Did she call it quits because of bad sex??

[OutofSync]

So I was unknowingly set up with this girl thru one of my best friends. He also happens to be her boss, but apparently they are more like coworkers than anything. She was three months out of a two-year relationship when we started hanging out. We hung out a few times as friends and then I asked her on a date. When I took her out for the first time. She told me how she just got out of this relationship and wanted to take things slow.

 

I actually took this as a sign she wasn't interested and maybe she was just being nice. We met for drinks and she came back to my place when we had our first kiss. She mentioned she was disappointed because she wanted to have our first kiss on the top of a mountain (we both hike). That's when I realized this girl seems to be more into me than I thought.

 

We ended up going out on a second date and things progressed a bit further. We basically did everything except sex. She told me how she wanted to go further but didn't want to seem easy. I ended up staying at her place and I briefly saw her the next day.

 

Everything seemed to be going great and we were set to go hiking the next weekend. She ended up showing up at an event that I was at (she knew i would be there) and afterwards we came back to my place.

 

We ended up fooling around and at least twice she said she didn't want to go any further. I was cool with it, but eventually things would get heated again and the third time she said she wanted me, so I did what any guy would do and I got a condom. Now....this is where I messed up, so I think. First starters, I had several beers. Second, I masturbated before a went to this event (I had no idea she would be invited to this!). And third, it was about a year since I had sex. So I'm sure you know what's coming...and it's not me (pun intended).

 

She I basically put the condom on and then couldn't stay hard. She tried to get me back, but I told her it wasn't happening. She joked and said, "I may have to just court her for a few more weeks." This is when she told me she freaked out when when we messed around the first time because things seemed to be moving fast. Anyhow, about 15 minutes later, I tried again...nope, same thing. I was so frustrated as you can imagine and I tried to explain how it's been along time, and she was someone new and maybe I'm nervous...Anyways she seemed okay and told me it wasn't a big deal and at any point during the night "I can just take it." That made me feel better, lol.

 

Anyhow, early the next morning we started chatting about whatever and ended up messing around again, and I was finally successful, so to say. Honestly, it wasn't anything to write home about and she did some weird thing with her and my legs that I didn't really get, but anyhow, after all that the rest of the day seemed cool thru text and she called me soon after she left.

 

We didn't really talk much during the weekend and everything seemed a little weird. I didn't see her for our hike because she ended up going skiing, which was partly expected. So here comes Monday, and she tells me she isn't ready for anything and she needs to get herself together and focus on her career and it's not fair to me if she is still trying to get over the ex and yada, yada, yada. I told her let's have another first date and we will go real slow this time. She said she would, but my dumbass told her she should think about it. Well the next day she said she didn't think it was a good idea.

 

I know I said a lot, but this girl was super into me and now all of a sudden she flips the switch. Was it the bad sex? I tried to explain, and matter of fact before she came at me with this I told her she should give me another shot! lol. Things happen. She swears that's not what it was, but I just wonder.

 

I also had flowers sent to her shortly after the break because it was her bday a couple days later and I thought I was just being nice. Which is what I also told her. She seemed appreciative but also reiterated all the reasons why she wanted to call it quits. I haven't talked to her since.

 

I honestly thing I will see her again because of our mutual friend, and have hope that I can get another shot with her, but if it's about getting over her previous relationship than I think I could have another shot. If the bad sex was the deal breaker then I may not.

 

So much info I know, but it was shot lived but I like this girl. It's been a couple weeks since all this went down and was thinking about just texting her in a couple days. Just maybe what's up and send here a stupid meme or something, and ask if I left my snow goggles in her car. (I found them, but I did think I might have left them).

 

Is there a game plan here?

[Imajerk17]

Truly? It is possible she called it quits because of bad sex (sorry), it is possible she called it quits because....(wait for it)....she actually wasn't over her ex. As no one can see inside her head, people on here can only guess. Probably a bit of both--I mean, she did warn you ahead of time she wasn't over her ex.

 

(BTW, beware, it seems that the forum viewpoint, for better or for worse, is that everyone is available to date whenever they truly meet the right person no matter how soon they broke up with someone and that her bailing is entirely on you. You may get responses that reflect this. But I digress.)

 

I'd hold off on texting her now though. Right now the ball really is in her court. You can try checking up with her in say a couple months, if this girl seemed that special and you can't get over her. People have successfully followed up in situations such as these.

Edited April 25, 2017 by Imajerk17

[DashRiprock]

I had a girl do the same thing to me a long time ago for the same reason. Too much beer and a little PA with a new partner I hardly knew--bad mix. You were visited by the

. It's not that uncommon for a guy to have PA with a new partner--at any age. And Viagra doesn't fix it when the big head is ruling the little head.

 

If she did dump you because of the bad sex, so be it. I think sexual expectations are way out of whack these days with the plethora of internet porn available. People think that's the "norm" now. Read up sometime on what male porno pros need to do and go through to do the job. Let's just say lots of pharma and needles.

 

Let her date a porn star. You spend more time vertical than horizontal in a relationship so once you would have been more comfortable with her, the sex would have changed for the better. It always does.

 

Don't let it get you down. Move on.

[OutofSync]

That melty man bit was pretty good. I do think the skit coulda been funnier, but alas, it was accurate. Thanks for the comments, from both of you. I do believe this is something that happens to everyone. She is nearly 30 and should know, ( I'm 37 btw ), which is why maybe I'm more worried about my performance than she was. This happened to me at least one other time when I was 26. She was 19. For a week or so after I didn't know what was going thru her head. She gave me another shot and we dated for a couple years.

 

It's gonna be hard, Imajerk, but I am really gonna try and wait another month before I text her. Dunno if I can do it, but I didn't take my friends advice and take this thing with her slow in the first place when I should have. I dunno what the hell I'm doing, so gotta try listening to others. Maybe try being "opposite George," like from Seinfeld.

Edited April 25, 2017 by OutofSync

[CptInsano]

With the exception of my last gf, who I was immediately comfortable with, the first sex with somebody new was always somewhat awkward for me. In contrast to the popular stereotype, quite a number of men do require some form of attraction before things work in the bedroom, and even then certain clubs things may throw you off balance.

 

We're human and not machines. So, if she wasn't willing to wait for that, then it just wasn't meant to be.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm a woman, here are my two cents:

 

It wasn't the quality of the sex. We ladies with some experience under our belts understand the mechanics of male anatomy, and know that a number of factors influence performance. We also understand that the first time with a new person can be awkward and isn't usually a measuring stick of overall abilities. If we really like a guy, an awkward first time usually isn't enough to put us off altogether.

 

I think it was that having sex with another person who wasn't her ex hit her in ways she didn't expect and she realized that she truly isn't ready to be with someone else. In my opinion, she sincerely isn't over him. Going slow isn't going to help. She's not ready for anything with someone else yet. Heck, maybe they're talking about reconciling. The point is, there's really more for you to do here.

 

Thus, I wouldn't reach out to her again. There's not much point, really. Sending a joke or a meme or random question isn't going to change anything. Her heart and mind are still somewhere else. She knows where to find you if she changes her mind.

[smackie9]

She kicked your tires.....just didn't think you were the right one.....it happens.