Not sure what's going on regarding 3rd date. What do you think?

[fmfan08]

EDITED TO ADD: I'd also be concerned with the drunk dialing thing as this is pretty immature and also supports the idea that she has emotional issues.

 

Her first drunk text had me cautious of this.

 

The first one was a week ago: "You haven't text me all day I'm drunk and wanted at least a good morning beautiful text xxx"

 

Her second one was the Sunday just gone: "I am drunk, however just doing a check in text. I am home in bed, needing a cuddle had a fabulous day and been a very good girl. Hope you've had a good one and your dad. Night xxxxx (then 3 blowing kisses emojis).

 

I teased on this of course.

 

Only reason why I believe the Tuesday postponement could be a legitimate excuse is that we went 50/50 into creating the date. I offered the day and time and she told me "I was thinking cinema to watch fast and furious? So I can meet you outside of [location name]?".

[fmfan08]

Anyway, I'm off to sleep so I appreciate the advice guys. I'll keep you updated if the inevitable date cancellation happens.

 

I'll probably drop her a text in the morning wishing her luck like "G'morning [name], good luck with the interview :)". Probably use her full first name to tease, she shortens it as she prefers it. She'll probably say thank you so I'll back off and let her reach out again a day or two later. At least give her a chance to miss me a little.

[Knix]

Her first drunk text had me cautious of this.

 

The first one was a week ago: "You haven't text me all day I'm drunk and wanted at least a good morning beautiful text xxx"

 

Her second one was the Sunday just gone: "I am drunk, however just doing a check in text. I am home in bed, needing a cuddle had a fabulous day and been a very good girl. Hope you've had a good one and your dad. Night xxxxx (then 3 blowing kisses emojis).

 

I teased on this of course.

 

Only reason why I believe the Tuesday postponement could be a legitimate excuse is that we went 50/50 into creating the date. I offered the day and time and she told me "I was thinking cinema to watch fast and furious? So I can meet you outside of [location name]?".

 

All I see here is her playing games, it's making everyone else on here frustrated I don't know how it's not making you!!

 

I really hope she shows on Wednesday. If she doesn't, please have enough self respect to stop making excuses for her and move on.

[act00]

This whole situation is very confusing. I don't click on random links, so I didn't follow the ones you posted, but I'm gathering information from you and other posters.

 

What I gather is she is in an extremely busy period of life, and she has other priorities. Unless you can magically produce a degree and plan on paying her a salary, she has to put the work into her studies and finding herself employment. You haven't been dating that long. My thought is this -- only plan dates when you'll be okay if she bails. Prioritize yourself and your friends the rest of the time (possibly other dates with other women if you are so inclined). Understand that she is insanely flogged right now, and this too shall pass. The fact she initiates contact a majority of the time suggests to me that she is trying not to lose the momentum. It could also mean she's stringing you along.

 

Your goal is to not put too much head space to her behavior. I think, for myself, I would give it a couple more weeks for her busy school schedule to subside (papers turned in, exams completed), and if she's still too busy and still blows you off after that, let it go. In the meantime, you need to not invest too much head-space on her. Let nature take it's course. It's hard not to worry and not obsess. I am presently smack dab in the middle of this one, and we fret so much.

 

My guy reaches out and I reach out. So far. It's only been a month. If I found he was constantly bailing while I put in effort even though it's not convenient for me, but sometimes you just have to carve out some space, then I would be heading for the hills. You like her and she seems to like you, so I would see how things play out once the school priorities are complete.

[fmfan08]

This whole situation is very confusing. I don't click on random links, so I didn't follow the ones you posted, but I'm gathering information from you and other posters.

 

What I gather is she is in an extremely busy period of life, and she has other priorities. Unless you can magically produce a degree and plan on paying her a salary, she has to put the work into her studies and finding herself employment. You haven't been dating that long. My thought is this -- only plan dates when you'll be okay if she bails. Prioritize yourself and your friends the rest of the time (possibly other dates with other women if you are so inclined). Understand that she is insanely flogged right now, and this too shall pass. The fact she initiates contact a majority of the time suggests to me that she is trying not to lose the momentum. It could also mean she's stringing you along.

