? How about we liberate some garden gnomes this weekend? -insert dumb chit emoticon-" These kinds of messages scored me LOTS of responses.

 

4. Don't be afraid to send out a second message to a woman who has looked at your profile after a message. "You'd call me pleasantly persistent if I sent you a second message, right? -yet another stupid emoticon..-" That specific second message always garnered some interest and I got a few dates from it.

 

5. Your profile needs to stand out, somehow. Toss in funny, sarcastic quips, poke fun at yourself, etc..etc.. Why sit back and claim that you're a "nice, laid back guy who likes a woman with a sense of humor" when you can put that on display with some creative writing?

 

6. Make sure you include a few profile pics of yourself with your friends/family. There are way too many profiles out there of a few head shots and then a full body pic taken in a mirror.. Again, try to stand out.

 

7. DON'T IMMERSE YOURSELF IN OLD SITES!!! Fire off a barrage of messages over the space of a few days and then sit back for a week or two and see what kind of responses you get. Get back on when "new matches" pop up and fire off some more messages and then chill out. Don't check to see if messages have been read or not as you'll just get frustrated. I checked to see who has viewed my profile and then they get the "second message".

[Larryville]

I have notice quite a few ladies from a while back still on. Many of them very attractive. I cannot help wonder if these profiles are not 'plants' to entice non-paying members to upgrade or to keep people coming back.

 

While I won’t say these profiles are a “plants” but I would say to any dude if you see a profile of a “very attractive” women on ANY site, don’t waste your time, just don’t.

 

There is this woman in my area who is easily one of the top 1% in looks on this particular site. She has had the same profile subject line and main profile picture for maybe 6 years!

 

She has one of the best written, funniest, creative profiles on the site. And overall best profile pictures of any woman on any site and they are NOT professional pictures, none are those stupid “my space pose” pics, none with drinks in her hand, sunglasses, kissing pets, showing her legs ect. Her profile would be “the” one to use as an example to set for anyone. But why is she STILL on the site?

I can only imagine how many dudes from likely all over the country have send this woman a “heartfelt” message. But as stated my bigger issue is why women like her keep profiles up? That says more about them than the dudes they turn down or away or ignore.

 

Guys, I’m sure we all have seen countless others with who we have tried to go after, but you must pat the brakes on the ego and ask why is a VERY attractive woman on any dating site? Particularly for an extended period of time?

 

I’m sorry but women who are turning down or flat ignoring 100’s of men a month, either isn’t willing, or able to meet men or there is something very wrong upstairs. Guys just stay in your lane, don’t overreach.

 

DON'T IMMERSE YOURSELF IN OLD SITES!!! Fire off a barrage of messages over the space of a few days and then sit back for a week or two and see what kind of responses you get. Get back on when "new matches" pop up and fire off some more messages and then chill out. Don't check to see if messages have been read or not as you'll just get frustrated. I checked to see who has viewed my profile and then they get the "second message".

 

Agreed, but just as important, if things go dry GET OFF THE SITE COMPLETELY. Take your profile down for a little while. Always reset.

[coolheadal]

Women don't operate like guys. They feel that it will hurt your feelings if too direct because it would hurt theirs.

 

That's why they say things like "It's not gonna work right now", "I love you but I'm not in love with you", etc when they break off an RL.

 

I hate the indirectness. I asked this one girl out and she said "Maybe Thursday" so I pulled the Corey Wayne takeaway "If you're not sure of your schedule call me when you are sure you're free and we'll make a definite date then".

 

She changed her tune to "oh I can definitely meet you on Thursday ".

 

Banged her for a few weeks but she was really a nut so not worth long term.

 

Oh you follow Corey way of thinking most of what he said might work with some women. The crazy ones still manage to sneak in. I feel those tend to say Maybe more than a normal woman I would have said, You call me when you have figured out what your doing this Thursday! I have better things to do to wait for you to figure out what your doing Thursday. Send a text like that they'll contact you back right away. Telling yes we can meet Thursday. I had taken a direct Alpha Male approached. You take charge of the situation and make them ready to go out instead of Maybe...

[coolheadal]

While I won’t say these profiles are a “plants” but I would say to any dude if you see a profile of a “very attractive” women on ANY site, don’t waste your time, just don’t.

 

There is this woman in my area who is easily one of the top 1% in looks on this particular site. She has had the same profile subject line and main profile picture for maybe 6 years!

 

She has one of the best written, funniest, creative profiles on the site. And overall best profile pictures of any woman on any site and they are NOT professional pictures, none are those stupid “my space pose” pics, none with drinks in her hand, sunglasses, kissing pets, showing her legs ect. Her profile would be “the” one to use as an example to set for anyone. But why is she STILL on the site?

I can only imagine how many dudes from likely all over the country have send this woman a “heartfelt” message. But as stated my bigger issue is why women like her keep profiles up? That says more about them than the dudes they turn down or away or ignore.

 

Guys, I’m sure we all have seen countless others with who we have tried to go after, but you must pat the brakes on the ego and ask why is a VERY attractive woman on any dating site? Particularly for an extended period of time?

