Is no response a good thing?

[PegNosePete]

It was bothering me that the last impression she had of me was a pathetic person who couldn't accept her decision.

Why does that bother you? She's never going to see or speak to you again, right? Why do you care what a total stranger thinks of you?

 

just gets me mad she couldn't give me a courtesy reply

Maybe she is also in NC and viewed your text as a breadcrumb.

Maybe she showed the text to her girl friends and they all had a laugh.

Maybe her new boyfriend saw the text first and deleted it before she got a chance to see it.

Maybe she lost that phone and got a new number.

Maybe her phone got confiscated when she was put into prison.

 

You will never know. It doesn't make sense to get mad when you have absolutely no idea what happened or why she didn't reply.

 

just mad that she still has the "upper hand" so to speak.

She only has the "upper hand" because you give it to her. You are wasting your brain power trying to figure out why she didn't reply and trying to get the upper hand over someone who will never be a part of your life again.

[RustCohle]

No you are not 95% over her. The fact that you are here about her means you are 95% ALL over her.

 

I'll tell you a story that will make you feel better. She'll find a new guy. And that new guy will probably be with her for years, she'll suck him dry of his money and his energy, marry him only to dump him or cheat on him. That's guaranteed. Do you want to be that guy?(or if the guy is tough he'll cheat on her and she'll be really hurt).

 

You are hurt because you have scarcity mentality. Go out and find a new woman and forget about her.

[harrybrown]

Go back to complete N/C.

 

and read up on the 180. no more pleading or anything.

 

If years from now, you see her on the street, turn around and go the other way.

 

She is not your friend.

[springy]

When you really are doing better (body and soul) and really are 95% over her, you won't care what she thinks.

[mightycpa]

So I broke NC today after 37 days. I would say I am about 95% over her..

Agree with everybody else, no you're not. Why?

It was just eating at me how I reacted when it ended- I came across as super needy and pleading basically with her.

That wasn't eating you. What was eating you was that you knew that SHE saw you as super needy, and you needed to change that.

Basically just sent a text with something she would have laughed at hen we were together, and then said btw- I apologize for being so emotional and needy when it ended and

Here it comes....

wished her a happy bday which is this coming weekend.

Weak and pathetic, believe it or not. Sure, it seems like the "nice" think to do, but it comes acrosss as needy and weak.

It was eating at me how I acted and wanted to save some dignity by telling her I realized how pathetic I must have been.

But that's not how you do it.

Of course I get no reply...

Of course not.

I don't want to reconcile with her as this basically confirms exactly why I never would. She couldn't even give me a deceny reply and basically never cared about my feelings at all as this ended.

Boo Hoo! She never cared! Not the words of a man who is 95% over her.

The hurt I felt initially has turned to anger..

The oven might be hot, but that cake isn't quite baked yet.

yet I can't shake this feeling that I just want to prove to her that I'm doing better without her..

If you were, you'd have no need to prove it to her.

I'm now in the best shape of my life- pretty ripped now, talking to another girl who so far is amazing (taking is super slow and careful after being so hurt by the ex) my job is going well and I'm happy.

I don't know about happy. Getting used to it maybe. People who are happy aren't angry or obsessed with something they can't control.

Is it normal for me to want to have my ex see all this? It's weird I still care about her in the sense I want her to be happy, but i also want her to I guess be jealous of how far I've come since we first split and to see how good I'm doing.

That's very normal for a grieving ex.

I deleted her from social media and we don't have any mutual friends so in the small chance of us running into each other in a big city- she will never know.

And I shouldn't care-

Right. That's when you know you are over her...

yet since she hurt me so bad, I want her to see that she didn't beat me.

One last time, for emphasis: that's how you know you're not over her.

Hope that makes sense and just want to see if that is a normal feeling.. it'd bothering me!

Any feedback is appreciated!

Makes perfect sense to me.

[BC1980]

I agree-

But the text was more to clear the air and basically saying no hard feelings.

It was bothering me that the last impression she had of me was a pathetic person who couldn't accept her decision.

I'm not to upset I sent the text, it's actually a relief in a sense.. just gets me mad she couldn't give me a courtesy reply- we did have good and happy times together after all. Not hurting all, just mad that she still has the "upper hand" so to speak.

I know I shouldn't care, and I'm honestly ok with the relationship being done.

I guess it's just my ego that needs to accept everything now- my heart and brain have healed. It's been 65 days since we broke up.

 

Even contacting her in the way you did shows her that you haven't moved, so you haven't improved the way she sees you. I know you don't see your text that way, but it likely comes off that way to her. She probably didn't answer for one of two reasons: one, she thinks you are not over her and wants to help you by not answering you or, two, she is annoyed and wants you to go away. The more you try to manipulate how someone views you, the worse it gets. You can't fool people into viewing you in a certain way.

