Not sure what's going on regarding 3rd date. What do you think?

[fmfan08]

She did say she she's new to this dating stuff, maybe she's worried about falling for someone again after what her ex did lol, who knows.

 

Do you think I should have told her I was dating others or someone else? I wasn't but I should have been. Maybe she thought she got me too easily and saying I'm dating others would have made her worry about losig me, that's why I'm thinking of saying "okay, another time when your schedule is free" then she sees I've removed her from facebook.

[BryanSmiley]

I had a semi-lengthy reply written that I'd take the hint and she's made it clear she doesn't want to meet, that i've been patient enough and would rather date someone who wants to get to know me in person, that maybe she has met someone else, that i'm glad to get to know her in the time we did but i have to think about myself etc and that she can contact me if she wants to pursue things, then I'd say good luck.

 

But I think that's a bad reply and makes me look too bothered..

 

So I think I might go with "Let's just do it another time when your schedule is more definite x" and just remove her from Facebook. Least that shows I'm moving and and cannot be bothered, straight to the point.

 

The former does show you’re too bothered. The latter text is potentially a bit too nice given..do you really expect to line up another date then play this whole game another week or 2? If you sense she could genuinely be ill and you still might see her then go with that, but don’t delete her on Fb. That comes across childish, and confusing given your being cool and open on the one hand and deleting on the other.

 

Given the circumstances and I’m no master, I would go with a ‘No worries, hope you feel better soon x’. That does 2 things, nice and cool, well wishing if she is ill, and if she’s any moral fibre – guilt trips if it’s made up. You’ve done no wrong and not chased to rebook, that’s her onus. After a week if she hasn’t made a real effort – delete her off Fb and move on from the games.

[Knix]

So a couple of days ago she asked me if I was seeing any other girls apart from her? I told her she was the only girl I'm seeing at this moment.

 

Anyway it's Wednesday morning and she's text "Morning old man...I'm not well, been up all night being sick and not slept. Having the day off work and going to try and sleep it off. So I'm going to say I won't be able to come tonight so sorry! No idea what is wrong with me...I will try to make it up to you. Xxx"

 

I'm going to remove her off Facebook and just send her a message later saying I take the hint or something.

 

You guys were right after all. I just thought with some of the texts she was giving me these last few days there was some hope lol.

 

Yeah... this is what I suspected. I'm very glad that you have decided to block her, best to block her number too because she'll just keep trying to keep you on the back burner.

 

She asked if you were seeing other girls because she's seeing other guys. There's a part of her that feels bad, but not enough to stop. So she keeps trying to find ways to not feel guilty.

 

Please move on, you can do better

[rester]

Given the circumstances and I’m no master, I would go with a ‘No worries, hope you feel better soon x’. That does 2 things, nice and cool, well wishing if she is ill, and if she’s any moral fibre – guilt trips if it’s made up. You’ve done no wrong and not chased to rebook, that’s her onus. After a week if she hasn’t made a real effort – delete her off Fb and move on from the games.

 

^^^ I agree with this. I have to admit I cringed when OP stated he was going to delete her off Facebook and tell her he can take a hint. She would take that as OP accusing her of being a liar.

 

Tell her to get well soon and leave it at that. If you don't hear from her in a week or two delete her off Facebook.

 

And in the future I would highly recommend not adding women on Facebook until you are in an established relationship, or at least wait a couple months into dating. Then you don't have to worry about defriending or blocking.

[fmfan08]

I guess that's that then.

 

I'll go through what happened. I told her I hope she gets better and asked if she is free tomorrow night? She said she woke up and saw my text and said she still feels sick, then said she can't tomorrow and that she's only free Saturday.

 

So I asked how does 8:30pm sound? (Guess I seemed too available)

 

She said "That's late on, you working during the day? X"

 

Then 15 minutes after she says

"Can't do half 8, just spoke to my dad and he wants to take me out for a celebration tea for me getting my job.

