fastj Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 My boyfriend is currently suffering from depression. I have suffered from MDD for years so I can tell he is severely depressed. However, he is the type of person who doesn't believe in therapy, medications, self-help books, etc. I have tried taking him out on dates, talking to him about his problems in depth, offering him solutions, telling him everything is going to be okay, buying him things, getting him to go out with friends, etc. and nothing seems to be working. I don't mind that he is depressed and I don't hold it against him, but I just want to help him out and I don't know what else to do. I know he has a lot of underlying issues, but he doesn't want to talk about them or go back to therapy and there's only so much money can do (I am making minimum wage and am in debt so I would prefer to not keep spending $100s of dollars if it's not helping, because it stresses me out). I don't want to scare him off by forcing him to talk about his childhood, but I don't know what else to do. I ask him what I can do to help and he says he doesn't know what will help. Is there anyone who can offer me some advice as to how to handle this?
Miss Spider Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 Sorry to hear what you're going through. My ex suffered with depression. There really is nothing you can do if he refuses to get help. He really needs to be on medication and get therapy. All you can do is be supportive(just listen and understand ) and encourage him to get therapy. Also read up on the illness. I wish you both well. x 1
preraph Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 I think you need to enlist whoever has the most influence over him and make him get into therapy. You can't just let someone mentally ill make their own decisions about their mental health because they aren't capable of it in many cases. I would not stay with anyone who didn't believe in trying to fix whatever is wrong with them or who was foolish enough not to "believe in" doctors and medicine! Come on! You're just enabling him if you stay without him seeing a doctor. Don't be part of the problem. 2
Author fastj Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 I think you need to enlist whoever has the most influence over him and make him get into therapy. You can't just let someone mentally ill make their own decisions about their mental health because they aren't capable of it in many cases. I would not stay with anyone who didn't believe in trying to fix whatever is wrong with them or who was foolish enough not to "believe in" doctors and medicine! Come on! You're just enabling him if you stay without him seeing a doctor. Don't be part of the problem. Thank you, you are right. I guess I just figured I had to keep compromising and doing things his way rather than what I know will help. 1
Shanex Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 The main issue with someone who you think may suffer from depression is to accept or acknowledge he is indeed ill, most people who have it at whatever points of their lives may deny it first... Only a psychiatrist could tell and probably not us. Now, to handle it. When you suffer from depression, very often you don't want to go out anymore and starts losing friends in the process not to mention some disputes with the family, in some cases. Too many young guys I have known also never wanted to go to a therapist because ''they weren't crazy'', it's not the stigma about being ''crazy'' more like needing professional help for a while that's often only temporary if he's not mentally ill. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 Stop trying to handle it. Even if you suffer from MDD, that doesn't make you an expert in diagnosing or treating somebody else. You have determined he needs professional help but he doesn't want that. Accept him as he is & hush up about it or walk away. It's not your responsibility to "fix" your BF. 2
preraph Posted April 26, 2017 Posted April 26, 2017 The main issue with someone who you think may suffer from depression is to accept or acknowledge he is indeed ill, most people who have it at whatever points of their lives may deny it first... Only a psychiatrist could tell and probably not us. Now, to handle it. When you suffer from depression, very often you don't want to go out anymore and starts losing friends in the process not to mention some disputes with the family, in some cases. Too many young guys I have known also never wanted to go to a therapist because ''they weren't crazy'', it's not the stigma about being ''crazy'' more like needing professional help for a while that's often only temporary if he's not mentally ill. Right. The mentally ill are the last people who want to get help, for a variety of reasons. His thing about doctors and medicine may be actual diagnosable paranoia or anxiety. I haven't read a recent study but it used to be that something like 80 percent of mental health patients stopped taking their meds as prescribed (or altogether), and the mental instability and symptoms is why. The mentally ill have to have supervision to take their meds in many cases. Don't get mired in this if he is unwilling to change and you or his family can't influence him to get help and keep getting help. It's ironic on depression because often just a couple of week of being on the right pill can really make you feel so much better. Those who are paranoid will cite you all the horror stories they can find (most of which happened because the patient stopped taking the meds suddenly or as prescribed) and use those stories to justify their paranoia, but truth is there are hundreds of meds for depression alone, and combinations and most people can find one that works. 1
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