Is no response a good thing?

[Khop97]

I can tell you this much.

 

 

She will be back.

I 100% sure she will be breaking up with her ex again. There was a reason why they broke up, and it will happen again.

When it does, she will want to go back to you for comfort, or a shoulder.

Or, she will get in contact with you to just cheat on her ex.

 

 

Feelings are not something you can switch off.

Even worse, is a lingering love. Left unintended, it grows exponentially.

Let her start the chain reaction. The more you stop all contact. the faster the reaction.

You however, you need to make a preparatory plan.

When she does come back, either tell her to take a hike on Mt Lowlife, or enjoy a few benefits without strings.

 

 

Ted.

 

 

Thanks Ted.. if she called today, I honestly love her so I would probably be dumb and go back.. if I heal up, I wouldn't wish what I'm feeling on my worst enemy- so knowing she left before not sure I could risk it. But would def try get some benefits! Lol

She was my type to a T.. absolutely perfect until the ex came back.

[Khop97]

My gf just left me to go back to her ex. We were together for 4 months and it was amazing. I've always been a "serial dater" and scared of commitment. Been on tons of dates but always found something wrong. With her, she was perfect inside and out. She never really brought up her ex, so I never thought I was the rebound guy. Not sure why exactly they broke up, but found out they were broken up for about 2 months before I met her.

I know everyone says I shouldn't want her back- but I can't help but want her. We connected so well and the only person I could commit to.

 

So my q's- do rebound guys ever get them back? And when ex's get back together, do they normally last?

[ExpatInItaly]

It's impossible to say she and her ex will last, because we know virtually nothing about their relationship. Sometimes it's just a repeat of the previous relationship and fizzles out, and other times the couple truly wants to work on whatever caused the split.

 

But generally, rebounds don't happen for the right reasons (true interest and investment on both sides) and so they're not built to last. She was apparently too fresh out of her relationship and her heart and mind were still with her ex. As such, rebounders aren't all that inclined to return because they were never very attached to begin with.

[Khop97]

Sorry guys, this is where I vent so I don't break NC.

 

I'm really struggling.. Today is only Day 5.. I know I have to stick with it.. it's just so hard when you are used to being in fun regular contact to absolutely zero.

I've lost 20lbs in a month (good i guess, wasn't overweight but can work on my abs now!). I get about 4 hours of sleep and she is On my mind 90% of the day if not more.

I know I was just a rebound- although I honestly don't think that was her intention just ended up that way. I miss her bad.. it's hard to get dumped when you did absolutely nothing wrong. She was perfect up until the end when the ex came back. It was hard seeing her change from bubbly and fun loving to all serious with me. She has a lot on her plate- work, training everyday for a fitness competition, the ex, and now I feel like just a nuisance.

She's made up her mind, but I feel I still have to give it a final go after 30 days of NC. Our connection was that strong- 8 hour first date! And every time we hung out it was obvious. I just don't get how she can forget that and go back to a failed relationship. I'm not sure why they split, from what I gather it was bc he moved- but there may be other stuff on top of that. I'm trying to move on- but when you feel for someone as much as I did her, and when you are a "serial dater" like me and you finally find one you legitimately care about and want to be with- it's hard to watch from the sidelines as the clock ticks away.

Sorry for the rant guys- just miss her.

[Blanco]

First couple of weeks were the hardest for me. I think I made it to Day 8 or something before I caved. Regretted it immediately.

[Superchicken]

Go do a few things for yourself.

Change your wardrobe, get new cloths that are COOL, and Trendy.

Change your hair style, and improve your physical appearance a little.

Go to the Gym, and work on yourself first.

You need to make sure you like yourself with what you can make of yourself.

Improvement is the first step.

Not saying that your below standard in the first place, but its a way to take your mind of things.

Put on a few extra muscle cells, or, as you put it, 6 pack abs.

 

 

Don't try and make any contact with her. The second you do, you start all over again with pain and sorrow.

 

 

Move on, do it now. Read other threads with similar problems as yours. They all come out OK in the end.