 

So with that being said, I think you need to work on getting to a place where you don't care what she thinks of you. And keeping NC is a good way to start on that journey. Also, be proud that you kept NC for 37 days. That is an accomplishment, so you know you are capable of doing it.

[Maldives]

So I broke NC today after 37 days. I would say I am about 95% over her..

It was just eating at me how I reacted when it ended- I came across as super needy and pleading basically with her.

 

Basically just sent a text with something she would have laughed at hen we were together, and then said btw- I apologize for being so emotional and needy when it ended and wished her a happy bday which is this coming weekend. It was eating at me how I acted and wanted to save some dignity by telling her I realized how pathetic I must have been.

Of course I get no reply...

I don't want to reconcile with her as this basically confirms exactly why I never would. She couldn't even give me a deceny reply and basically never cared about my feelings at all as this ended. The hurt I felt initially has turned to anger.. yet I can't shake this feeling that I just want to prove to her that I'm doing better without her.. I'm now in the best shape of my life- pretty ripped now, talking to another girl who so far is amazing (taking is super slow and careful after being so hurt by the ex) my job is going well and I'm happy.

Is it normal for me to want to have my ex see all this? It's weird I still care about her in the sense I want her to be happy, but i also want her to I guess be jealous of how far I've come since we first split and to see how good I'm doing.

I deleted her from social media and we don't have any mutual friends so in the small chance of us running into each other in a big city- she will never know.

And I shouldn't care- yet since she hurt me so bad, I want her to see that she didn't beat me.

Hope that makes sense and just want to see if that is a normal feeling.. it'd bothering me!

Any feedback is appreciated!

 

 

It's normal dude the more they hurt u the more u feel this way .....

Its been 8 mths since my split and I went thru a period where I was just angry and now I'm missing her and can't believe I still care for someone who stabbed me in the heart.

I hate that I care even after wat she put me thru

..

That's the different stages of a break up it oscillates and goes back and forth till finally we reach acceptance. I find it takes on average 3 yrs for me to totally get over over em and be indifferent

[marky00]

I agree-

But the text was more to clear the air and basically saying no hard feelings.

It was bothering me that the last impression she had of me was a pathetic person who couldn't accept her decision.

 

This is a common reaction but it is totally wrong.

 

 

For people who have experienced a few breakups, those people know that when emotions are running high, what is said in heat of moment is forgotten.

 

 

She would totally know why you acted that way. However, its the contact that happens months after a breakup that is more of a concern because once the emotions have died down on both ends, any contact just tends to look pretty silly.

 

 

The way you handled it is common and the reason why your doing well is because you handled things the way you should.

 

 

You said your piece at the breakup, had your vent, showed her you cared and left it be. That really covers all bases and leads to faster and more complete healing.

 

 

I used to like to take the high road and show no emotion when being dumped but I started to realise that just retarded my healing long-term.

 

 

Now when I get dumped, I push back pretty hard during the dumping. I give my point of view, have a good little vent and let them know I did care .... and then .... I totally DISAPPEAR.

 

 

I have been through several breakups and I honestly think this is the best way to handle being dumped. They get to show you who they are when they dump you so in return can feel justified in showing them who you really are as well. I think it also knocks them for six because they expect you to be quiet or sulking in the corner but when you turn into more into a tit-for-tat discussion and then totally disappear, it's just the perfect way to handle it.

 

 

Speaking your mind at the time of being dumped is totally acceptable and in my opinion, the best for all parties. It only becomes clingy behaviour if you go back for round 2. So say as much of you can and then get on with your life, it really does turn the tables and you turn a dumping into practically a mutual breakup.

[Khop97]

So I'm really confused and trying to figure out where I stand.

 

I dated a girl for about 4 months... everything was great for the first 3.5 months. She then started training for a bikini conpeteiion which required her to workout insane amounts per day and change her diet drastically. This is when things started to go downhilll.

She then told me a few weeks later her Ex was asking for her back and she thought she was over him and apparently she wasn't.

I acted needy and pathetic trying to get her to choose me..

 

I went no contact for about 40 days.. then I texted her apologizing for being extra emotional and that all is good now and I learned and grew from it.. also wished her a happy bday and good luck with her competition which was coming up that weekend.. she replied saying there was no need to apologize and appreciated what was saying and said it took a lot of courage to say what I did.

 

Fast forward 3 more weeks of no contact after that.. I see her on a dating app.

I waited about 5 days and just sent a link to a band we both liked, just saying ICYMI. She responded with a Thanks and a smiley face.

A few days later I sent a selfie to a group text that she was a part of.. she responded with a picture collage of her competition (half naked mind you)

So i write back saying she looked amazing and some other witty/funny remarks.

She mentioned she was going to Vegas and I responded I had a crazy Vegas story from a few weeks prior, and she said she would ask about it when she got back.