 

Your goal is to not put too much head space to her behavior. I think, for myself, I would give it a couple more weeks for her busy school schedule to subside (papers turned in, exams completed), and if she's still too busy and still blows you off after that, let it go. In the meantime, you need to not invest too much head-space on her. Let nature take it's course. It's hard not to worry and not obsess. I am presently smack dab in the middle of this one, and we fret so much.

 

My guy reaches out and I reach out. So far. It's only been a month. If I found he was constantly bailing while I put in effort even though it's not convenient for me, but sometimes you just have to carve out some space, then I would be heading for the hills. You like her and she seems to like you, so I would see how things play out once the school priorities are complete.

 

I was thinking that this was a hectic moment for her. During the two week easter holiday it was very easy getting her on those two dates. I'm talking to another girl but she goes on holiday next week but I'm also seeing if I can get a date with someone this Sunday. I went out with a friend last night so all good.

 

I text this current one this morning "G'morning ****... good luck with your interview xx" [she said on the first date it's her pet peeve being called ****, in a jokey way, and prefers it shortened, so just teased her]

 

She replied 15 minutes later with "Can't believe you've just called me ****, I'll let you off though thank you xx".

 

I've not replied as I didn't need to. Will let her reach out when things are a little calmer for her and give her that space.

Edited April 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed Real Name

[BryanSmiley]

The above could POSSIBLY be a reason why she's flakey. But it could be anything, I personally see it a red flag when someone can't commit to a simple date schedule. I'm a very organized person and I don't ever cancel on people, it shows a lack of respect for their time. It's quite narcissistic actually in that it demonstrates an unwillingness/incapacity to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

 

 

But more importantly, I have found every person that has been flakey to have emotional issues. They cannot even commit to days/times to see someone as that simple act is too much commitment/overwhelming for them (they usually have an avoidant attachment style). Just food for thought.

 

I so wish I'd have read this 6 months ago. So true and in-line with what I've painfully experienced. I found myself having plans to meet and come 9:30pm I'm texting "hello shall I eat myself, what's going on" - sometimes close to bailing through frustration and I wish I just had.

 

Then she cited a lack of time or wanting to spend so much time with me as a catalyst for breaking.

 

No introspection or respect for others schedule - only her own disorganised life. Red flags for sure!

[Curiousroxy86]

Met this great girl on POF and we immediately hit it off over messaging and text. We met up for the first date, which she had to postpone to the weekend due to a family emergency. We then had our second date and she continued texting me in an eager way still, so I assumed things were going well.

 

She would initiate like 75% of the time. In the past week I've started like 2 conversations and she's started about 6 or 7. Twice on some days. She always asks me questions, how my day is going, uses a lit of emoticons/emojis and laughs at my jokes.

 

We had a date arranged for late Tuesday but she had to postpone due to her work placement.

 

Just a little confused as she asked me if I'm free at the weekend, then tells me she'll get back to me about Sunday but she cannot do Saturday. As you can see from the pictures, she gets back in touch with me but not about Sunday.

 

I'm not reaching out again, especially if she initiates contact with me a lot already. I'd guess that would continue.

 

What do you think?

 

 

lol im sorry but why not? like she initiates a lot you admitted. so like why are you not reaching out again? if you want to go out for the weekend why not ask?

[fmfan08]

I so wish I'd have read this 6 months ago. So true and in-line with what I've painfully experienced. I found myself having plans to meet and come 9:30pm I'm texting "hello shall I eat myself, what's going on" - sometimes close to bailing through frustration and I wish I just had.

 

Then she cited a lack of time or wanting to spend so much time with me as a catalyst for breaking.

