Is no response a good thing?

[Khop97]

I was dating someone for 3 months... everything was absolutely perfect. If I could draw up my perfect girl, it would be her. Our 1st date lasted 8 hours, we texted everyday throughout the day- she would be the one half the time

Instigating the "good morning" or similar texts. We never got in one argument.

Then 1 day everything was off, thought it was in my head.. the next day she was perfect again and I had a sense of relief. Only for her to act strange the next day and finally breaking it off the day after. She said he ex was coming back, and it wasn't fair to me, and she thought she was over him. A few days ago I saw he made a new profile with new pics on the dating app we met on- which adds to my confusion.

We texted that night and basically it was her saying she is just trying to figure out hour by hour how she feels. A few days after that, I put together a box of about 20 items from our time together- just random inside joke things, a menu from our first dinner, etc.. she responded "thank you for the thoughtful package, I'm just walking in from a 18+ hour day and I'm so exhausted I don't know how to respond right now". That was about 3 weeks ago. I've texted her about 6 times since, I left a couple boxes of her fav protein bars at her doorstep yesterday and nothing. I'm not sure if a no response is her way of keeping me around or what.. I was hoping for s thank you or leave me alone after yesterday.

I just don't get how everything can be so perfect literally, to her now ignoring me. I don't want to go down without a fight and i want her to tell me to stop with the gestures/texts. I'm in sales. So I keep going to i hear no!

Any help would be appreciated. I've been on some other dates since hoping it would help get my mind off her and all I can think about is her and have zero interest in anybody else

[Khop97]

The last 3 weeks have been a living hell. I was seeing someone for about 3 months.. everything was absolutely perfect. Our first date lasted 8'hours! We had such fun everytime we hung out. We could even text all day and had the same connection. I would look forward to the Good Morning texts and random Hope your day is going good texts.

Then one day she was acting a little different- figured it was just in my head. The next day she completely fine and then the day after she broke up with me.

She said she apologized for acting distant but her ex called and apparently she wasn't as over him as she thought. Just a few days ago I saw her on the same dating app we met with all new recent pictures..

About a week after we broke up, I put together a box of random stuff from when we were together Our 1st uber receipt (inside joke) just a bunch of stuff that would remind her of the good times. Left it at her door.

She texted me later that night saying "just walking in from a 18+ hour day, thank you for the thoughtful box, I'm so exhausted I'm not sure how to respond".

That's the last I've heard from her.. I've sent about 5-6 texts in that span- some just have a good day, so no need for response. Yesterday, I left a few boxes of her fav protein bars at her door- remember her saying how she loved them. No response.

I'm thinking if I she was truly done, wouldn't she tell me to stop? I'm in sales, so no answer isn't necessarily a bad thing. Means you still have a chance.

Thoughts? This is the one girl that honestly was perfect- want to hondown swinging if I go down.

[Knix]

Oh my gosh.. you need to stop leaving things at her house. Girls are less likely to be blunt about their feelings. If she told you it wasn't working out because of her ex, but then was on a dating site, she just wasn't interested in you and is looking to date other people. But who really cares what the reason is, perhaps she like to have a new partner every 3 months...whatever the reason you can't keep leaving things at her door. It's not going to make her fall madly in love with you, in fact there's no better repellant.

 

 

Move on and date other people. It's also really important to respect people's space, perhaps that's why she wanted to end things in the first place? With the next person, little gestures are always cool but constantly dropping stuff off, sending text after text with no responses etc. is just desperate...

 

 

 

 

Good luck to you and I hope I was helpful.

[Khop97]

We only saw each other like 3 days a week.. definitely wasn't a space issue.

I get it, I was hesitant to drop off the 2nd time- it was a spur of the moment thing as a client gave me the bars.

I guess I was kinda hoping for that text to telling me it's done or s thank you.

[Knix]

I think youre just hoping for a response regardless. Remember this is also hurting YOU when you keep throwing yourself at her only to be rejected

 

 

There's someone out there that will appreciate the protein bars trust me

[spiderowl]

You don't want to get to the stage where she has to tell you to stop. Just don't do this! Once someone has broken up with you, you need to accept that and leave her alone. She was being nice but does not want to continue with the relationship.