Didn't hear anything from her.. i started a instagram page when we split up and sent her a friend request the Other day and she accepted.. a few days later I texted saying my plans for the night were cancelled and wanted to see if she wanted to grab dinner/drinks- no strings or expectations. She wrote back saying she had plans already and that was it.

 

I don't get it.. she responds to everything, sent me pictures, accepted me on Instagram- but never initiates the conversation. You would think she would ignore me, tell me to F off, or something if she wasn't Intersted.

I've been on tons of dates since her, but nothing matches the connection we had and I have never been so attracted to someone physically as I am to her.

 

I hate playing games but don't want to be overbearing as well. I really want to have another shot with her since it seems my opportunity was cut short and it was nothing I did to cause it.

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

[Deadmeat]

My friend how else would you like for her to respond? Would you actually want her to say "**** off" or "leave me alone"? Believe me, if you continue to push, that's where it will go.

 

The signs are pretty clear here. She's not interested. When you accept that, you will start seeing it too.

 

Save yourself the grief. This girl has moved on from you. She was honest from the beginning (she wants to be back with her ex). She's just being nice at this point.

 

Actions speak louder than words. If you listen you can see what she's really saying.

 

Best of luck.

[Khop97]

I would think that too..

But sending me half naked pictures from her competition and accepting me on IG leads me to believe she has some interest.

But it's at her convenience.. and I actually would rather be ignored or told that I don't have a chance. I'm trying to move on.. I don't hurt like I used to, so this is just more frustrating than anything.

[stillafool]

Her sending pics from the competition is just her wanting more attention regarding her body. She probably sent them to a ton of people. Trust me if she had any interest at all she would have accepted dinner and drinks. If you want her attention start ignoring her.

[basil67]

Sending you those photos was no more of a 'come on' than it would have been to the whole audience watching. She probably put them on her social media too.

[Khop97]

Don't disagree with you guys.. I'm sure she shares them all over.

My argument is- why send them to your Ex, who you know is still interested..

If I was in a muscle contest, I would share pix everywhere- but not with an ex I knew was still into me. I'm just gonna move foreard and if she reaches out, I'll cross the bridge at that point.

[Zahara]

Don't disagree with you guys.. I'm sure she shares them all over.

My argument is- why send them to your Ex, who you know is still interested..

If I was in a muscle contest, I would share pix everywhere- but not with an ex I knew was still into me. I'm just gonna move foreard and if she reaches out, I'll cross the bridge at that point.

 

It's not her responsibility to protect your feelings. It's yours and if you can't manage contact in whatever form, then stay no contact. You reached out and noted that you've grown from the past and in her mind, you're a platonic friend, just like the rest of her circle. She's coming from an unemotional place so she likely isn't even thinking about how it affects you since you've approached her on friendly terms.

[Blanco]

Things you need to keep in mind:

 

- She broke things off.

- You broke the silence.

- You broke the silence again after your initial breaking of NC.

- You invited her out on a quasi-date. She declined and did not try to reschedule.

- All of her responses to your contact sound diplomatic, but uninterested. They're the sort of responses you give to someone when you don't want to seem rude, but also want to engage them as little as possible.

- Competitive bodybuilding involves showing a good amount of skin, but it's not really sexual. Though technically showing the same amount of skin, there's a world of difference between sharing photos from competition day and sending you photos of herself dressed seductively in her bedroom or something.

- No one should have to tell someone to "F off" if they aren't interested in them and no one should really need to be told to "F off" to gauge that the person isn't interested in them. Women get put in a bad position when it comes to this: Either they can be polite and have the guy not get the picture, or they can be unfiltered and get labeled a "b*tch."

 

 

I'm shooting straight with you: She's not interested. You're letting your own interest cloud how interpret her responses.

[preraph]

We only saw each other like 3 days a week.. definitely wasn't a space issue.

I get it, I was hesitant to drop off the 2nd time- it was a spur of the moment thing as a client gave me the bars.

I guess I was kinda hoping for that text to telling me it's done or s thank you.

 

It is a space issue, any amount of time, if she's not into you anymore.

[Knix]

We only saw each other like 3 days a week.. definitely wasn't a space issue.

I get it, I was hesitant to drop off the 2nd time- it was a spur of the moment thing as a client gave me the bars.

I guess I was kinda hoping for that text to telling me it's done or s thank you.

 

 

 

I meant space as in not leaving stuff at her house and continuously texting her without a response, not about how many times you saw each other in a week!

[Knix]

Don't disagree with you guys.. I'm sure she shares them all over.

My argument is- why send them to your Ex, who you know is still interested..

If I was in a muscle contest, I would share pix everywhere- but not with an ex I knew was still into me. I'm just gonna move foreard and if she reaches out, I'll cross the bridge at that point.

 

Just because you wouldn't do something doesn't mean someone else wouldn't.

 

 

People just want to know you're still interested, doesn't mean they want you in their life anymore. I hear from exes all the time, I just don't give them the attention they crave.