Fresnite Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 She is generally old fashioned and likes to be courted. Picking her up at her place, opening my car door for her, etc. She is also a huge fan of 50 shades of gray book. Anyways, I'm trying to figure out of I should buy her flowers, what kind and the quanity. Also She says she likes taking things slow, but i knew her and talked to her for a year. I'm unsure what is the best course. Impress her with flowers or risk coming off wrong or strong?
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 She is generally old fashioned and likes to be courted. Picking her up at her place, opening my car door for her, etc. She is also a huge fan of 50 shades of gray book. Anyways, I'm trying to figure out of I should buy her flowers, what kind and the quanity. Also She says she likes taking things slow, but i knew her and talked to her for a year. I'm unsure what is the best course. Impress her with flowers or risk coming off wrong or strong? don't go extravagant......some women dont like cut flowers.....i have been waiting for a guy who shows up for a first date with a venus flytrap......or a pot of nasturtiums(i eat the flowers).....so far....nada.....because they have to read my mind to know thats what i would like..... for me i love flowers...and would appreciate a cute flower thats living in a cute little pot.....if you are going to show up with flowers...choose wild ones...or a single flower......a bunch of daisies maybe are sweet,....nothing to over the top...its a one first date and no guarantee of another...dont make her feel obligated.....i wish you luck and hope it goes well for you...deb
somanymistakes Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 a single flower for a first date can be sweet IN GENERAL though a single red rose would be too much and give kind of creepy-stalker vibes. avoid carnations as well, they're cheap and boring and should not be given past high school. if you know what color she likes go with that, otherwise pink at least says 'this is a romantic gesture' 1
preraph Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 This is a first date, not a marriage proposal. This is you taking someone out you don't even know or vice versa. Don't give it more weight than what it is, which is meeting someone to see what they're like and see if you have any attraction with each other. No need to gift anything at all anytime soon. 1
Author Fresnite Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 This is a first date, not a marriage proposal. This is you taking someone out you don't even know or vice versa. Don't give it more weight than what it is, which is meeting someone to see what they're like and see if you have any attraction with each other. No need to gift anything at all anytime soon. She is someone I have talked and texted with her for almost a year. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 If you really want to do this, simple & small is the way to go. 2
Life lessons Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Flowers are too much for a 1st date. Agreed! Courting is great...opening the car door, picking her up at home, etc., but I also think flowers are to much for a first date. Sweet thought though! 1
amaysngrace Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 If the date goes well send her flowers tomorrow. Expensive ones if you get laid. 3
Author Fresnite Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 Now does anyone's answer or opinion change based on age group? Like we are both 19. Compared to if we were both 29?
todreaminblue Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Now does anyone's answer or opinion change based on age group? Like we are both 19. Compared to if we were both 29? no.........not in my world.....deb
basil67 Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Remember that when in a relationship, you should start out as you intend to continue. You see, courting gestures are shallow because they stop when the courting phase has ended. If you're into flowers and opening car doors etc, that's great. But be prepared to keep it up for the duration of the relationship - not just courting. Otherwise she's eventually likely to get upset about how you've changed and don't do the things you used to do. 5
Author Fresnite Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 Remember that when in a relationship, you should start out as you intend to continue. You see, courting gestures are shallow because they stop when the courting phase has ended. If you're into flowers and opening car doors etc, that's great. But be prepared to keep it up for the duration of the relationship - not just courting. Otherwise she's eventually likely to get upset about how you've changed and don't do the things you used to do. Thank you for that one. That's very wise.
Author Fresnite Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 Hello, This may sound odd, but its legit and its different. So for my first date instead of flowers I am thinking of bringing her, her favorite coffee beverage and like present it to her. She is a coffee fanatic. Her instagram is loaded with memes and her personal photos of coffee and comments of coffee.