 

I know it is hard and I know how much it hurts but the fact is you cannot make someone fall in love with you. Either they will or they won't. If they leave, you let them go. Trying to cling on to someone would be undignified for you and would only push them away.

 

It sounds like she as not as invested as you. This is quite normal. I would think there are tons of relationships out there where one person is more invested than the other. I suspect three months is about the stage where people figure out whether they should continue or not. She could have met someone else and realised she was not as attached to you. You need to be with someone who is as invested as you - this woman clearly isn't.

 

So, leave her alone. Focus on doing things that improve your life and make you feel good. Let her move on. If she's going to come back, it will be because she misses you. She can't miss you if you chase after her and are doing your best to be present in her life in some way. But, bear in mind that anyone who has left once can do it again. You are better moving your attention to women who are clear they want to be with you.

[airborne3502]

Something very similar just happened to me. It was great right up until it wasn't. It was an emotional landmine, and I'm sorry you stepped on one too.

 

All you can do is lick your wounds, heal up, and move on.

 

The girl is over you. There isn't anything to fight for anymore. She likes her ex better than you.

 

Salvage as much of your dignity as you can and live a successful and happy life.

[Khop97]

I appreciate the feedback guys.. i guess I have a hard time believing she just stopped having feelings overnight.. one day we are hanging out and hook up and the next day it's done. It's so damn hard to just sit back and do nothing but I know the more I push, the more I will push her further.

[lickylicky47]

Alright bro, I've got you. My first question to you is how old are you guys? It seems like you guys are in your teens (like myself). If so, I think I know what's up.

 

I think she lost interest because she didn't perceive you as enough of a challenge, and her lack of contact is her way of saying "I'm done". Or, alternatively, she pulled away because you were her attempt at a rebound from her ex bf. I know that sounds harsh, but that's the impression I'm getting from her hot/ cold behavior.

You might be able to turn her around, but not by the means you'd think. If I were you, I'd pull away. I'd stop texting her immediately. If she reaches out, keep it concise, and don't show interest. You will become valuable, and you won't be her "puppy" anymore if that makes sense. In addition, I'd go out and do stuff and try to make my life look amazing. That way she will be jealous and view you as an alpha/ find dyou interesting again. I'd check out some articles by The Alpha Next Door on how to act dominant around women. Great literature. Best of wishes! []

Edited April 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted personal contact information ~6

[preraph]

It just sounds like she's got a thing for her ex still. It will probably not work out. Anyway, she's not responding, so you should not make a move until or unless you hear from her. She's having no contact with you probably because she is with this other guy. Might she come back once that falls apart? Well, maybe. After all, she went back to that ex. But if she's still hung up on him, it will never be right. I'm sorry.

[dumbass2]

Sorry, but No response is telling you all you need to know. She is no longer interested in dating you. Maybe if things don't work out with her ex again she might contact you, but right now you're pushing her away probably for good. When someone ignores you, you should not want that person in your life. You're disrespecting yourself by continuing to leave things and trying to contact her.

[Khop97]

This really stings guys.. I had a heads up about 3 weeks ago, so I've been able to prepare but damn it hurts.

We dated for 4 months. Everything was beyond perfect.. like you see in the movies.. she would text me good morning everyday and have fun convos via text,took trips, helped move houses... Then about 4 weeks ago she started to act a little different.. she would be cool one day then off the next, I didn't really think much of it.. then out of the blue she breaks the news to me that her ex contacted her and she thought she was over him but wasn't. She didn't plan on this happening blah blah blah.. at that point she wasn't fully decided but I could tell she was leaning that way. We had LC, I would text every now and then and drop off stuff at her house as a surprise, but would never get a response. Figured she was still trying to figure stuff out.. well today she made it official that she is going back with him. Even though I saw it coming for a few weeks, I feel so hurt and feel like I'm gonna burst. I went on some dates last week to prepare for this and my heart wasn't having it. I really loved this girl. If I could draw a picture of what my ideal girl would look like, I would be her. Plus all her awesome qualities. (Before dumping me). I look back and there were so many things I wish I had done that maybe would have changed this outcome. The worst part we kinda ended in a fight over text because I said she was going back to a comfort zone by going to an ex.. she said I was condensending her and for me to respect her decision and that was it. How do you move forward? Even though I had a head start at recovery, this hurts bad. I'm

Not worried about not finding someone else- just not someone that had every quality I loved and had "butterflies" whenever we hung out and I'm in my mid 30's. I know there is nothing I can do but NC, but how do you stop loving someone? I can't really blame her for following her feelings, and obviously being 2nd choice isn't good- but I can tell you if she called right now I would take her back. Help!!

