lv123_go Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Hi All, 6 months ago I (25 y.o.) started dating a guy. (29 y.o.) We fell in love pretty fast. He was telling everyone he wants to marry me, was showing me engagement rings asking what style do I like, so that when he proposes he will know what type of ring to pick. Everything was perfect for 5.5 months. Last week we went out with my friends and I had too much of drinks. Once all my friends left he was saying what he doesn't like in me and etc, and I told him "Hey, why are you telling me this right now? I am drunk! I don't want to talk about it!". He got mad about it and kept complaining while I was crying in the car. At one point he got frustrated and mad, he dropped me in the middle of the street in front of my house while I was in hysteria crying and drew away. Called me after and said "Your actions could have got me in trouble cos I was drinking and driving! Neighbors could have called 911! You are selfish and irresponsible". I would like to mention that I hardly ever drink (once in 3 months), yet he gets drunk every weekend. Anyways, he never really apologized, called me a drama queen. Two days after this issue I told him I need a break and I need my stuff I left at his house. All he said was "ok". I picked my stuff while he was at work, left all his together with the gifts he gave me (The only reason I did that was cos for two days after the fight he treated me like crap and acted as if he doesnt know me). The night I asked him to take a break, I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst cramps ever and blood as well, and ran to ER. Apparently I miscarried our baby (and I even did not know I was pregnant). I texted him in the morning saying "I did leave your stuff and just wanted to let you know that I miscarried our baby and I did not know I was pregnant either, I thought it would be fair for you to know." All he said was "Why did not you tell me about this?" I explained the situation and he was pretty much ignoring me. I was so lost, confused, still in physical pain and in shock, that I was desperate and had to call him in tears, and all he said was "What do you want me to do? You were the one who dropped all my stuff and wanted a break. I am sorry it happent!". My miscarriage wasnt going well and I had to go to ER again with pretty much no pulse, I was begging him to come , yet he didnt. He came to see me in three days and when I asked him why didnt you visit me earlier, he said "The way you were talking to me seemed like you want to do nothing with me". And during the discussion I said " I have never been a priority for you." He said "How can I choose you over my family and friends, when we have been together for couple of months?! Were all your exes leaving work for you only cos you asked them to???" I literally could not believe he said that, cos the only reason I asked him to leave cos I was in ER and it was an emergency. Anyways, we decided to take a break and then go from there. I just do not know whether it is over or no for him? I am super hurt, super upset, and I can not believe he could change in just two weeks. What did I do wrong? and what I should do...?
preraph Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I mean, to me you didn't do much wrong. I mean, I wasn't there, so I don't know what it was about you two being with your friends or anything that might have happened there (making fun of him or something like that) that would have started him off being mad or if there was nothing and it was just that the good part of the relationship was over. He didn't act right about when you miscarried, but men are kind of literal and you had just taken your stuff and left. Now, when you said you didn't know you were pregnant, maybe he didn't know if that was true or not and was assuming you did know but left anyway and really did not want him around. I mean, there is plenty of room for doubt there. You had just left, and I think you were right to leave. I am so sorry for your miscarriage and how it happened (and being pregnant might explain you doing extra crying and being emotional too). But honestly, this thing was going downhill and so at least now you will not be tied for life to someone who wasn't working out anyway. Please don't make the mistake of having unprotected sex with him again just because you are feeling low and confused after what happened. Please just lean on your friends and family and know that this wasn't going to work out. I'm sorry. Take care.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I don't know if all that you post is all that has happened over the 6-months. But, let's say for argument's sake that what you are saying is everything important that we ought to know... You didn't do anything wrong. It could be that your bf was already planning to leave you and he just needed another trigger or excuse to help him move along. He's now stacking on the blame to provide him 'reasons' to help confirm his goal to move on. For him to question how he could choose you (someone he's only dated a couple of months) over his friends and family is telling. You say you've dated for 6 and he uses the words 'a couple' to diminish the actual and modest time you two had actually been together. It is time to move on. Even if he has some unacceptable reason for his recent behavior, he is showing you that he is a big penis and has some disdain for you.