 

I’m sorry but women who are turning down or flat ignoring 100’s of men a month, either isn’t willing, or able to meet men or there is something very wrong upstairs. Guys just stay in your lane, don’t overreach.

 

 

 

Agreed, but just as important, if things go dry GET OFF THE SITE COMPLETELY. Take your profile down for a little while. Always reset.

 

I did my message to one last night she answered me she wasn't dating anyone now because she's not dating just looking. I told her that would be called Window Shopping. With every block I would have a comeback line to unblock. But the end no date. Those with kids are not easy to date.

[selinaluv]

While I won’t say these profiles are a “plants” but I would say to any dude if you see a profile of a “very attractive” women on ANY site, don’t waste your time, just don’t.

 

There is this woman in my area who is easily one of the top 1% in looks on this particular site. She has had the same profile subject line and main profile picture for maybe 6 years!

 

She has one of the best written, funniest, creative profiles on the site. And overall best profile pictures of any woman on any site and they are NOT professional pictures, none are those stupid “my space pose” pics, none with drinks in her hand, sunglasses, kissing pets, showing her legs ect. Her profile would be “the” one to use as an example to set for anyone. But why is she STILL on the site?

 

I can only imagine how many dudes from likely all over the country have send this woman a “heartfelt” message. But as stated my bigger issue is why women like her keep profiles up? That says more about them than the dudes they turn down or away or ignore.

 

Guys, I’m sure we all have seen countless others with who we have tried to go after, but you must pat the brakes on the ego and ask why is a VERY attractive woman on any dating site? Particularly for an extended period of time?

 

I’m sorry but women who are turning down or flat ignoring 100’s of men a month, either isn’t willing, or able to meet men or there is something very wrong upstairs. Guys just stay in your lane, don’t overreach.

 

Agreed, but just as important, if things go dry GET OFF THE SITE COMPLETELY. Take your profile down for a little while. Always reset.

 

Sometimes that assumption is not fair and you do not know what is going on in her life. I could easily be that woman you described and get told by men all the time (many who I message on occasion) that they think I am a fake profile. It can be frustrating to hear this.

 

My photos are good, clear, and all taken within the past year or so. Men I meet tell me they are accurate and a good representation. But just because my photos and profile are there, doesn't mean I am actually "on" the site. Maybe I am seeing someone and didn't take it down? Or taking a break?

 

I get many messages every day. Only downside in my eyes is I am 42 (even though I look younger) and I am a full time single mom. I carry on good conversation and try to date as much as I can, but in my situation, a random coffee date could mean juggling extra child care, leaving work early, last minute cancellations, or extra money for a babysitter.

 

Maybe all this means I am not cut out for OLD, but I don't think that is the case. It just means I have to be more selective with my dates and spend time weeding out the ones not right for me. I could have a few dates a week, but I am often too tired for even one a week and will hold a guy off. May not be right, but if he is the right one he will understand. If not, he moves on.

 

Since the beginning of the year I have "seen" 3 men. Some for a few dates. But many of those "nice guys" pretty much spent time trying to accomplish one thing. If they get it they bailed and if they didn't they bailed. And these were attractive, but not the drop-dead guys you all think we are waiting for. And I have actually had a man say to me "if I can get you, I can get anyone" and put himself back out there.

 

Many messages I get are from men sending their admiration from across the globe, dirty messages, ask if I am "DTF". And after talking to some I can tell that I don't think it is worth my time. They often send nice messages, but they are way too young, married, or deployed. Or there is a key clue in their profile where I know we do not share the same values or ideals.

 

One guy I started talking to recently... all his pics are more than 5 years old (that was actually the most recent) and 20lbs ago and that deception was a turn off. And he was a "nice, genuine" guy. Even then I gave him my number and he faded on me when I mention that I really liked his look in one photo (which turned out to be four years old).

 

I say all this because you can't know and make that claim. I admit my picker can be wrong on occasion and I am working through this, but I don't think it is fair to assume she is crazy or something is wrong. Maybe she is still there because too many guys make that assumption and leave her alone. Maybe she wants to take it slow and find the right one, or can't date as casually as she wants.

[Larryville]

Those with kids are not easy to date.

 

Cool, I don't know how long you have been on the site, but way back when I first got on here I talked about a lady I was seriously into, had a daughter who was 11 at the time, we were together for almost a year. Long story short I had grown really close to that young lady.

 

She was a brat and disrespectful to her mother at first but she was an amazing, smart and creative young lady and I'm certain will be something special one day. She should be a ending her junior year in high school now.

 

The mother and her had kind of a tense relationship but she and I got along very well.

Lots of good advice from folks here helped.

However when we broke up I lost 2 people. Losing the daughter was as hard for me, and the daughter had some brief issues in school afterwards.

 

Before dating this mom, I swore I would not date any single women, I gave in and that happened.

 

While folks are free to try dating single moms, I won't do it again and I personally would never recommend it UNLESS you meet a woman that you are pretty damn sure she is "the one."

 

Yes I know... sometimes we must take risks to reap rewards.

