smackie9 Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Ah sadly gone are the days of genteel dating, when the lady got flowers by a suitor..... 1
Lilyana76 Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 A single flower (not a rose) or a bunch of wild flowers I think would be appropriate. I see nothing wrong with that. I would be flattered if a man brought something like that on a first date. Where did all the wooing go???? Everyone is so worried about first impressions and what or how they should do something while dating... why not be yourself!?!? If you want to bring a flower, bring a damn flower. If she don't like it too bad, find one that will like that part of you! I think I was born in the wrong era.
Jj66 Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 It may be on the comeback. My 17 year old daughter has received flowers on first dates at least three times in the last year. 3
preraph Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 She is someone I have talked and texted with her for almost a year. And never met. It's not the same. 3
preraph Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Please listen to Donnivain. She has already told you even before meeting that you are getting carried away, so she's already hesitant and unsure. You act like you know her, but you didn't even listen to her when she told you to slow down and are going full bore overthinking and overdoing this date. Texting someone and listening to what they are trying to tell you are two different things. Meeting face to face will be the first real thing you know about each other. You need to not do anything with gifts since this is trying to hard and just be nice and keep the conversation going and see if it's easy to be together or not. Good luck. 3
ChatroomHero Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I have done flowers in my younger days a couple of times and when I look back it was a bit awkward. I don't think it was ever received as a win for me, just more of a "ohh, that's nice." If you don't give anything, she will never think, "Next. He didn't give me flowers." If you bring flowers it's not really going to push you over the edge in any meaningful way and it may come off as corny, awkward, etc. When you give any gift to a person you don't know, it's like a secret santa, a generic gesture. If you know her a bit then sometimes you come across something small she might like and it could be perceived as a nice, thoughtful gesture specifically for her. Even then in the initial stages of dating gifts or flowers I figure I am paying for most dates, making most of the effort, and buying a gift for her or dropping $30 on flowers on top of that seems like I am trying to buy her affection because in a sense that is really what you are doing and trying to do. I view it as a lose or get nothing out of it gesture.
Redhead14 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I've had men bring me gifts on a first date and it made me uncomfortable. It felt as though they were trying to "buy" me. Don't do it. You've known her a long time, yes, but this is a new phase -- romantically courting her. Chill. 1
Miss Spider Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 (edited) Do it. Flowers every. Time. Flowers never hurt anything - it's all about how attracted she is to you on the date. The problem is that men who do these gestures are typically having to resort to doing them because they don't think they can attract you in other ways....and usually that's the case. Attracted = +2 points. 'Aww he's romantic in addition to being funny, smart, confident, driven, and oh so hot. Every time I look at those flowers, I think of him.. awwwww" Not attracted = He was nice and I got some flowers. Edited April 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough 4
Redhead14 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Do it. Flowers every. Time. Flowers never hurt anything - it's all about how attracted she is to you on the date Attracted = +2 points. 'Aww he's romantic in addition to being funny, smart, confident, driven, and oh so hot. Every time I look at those flowers, I think of him.. awwwww" Not attracted = He was nice and I got some flowers. This really is a risk/reward situation. The risk of making her uncomfortable, especially when she's already said he's been kinda pushing her, is a little greater than the anticipated/hoped for reward. When you aren't sure about something, it's usually best to do less or nothing for a little bit and observe.