 

No introspection or respect for others schedule - only her own disorganised life. Red flags for sure!

 

I'm giving this one final chance due to her commitments with university deadlines this week. The last two weeks over easter holiday were easy because she had more free time, except for when she went away on holiday with her friends for four days.

 

She could have told me she was busy next week but she agreed on Wednesday at least. Anymore excuses then it wouldn't be worth it as it will be over two weeks since we last each other by then.

[fmfan08]

lol im sorry but why not? like she initiates a lot you admitted. so like why are you not reaching out again? if you want to go out for the weekend why not ask?

 

I did. She asked if I'm free anytime this weekend. I'm working so I suggested Sunday evening at 7, she said she'd get back to me because she thinks she has plans with her girl-friends but she got back to me later on with something unrelated so I asked again the next day. I could have acted pissed off and probably should but tried to keep my cool. I asked about Saturday night but she definitely can't then. I guess if it was during the day then fine.

 

She then apologised and said she had plans for bank holiday weekend planned a while ago but when why suggest weekend to me? Unless she had evening/night booked already and was only available in the day.

 

Anyway Wednesday is the final chance and I'll expect the worst.

[fmfan08]

I so wish I'd have read this 6 months ago. So true and in-line with what I've painfully experienced. I found myself having plans to meet and come 9:30pm I'm texting "hello shall I eat myself, what's going on" - sometimes close to bailing through frustration and I wish I just had.

 

Then she cited a lack of time or wanting to spend so much time with me as a catalyst for breaking.

 

No introspection or respect for others schedule - only her own disorganised life. Red flags for sure!

 

She doesn't not turn up. Whenever she's had to postpone she does it a day before and offers a rescheduled day. So she's respectful in letting me know. I just need to know now whether it's because of lack of interest, playing hard to get or not. She shows plenty of interest over words, and over actions on dates.

[kendahke]

Her first drunk text had me cautious of this.

 

The first one was a week ago: "You haven't text me all day I'm drunk and wanted at least a good morning beautiful text xxx"

 

Her second one was the Sunday just gone: "I am drunk, however just doing a check in text. I am home in bed, needing a cuddle had a fabulous day and been a very good girl. Hope you've had a good one and your dad. Night xxxxx (then 3 blowing kisses emojis).

 

So, she also has a drinking issue...

[BryanSmiley]

She doesn't not turn up. Whenever she's had to postpone she does it a day before and offers a rescheduled day. So she's respectful in letting me know. I just need to know now whether it's because of lack of interest, playing hard to get or not. She shows plenty of interest over words, and over actions on dates.

 

I was responding to a particular quote, but in terms of addressing your particular scenario I actually think it's a little difficult to fully gauge just yet. I would say you have it about right, in your previous post, another chance or 2 and if you haven't made progress bail or at least significantly step back.

 

One thing to consider with this and it's advice through partial failure with a flaky ex more than anything, is you are seeing her behaviour now, how high a priority you are. Now when I forced myself to step back and let her initiate, suggest meets, it did work and she came on stronger. But, ultimately the same issues crept back and she at times would be flaky about meets again. This is why I responded to the post about it being a sign of someone with emotional or commitment issues. I wish I'd have made this connection sooner.

 

I supposed essentially I'm saying take stock of her entire behaviour because even if you play it a certain way and get her skipping to your beat more (yes it worked great for awhile for me but built hope) ultimately some of the same underlying persona traits are still there. They may create manageable hiccups down the road, but if like mine it was much worse than that - you'll kick yourself in the break up process!

[fmfan08]

So, she also has a drinking issue...

 

This is her going out with a group of friends whilst she texts me, so I guess they'll all be like that. She mentioned her friend told her to text me the first time. I don't drink much, but when I go out with a group of friends I do tend to overdo it a little. I wouldn't say she had an alcoholic problem haha.