Sorry...I am just so busy at the moment, going back to my teaching placement and SATS coming up etc. I might have to cool this off for a while. I don't want to be messing you around because your a gentleman and I don't want to come across a bitch, because I'm not like that.

Hope that makes sense? Xx"

 

So I sent a long message, mostly because I felt confused, messed about, annoyed but glad it was the end.

 

This was most likely a bad thing to send but I said:

 

"It's cool, you can just say to me that you aren't interested.. makes life easier. I'd have appreciated if you'd have told me a couple of weeks ago though. Confuses me when you're saying your friends want to meet me, asking if I'm seeing other girls, etc. But I don't see you in a bad way, maybe you've met someone else and want to pursue that, maybe that drunk text was meant for someone else. As long as it makes you happy, that's fine with me. Shame as I thought there was something potentially good between us, but I guess we see this differently. Glad we got to know each other in the time we did but your work is much more important than me and I'd rather you put that first. If your schedule ever frees up sometime, you know where I am. Anyway, good luck with your future x"

 

Then I removed her from Facebook.

 

Again, heat of the moment and I wish that I said something like "Okay cool, your work comes first and we can do this another time" but I felt better sending what I did. Just in the future I'm going to have to refrain from it and control my emotions. A busy person still finds time for someone they're interested in. I also had a feeling she might be seeing someone else, guess that's what motivated me to send that.

 

So i guess I just wanted to put it to bed, say what I had to say and have the last move to make me feel better, i.e removing her from Facebook.

 

In the future I'm going to have to act cool about it instead of emotionally like this and I think that's because I didn't have options. From now on I'm going to have options and not invest much and have a care-free attitude.

 

Funnily enough I nearly didn't reply to her first ever message because she lives about 25 miles away. I was thinking at the time that this will probably not work due to that, but we clicked over messages too much to not give it a chance.

 

She could be really busy and career focused, but I'm also busy too. That with a 25 mile distance doesn't help. Sure being busy you try to make it work but I work a lot of lates and she has a very active social life. Even when we arranged first and second dates, it was like a puzzle working out when we were BOTH free so in the long term this wouldn't have worked.

 

Anyway, each girl I've dated has improved from the previous and I take my lessons learned into the next.

Edited May 3, 2017 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Yeah... this is what I suspected. I'm very glad that you have decided to block her, best to block her number too because she'll just keep trying to keep you on the back burner.

 

She asked if you were seeing other girls because she's seeing other guys. There's a part of her that feels bad, but not enough to stop. So she keeps trying to find ways to not feel guilty.

 

Please move on, you can do better

 

Hmm, now you say it..

 

Did she really say that because she's seeing other guys?

 

The way I was posting on Facebook made it look like I was going on dates with other girls and I thought she might be worried that she was seeing a player and that the compliments I've given her I might be saying to everyone else.

 

But yeah she was acting flaky last week so I guess she was justseeing if I had options. I should have said yeah or kept her guessing and kept a playful frame like "wouldn't you like to know ;)" instead of sounding too serious saying she was the only girl i'm seeing this moment (problem is I can't multi-date with the job I do).

 

It did seem like a red flag when she kept drunk texting me though, I think she wanted the attention without the commitment.

 

Ugh, let's say she hasn't deleted my number, what if she drunk texts me down the line? If she ever did, I'll have deleted her number already and will reply "who's this?". Highly doubt she kept my number if I deleted her off Facebook though.

 

She's messed with my head enough to not go there again now though. That and her active social life, our busy jobs and the 25 odd mile distance. It wouldn't work in the long term.

Edited May 3, 2017 by fmfan08

[Miss Spider]

I'm sure there are plenty of girls who are into you, OP

 

She just isn't. And she's not sick.

[Popsicle]

 

Did she really say that because she's seeing other guys?

 

The way I was posting on Facebook made it look like I was going on dates with other girls and I thought she might be worried that she was seeing a player and that the compliments I've given her I might be saying to everyone else.

