Jadedbyluv Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 My relationship ended on amicable terms. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't what I wanted but he was being honest with me. He told me that while we had something good, he just didn't want a relationship. I respected him for being truthful with me. We remained friends and still continued to see each other and communicate frequently. We had a great friendship during our relationship and even though things didn't work out romantically, I naively believed we could continue that friendship. He even told me that we had the making of a solid friendship and he wanted to preserve that. Fast forward three months later, we were both on vacation and out and about so haven't been in contact as much. But I reached out to him telling him that we should catch up and I also mentioned I wanted to give him the gift I got him from my trip. I told him before I left I was getting his something. Ignored my texts so thought he was still busy settling in. Reached out a few days later, having a normal convo then said we should catch up this week on the phone. Stopped responding to me again. Haven't heard from him since. He doesn't owe me anything at this point. I know we aren't together and he doesn't have to be my friend. But I took him at his word when he said things would be good with us and we would still be able to hang out and talk. I have taken it really personally with him ignoring me. I told him about a guy who ghosted me once and he said if he ever disappeared like that and didn't respond after a few days then I should worry. Just didn't think he would basically do the same thing to me. It was probably too soon to think we could be friends because I still care for him. I just didn't want to lose him as a friend too. A lot has happened in the last few weeks and I have just really missed his friendship. At this point, I can assume I won't hear from him and I have no idea why really. He's a 46 year old man and just thought he would have a little more respect for me than that. It just really sucks. I feel like I did something wrong. I feel crappy about myself. I feel pathetic. I feel stupid for even bringing something back now from my trip. I feel lonely. I feel sad. And all I wanted was a simple phone call....is that too much to ask?
stillafool Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 How long ago did you break up? Usually when there is a peaceful break up (No fighting and yelling) people just throw out terms like "let's be friends", "let's stay in touch", "I'm still here for you" when in fact those are just nice things to say while they exit. Your ex has moved on, tried not to hurt you more but with your somewhat persistent contact decided the best way to get the point across to you is to ignore. That is what he is doing ignoring you so you are forced to leave him alone and move on with your life. Ignoring is actually better than staying in touch and giving you hope for reconciliation when there is none. Try not to contact him again. 1
SadEgg Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 You definitely didnt do anything wrong - even though I know it's hard not to feel that way. He could be purposefully ignoring you or he could be busy and just hasnt gotten back to you or who knows... I have friends that take forever to get back to me and Ill keep pestering them until they do...or I let it go, if I dont feel like pestering them, without a second though because they are a friend and its no big deal either way. But when that person/friend is an ex... you start second guessing everything because they are your ex. And that's probably partly why people stress moving on and not doing the friendship thing. Im sorry that you are feeling the way you are. I hope you hear from him.
Author Jadedbyluv Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 The breakup was 3 months ago. I get people say niceties after a breakup to ease the pain or make things easier. Why not start ignoring right after the breakup then? We were still doing things together and communicating on a regular basis up until our vacations. Even talked about things we would do when we got back. I went away for like 2 weeks then he did. Even though it wasn't daily, we were still in contact. Sending pics during our trips and just our normal banter. If he wanted to stop talking to me, he should have done it months ago. Not give me the bs about being friends. Not being my friend then ignoring me. More of a rhetorical question but why don't people realize that ignoring someone hurts more than the truth? It's just that I expected more from him. The mature thing to do is communicate that with someone instead of making them wonder and guess. Sure it's easy to just ignore someone, hoping they'll just disappear. But do they realize the pain it causes? It makes the breakup more difficult at least for me. I start to second guess everything. I feel like our whole relationship was even a lie at this point. I feel like maybe I didn't know him at all because the man I cared about wouldn't have done this to me especially being so vulnerable with him about my past. It just sucks. It's disappointing to feel like you don't even matter enough for a simple text back. Just thought he had more of a heart than that.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 My guess is that he saw you were still hoping for more, evidenced by buying him a gift on holiday (not really a great thing to do for an ex) and is hoping that by ghosting you'll get the hint that he truly doesn't want more. Yes, he could have just been honest but unfortunately a lot of people take the "easy" way out by just fading away. Either that or he's met someone else and doesn't know how to tell you. In any event, I'm sorry this happened. This is why trying to be friends with such a recent ex isn't a good idea. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 I'm so sorry that you believed the white lie people tell during amicable break ups. We can "still be friends" only means I don't hate you & won't cross the street to avoid you if I see you in public. It does not actually mean the person wants continued contact. Your EX wasn't strong enough to be blunt & tell you to stop contacting him so he took the easy way out & ghosted. Sorry. Perhaps you can find another use for the present you got him. For your sake I hope the small positive that may come from this is that you now can fully move on because this was your closure moment. 2
Author Jadedbyluv Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 My guess is that he saw you were still hoping for more, evidenced by buying him a gift on holiday (not really a great thing to do for an ex) and is hoping that by ghosting you'll get the hint that he truly doesn't want more. Yes, he could have just been honest but unfortunately a lot of people take the "easy" way out by just fading away. Either that or he's met someone else and doesn't know how to tell you. In any event, I'm sorry this happened. This is why trying to be friends with such a recent ex isn't a good idea. The last time we hung out before my trip, he gave me a small gift. It was super thoughtful and for no reason at all. So I told him that I was going to get him something from my trip to return the gesture. It was an innocent thought to return the kindness. Like I said I was naive to think we could be friends. I was wrong to take him at his word.
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