Author lv123_go Posted April 22, 2017 Author Posted April 22, 2017 I mean, to me you didn't do much wrong. I mean, I wasn't there, so I don't know what it was about you two being with your friends or anything that might have happened there (making fun of him or something like that) that would have started him off being mad or if there was nothing and it was just that the good part of the relationship was over. He didn't act right about when you miscarried, but men are kind of literal and you had just taken your stuff and left. Now, when you said you didn't know you were pregnant, maybe he didn't know if that was true or not and was assuming you did know but left anyway and really did not want him around. I mean, there is plenty of room for doubt there. You had just left, and I think you were right to leave. I am so sorry for your miscarriage and how it happened (and being pregnant might explain you doing extra crying and being emotional too). But honestly, this thing was going downhill and so at least now you will not be tied for life to someone who wasn't working out anyway. Please don't make the mistake of having unprotected sex with him again just because you are feeling low and confused after what happened. Please just lean on your friends and family and know that this wasn't going to work out. I'm sorry. Take care. I was on a birth control pill. And he was always telling me "Stop taking your pill, I want to have a baby with you!" I just do not understand how one can say this and then once there is a pregnancy issue ignore it
Author lv123_go Posted April 22, 2017 Author Posted April 22, 2017 I don't know if all that you post is all that has happened over the 6-months. But, let's say for argument's sake that what you are saying is everything important that we ought to know... You didn't do anything wrong. It could be that your bf was already planning to leave you and he just needed another trigger or excuse to help him move along. He's now stacking on the blame to provide him 'reasons' to help confirm his goal to move on. For him to question how he could choose you (someone he's only dated a couple of months) over his friends and family is telling. You say you've dated for 6 and he uses the words 'a couple' to diminish the actual and modest time you two had actually been together. It is time to move on. Even if he has some unacceptable reason for his recent behavior, he is showing you that he is a big penis and has some disdain for you. This happened literally last week. And when he came over to see me, he was like "You drinking that day didn't help it either." I said "Are you going to blame me for this???" and he said "No, I am just discussing in my head".
preraph Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I was on a birth control pill. And he was always telling me "Stop taking your pill, I want to have a baby with you!" I just do not understand how one can say this and then once there is a pregnancy issue ignore it Yeah, accidents happen. I hope he didn't sabotage your pills or something. He didn't handle it well. But I think it's fair to say most guys freak out when a gf gets pregnant. Anyway, what's done is done. You're no longer pregnant, so you don't need to worry about that issue anymore. You were on your way out the door before that came up. Remember that. This shouldn't change your course.
Author lv123_go Posted April 22, 2017 Author Posted April 22, 2017 Yeah, accidents happen. I hope he didn't sabotage your pills or something. He didn't handle it well. But I think it's fair to say most guys freak out when a gf gets pregnant. Anyway, what's done is done. You're no longer pregnant, so you don't need to worry about that issue anymore. You were on your way out the door before that came up. Remember that. This shouldn't change your course. He was offering me to move in with him for a long time, but as he did live very far away from my work I used to tell him "1. it is too early. 2. once I take a long vacation (approximately in June) I will move in". And when I was texting him "You even did not ask how I was feeling!" he said "All would have been different if you'd move in with me. He blames all on me. I already am feeling depressed because of this miscarriage, I do not understand why he is being so cruel on the top of everything
Author lv123_go Posted April 23, 2017 Author Posted April 23, 2017 I texted him yesterday " Hey, I took my break and thought about us and I realized we are two different people. I think the best solution is to break up. I don't know if you actually thought about it and I do not know what your decision is, but I think it is for the best. Thanks for everything." He read. Was online for another 5 hours. Never responded back.
smackie9 Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I'm just speculating here, but maybe you said or did something that night that you may not have remembered that really upset him, like got too friendly with a guy friend or flirted.....or he is diverting blame and was actually looking for an out because he met someone else or cheated. Lets see how quickly he finds his next GF...all the info will start to spill out in the next few weeks, and then you will see what really happened. I had a BF that did the same thing....we were looking a rings and crap, then he started to act weird, then all of a sudden he ended it with no explanation. It turned out he cheated on me...it was a drunken night and things got out of control so I'm told like a month later.