[coolheadal]

Cool, I don't know how long you have been on the site, but way back when I first got on here I talked about a lady I was seriously into, had a daughter who was 11 at the time, we were together for almost a year. Long story short I had grown really close to that young lady.

 

She was a brat and disrespectful to her mother at first but she was an amazing, smart and creative young lady and I'm certain will be something special one day. She should be a ending her junior year in high school now.

 

The mother and her had kind of a tense relationship but she and I got along very well.

Lots of good advice from folks here helped.

However when we broke up I lost 2 people. Losing the daughter was as hard for me, and the daughter had some brief issues in school afterwards.

 

Before dating this mom, I swore I would not date any single women, I gave in and that happened.

 

While folks are free to try dating single moms, I won't do it again and I personally would never recommend it UNLESS you meet a woman that you are pretty damn sure she is "the one."

 

Yes I know... sometimes we must take risks to reap rewards.

 

2 years ago I met a single mom with 5 year old. She had place this child over all others. Like the child ruled the household. Everything comes to the end of that cycle. Yes we all have experience so much, but you need to know when to back cut your loses. To many clever women out there with all sorts of games.

[Dis]

While I won’t say these profiles are a “plants” but I would say to any dude if you see a profile of a “very attractive” women on ANY site, don’t waste your time, just don’t.

 

There is this woman in my area who is easily one of the top 1% in looks on this particular site. She has had the same profile subject line and main profile picture for maybe 6 years!

 

Huh???

 

Thats not fair Larry

 

So because a woman is very attractive....that somehow equates to her being a waste of time???

 

I was on OLD for 1.75 years. I put in a ton of effort, went on lots of dates. Had two short term relationships that didnt work out...but I still kept going...all along wondering why nothing was sticking (no I'm not crazy) very sweet and caring...relationship oriented....generous etc

 

But according to your outlook on 'very attractive women' and maybe other men's....maybe thats why I never had luck with OLD

 

Btw, I updated my pics every 6 months

 

If there's any truth to guys actually being so dillusional to think a woman is a time waster just because she's in the top 1% looks wise...then thanks for the insight as to why OLD was so awful

[selinaluv]

Huh???

 

Thats not fair Larry

 

So because a woman is very attractive....that somehow equates to her being a waste of time???

 

I was on OLD for 1.75 years. I put in a ton of effort, went on lots of dates. Had two short term relationships that didnt work out...but I still kept going...all along wondering why nothing was sticking (no I'm not crazy) very sweet and caring...relationship oriented....generous etc

 

But according to your outlook on 'very attractive women' and maybe other men's....maybe thats why I never had luck with OLD

 

Btw, I updated my pics every 6 months

 

If there's any truth to guys actually being so dillusional to think a woman is a time waster just because she's in the top 1% looks wise...then thanks for the insight as to why OLD was so awful

 

(note my struggle and post) I am right there with you.

 

I think the key here is we really don't know what is going on with the person on the other end. That woman deemed crazy or that guy categorized as player based on some photos and their time on the site, could very well be sincere and trying hard within their parameters. It is discouraging.

[Miss Spider]

What's your luck like irl op? Because your average women gets 10x + the attention she would get IRL on OLD. You're competeing with all the guys interested in her or that are just bored within a 200+ mile radius. A lot of them out of said girls league, but looking for an f buddy (they might be sneaky about it) So you have some tough competition.

[Chilli]

But at the end of the day it still amounts to nothing and it's a level playing field for all.

Known some great women been on date sites for years and years and still on them , usually 3 or 4 date sites not just one , and still single.

 

But yeah OP , don't waste your time with some heartfelt bs , you know nothing about her. Those places are filled with a lot of very effd up or sneaky or lying women that can't even get dates in the real world anyway from my brief experience.

Only a handful will be worth your heartfelt but hey, get talking to em first , see who your really dealing with.

 

ps ,pof was a total sham from what l saw, try another one.

Edited April 28, 2017 by Chilli

[Gr8fuln2020]

ps ,pof was a total sham from what l saw, try another one.

 

I have had the most success with POF. Some really nice ladies. OLD is a funny thing as we all know. I am very much aware of the number of messages the ladies get, so I am persistent and often message multiple times (4-5x) until I get a response of no or I see that they have visited my profile and moved on. I have managed to make contact with a few ladies this way and as confirmed, they hadn't seen my earlier messages buried in the hundreds of others.

[Kamille]

It's not a personal affront. And it also doesn't say anything about women, the quality of women on OLD, etc etc.

 

I recently reactivated my account.

 

Yes, I receive messages from new guys every day. I try to limit my time on the site as a result. The more you are active, the more traffic you get. Still, new messages every day.

 

This time I've decided I would only correspond with 3 guys at a time. So everyone else who is writing to me? Some with great cute messages that take things I said in my profile into account? On hold until I figure out the situation with the 3 guys I'm currently chatting with. So far, that's 3 out of 84 messages received -most of which show that the guys took the time to try to find a hook.

 

The fact I'm not writing back? It's not personal.

 

Also, a friend told me my profile is still up on another platform. I had deleted the app and assumed it would delete my account. In this case, it's really not personal.