[Altair0770]

Enter no contact immediately. Block her on everything except your phone but delete her number. You were a rebound. I'm so sorry to say, it's difficult. Right now it's going to sting, and likely for awhile. Your best bet is to do what you can to move on which will take time. It'll take a lot longer and sting a lot more if you are in the picture.

 

Be gone from her life, and eventually you'll see that everything you feel for her right now will fade and logic will kick in and you'll realize you dodged a bullet here.

[lilspratz]

Firstly, I am sorry for the pain you are going through. You gave a pretty good history of your 4 months with her. She clearly said that she still had feelings for her ex. Not your fault. You cant consider yourself second pick when you were never in the running. When things happen in our lives that hurt us its God's way of saying wrong direction. Just believe that she's not the one and your true love is out there somewhere looking for you. Best of Luck to you.

[Khop97]

Thanks guys.. I wish I would have just accepted it 4 weeks ago when she first told me instead of trying to "win" her back. I would be feeling better.

It hurts so bad- just don't get how she can flip a switch and be done with someone.

She never mentioned her ex at during the first 3 months- only in passing but nothing that hit me thinking.

It's hitting me know that I may never see/text her ever again and that hurts because everything was so dang good for the first few months. Never even considered I was a rebound. I've lost close to 20lbs since this whole thing with her ex started 4 weeks ago.

[AlexM123]

I think I can relate to this. Although she left me for a new guy instead of an ex. She told me she was falling for someone else but we kept dating and I tried to salvage what we had but soon after she ended it. I can 100% relate to how someone can just flip a switch because that's what my ex did. I've also lost a bunch of weight since the breakup so me and you have very similar stories.

 

I went through the same "hurts we might never talk again" but after awhile of NC you'll think about talking with her again A LOT less. Right now focus on yourself and yourself only, her life and what's she's doing should be the last priority. It'll be hard and I'm still not 100% perfect about it but I don't have any urges to contact her or stalk social media or anything. If I can make it this far I know you can! Good luck

[airborne3502]

Something very similar just happened to me when an ex came out of nowhere and things went south.

 

She never mentioned her ex at during the first 3 months- only in passing but nothing that hit me thinking.

 

Ditto.

 

I asked mine what happened with her ex, and her answer was, "I moved away." She mentioned telling a male friend about me, and his reply was, "If you're happy, I'm happy." That's something an ex-boyfriend says, and I should have picked up on the fact she was still communicating with him.

 

Funny how two different people can go on such a similar ride.

 

Believe me, I know it's agonizing for you since you went "all in" with this girl.

 

I look back and there were so many things I wish I had done that maybe would have changed this outcome.

 

This outcome was inevitable the moment her ex contacted her.

 

I can tell you if she called right now I would take her back.

 

For your own well being...don't. Her ex was an ex for a reason. He more than likely dumped her, and will again. She doesn't deserve to have you as a backup. More importantly, you don't want a girl back that would do that to you. The rational part of your mind knows this to be true.

 

Find the one that gives you butterflies, but won't let you go.

Edited April 28, 2017 by airborne3502

[todreaminblue]

Thanks guys.. I wish I would have just accepted it 4 weeks ago when she first told me instead of trying to "win" her back. I would be feeling better.

It hurts so bad- just don't get how she can flip a switch and be done with someone.

She never mentioned her ex at during the first 3 months- only in passing but nothing that hit me thinking.

It's hitting me know that I may never see/text her ever again and that hurts because everything was so dang good for the first few months. Never even considered I was a rebound. I've lost close to 20lbs since this whole thing with her ex started 4 weeks ago.