Miss Spider Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I'm sorry what you went through. This guy doesn't care. The I love yous and future promises don't mean jack. When it came down to it, his actions showed you got much he cared. When you were in the ER after mis carrying his child you became some chick he's only known a couple months. You made the right decision. I hope you are well.
Kitchen Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Sorry to hear this. Sorry about that drunk night. Really sorry about the miscarriage and the ED visit, I'm sure it was a traumatic experience. From the way you described it, it looks like he was the jerk. Although, we only know your side and not his. At any rate, you seem more upset that he didn't visit you in the ED or show any concern. To which I ask, what does "take a break" mean to you? Imo, you got what you asked for. Yes he may have been a jerk, but maybe instead of taking a break you should have attempted to work it out with him. But you chose the former, which I have to say in many cases is just a power play. And if you really tried to work it out and it was obvious that he's not going to change or apologize and that he was really in the wrong, then you should be trying to get over him rather than expect him to show up. I know it stings that he didn't come, but if he truly is a jackass, then perhaps it's for the better. I can understand your pain; really I'm sorry.
Author lv123_go Posted April 30, 2017 Author Posted April 30, 2017 He came to my office last week and was crying saying he is sorry for not being there for me, he thought I was lying about miscarriage as his ex did lie to him about being pregnant and going through an abortion. Why the hell would I lie about such a serious thing? How mental one should be to do so??? Anyways, he was asking me if I could forget and forgive and if I can move on because he did not want to be slapped in the face with this if we move on, and asked me to think about it. The next day he was going to go snowboarding and it was snowing real bad. He called me and talked to me for an hour and then said "It is snowing real bad and I should concentrate on driving, as roads are getting worse. I will text you once I get there." Well, he did not. To be honest, I was worried. Even if that would not be him but any other friend of mine I would still be worried because it was snowing real bad. The next morning I texted him "Hey, did you make it there?" He never responded back. Then I called him couple hours later and he did not pick up and turned off his phone later on. Do I understand how one can act normal and be trying to fix things and cry about it one day, then ignore the other day? No. I got an offer from a very successful company in Cali. At first I did not want to take the offer because I was still hoping things will get better (I know I know ...so stupid of me). But I did sign the contract and will be moving in Summer. I believe a new environment will help me to move on.
Author lv123_go Posted April 30, 2017 Author Posted April 30, 2017 I'm just speculating here, but maybe you said or did something that night that you may not have remembered that really upset him, like got too friendly with a guy friend or flirted.....or he is diverting blame and was actually looking for an out because he met someone else or cheated. Lets see how quickly he finds his next GF...all the info will start to spill out in the next few weeks, and then you will see what really happened. I had a BF that did the same thing....we were looking a rings and crap, then he started to act weird, then all of a sudden he ended it with no explanation. It turned out he cheated on me...it was a drunken night and things got out of control so I'm told like a month later. No, I did not flirt with anyone. There were my friends only and I was standing right next to him the whole time. He got upset because I put my head on the table and said "Gosh, I am so sleepy" and he said "OMG! Do not do this for God's sake!" Later on, he explained it saying "I embarrassed him cos all at the bar were staring at us!" Which is not true. And he said "You were hitting me in front of everyone. That is disrespectful!" And I was not hitting him, I slightly clapped his hand and said "Oh come on, let's stay a little bit longer!"
