Author avvril3000 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 Guys do slow down a little in their 40s. I mean, your sex life is probably above average though, so not reason to turn it into a bigger problem than it is. But I thought guys liked it when women initiated. I mean, yeah, would be nice to just be able to jump on him, but he is not your pony, Cowgirl. you're right. i need to be more understanding of that. my intention wasn't to make it a big thing, his reaction made it a big thing. i clearly stated (more than once) that it was not about the quality of sex, that our sex is great, and that its more about when im in the mood, he 90% of the time says he is tired and its a shut down, a rejection and over a long period of time, it wears on me and i start to think "why even bother", which is not a good state of mine to be in, about sex with your loved one. Unfortunately, with me saying that and trying to explain clearly what i meant, he understood is as "you're not happy with our sex, i don't satisfy you sexually, and i'm inadequate" which is certainly NOT the case.
BluesPower Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 I agree with op... and as a man, I find this kind of odd. I don't mind initiating sex but I am not going to do it all the time and I tell all my GF's that as well. It is boring if you have to initiate all the time. I am also a once a day guy, and on the weekends I like to make time for some extended sex during a lazy day if we don't have any commitments to go to. I just find it odd that he NEVER accepts when OP initiates. Further as a man, even if I am tired I am there to meet her needs whenever she needs me. I would have to be super, super tired, and maybe dead, in order to not make love to her when she wants me to. And I am 52 and she is in her late 30's.
Author avvril3000 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 I agree with op... and as a man, I find this kind of odd. I don't mind initiating sex but I am not going to do it all the time and I tell all my GF's that as well. It is boring if you have to initiate all the time. I am also a once a day guy, and on the weekends I like to make time for some extended sex during a lazy day if we don't have any commitments to go to. I just find it odd that he NEVER accepts when OP initiates. Further as a man, even if I am tired I am there to meet her needs whenever she needs me. I would have to be super, super tired, and maybe dead, in order to not make love to her when she wants me to. And I am 52 and she is in her late 30's. Thanks for your response. He is super super tired most nights though, his body shuts down. sometimes he goes to bed at 9pm because he is so dead tired. we have demanding jobs that require us to work long hours and he is going through some big life issues right now that i choose not to mention here. But yes, more often than not, he can turned down my advances, and thats been sucky for me. Mind you, its still not ALL the time. I'm careful not to say he always shuts me down because that isn't true.
Author avvril3000 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 UPDATE: So last night when i got home, the vibe wasn't the greatest. He was super quiet and i was equally as quiet because I felt bad for making him feel ****ty about our sex. Later on we both distracted ourselves with things we had to do and the vibe got better and more back to normal, we were talking to eachother again. Then we hopped into bed early coz the day was emotionally exhausting. and then he jumped me in bed saying that we should have sex and if i wanna have sex, kinda nudging me like "come on!" and kissing me everywhere. Of course, i love him so he turns me on and we had sex. Then in the middle of the night, like 4am, he rolls over and wants to have sex again. He honestly, hasn't done that since our first few months of dating. So we had sex. Then at like 7am, i rolled over and cuddled him from behind and he mumbled "does this mean you wanna have sex? is this one of your advances?" and i'm like "no! i'm jsut cuddling you!" and we fell asleep again. Then this morning, after getting ready for work, i kiss him good morning and he is like (smiling) "is this you wanting to have sex? wanna go have sex now?" and i give him an unimpressed look. And i'm like "you know, we dont have to have sex all the time, thats not what i was saying" and he is like "oh, we're going to be having a lot of sex from now on so be prepared for it", in a joking way. Now, i dont know how to take this joking manner. I dont know if his joking manner is good hearted or him trying to make me say the words "i'm tired" or "i'm not in the mood" back to him by over doing our sex. In a way, i'm glad he can move into a light hearted way of thinking about this, instead of have it way him down and discourage him more about our sex, but in a way i dont know if anything is behind his jokes. Or if he is genuinely just trying to move on and be more aware of my needs and advances. 1
Author avvril3000 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 ANOTHER UPDATE: When i asked him this morning "how are you this morning?", he replied "tired... no wait, i'm not tired. I'm not tired". And i'm like "you know you're allowed to be tired, i'd rather you be truthful than not".. and he is like "well i'm trying not to be so tired... " :-/
Tressugar Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 I think he feels forced to be sexual now since dust has been kicked up...lol. I guess he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't...lol.
Author avvril3000 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 Well, thats crap. I dont know how i could have brought it up without that happening? I really tried to be as kind and clear as i could have.
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