MercuryMorrison1971 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Heya everyone, New here. Let me start with a question. I am coming out of a near 5 year relationship. I just recently got the point where I felt like I needed to start attempting to meet new women and see what happens. So I made an online dating profile...I am ashamed to admit. However it's only been up one day at this point I've had pretty good luck, as I put up a single picture of myself and wrote a short basic description of who I am and what I'm about, and since last night I've had 11 girls message me. There's one in particular that I was quiet interested in getting to know better. She messaged me first and told me that I was very attractive and wanted to get to know me better...I asked open ended questions pertaining to her interests on her profile, I gave her every opportunity to talk about herself. But our conversation quickly devolved into me asking her questions and her replying with (yes, no, family, this, that, other). I essentially ended our conversation by saying, I guess I'm losing your interest, and she hasn't responded back. It's fine, I'm not upset or anything...Just confused by her behavior. She actively sought me out but acted like her interest burned out almost as soon as it started. I would understand if I were asking vague yes/no questions...But I asked specific questions that left a lot of room for in depth answers. What gives?
Dis Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Welcome to LS! And....welcome to OLD (online dating)! This type of thing is pretty common Prepare yourself for lots of flakes and at times, dull conversation You did the right thing by ending communication....if a girl really likes you...she'll give you at least 3 word answers lol As for the reason why she wasnt saying a lot...she was probably juggling lots of different convos with different guys and eventually lost interest When I'm talking to a guy on OLD, I'm engaged, giving thoughtful responses and also asking about him. The convo def isnt one sided Good luck and onto the next! 5
salparadise Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Low interest, probably an attitude of entitlement. If you got 11 messages in a day then you don't need to indulge it. Just next her and move on to someone who reciprocates and shows some enthusiasm. It's a waste of time to look for a rational explanation. You already know what you need to know. 6
MoreThanThat Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 As often as possible, limit the number of messages and then suggest meeting for a coffee or drink rather than wasting more time online only to find no chemistry. People are so different online vs in person! 4
Author MercuryMorrison1971 Posted April 22, 2017 Author Posted April 22, 2017 Thanks for the warm welcome and the replies! Like I said, I'm not really hung up on it. It was just weird how quickly it seemed to go south. Any other advice for online dating is certainly welcome! 2
Dis Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Thanks for the warm welcome and the replies! Like I said, I'm not really hung up on it. It was just weird how quickly it seemed to go south. Any other advice for online dating is certainly welcome! The new normal on OLD is...things going south quickly Keep being resilent and keep it moving As another poster mentioned, after a few messages are exchanged...ask to meet up for drinks (dont do dinner because if you dont like her you're stuck there for hours) You could do coffee but I see coffee dates as highly unromantic. When guys ask me out for coffee, I say how about drinks? I just met a guy who was sooooo different in person than he was online...I had a hard time believing it was the same guy (different in a not so good way) so meet early on. If theres no chemistry and attraction in person, weeks of messaging are pointless Cast a wide net, dont put all your focus on one girl.....connections are fleeting When you message a girl, try not to just say, 'Hi' or 'Hey'. I dont respond to guys who cant mention something in profile seeing as its well thought out The biggest piece of advice I can offer is...be patient. OLD takes a ton of time and effort. It can be very disappointing and draining at times. I've been on OLD for 1.75 years and its been pretty tough. But good things happen to those who perservere! 1
Imajerk17 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 (edited) I essentially ended our conversation by saying, I guess I'm losing your interest, and she hasn't responded back. It's fine, I'm not upset or anything...Just confused by her behavior. She actively sought me out but acted like her interest burned out almost as soon as it started. I would understand if I were asking vague yes/no questions...But I asked specific questions that left a lot of room for in depth answers. What gives? Actually *she* was the one losing YOUR interest w her disengaged boring answers. I feel this is relevant here: Don't get into the frame that things not working out between you and the girl automatically implies you are boring or inadequate. Instead, you have to remember that YOU are evaluating HER just as much as she is evaluating you. Edited April 22, 2017 by Imajerk17 6
Dis Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Actually *she* was the one losing YOUR interest w her disengaged boring answers. I feel this is relevant here: Don't get into the frame that things not working out between you and the girl automatically implies you are boring or inadequate. Instead, you have to remember that YOU are evaluating HER just as much as she is evaluating you. This is a great point You werent losing out on anything OP
Author MercuryMorrison1971 Posted April 22, 2017 Author Posted April 22, 2017 This is a great point You werent losing out on anything OP Yeah, more than likely I dodged a bullet if anything haha. 2
sn3akerlover Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Imajerk17 has a great point. It takes 2 to tango. As soon as you build up resilience to this type of behavior, the easier it would be to move on with minimal investment on your part. It's definitely not for the faint of heart. Unfortunately, we live in an ADD-like society and it shows even in modern dating. Statistically speaking, the odds are stacked amongst us (men). There's at least 20% more men signed up which puts women at an immediate advantage because they have more options to choose from. I would say given the statistics you are killing it. 11 messages in one day are great results. You've got this man! 3
lolablue17 Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Many people express themselves via chat totally differently than real meeting. I've know boring chat people who turned to become great conversation artist in real meetings, and the opposite - great chatters who turned out to be boring in person. So, maybe this girl thinks (like me) that the chat option is very limited as a tool to get to know each other and when she noticed that you ask too many questions, she lost interest. You also may want to improve your chat skills, if this is the service you are using now.
hercules22 Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 ohwell at least you got 10 other girls with interest work your way through lol
central Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Yeah, the one word answers - or no answer, having ignored all questions - are clear signs of lack or interest and/or mental competence. Ignore. Next!