 

 

Ted.

[Erik30]

Yeah I agree with ExpatInItaly. When you're the rebound, the other person doesn't feel that same strong connection you do. You're often more like a distraction to take their mind of someone else. So the rebound guy usually doesn't get the girl back, because it didn't really mean that much to her.

 

She might stay with her ex this time, or they'll run into the same problems... it doesn't matter anyway, she picked him over you, so you shouldn't take her back. (If that ever happens) There's be a big chance she would dump you again

[Khop97]

It's been 4 weeks since I've last seen here and 7 days (7 Days of NC as well) whe she told me for sure she is going to try to work it out with the ex.

My questions are:

 

I feel good for a minute, like I'm gonna be alright- then the next minute I feel like crying. It's driving me insane. Is that normal?

 

Also, I go to bed at night usually after talking to girls on online sites to distract myself. (I have no international of making them a rebound, I would never put my worst enemy through what I'm feeling) but I go to bed usually in a good mood and confident. Only to wake up everyday (like clockwork) at 2am with that feeling like you were punched in the stomach and all I can think about is my ex. Xanax doesn't work anymore. Does this feeling go away and if so, how long?

I'm coming out of my fog where I see she wasn't as perfect as I originally portrayed her (physicality she is though which makes things more difficult) and we did connect very strongly. I was more invested, not to say she wasn't, but she broke it off so obvious answer there.

Anyways, when do you start waking up normally without the sick feeling and mind racing a million miles a minute on what's she doing and if I will ever talk to her again.

[Zahara]

I feel good for a minute, like I'm gonna be alright- then the next minute I feel like crying. It's driving me insane. Is that normal?

 

Yes, very normal. Your emotions are going to fluctuate for awhile. One moment you feel optimistic and the next you're crying a river. You are grieving and it's going to take awhile until those emotions stabilize.

 

Also, I go to bed at night usually after talking to girls on online sites to distract myself. (I have no international of making them a rebound, I would never put my worst enemy through what I'm feeling) but I go to bed usually in a good mood and confident. Only to wake up everyday (like clockwork) at 2am with that feeling like you were punched in the stomach and all I can think about is my ex. Xanax doesn't work anymore. Does this feeling go away and if so, how long?

 

Anyways, when do you start waking up normally without the sick feeling and mind racing a million miles a minute on what's she doing and if I will ever talk to her again.

 

Mornings were difficult for me. The constant waking up and feeling like my insides were twisting. The reality that it's over is finality that is daunting to bear. You're finally grasping it. You'll feel this way for awhile as well. Yes, it goes away but there is no timeline. Everyone grieves and heals at their own pace.

 

Stay NC. Keep your friends and family close by. Don't suppress your emotions. Let them out. Keep yourself occupied and try to focus on the reality of what you had with her. Healing will come.

[airborne3502]

You're doing great Khop!

 

I feel good for a minute, like I'm gonna be alright- then the next minute I feel like crying.

 

I go to bed usually in a good mood and confident.

 

It's seven days NC, and some good is already creeping in.

 

You're just about to that first day you don't wake up feeling miserable.

 

(I have no international of making them a rebound, I would never put my worst enemy through what I'm feeling)

 

This right here makes you a really good guy, deserving of better than what you had.

 

I'm coming out of my fog where I see she wasn't as perfect as I originally portrayed her

 

Yes, you are.

 

You haven't called her, texted her, or sent her a "heartfelt" message.

 

Winning!

 

Before you know it, you will be where I am now. I look back at the desperate posts I wrote when I first showed up here, and I just want to punch that guy.

 

Nobody that's shown you the door, is worth putting yourself through the wringer for.

[Khop97]

I appreciate the feedback! I feel a little better everyday.. I still miss her and now the hardest part is seeing things or going places that remind me of her. I also regret the last contact we had where I sounded extremely needy and desperate.. oh what I would do different if I could go back in time.

I'm at the stage now where I'm trying to better myself so much she will regret leaving. I'm using it as motivation now.