[fmfan08]

I was responding to a particular quote, but in terms of addressing your particular scenario I actually think it's a little difficult to fully gauge just yet. I would say you have it about right, in your previous post, another chance or 2 and if you haven't made progress bail or at least significantly step back.

 

One thing to consider with this and it's advice through partial failure with a flaky ex more than anything, is you are seeing her behaviour now, how high a priority you are. Now when I forced myself to step back and let her initiate, suggest meets, it did work and she came on stronger. But, ultimately the same issues crept back and she at times would be flaky about meets again. This is why I responded to the post about it being a sign of someone with emotional or commitment issues. I wish I'd have made this connection sooner.

 

I supposed essentially I'm saying take stock of her entire behaviour because even if you play it a certain way and get her skipping to your beat more (yes it worked great for awhile for me but built hope) ultimately some of the same underlying persona traits are still there. They may create manageable hiccups down the road, but if like mine it was much worse than that - you'll kick yourself in the break up process!

 

Yeah, I understand what you're saying. The general tone of our conversations are upbeat and positive and she does the majority of the initiating. Her situation regarding her ex doesn't help though, that could mess you up so I'd understand if she's treading cautiously.

 

I am starting to talk to other girls in hope I find another that I prefer, but I would like it to work with this one.

 

I just hope I haven't put her off when I said "Fair enough, I'll leave it then. Maybe some other time" and she later said "That seemed a really weird text off you.." but least she offered me another time. Hoping that she doesn't think I'm going to turn weird or something, unless she meant it was "out of character" acting like that, considering all our messages have been VERY upbeat and flirty.

[fmfan08]

Hmm just seen her on POF at 11pm as "online now/active" for the first time in three weeks before we met. I've been browsing on there and trying to talk to multiple people and she has every right to as well of course, but does it seem alarming that she's on there tonight and I haven't seen her online on it for a few weeks? I do actively use it but never saw her on there, maybe she has been and I didn't notice. Although it has said "online today" when I've looked before so maybe. Heck, maybe that's why she's busy Saturday night who knows. Guess I gotta keep impressing

 

Again, we're just dating so that's fair enough. Do you think I was wrong to not reply to her this morning?

 

Her reply was "Can't believe you've just called me Abigail, I'll let you off though thank you xx" after I wished her luck. It's not as if there was anything to reply to.

 

Maybe I'll text her tomorrow evening and see if she's free for a phone call, we text a lot. Guess I'll see how her reaction is then.

 

I know I'm overthinking and looking into this too much but my mind goes crazy sometimes lol. I DEFINITELY need to focus on other girls now and wait until Wednesday. I've had a cool head so far and starting to lose my coolness..

Edited April 26, 2017 by fmfan08

[Miss Spider]

Please take no offense. You seem like a cool guy. But you on way too strong>.< and still are ???

[fmfan08]

Please take no offense. You seem like a cool guy. But you on way too strong>.< and still are ???

 

I don't take offense, you're correct. Fortunately I don't act like this over text or in person with her haha, I've always tried to vent this part of my personality on forums like this just so I don't act like this with girls.

 

It's annoying that I get attached too easily though, wish I didn't. I guess when someone puts in the effort with me, sending texts out of the blue it makes me smile and attached. Not just that, but if it goes well on dates and I get good signs.

 

But yeah, that's why I make ridiculous threads like these so I can vent that energy here ha

[fmfan08]

And the one gripe I have with myself is somehow being annoyed and worried when I see a girl I've been dating online on POF. I mean it's only two dates so far and we both have every right to use it because we're still single.

 

I guess what worries me is the amount of contact we've had with each other, both over text and on the date and that she could so easily be talking to some other guy and just ditch me altogether, despite how good it's been going. But I guess that's that bad thing about online dating, always something new within reach.

 

I guess her reasons for postponing could be legit, but could also be someone she's got a date with that she might prefer, who knows.. If that ends up being the case then she obviously wasn't worth it and I'll be laughing at this in weeks/months to come. She hasn't added anyone on Facebook (she told me she can only add people) and she added me after our first date, so guess I'd know if she possibly was talking to someone else, but then that's her own right.