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 You are so overthinking this. Asking about whether to ask for a kiss; asking about bringing flowers & now asking if you should bring a coffee gift. Just STOP! No flowers, no coffee, no gifts of any sort for a 1st date. Take her out for coffee if coffee means so much to her but you are going to smother her or overwhelm her & frighten her off if you don't stop with this. She already agreed to go out with you. Stop trying to buy her affections. Gifts too early signify weakness & insecurity because you are trying too hard. Just be yourself. Confidence is sexy. Dial it back already. 10
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Now does anyone's answer or opinion change based on age group? Like we are both 19. Compared to if we were both 29? Yes, my answer changes. You are 19. DO NOT GIVE HER FLOWERS! She will think you are weird. It will not be received as sweet. At 49 (not 29) maybe a single flower because at that point you would be suave enough to pull it off. You bringing her flowers will be awkward & will KILL any romantic vibe you may have. You already wasted too long being her friend. I'm kind of shocked that after a year of texting she agreed to go out with you at all. How you avoided getting friend zoned is a mystery to me but congrats on pulling it off. You seem very sweet & I know you want to make a good impression. That is so refreshing but here's the thing: confidence will make a good impression. Flowers will scream you have no idea what you are doing & you're desperate. That will be the kiss of death. Just take her out. Stop trying to buy her stuff. Whatever you do, do NOT get the coffee (or any other gift) you mentioned in your other thread. Also now knowing your age, I revise my response to your post about asking for a kiss. If after you watch Hitch, if you still don't understand what I meant when I said learn to ask for the kiss without words, go ahead & whisper while leaning in close, "can I kiss you?" At 19 for this first date, that will be OK. Understand you can't keep this up forever. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. 6
amaysngrace Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Bringing her coffee would be weird. What if it makes her have to poop? 2
Author Fresnite Posted April 26, 2017 Author Posted April 26, 2017 You are so overthinking this. Asking about whether to ask for a kiss; asking about bringing flowers & now asking if you should bring a coffee gift. Just STOP! No flowers, no coffee, no gifts of any sort for a 1st date. Take her out for coffee if coffee means so much to her but you are going to smother her or overwhelm her & frighten her off if you don't stop with this. She already agreed to go out with you. Stop trying to buy her affections. Gifts too early signify weakness & insecurity because you are trying too hard. Just be yourself. Confidence is sexy. Dial it back already. Ok Thanks that makes sense, how come I cannot see that is how i am projecting myself? That's why I've known her for that length of time and now just going out with her because at first i came on to emotional and strong and she said for me to slow down and calm down lol. So yeah, thanks for that advice.
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Ok Thanks that makes sense, how come I cannot see that is how i am projecting myself? That's why I've known her for that length of time and now just going out with her because at first i came on to emotional and strong and she said for me to slow down and calm down lol. So yeah, thanks for that advice. You are welcome. If this girl already warned you to power down, you better listen to her. You are anxious & over-eager because you are excited. Genuine enthusiasm is good. Being a stage-5 cling-on is Very, Very Bad. Do some deep breathing exercises & calm yourself before the date. Have a self talk before you leave the house & again 5 minutes before you see her that you will remain aloof. I'm not saying be cold. I am saying don't act like the dog , furiously waging its tail, jumping around greeting its human who just got home from work. Focus on the fact that she finally agreed to go on the date. Listen to her when she speaks. Be interested in what she has to say. Do be courtly -- opening doors, pulling out chairs etc. CALM. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 If you brought me anything on the first date, I would find it weird and think that it means I am the only option you have had in years. Then I would think there must be a reason for that. 2
JuneL Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 If you brought me anything on the first date, I would find it weird and think that it means I am the only option you have had in years. Then I would think there must be a reason for that. I think you are overthinking a little. While I agree with the others that there is no need to bring her gift or stuff, OP sounds like a very young guy. So his inexperience can appear cute and naive 2
Larryville Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 Ok some might call it corny, I have only done twice (on a first date) with women who I had a very good vibe about and it went along with them being homeowners and having said they like trees, plants, flowers ect. I gave them a basket of a variety of seeds, with different types of flowers perennials, annuals some appropriate with the spring season kinda a symbol of new beginnings and simply from listening to them talk about something they enjoyed doing. First dates went well, one meet ended up with the only time I have been in a full blown relationship. Was a purely gut thing. Flowers are too much for a first date or early in the dating process unless you are doing an "all in" approach, you truly believe she is "the one" HOWEVER the feeling MUST BE MUTUAL! 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 When I first started OLD, I used to bring flowers on the first date. Only once did I have a lady tell me that she preferred not receiving 'cut' flowers. Most were flattered. It didn't take long for me to stop that. I was new to dating after many years of marriage, so didn't quite know what I was doing. :p
Recommended Posts