I've lost 20lbs now since April 1st, (and I wasn't overweight to begin with) and I work out rigoursly everyday. So I'm seeing great results. I can't wait to get to the place where you are where I can login and see these painful and agonizing posts and just laugh. Seems like a long way away, but I'm 9 days NC now.. one day at a time!

 

Thanks again!

[Marc878]

You'll get better when your heart syncs up to your mind.

 

That's when you start seeing her for who she is versus who you though she was.

 

Complete no contact. Block her on everything

[Khop97]

And I still miss her.. the pain isn't as bad as it used to be, and I able to function, but she is always on the back of my mind. Wondering if she thinks about me, although she is with her ex. I sit and wonder when they are gonna break up, since exes rarely pan out to a successful relationship.

I've been on several dates, but nobody measures up to the connection we had. I think that's what hurts the most- that she is able to move on like I was nothing and all our time didn't mean a thing- while I've been suffering like hell the last 6 weeks. I'm trying to move on- but can't. Any advice would be appreciated! I know I wasn't the only one feeling something when we were together. She definitely felt something too, just amazing how she can just up and leave and not feel anything. If I did something wrong, it would be easier to cope. But I didn't do anything wrong, just the damn ex had to re-enter.

Edited May 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Six threads merged ~6

[dumbass2]

You're absolutely correct. Ex's rarely ever work out. Ponder that when you think about your EX. Also, things may have been great for you, but just remember that they weren't all that great for her because she was willing to leave you. You really need to think about these two things. It's not that she never felt something for you, it just wasn't enough for her. Best to do NC as I don't see a future between you two. Sorry. Don't blame it on the ex because if it was all that great she would be with you.

[Superchicken]

Feelings of pain will fade over time.

The remains will always linger, but look at ALL the people on this site that recovered. Including me (For the better I may add).

Your problem is you keep dwelling on it, so as soon as you do, you peak in missing her and not being able to hold her, etc.

Turn it round, and tell your self its the best thing all round. You deserve better treatment than what she offered you.

 

 

Getting over the pain varies with people.

You alone will know its length of course.

I hope you make it as short as possible.

 

 

Ted.

[confused1061]

I can relate to what you are going because I am in a similar situation too. But with time its got better by doing the following things:

1. When his thoughts come to the mind, I tell myself I've learnt my lesson now let go. Eventually the thoughts fade away.

2. I deleted all songs on break-ups. You don't need a constant reminder of your ex. I started listening to only peppy dance music. Eventually I started listening to love songs too because you want to feel something positive and an ex who has hurt you bad will not come to the mind (if she does change the track). But please no break-up songs because then you're forced to think about your ex.

3. When you feel like texting your ex, browse your contacts on the phone book and connect with some old lost friend.

4. I am not into self help but I started reading a self help book and its making me feel better about myself.

5. I tried doing no contact for three months but I used to break it every week. Either I would text or he would text and give breadcrumbs. Eventually, I just told myself I still wish the best for this person (no matter how he treated me) but this time it will be from a distance. There is no point of keeping in touch with someone who doesn't respect you.

6. I stopped analyzing the break-up. Not worth it anymore.

7. On YouTube I found this (

). Whenever, I miss my ex I listen to the last three minutes of this video. Infinite waters diving deep also has good quality videos.

8. Work out and do not listen to any song which reminds you of your relationship. I started listening to podcasts on topics other than break-ups and my mind was forced to think of other things.

 

If your ex calls you and you feel you are weak and will take her back, do not pick up the phone. You dont want to live with the insecurity that your ex can leave you again.

[confused1061]

Stop counting the days of no contact. You are going to be in no contact with her through out your life. In such situations, being an abstainer rather than a moderator is more helpful.

[SoThatHappened]

But I didn't do anything wrong,

I don't mean to kick you when you're down, but you need to learn something very valuable from this.

 

The things you did after she decided to leave were wrong... wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

Don't ever chase someone when they're done with you.

 

And don't, ever, ever, ever, leave stuff on their doorstep, whether you think it has sentimental value or not.

 

She now thinks you're a spineless p**sy and she will never see you as more.