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Did you ever consider that she wanted to get to know you better in person & did not want to have some drawn out quasi-conversation via e-mail or text? If you are still interested, ask her one more Q: Would you like to meet for coffee on [day] [date] at [time] at [location]?
OatsAndHall Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I'm not trying to take a shot at your ego here but you can expect more flakes in the first few weeks you're on an OLD side. I got a ton of messages from women the first two weeks I started up an OLD account as I popped up as a "new match" or some crap like that. I found that many of the women that hit me up at been using OLD for quite some time without much luck, for one reason or another. To be blunt, there was a good reason why half of them had been on there for so long; they were friggin' whackos. I got one quality date during that first two weeks and the rest were either duds or they lost interest in me quickly. I didn't start getting good dates until after that initial wave of messages was over and I had to hit the pavement and start shooting off messages.
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Heya everyone, New here. Let me start with a question. I am coming out of a near 5 year relationship. I just recently got the point where I felt like I needed to start attempting to meet new women and see what happens. So I made an online dating profile...I am ashamed to admit. However it's only been up one day at this point I've had pretty good luck, as I put up a single picture of myself and wrote a short basic description of who I am and what I'm about, and since last night I've had 11 girls message me. There's one in particular that I was quiet interested in getting to know better. She messaged me first and told me that I was very attractive and wanted to get to know me better...I asked open ended questions pertaining to her interests on her profile, I gave her every opportunity to talk about herself. But our conversation quickly devolved into me asking her questions and her replying with (yes, no, family, this, that, other). I essentially ended our conversation by saying, I guess I'm losing your interest, and she hasn't responded back. It's fine, I'm not upset or anything...Just confused by her behavior. She actively sought me out but acted like her interest burned out almost as soon as it started. I would understand if I were asking vague yes/no questions...But I asked specific questions that left a lot of room for in depth answers. What gives? She actively sought me out . . .-- So, that commits her to continuing to be interested? She more than likely was messaging a few guys and one or more were more interesting to her and so she dropped off. You've never message a girl and lost interest? You are, in fact, experiencing that scenario. You weren't bowled over by her "approach" or lack thereof and now you're not too interested, are you?
Author MercuryMorrison1971 Posted April 23, 2017 Author Posted April 23, 2017 (edited) She actively sought me out . . .-- So, that commits her to continuing to be interested? She more than likely was messaging a few guys and one or more were more interesting to her and so she dropped off. You've never message a girl and lost interest? You are, in fact, experiencing that scenario. You weren't bowled over by her "approach" or lack thereof and now you're not too interested, are you? I'm not condemning her for losing interest if that's the case. I guess I just wish people would be a little more upfront about that kind of thing...But you know how the old saying goes, Wish in one hand and crap in the other, see which one fills up first haha. Although as soon as I quit messaging her, after an hour and a half she messaged me back asking what was wrong and why I stopped talking to her. I politely explained that her answers to my question's felt un-enthused and she seemed uninterested. He response was, ''Nah''. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and offered to take her out for drinks, which she accepted. But then she asked me if I have a snapchat, which I don't. I don't have any form of social media. After I told her that I don't do social media, she once again dropped off the face of the earth. Oh well. Like I said, I'm not hung up on it. Maybe she found someone else she's more interested in and that's perfectly fine. Edited April 23, 2017 by MercuryMorrison1971
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I really want to meet ASAP and too many questions are tedious. If she has been on the site for a while, she has already answered most of them at least like 50 times. She is also aware of how chatting is pointless until you meet and doesn't want to waste her time. To me, suggesting a meeting after few messages is ideal. I do it myself if a guy doesn't. If he doesn't seem keen, I stop responding. Also, I prefer free flowing messages to a Q&A session. Q&A feels forced and like hard work because it's rude not to answer a specific question even if you find it boring.
Titanll Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 OLD bashers unite! How about giving her your number and taking things "offline"? On one here or on this planet has a single clue as to why the convo changed. Exchanging numbers is the first and most simple way to gauge someone's interest. No number, no interest.
Miss Spider Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I totally agree. I get sooo bored when guys aimlessly wanna text back and forth. As romantic as pen pals turned love is in theory, my attention span is reduced to that of a gnat when a guy doesn't ask me out soon enough. Sometimes by the time he does ask me out, I'll have already talked myself out of even wanting to meet him 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Welcome to LS! And....welcome to OLD (online dating)! This type of thing is pretty common Prepare yourself for lots of flakes and at times, dull conversation You did the right thing by ending communication....if a girl really likes you...she'll give you at least 3 word answers lol As for the reason why she wasnt saying a lot...she was probably juggling lots of different convos with different guys and eventually lost interest When I'm talking to a guy on OLD, I'm engaged, giving thoughtful responses and also asking about him. The convo def isnt one sided Good luck and onto the next! Spot on! Also, OP, why would you be 'ashamed' of creating a profile online? Are you single and is your profile truthful? No shame in it.
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