Jmans407 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I'm in college and I met this girl at work.. We were just friends for the longest time and I really enjoy hanging with her, she a lot of fun. Over the course of 4-5 months we always worked together and got closer and closer, and one night I texted her saying that I had never met a girl that I could be so myself with, and she agreed on her end about me too.. One night about a month ago, I spent the night in her bed with her, she put her head on my chest and we talked about life for 3 hours, and I rubbed her back as she fell asleep. Yesterday, I looked her dead in the face and told her that SHE is the one I want. That it's HER, she's everything I look for.. She turned me down, saying she likes me as a friend but nothing more, and that it'll never be anything more than that. I'm shocked. I can't even understand how I could possibly misread the situation so poorly. She's lying, she's got to be... She is leaving for an internship in Colorado for four months in about a week and just got out of a relationship though... Could she be lying to protect herself from catching feelings since she's leaving for four months? Or is she telling the truth? We hung out almost everyday and had many many deep talks about stuff... I just can't wrap my mind around how that wasn't more than just a friendship...Even her friends thought there was something more there.. One of her closer friends was kind of my wingman and helped me with inside details about how she was feeling, etc.. This girl told her friend that she thought "God put me in her life to show her that there's more to life than she previously thought there was with her ex..." I can't imagine someone saying that about somebody that was just a friend...Thoughts? I need some feedback....
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 You didn't mis-read the situation. She gave you false signals; you simply believed the lies she was telling you. If you were "just friends" she was dead wrong to invite you into her bed & to snuggle so intimately with She's a tease & I mean that in the worst sense of the word. Let her go on to her internship & take some time to grieve. Next time you are getting close to a woman, make your romantic intentions known sooner so you don't get friend zoned. At you asked her out earlier before she put you in the box labeled "friend" this might have gone differently. 2
Imajerk17 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 It's not so hard for me to see what happened.The cuddle-buddy never gets the girl. Neither does the therapist. If you and she were in bed together, why didn't you make a move? 3
BaileyB Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have wanted. But, the reality is that the timing was not right. She was not ready to date again and she is leaving for an extended period of time. She probably made the right decision, for no other reason than the timing is bad.
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 You are/were a best bud, not a sexual being. If she was interested she would have made some kind of move even if you didn't. 2
ChatroomHero Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I agree with the other responses. You were her best girlfriend. Nothing you necessarily did wrong really, but woman sleeping and cuddling with you and sharing intimate things about herself like that knows that she was leading you on but if you don't make a move, she won't need to stop doing it. It might sound bad but if you end up in a woman's bed with her and nothing happens at all, she thinks of you as a girlfriend. If you don't try anything, she definitely thinks of you as a girlfriend. It's the equivalent to if she were to ask you to go purse shopping with her. Your only answer should be, "Sure, as soon as we are finished having sex". Don't allow yourself to become a girlfriend. Like I said, you did nothing wrong really, but there are defining points in a relationship and one of them was when you spilled your heart out to her. The mistake you made is you did that after you cuddled with her. When you cuddled with her is when you should have done that. 3
fmfan08 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Never tell a girl how you feel about her until you're in a relationship. You need to show her by asking her out, flirting, kissing, etc. 1
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Your first mistake...you didn't try to have sex with her....please read the ladder theory....The Ladder Theory - Ladder Manifestations Never ever sleep in a bed without trying to have sex....being a cuddle %^&*# is the kiss of death. And never ever "hang out", be buddies, ever. You want a girl you ask her out or make moves on her. Second you never ever express your feelings when you are not even in a relationship or haven't even been dating....you were her emotional tam&^0n. Her friend without benefits, her GF. Dude you got friend zoned.
sandrawg Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I just went through that. Only in my case, we were actually dating and did have sex. After 2 months, he said he didn't have feelings for me. Tried to friendzone me. Nothign to do but move on. I'm sorry. I know it hurts like a b****
morrowrd Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 Man, I would have thought the same thing you did. Why she allowed you to have such intimate snuggle times, is a toughie. The only thing maybe that I could assume is that she misses that kind of affection being so close to a break up, and you filled that need. Not probably what you wanted to have happen, but men misreading women's signals is a big club.
fromheart Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I'm in college and I met this girl at work.. We were just friends for the longest time and I really enjoy hanging with her, she a lot of fun. Over the course of 4-5 months we always worked together and got closer and closer, and one night I texted her saying that I had never met a girl that I could be so myself with, and she agreed on her end about me too.. One night about a month ago, I spent the night in her bed with her, she put her head on my chest and we talked about life for 3 hours, and I rubbed her back as she fell asleep. Yesterday, I looked her dead in the face and told her that SHE is the one I want. That it's HER, she's everything I look for.. She turned me down, saying she likes me as a friend but nothing more, and that it'll never be anything more than that. I'm shocked. I can't even understand how I could possibly misread the situation so poorly. She's lying, she's got to be... She is leaving for an internship in Colorado for four months in about a week and just got out of a relationship though... Could she be lying to protect herself from catching feelings since she's leaving for four months? Or is she telling the truth? We hung out almost everyday and had many many deep talks about stuff... I just can't wrap my mind around how that wasn't more than just a friendship...Even her friends thought there was something more there.. One of her closer friends was kind of my wingman and helped me with inside details about how she was feeling, etc.. This girl told her friend that she thought "God put me in her life to show her that there's more to life than she previously thought there was with her ex..." I can't imagine someone saying that about somebody that was just a friend...Thoughts? I need some feedback.... You've shown some balls in going for what you want, well done. The absolute rule at this point is to completely back off unless she reciprocates. She has unfortunately turned you down, I'm sorry, this happens. The best thing to do is to tell her to give you a call if she changes her mind, then completely disappear FOREVER. No calls on her birthday, nothing. Move on completely, date other women. At the very least she will respect you. But do NOT accept a friend zone, as she will find you weak and tread all over you. 1
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