 

Oh, I see, you play games. Well when you play games and put that out into the universe, that is exactly what you're going to get back.

[fmfan08]

I'm sure there are plenty of girls who are into you, OP

 

She just isn't. And she's not sick.

 

Do you think distance has anything to do with it? There's 25 miles in it. When she suggested this Saturday I said 8.30pm and she said that's a bit late, are you working before then? It takes her half an hour to see me and half an hour back. I did get the impression on our first date she seemed very career orientated and told me how her friend had a kid and got married already and thought that was too soon.

 

I remember on our second date when I tried extending it to watch a movie or play crazy golf, she didn't seem eager to extend it and wanted to make time to drive home. At that point I was thinking I was never going to hear from her again. Then she tells me she had an amazing night and initiates contact even more, insisting that she takes me to go see this movie I want to see.

 

I don't know if because she postponed it, that going to see that exact movie on the same night with my friend pissed her off. And that I made a facebook status on Sunday night saying I had a great evening, then a great looking girl likes it. Hence she asks if I'm seeing anyone else..

 

Do you think I did the wrong thing saying I wasn't seeing anyone else? I was talking to another girl, but I wasn't "seeing" them. I didn't want to be dishonest and lie, but felt maybe I should have.

[fmfan08]

Oh, I see, you play games. Well when you play games and put that out into the universe, that is exactly what you're going to get back.

 

I wasn't playing games. I just wrote a status that I had a fun evening and coincidentally girls liked it. I did want to appear to be busy when she postponed our dates though, so I didn't look like I was sitting at home doing nothing and I had other plans.

[Miss Spider]

Do you think distance has anything to do with it? There's 25 miles in it. When she suggested this Saturday I said 8.30pm and she said that's a bit late, are you working before then? It takes her half an hour to see me and half an hour back. I did get the impression on our first date she seemed very career orientated and told me how her friend had a kid and got married already and thought that was too soon.

 

I remember on our second date when I tried extending it to watch a movie or play crazy golf, she didn't seem eager to extend it and wanted to make time to drive home. At that point I was thinking I was never going to hear from her again. Then she tells me she had an amazing night and initiates contact even more, insisting that she takes me to go see this movie I want to see.

 

I don't know if because she postponed it, that going to see that exact movie on the same night with my friend pissed her off. And that I made a facebook status on Sunday night saying I had a great evening, then a great looking girl likes it. Hence she asks if I'm seeing anyone else..

 

Do you think I did the wrong thing saying I wasn't seeing anyone else? I was talking to another girl, but I wasn't "seeing" them. I didn't want to be dishonest and lie, but felt maybe I should have.

 

 

 

The distance may have been a deterrent, but I think it's more something else made her lose interest. She may have not been over the moon on day 1, but wanted to give it a try to see if it grew. I don't know what it was, but I don't think it was as simple as saying you seeing anyone else if you really weren't. Girls who are into you see that as a positive thing.

 

You might not have the brand of humor she likes. She might have thought you too much too soon, despite you not thinking you were. She may have sensed some forced/orchestrated words or actions. Only she knows. But maybe she doesn't even know what it is. She doesn't seem very mature or self aware. I know people do string people along, but who even has the nerve to cancel with someone as many times so flippantly and still expects them to be waiting around for next excuse...

[OatsAndHall]

OP, I've learned to come on pretty strong initially when setting up a date but I back off and leave the ball in their court if they get flaky or I feel like they're playing games. I went out on three dates with a woman and they were going pretty well but she started to get distant and weird (met via OLD, go figure..) We were texting back and forth every day for about three two and then there were longer intervals between her responses and the texts were shorter.

 

I asked her out on another date and she was non-committal about it when she had jumped at the chance to meet up before hand.

 

"Yeah... I don't know if this weekend is going to work. I am just slammed with stuff."

 

"Alright, how about a quick meet-up for coffee next Monday?"

