Why is he being such a jerk all of a sudden, should I just end it?

[Jjun]

Ive been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months now and everything generally was going well. The big picture has been fine but we had a problem with the small things. I felt like he didn't show his appreciation for me and i was the one who was putting in all the work all the time.

 

We're also pretty different (he LOVES raving, vaping, tattoos, etc). Even though i didn't really like any of these things i looked past it and have even been going to raves with him almost every weekend. About two weeks ago, we almost broke up because of all these difference and how i didnt think he was really pulling his weight in the relationship. He said he would put "100%" into it now and he didnt want to lose me as he knew i was great for him and he loved me. Things were fine after that for a little but then he just went back to not showing any appreciation. So this weekend i stayed home because it was my mom's birthday and he went out friday night.

 

He started ignoring me after work and then once he got to the party just stopped replying. I got mad and told him to just tell me he is busy rather than leave me hanging like that, and he immediately replied apologizing and said he would talk to me later. He then was out all night and didn't talk to me at all. The next morning he texted me apologizing, but i felt like he just kept doing these things thinking after apologizing he gets off scotch free. I ended up ignoring him and hoped he would reach out to me during the day knowing i'm upset.

 

He didn't. I texted him that night at like 9 saying i was upset that he didnt care enough to call me or something. and he was saying he was giving me space and what not but was being very short with me. Turns out he was at another party again and i was saying how maybe things arent working out and he was giving me dumb responses like " no babe, please dont!". i told him i was crying and why i shouldn't just end it, the fact that he couldnt even bother to call me showed how little he cared. and he kept saying he was sorry and that he cant call because he is with people and didnt want to "bring them down". Anyways he just kept apologizing, but doing literally nothing.

 

Everyone says he is the nicest guy and would never hurt anyone and honestly up until now he really was always so sweet, but i dont know why he left me hanging like this last night. He hasnt talked to me today at all and I just don't even know what to do anymore. I dont know if i am overreacting or if he really is just turning out to be a jerk. We are both 20 btw.

[ExpatInItaly]

You guys are really not compatible. At all.

 

He is in party-animal mode and not all that bothered about being in a relationship. You are the opposite.

 

I would end it. It's not working.

[anna121]

It's generally a bad idea to try and have a rel-ship discussion via text or the phone.

 

He was at a party. The smart thing to do would be to ask to see him as soon as possible and talk this out. Instead you raised the stakes threatening to break up with him. But it didn't get you the response that you wanted.

 

So, no, I don't think he is being that big of a jerk. I do think you are not into the same things. Which is ok. He's 20 - you can't really expect that he not go to parties and raves just because you don't like them, or to communicate with you while he is there (I agree that he shouldn't leave you hanging but if it were me I would just assume he was, you know, partying and wait to talk to him the next day).

 

Weigh the good against the bad. Are you more happy with him, or unhappy? Assume that he will not change, and then make a decision.

[BG1]

Relationships, especially in the beginning, should be easy and fun to be part of. If already in the first months you are having problems like this is not a good sign, compatibility, preferences, desires, etc.. is he doing things you enjoy doing?

 

Actions speak louder than words, and it's true that been 20 its time to have fun and go out but if he knows you enjoy staying in and having a chil evening, he should be doing that too with you.

 

I would try to move away from texting for important issues or conversations that should be happening face to face or if not possible on the phone.

My advice is to see why you like him and try to understand why you want that for yourself although sounds you are very different ways of relating to spare time and communicating.

Edited April 23, 2017 by BG1