Miss Spider Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 This guy is a loser, sry...you're wasting precious time with him
Author lv123_go Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 This guy is a loser, sry...you're wasting precious time with him You are right! He actually texted the next day saying "I am fine, just driving back home". I deleted the text without opening it (cos when I open it, he can see that I read it). Then couple hours later he called me, and was like: Him: Hi. How are you? Me: good Him:how was your day? Me: perfect. hope urs was good too. Him: yeah, had fun, but sore. what did you do? Me: was working and still am. why are you calling? Him: Just wanted to let you know I am home. Me: good for you Him: well...i guess...i will let you go back to work. Me. K bye. After this conversation I realized I truly do not care about him at all. I am done. 1
preraph Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Let him go back to dating women with zero standards. Seems like he is just acting like nothing happened. 1
Author lv123_go Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 Let him go back to dating women with zero standards. Seems like he is just acting like nothing happened. To be honest, I do not think there will be any woman who will be able to handle him and his attitude towards things. He called me once "the most inconsiderate person he has ever seen" only because I forgot to turn off TV and it was on for 20 minutes Yet he was falling asleep every night with his tv on. No logic & No explanations to his actions 1
winny Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 OMG what a heartless person!!! Even just for sake of humanity how could he not be there for you when you were in hospital??? I feel so angry reading this.... What you went thru and whatever he made you feel is not your fault. Completely his fault and I glad all this got over into some months..... He has zero standards and before long karma will give him even worse.... I am so so so sorry about the miscarriage but I think it was a blessing in disguise. 1
Author lv123_go Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 OMG what a heartless person!!! Even just for sake of humanity how could he not be there for you when you were in hospital??? I feel so angry reading this.... What you went thru and whatever he made you feel is not your fault. Completely his fault and I glad all this got over into some months..... He has zero standards and before long karma will give him even worse.... I am so so so sorry about the miscarriage but I think it was a blessing in disguise. I just do not think he loved me (even though he claims the opposite). Whenever we got into a fight I never felt any effort from him to fix things and all he was saying was "sorry". I accidentally found the conversation he had in his old phone with his ex. Where they got into a fight and she went clubbing right after the fight, and he was calling her, asking her not to go there and he was apologizing for smth. With her, he was trying. With me-he didn't. And his excuse was "She ruined my life and was constantly breaking up with me. I learned my lesson". So I believe this is the way he was applying his learned lessons towards me lol
Author lv123_go Posted May 8, 2017 Author Posted May 8, 2017 I know it is an old topic and I should be over the whole situation but I have another question. He kept in touch with me on Monday, said he apologizes, he knows he made a mistake and he knows he gave up after the first fight instead of trying to figure out things. I mean he sounded like he regrets. Then he asked me if I could forgive him, and I said "You put zero effort in order for me to forgive you". His response was "If I put effort and try will you forgive me?" I said "why don't you try first and we will see how it goes". He said "Ok, let me go in and I will call you in a bit. I have not heard from him a whole freaking week yet he checks my snapchat stories ( I had to block him there too because I recently noticed). I am not saying I am going to or will forgive him. I just really do not understand what is in his head or what is he trying to do. Any suggestions? Because his actions to me do not make any sense and it is driving me crazy
1fish2fish Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 What actions? So far, all he has given you are words, and you already know that's all he's ever going to give you. He's driving you crazy because you want so badly to believe him. I get it, I've done it, too. But I think that what you love(d) most about him was your image of him. He talked a good game, didn't he? Who you love isn't who he is, and it's going to take some time for you to understand that. It sucks. Please take care of yourself and cut out ALL means for him to contact you. It's only going to set you back every time. 1
Author lv123_go Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 What actions? So far, all he has given you are words, and you already know that's all he's ever going to give you. He's driving you crazy because you want so badly to believe him. I get it, I've done it, too. But I think that what you love(d) most about him was your image of him. He talked a good game, didn't he? Who you love isn't who he is, and it's going to take some time for you to understand that. It sucks. Please take care of yourself and cut out ALL means for him to contact you. It's only going to set you back every time. I finally did get my closure. He told me "We have been fighting a lot, and we have different views on things. I don't think we will work out. Good luck on your graduation tomorrow (my MS graduation ceremony is tomorrow)" I said "cool. thanks" and hang up.
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