Miss Spider Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 OP can hold off the flowers but I still don't believe flowers knock people in either direction..they enhance direction that it goes in!!! Not attracted: omg that was so creepy/awkward/ he's desperate !!!! Attracted: le sigh lol But the people who do those gestures are compensating for their lack...almost every time. They usually overthink and lack confidence and try too hard/come on wat too strong in general. Which is why yes it usually goes the way of awkward/uncomfortable. and flowers aren't going to fix that
Spring23 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I've had men bring me gifts on a first date and it made me uncomfortable. It felt as though they were trying to "buy" me. Don't do it. You've known her a long time, yes, but this is a new phase -- romantically courting her. Chill. For the record, my husband brought me flowers on our first date. I loved them and put them in water. We went on our date and then in less than a year we were engaged. I love flowers and was always happy to receive them. 3
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Do it. Flowers every. Time. Flowers never hurt anything - it's all about how attracted she is to you on the date. The problem is that men who do these gestures are typically having to resort to doing them because they don't think they can attract you in other ways....and usually that's the case. Attracted = +2 points. 'Aww he's romantic in addition to being funny, smart, confident, driven, and oh so hot. Every time I look at those flowers, I think of him.. awwwww" Not attracted = He was nice and I got some flowers. Personally I like flowers. But here, the girl who will receive the flowers already told the OP to BACK OFF. She already thinks he's too intense & trying too hard. SHE will NOT like receiving flowers or anything else on the first date. The problem is further compounded because the OP is the type of inexperienced, somewhat clueless 00 but very sweet with his heart in the right place -- guy who gives flowers on a first date. I see more probability that is genteel old soul will be crushed by this gesture than it winning the girl's heart. She's not ready for this kind of courting & won't respond well to it. 1
Spring23 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Personally I like flowers. But here, the girl who will receive the flowers already told the OP to BACK OFF. She already thinks he's too intense & trying too hard. SHE will NOT like receiving flowers or anything else on the first date. The problem is further compounded because the OP is the type of inexperienced, somewhat clueless 00 but very sweet with his heart in the right place -- guy who gives flowers on a first date. I see more probability that is genteel old soul will be crushed by this gesture than it winning the girl's heart. She's not ready for this kind of courting & won't respond well to it. If this girl cannot receive flowers without being appreciative then the OP should save his money and spend it on another girl who'll love the gesture. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 If this girl cannot receive flowers without being appreciative then the OP should save his money and spend it on another girl who'll love the gesture. Perhaps. But I see this girl as being willing to come around to his more sweet side, just not right out of the box. For right now she's young & scared too. She already told him he was too intense but she continued to talk to him for a year. While I think that is ridiculous (talking for a year), I also see it as a sign of her warming up to him but he's dealing with a girl who is trying to figure her own way. I'd like to see these 2 kids succeed so I am trying to give him balanced advise to help him win her over. 5
Spring23 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Perhaps. But I see this girl as being willing to come around to his more sweet side, just not right out of the box. For right now she's young & scared too. She already told him he was too intense but she continued to talk to him for a year. While I think that is ridiculous (talking for a year), I also see it as a sign of her warming up to him but he's dealing with a girl who is trying to figure her own way. I'd like to see these 2 kids succeed so I am trying to give him balanced advise to help him win her over. you're a good person with nice advice. 1
Titanll Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Lol'd at the old fashioned and 50 shades fan... I say about 12 dozen long stem red roses are in order.
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Yup when yer young your desire gets the better of you....you want it bad and can't tone it down.
act00 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I think flowers on the first date would be really nice, but given the update and the OP being told to tone it down, in this case, it probably isn't the best idea. Flowers can wait until a littler later on. Personally, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. My first real boyfriend at 17 started off with a flower delivery to work, and my mother received flowers from a man who took interest in her, prior to them going out for a good year and a half. Of course now I'm in my 40s, and flowers have been more of a thing for my generation (or in my experience), but I'm not sure how it would come off to a teen, 20-something, or 30-something. In any case, I think that normally I would say "go for it," but because the OP has come across to strong and too eager, he would be better served by toning it down and just treating her to a nice evening. Baby steps. 1
Jj66 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) Some things I have done on first dates that went over very well. We were walking at night in the city and passed by the governors mansion which had a very nice garden. I trespassed into the garden and picked a flower. I gave it to her and said this is for you. This told her I liked her and also showed I was a bit of a rule breaker. Another time, I knew she really liked chocolate so I put two chocolate truffles in my coat pocket. As we were having a after dinner brandy listening to live jazz I pulled one out and asked her if she wanted a chocolate truffle. I gave her the truffle and kissed her. My point is you can be make romantic gestures without being boring or going to great expense. No need for a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. Sometimes less is more. Save the flower bouquet until later. I always wait until after sex before giving a bouquet of flowers. Edited April 28, 2017 by Jj66 1
Spring23 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I always wait until after sex before giving a bouquet of flowers. And if the sex is good she gets the flowers from the florist not so good she gets the ones from "Stop n Shop."
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