 

As long as I'm still going out on dates with her, I don't care if she is, say, going on dates with others. I'll just make sure I'm the better guy And if she makes excuses, then screw her I'll move on and find someone worthy of my time.

 

I think that's a better way to look at it!

[Miss Spider]

I completely understand! I do the same haha.. I think your message to her wishing her luck was very sweet and thoughtful, but she hasn't been anywhere near as thoughtful with you (as far as what can be seen in the messaging) and has been distant, so I'm glad you're choosing not to respond(not needed) and going to focus on others for now .

[fmfan08]

I completely understand! I do the same haha.. I think your message to her wishing her luck was very sweet and thoughtful, but she hasn't been anywhere near as thoughtful with you (as far as what can be seen in the messaging) and has been distant, so I'm glad you're choosing not to respond(not needed) and going to focus on others for now .

 

Do you really think she's been acting distant? I'm guessing with the arranging dates part of the messages. Her last message to me seemed fine.

 

Although maybe she was sensing that I was acting off with her after saying "i'll leave it then, maybe another time". Maybe she thought because I didn't respond to her text she thinks I'm not interested anymore lol. Or maybe when I said I went with a friend to the movies and drinks, she thought I was taking a girl? Who knows.

 

I've given it the rest of the day of no contact to give her space as she'd have had her presentation and interview today. I'm thinking of waiting until the evening tomorrow and sending a fun upbeat text to her then ask if she's free to use the phone, maybe hearing each others voice is a good idea.

[fmfan08]

Wow, I'm really obsessed with this. I'm just going to go on POF and pretend like this has been a bad dream and just date others incase this goes pear shaped. I'll text her tomorrow and get her on the phone. As long as Wednesdays date goes ahead then that's all I need to think about, but also getting other girls on dates too

[Knix]

And the one gripe I have with myself is somehow being annoyed and worried when I see a girl I've been dating online on POF. I mean it's only two dates so far and we both have every right to use it because we're still single.

 

I guess what worries me is the amount of contact we've had with each other, both over text and on the date and that she could so easily be talking to some other guy and just ditch me altogether, despite how good it's been going. But I guess that's that bad thing about online dating, always something new within reach.

 

I guess her reasons for postponing could be legit, but could also be someone she's got a date with that she might prefer, who knows.. If that ends up being the case then she obviously wasn't worth it and I'll be laughing at this in weeks/months to come. She hasn't added anyone on Facebook (she told me she can only add people) and she added me after our first date, so guess I'd know if she possibly was talking to someone else, but then that's her own right.

 

As long as I'm still going out on dates with her, I don't care if she is, say, going on dates with others. I'll just make sure I'm the better guy And if she makes excuses, then screw her I'll move on and find someone worthy of my time.

 

I think that's a better way to look at it!

 

 

 

 

She's still talking to/seeing other guys on POF, and she is cancelling dates on you. She's not into it. Move on.

 

 

And another question, WHY do you want to keep impressing someone that doesn't value you and your time? She cancels on you but then tries to make you feel bad for pulling back, why do you want that? Let's say hypothetically this became a relationship, what makes you think she's not going to keep playing games with you like this? It sounds like this also gives you a great amount of anxiety, imagine what being in a relationship with her would do? You don't have to put up with this.

 

 

Dating and relationships should be the simple and great part of life. Yes we get hurt, but you're not supposed to willingly endure that. Yes, she CAN be on dating sites, but honestly, if she was really into you, she wouldn't be-- because she'd be spending time with you.

 

 

**P.S. you could be spending all this time with someone better too.

[fmfan08]

She's still talking to/seeing other guys on POF, and she is cancelling dates on you. She's not into it. Move on.

