None of this adds up

[lostandconfused6]

Alright I'm at a loss. Gonna try to make this short. So I texted my ex about 2 weeks ago asking if she wanted to try being friends. I didn't get a response, so I figured she didn't and just kind of moved on from it. Yesterday I woke up to a text apologizing for the late response, she had been going through a lot, and she definitely wanted to be friends. It was longer than that but details are irrelevant. So I responded and thought maybe we'd have a conversation since she said she wanted to be friends. I just wanted to catch up because we hadn't talked in a while, literally not trying to get back together. If it's something she ever mentioned I'd consider it but it wasn't the purpose of me texting. So she took hours to respond, I think it was like 8 hours. She finally responded, short text though. Kinda got the vibe she didn't want to talk so I was like look it's totally fine if you don't want to try to be friends, I completely understand, just please be honest with me. Takes hours to respond again and sends a really short text, all it said was she meant it when she said she wanted to be friends. I responded to that, then nothing.

 

Here's my thought process though- why go out of your way to text me and say all of these things (she also mentioned she wanted to wait till she could give the convo the attention/time it deserved)? It just doesn't really add up to me, like it's been 2 weeks, you didn't need to respond at this point and even if you do definitely don't need to explicitly say you wanna be friends. Idk just weird to me. Any insight? For some more context, she was the dumper. Break up was mainly for bad timing/circumstances.

[Maldives]

Alright I'm at a loss. Gonna try to make this short. So I texted my ex about 2 weeks ago asking if she wanted to try being friends. I didn't get a response, so I figured she didn't and just kind of moved on from it. Yesterday I woke up to a text apologizing for the late response, she had been going through a lot, and she definitely wanted to be friends. It was longer than that but details are irrelevant. So I responded and thought maybe we'd have a conversation since she said she wanted to be friends. I just wanted to catch up because we hadn't talked in a while, literally not trying to get back together. If it's something she ever mentioned I'd consider it but it wasn't the purpose of me texting. So she took hours to respond, I think it was like 8 hours. She finally responded, short text though. Kinda got the vibe she didn't want to talk so I was like look it's totally fine if you don't want to try to be friends, I completely understand, just please be honest with me. Takes hours to respond again and sends a really short text, all it said was she meant it when she said she wanted to be friends. I responded to that, then nothing.

 

Here's my thought process though- why go out of your way to text me and say all of these things (she also mentioned she wanted to wait till she could give the convo the attention/time it deserved)? It just doesn't really add up to me, like it's been 2 weeks, you didn't need to respond at this point and even if you do definitely don't need to explicitly say you wanna be friends. Idk just weird to me. Any insight? For some more context, she was the dumper. Break up was mainly for bad timing/circumstances.

 

Yes I think I know what's going on.

 

Shes setting her boundaries. Even though you made it pretty clear you wanna be friends she's not so sure and that's her way of saying hey I'm not interested in taking it further. She also from the looks of it is worried she may lead you on or is worries she's gonna get involved again if you 2 start to communicate. Really communication is the foundation of a relationship that's why they say you can't be friends with an ex well not immediatly it would probably take some time years before that can happen to process the pain and heal and all that. Hope this makes sense. I gather you reaching out being friends is because you miss her company? She's gonna continue being like this it's her way of setting those boundaries regardless of how much you tryou and explain to her it's friends. It's an instinct thing.

[lostandconfused6]

Yes I think I know what's going on.

 

Shes setting her boundaries. Even though you made it pretty clear you wanna be friends she's not so sure and that's her way of saying hey I'm not interested in taking it further. She also from the looks of it is worried she may lead you on or is worries she's gonna get involved again if you 2 start to communicate. Really communication is the foundation of a relationship that's why they say you can't be friends with an ex well not immediatly it would probably take some time years before that can happen to process the pain and heal and all that. Hope this makes sense. I gather you reaching out being friends is because you miss her company? She's gonna continue being like this it's her way of setting those boundaries regardless of how much you tryou and explain to her it's friends. It's an instinct thing.

 

That makes sense but I just don't see why she would even bother replying two weeks after the fact if she's not into being friends. Like we're past the point where I was even thinking she was gonna reply, so it just seemed bizarre. If she had replied that way day of or even day after I would've been like ok this makes more sense

[spiderowl]

If things are not adding up and she is not responding in a timely manner, then I would forget it. Either she's not that interested in getting back to you, is not keen to encourage you or is preoccupied elsewhere. None of those reasons are very good for your soul. Best to leave this one and do your best to move on.

[lostandconfused6]

If things are not adding up and she is not responding in a timely manner, then I would forget it. Either she's not that interested in getting back to you, is not keen to encourage you or is preoccupied elsewhere. None of those reasons are very good for your soul. Best to leave this one and do your best to move on.

 

Yeah you're right. I just don't get why people do these things. Just be honest and upfront, world would be easier.

[Blanco]

You do not want to be friends. You want to date her. I guarantee she knows that and is playing things accordingly. You aren't being true to yourself or to her. The fact that you are already over analyzing this shows that your desire is to be more than friends. You're setting yourself for anguish.