 

"Not going to work for me either."

 

"Well, I hope things aren't too stressful. Shoot me a text and let me know when you're free. I've had a good time hanging out."

 

Done and done. I didn't hear from her again. But, I went out on a high note and called it good.

[fmfan08]

The distance may have been a deterrent, but I think it's more something else made her lose interest. She may have not been over the moon on day 1, but wanted to give it a try to see if it grew. I don't know what it was, but I don't think it was as simple as saying you seeing anyone else if you really weren't. Girls who are into you see that as a positive thing.

 

You might not have the brand of humor she likes. She might have thought you too much too soon, despite you not thinking you were. She may have sensed some forced/orchestrated words or actions. Only she knows. But maybe she doesn't even know what it is. She doesn't seem very mature or self aware. I know people do string people along, but who even has the nerve to cancel with someone as many times so flippantly and still expects them to be waiting around for next excuse...

 

Could be the sense of humour, but going off her texts she always laughed at my jokes and used the laughing crying emoji and responded well to my jokes. We bounced off each other.

 

She sent me a few drunk texts that were quite emotional/thoughtful to me and I know I returned one too saying she was the most stunning girl in the north, then it included a joke and then saying she'll be a great teacher. I got a response in the morning saying that it made her really happy and it put a huge smile on her face for the day and she said she totally appreciated my text.

 

In regards to her question, I told her she was the only girl I was seeing at this moment, I didn't say I had other options but maybe I should. I think she asked me that because my facebook posts were like "had a great evening" etc. She asked me what I got up to that night, but I didn't respond to that question, only the one about her asking about other girls.

 

She also went on POF a little bit during that week when I was on it, so she'll have seen me online. Maybe she thought I was lying?

 

I know she's a very busy girl socially but she's been taking this teaching job very seriously. I think the distance is an issue due to how busy she is. If I lived locally she'd be able to fit me into this busy/career orientated lifestyle of hers I think. I'm pretty sure she sees this as a problem and she doesn't want to keep messing me about and making plans, having things come up etc.

 

She mentioned about her work placement taking up a lot of time and SATS are around the corner, that she would have to "cool things off". It was easy when we first met because it was the start of the easter holidays, she had a lot of free time then. There

[fmfan08]

OP, I've learned to come on pretty strong initially when setting up a date but I back off and leave the ball in their court if they get flaky or I feel like they're playing games. I went out on three dates with a woman and they were going pretty well but she started to get distant and weird (met via OLD, go figure..) We were texting back and forth every day for about three two and then there were longer intervals between her responses and the texts were shorter.

 

I asked her out on another date and she was non-committal about it when she had jumped at the chance to meet up before hand.

 

"Yeah... I don't know if this weekend is going to work. I am just slammed with stuff."

 

"Alright, how about a quick meet-up for coffee next Monday?"

 

"Not going to work for me either."

 

"Well, I hope things aren't too stressful. Shoot me a text and let me know when you're free. I've had a good time hanging out."

 

Done and done. I didn't hear from her again. But, I went out on a high note and called it good.

 

This will be my approach next time. Not worth the drama if she isn't going to show you interest. At least you look calm and collected, not desperate and it potentially opens future communication too because you didn't appear needy. I like it.

[VeveCakes]

Omg you NEED ago let this go.

 

This was TWO dates and 5 pages of analyzing every single text and comment she makes. If she liked you you would be hanging out. End of.

 

Learn from this. Don't add strangers to Facebook. Don't analyze Facebook posts and likes of girls you are interested in. Don't post passive aggressive posts or posts with hidden meaning aimed at girls you are interested in. Huge turn off and just makes you look like a dope.

 

I'm sorry to be harsh but seriously, the signs were clear all along she was not interested.

[Knix]

Hmm, now you say it..

 

Did she really say that because she's seeing other guys?