 

 

And another question, WHY do you want to keep impressing someone that doesn't value you and your time? She cancels on you but then tries to make you feel bad for pulling back, why do you want that? Let's say hypothetically this became a relationship, what makes you think she's not going to keep playing games with you like this? It sounds like this also gives you a great amount of anxiety, imagine what being in a relationship with her would do? You don't have to put up with this.

 

 

Dating and relationships should be the simple and great part of life. Yes we get hurt, but you're not supposed to willingly endure that. Yes, she CAN be on dating sites, but honestly, if she was really into you, she wouldn't be-- because she'd be spending time with you.

 

 

**P.S. you could be spending all this time with someone better too.

 

I don't want to justify her actions, but she has postponed the other days we've had, but the end result was that we still went on those dates. Going off her Facebook she does lead a very busy social, work and family life.

 

She spends enough time to text me back within minutes putting a LOT of effort into her replies and we do actually go on these dates. But going off her Facebook she does lead a busy life. If ANYTHING has caused her to postpone it's either family or work, both things are going to be more important than me.

 

I know she had to postpone our first date for taking family to the airport but we re-arranged it. When I asked her out for the second date, she was on holiday within the country and said she thinks she's free at the weekend, said she'd let me know in a couple of days then said she wasn't as she wanted to spend easter with family, but I did ask when she's free after that and we met up again. Maybe this is the same, just things in her life conflicting.

 

Yeah she's still on POF but then again so am I? We both have every right to, I'll just have to be the more interesting guy. I've been spending time getting to know her and I'm really into her, but I've still been using POF. Not out of respect, just because I can. If we were exclusive then that would be a no-no.

 

As long as she doesn't cancel/postpone next Wednesday then it's okay. If so then I'll just cut all contact.

[Miss Spider]

No, she definitely knows you are interested lol. That's not the issue. Well, maybe a little, it is. Because oftentimes with people, at the beginning, they like to be kept on their toes. It comes naturally when you aren't overthinking things or making one person your whole focus and it's very attractive. You have options! A challenge...like the one she's giving you. It's annoying but it it isn't taking away your interest in her.

 

I don't think a text will make or break her interest in you. Yes, by distant, I mainly meant flaky!You have been chasing her hard to nail down that 3rd date and she's being polite, but dismissive.

 

I get it's hard when you felt you connected with someone, but it's better to just let go, let be, and not think too much. If they come around, great. But if they can't see how awesome you are, they just aren't the person for you.

Edited April 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Knix]

I don't want to justify her actions, but she has postponed the other days we've had, but the end result was that we still went on those dates. Going off her Facebook she does lead a very busy social, work and family life.

 

She spends enough time to text me back within minutes putting a LOT of effort into her replies and we do actually go on these dates. But going off her Facebook she does lead a busy life. If ANYTHING has caused her to postpone it's either family or work, both things are going to be more important than me.

 

I know she had to postpone our first date for taking family to the airport but we re-arranged it. When I asked her out for the second date, she was on holiday within the country and said she thinks she's free at the weekend, said she'd let me know in a couple of days then said she wasn't as she wanted to spend easter with family, but I did ask when she's free after that and we met up again. Maybe this is the same, just things in her life conflicting.

 

Yeah she's still on POF but then again so am I? We both have every right to, I'll just have to be the more interesting guy. I've been spending time getting to know her and I'm really into her, but I've still been using POF. Not out of respect, just because I can. If we were exclusive then that would be a no-no.

 

As long as she doesn't cancel/postpone next Wednesday then it's okay. If so then I'll just cut all contact.

 

 

 

Let me rephrase my question then, why do you want to be with someone that's too busy for a relationship? If she did it one time, fine.. but its a pattern. Regardless she's making you feel anxious enough to look for answers to her actions, and if she wanted a relationship tomorrow, you'd be all over it, admit it. She has all the control and this pattern of her cancelling plans on you isn't going to suddenly stop. She'll always be busy. In fact, we're all busy with life-- but we make time for relationships when we WANT them.