 

It's harsh, I know, but you must learn from this experience and never be that guy again.

 

Work on yourself, lick your wounds, get your butt back on the horse, and move on to the next chapters.

 

Good luck

[jamili]

I don't mean to kick you when you're down, but you need to learn something very valuable from this.

 

The things you did after she decided to leave were wrong... wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

Don't ever chase someone when they're done with you.

 

And don't, ever, ever, ever, leave stuff on their doorstep, whether you think it has sentimental value or not.

 

She now thinks you're a spineless p**sy and she will never see you as more.

 

It's harsh, I know, but you must learn from this experience and never be that guy again.

 

Work on yourself, lick your wounds, get your butt back on the horse, and move on to the next chapters.

 

Good luck

 

This is the real truth right here. Learn from this. Never, ever chase after you are dumped. It has the opposite effect.

[Blanco]

It's common, albeit misguided, for people in these situations to put all of the blame on the ex's ex, as if the ex has no free will and is a mindless subservient to their ex.

 

Point is, this girl wasn't over her ex when she started dating you. She wasn't over him while you were dating. She wasn't over him. That's not all on him. That's on her for trying to date before she was really ready to.

 

Now stop leaving stuff at her doorstep. You romanticize in your mind, but trust me, that comes off as creepy when there's the dynamic that you currently have with this girl. I'm sure she finds it more unnerving than anything else to be finding these assorted boxes from you on her doorstep. It's practically an invasion of privacy for her to know you're passing by her home without her approval.

[Khop97]

So I broke NC today after 37 days. I would say I am about 95% over her..

It was just eating at me how I reacted when it ended- I came across as super needy and pleading basically with her.

 

Basically just sent a text with something she would have laughed at hen we were together, and then said btw- I apologize for being so emotional and needy when it ended and wished her a happy bday which is this coming weekend. It was eating at me how I acted and wanted to save some dignity by telling her I realized how pathetic I must have been.

Of course I get no reply...

I don't want to reconcile with her as this basically confirms exactly why I never would. She couldn't even give me a deceny reply and basically never cared about my feelings at all as this ended. The hurt I felt initially has turned to anger.. yet I can't shake this feeling that I just want to prove to her that I'm doing better without her.. I'm now in the best shape of my life- pretty ripped now, talking to another girl who so far is amazing (taking is super slow and careful after being so hurt by the ex) my job is going well and I'm happy.

Is it normal for me to want to have my ex see all this? It's weird I still care about her in the sense I want her to be happy, but i also want her to I guess be jealous of how far I've come since we first split and to see how good I'm doing.

I deleted her from social media and we don't have any mutual friends so in the small chance of us running into each other in a big city- she will never know.

And I shouldn't care- yet since she hurt me so bad, I want her to see that she didn't beat me.

Hope that makes sense and just want to see if that is a normal feeling.. it'd bothering me!

Any feedback is appreciated!

[BC1980]

It's normal to want to show her you've moved on, but contacting her does the opposite. Also, you can't control how someone views you.

[Khop97]

I agree-

But the text was more to clear the air and basically saying no hard feelings.

It was bothering me that the last impression she had of me was a pathetic person who couldn't accept her decision.

I'm not to upset I sent the text, it's actually a relief in a sense.. just gets me mad she couldn't give me a courtesy reply- we did have good and happy times together after all. Not hurting all, just mad that she still has the "upper hand" so to speak.

I know I shouldn't care, and I'm honestly ok with the relationship being done.

I guess it's just my ego that needs to accept everything now- my heart and brain have healed. It's been 65 days since we broke up.

[dumbass2]

You're not healed yet, but now staying NC will help you get there. It will take a while, so don't try to force the feelings away. Just go through the grieving process and let things fall where they fall and learn from it for the future. Don't beat yourself up because it doesn't matter what she thinks any more. What matters is that you recognize mistakes and learn from them.

[ExpatInItaly]

Perhaps she's blocked your number, OP.

 

Either way, take this as your confirmation that you need to let go and truly move on.