 

The way I was posting on Facebook made it look like I was going on dates with other girls and I thought she might be worried that she was seeing a player and that the compliments I've given her I might be saying to everyone else.

 

But yeah she was acting flaky last week so I guess she was justseeing if I had options. I should have said yeah or kept her guessing and kept a playful frame like "wouldn't you like to know ;)" instead of sounding too serious saying she was the only girl i'm seeing this moment (problem is I can't multi-date with the job I do).

 

It did seem like a red flag when she kept drunk texting me though, I think she wanted the attention without the commitment.

 

Ugh, let's say she hasn't deleted my number, what if she drunk texts me down the line? If she ever did, I'll have deleted her number already and will reply "who's this?". Highly doubt she kept my number if I deleted her off Facebook though.

 

She's messed with my head enough to not go there again now though. That and her active social life, our busy jobs and the 25 odd mile distance. It wouldn't work in the long term.

 

Now I say what? I've been saying the same thing all along lol.

 

Here's the deal, she told you in her last message she didn't want to come off as a bitch because you're a nice guy. Being 'busy' is a polite way of saying not interested. Would it be easier if she just said she wasn't into it? Sure. But in her defense it would hurt you. She shouldn't have kept up the chat, but I'm sure in her mind she was on the fence for a bit, talking to other guys, then finally said okay I'm just too busy for ya but you're a nice person.

 

Btw, pretending you have other girls on Facebook is kind of lame. Any girl that has self respect won't care or won't want to be with someone that's trying to make them jealous. If you have a lot going for you and lead an interesting life, a woman that's interested will take notice. It can also be obvious sometimes when you are trying to play games.

 

If a person keeps wasting your time, they just want you to take the hint and end it so they don't feel like ****ty people. That's what happens. I know I've been honest to guys that I wasn't into after a first date only to receive lashing out texts and childish crap, so I understand why she doesn't want to be rude. Now you know, you can't make excuses for people-- only hurts you in the end.

[Knix]

OP, I've learned to come on pretty strong initially when setting up a date but I back off and leave the ball in their court if they get flaky or I feel like they're playing games. I went out on three dates with a woman and they were going pretty well but she started to get distant and weird (met via OLD, go figure..) We were texting back and forth every day for about three two and then there were longer intervals between her responses and the texts were shorter.

 

I asked her out on another date and she was non-committal about it when she had jumped at the chance to meet up before hand.

 

"Yeah... I don't know if this weekend is going to work. I am just slammed with stuff."

 

"Alright, how about a quick meet-up for coffee next Monday?"

 

"Not going to work for me either."

 

"Well, I hope things aren't too stressful. Shoot me a text and let me know when you're free. I've had a good time hanging out."

 

Done and done. I didn't hear from her again. But, I went out on a high note and called it good.

 

After the "not going to work for me either" I just wouldn't have responded. Why would you be nice in order to hope that she changes her mind later? I understand being kind, but there's definitely a line between 'nice guy' and 'doormat'

[fmfan08]

Now I say what? I've been saying the same thing all along lol.

 

Here's the deal, she told you in her last message she didn't want to come off as a bitch because you're a nice guy. Being 'busy' is a polite way of saying not interested. Would it be easier if she just said she wasn't into it? Sure. But in her defense it would hurt you. She shouldn't have kept up the chat, but I'm sure in her mind she was on the fence for a bit, talking to other guys, then finally said okay I'm just too busy for ya but you're a nice person.

 

Btw, pretending you have other girls on Facebook is kind of lame. Any girl that has self respect won't care or won't want to be with someone that's trying to make them jealous. If you have a lot going for you and lead an interesting life, a woman that's interested will take notice. It can also be obvious sometimes when you are trying to play games.

 

If a person keeps wasting your time, they just want you to take the hint and end it so they don't feel like ****ty people. That's what happens. I know I've been honest to guys that I wasn't into after a first date only to receive lashing out texts and childish crap, so I understand why she doesn't want to be rude. Now you know, you can't make excuses for people-- only hurts you in the end.