 

were you the first guy to date her after splitting with her ex ....deb

[Whymetx]

Sorry you're hurt, look at the bright side at least she was woman enough to be upfront. She didn't go behind your back and start hooking up with the ex. Which is what I'm going through now, my boyfriend of 18 months cheated on me with his ex wife. I would have much rather him just be a man and break up with me. Being cheated on is horrible. So at least you were spared that. I've lost 7 lbs in 11 days. Which is the only plus to any of this since I've been wanting to lose 5lbs forever! Lol! The other good thing for you is you were only with her 4 months so at least you didn't waste years of your life with the wrong person. I wish you the best!

[Khop97]

Thx guys, appreciate the responses.. yes, I was the first guy she talked to.. and she was the one who was extra careful

When it came to who texts first, and all those little

Games.

Funny, now that we are split up, all

Her responses to me are all super professional and elogant when they use to

He all playful and fun. She flipped a switch alright.

 

I don't think she will ever contact me-

It's her personality (she's a lawyer) so I need to suck

It up and move forward and find someone who is on my side the entire time, and not jump ship in the 4th quarter.

It hurts like hell and every girl I talk to, I compare to her-

And nobody comes close measuring up.

[Khop97]

Today has been tough! Even seeing the little dots while someone is texting you

Is bringing back memories. I just got off a conference calll for work and the last time that happened, I went straight to her house and lounges around watching movies the rest of the day. I have a really

Good memory which is making this so damn hard.

She helped pick the apartment I'm in and I work from home- so everything here reminds me of her. And it's Friday so I know her and her ex are gonna go out and have fun. I honestly don't get how you can flip the switch so fast and forget.

How long does this last?!? I don't know how much longer I can handle this.

[airborne3502]

Today has been tough! Even seeing the little dots while someone is texting you

Is bringing back memories. I just got off a conference calll for work and the last time that happened, I went straight to her house and lounges around watching movies the rest of the day. I have a really

Good memory which is making this so damn hard.

She helped pick the apartment I'm in and I work from home- so everything here reminds me of her. And it's Friday so I know her and her ex are gonna go out and have fun. I honestly don't get how you can flip the switch so fast and forget.

How long does this last?!? I don't know how much longer I can handle this.

 

It's going to get tougher, before it gets better. I had to get through a month of feeling like total crap.

 

I helped paint my ex's apartment, and we christened it before it even had any furniture in it. I used to look forward to my weekends because it was either a road trip to her place, or her coming to me.

 

That's over now. I've accepted that I meant nothing, and have made my way to indifference towards her.

 

You will get there too. Stay strong and maintain your dignity throughout the healing process. She can't take that from you, unless you give it away. Lean on family and friends, and write about it in here until the subject bores you. One day you will wake up, and she won't be the first thing you think about.

 

Trust me on that.

[Marc878]

In the future stay away from rebounds. Now you know why.

[Superchicken]

I can tell you this much.

 

 

She will be back.

I 100% sure she will be breaking up with her ex again. There was a reason why they broke up, and it will happen again.

When it does, she will want to go back to you for comfort, or a shoulder.

Or, she will get in contact with you to just cheat on her ex.

 

 

Feelings are not something you can switch off.

Even worse, is a lingering love. Left unintended, it grows exponentially.

Let her start the chain reaction. The more you stop all contact. the faster the reaction.

You however, you need to make a preparatory plan.

When she does come back, either tell her to take a hike on Mt Lowlife, or enjoy a few benefits without strings.

 

 

Ted.

[Khop97]

It's going to get tougher, before it gets better. I had to get through a month of feeling like total crap.

 

I helped paint my ex's apartment, and we christened it before it even had any furniture in it. I used to look forward to my weekends because it was either a road trip to her place, or her coming to me.

 

That's over now. I've accepted that I meant nothing, and have made my way to indifference towards her.

 

You will get there too. Stay strong and maintain your dignity throughout the healing process. She can't take that from you, unless you give it away. Lean on family and friends, and write about it in here until the subject bores you. One day you will wake up, and she won't be the first thing you think about.

 

Trust me on that.

 

 

 

I hope so man.. you are absolutely right- the second my eyes pop open in the morning, she's the first thought and then that dreaded elephant on your chest appears.

I was out last night with some buddies and got pretty drunk. I felt like top of the world, wake up with her on my mind and a headache. Can't win!

 

Thanks for the advice and sorry to hear about your situation as well, but you are helping others!