 

But I wasn't trying to make her jealous, I just got that impression from her asking me questions about what I got up to and then asking if I was seeing other girls. I just tagged myself at locations I was at and things I was doing, the same thing I was doing before I met her. I just did what I usually do, there were no "games" to make her jealous. She acted jealous herself.

 

And I do feel more hurt that she's using an excuse to reject me. I'd honestly prefer her to say "i'm just not feeling it" etc than have her say she's busy. Making up excuses just pisses me off even more than the truth, but hey that says a lot about her that she could have lied about things in the future if it had worked out.

 

Right now I'm just confused why I got that drunk text about her friends wanting to invite me to a party so they can meet me, then her asking if I'm seeing other girls apart from her then her cancelling and giving me that excuse to end it. My gut feeling is maybe that text was meant for someone else, but meh, if it was.. then hopefully she feels guilty for stringing me along.

 

I'll find someone who has some respect.

[fmfan08]

Omg you NEED ago let this go.

 

This was TWO dates and 5 pages of analyzing every single text and comment she makes. If she liked you you would be hanging out. End of.

 

Learn from this. Don't add strangers to Facebook. Don't analyze Facebook posts and likes of girls you are interested in. Don't post passive aggressive posts or posts with hidden meaning aimed at girls you are interested in. Huge turn off and just makes you look like a dope.

 

I'm sorry to be harsh but seriously, the signs were clear all along she was not interested.

 

I didn't add her to Facebook, she added me to Facebook after the first date lol

 

And what do you mean passive aggressive posts? I just posted what I usually do on Facebook e.g "had a great evening" or "just finished work, looking forward to later!" or tagging myself watching a movie. She was the one who seemed to react jealous to it, I just posted things that I did before I met her. When she asked me what I was up to, I even told her I was going out with a friend or workmate after work.

Edited May 5, 2017 by fmfan08

[Knix]

But I wasn't trying to make her jealous, I just got that impression from her asking me questions about what I got up to and then asking if I was seeing other girls. I just tagged myself at locations I was at and things I was doing, the same thing I was doing before I met her. I just did what I usually do, there were no "games" to make her jealous. She acted jealous herself.

 

And I do feel more hurt that she's using an excuse to reject me. I'd honestly prefer her to say "i'm just not feeling it" etc than have her say she's busy. Making up excuses just pisses me off even more than the truth, but hey that says a lot about her that she could have lied about things in the future if it had worked out.

 

Right now I'm just confused why I got that drunk text about her friends wanting to invite me to a party so they can meet me, then her asking if I'm seeing other girls apart from her then her cancelling and giving me that excuse to end it. My gut feeling is maybe that text was meant for someone else, but meh, if it was.. then hopefully she feels guilty for stringing me along.

 

I'll find someone who has some respect.

 

 

You literally said you posted things on Facebook looking for her reaction.

 

Life isn't perfect and people don't know how to handle stuff. Usually now if I'm uninterested I will just send a thanks but no thanks text and be done with it. But I know plenty of people that just get ghosted! (Meaning the other person disappears without any text or anything).

 

I genuinely think she was just dating different people and decided after being on the fence that she wasn't interested. I also think that if you were dating multiple people rather than getting too hot and heavy into one girl you wouldn't have cared as much.

 

Everyone experiences this though and it's a good lesson for the future. If someone says they're busy just say "okay no problem" and let them reach out to reschedule. I don't think she was right for making plans over and over, but sounds like she didn't know what she wanted and was being a little selfish.

[Miss Spider]

She was never too busy....

 

It's a line. Ideally, people 100% sure they never wanna see you again and say "It's not going to work out because x. Best!"

 

In reality, people are more like 70% sure they never wanna see you again, don't like being a 'bad guy', are selfish, and love having options and attention.

 

Don't let people string you along. Notice the signs of indifference and BELIEVE them

Edited May 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough