2 opposing conflicts

[restore]

been in a relationship with a lady for 6 years. about 1.2 hour drive. after 5 years I decided to move to her city. 4 minutes drive from her house. been a year here.

 

was caught with porn on my pc. 4th time already. not an easy thing to stop. nothing heavy. just women in skimpy thongs. shes not having it. shes very hurt. I would try to encourage her to be more sexually open but its not happening. and nothing heavy either. she says shes competing with other ladies, that shes not enough for me, that her self esteem is low. I understand her. I realize the porn issue is a problem for her. its meaningless for me. just a visual to help me finish my business. shes not always with me to release tension. we dont meet often. her daughters dont approve of us being together. as weve been through a lot. many on offs. we both give something critical to one another that makes us be with each other after so many on/offs. ok enough of this.

 

im trying to have easy contact with her. not bombard her with nonstop messages. whatsapp is blocked. email too I think. fb is open but she doesnt read my messages. I called with no id yesterday, spoke to her. shes very hurt and pissed off. says she doesnt love me like before but im not buying that. shes just backed off and hurt.

 

heres my problem. I cannot be alone. I start thinking about her and get very bad panic attacks. specifically thinking that shes with other guys. (its around 3 weeks now)

 

ive been on old. went on a date with a women. I have to distract myself otherwise I wont be able to work. I have an abandonment issue which affects me. add to that, I live in a city with no one I know around me. I dont have the money or mindset to move atm. maybe later.

 

she broke up with me as she noticed I wasnt so interested which is a bit true. usually for me every women I had a long relationship with was explosive so this was very casual with her. she was a good way of distracting me from the ex though.

 

on one hand, I cant be alone, on the other not giving time to heal is not possible. I was previously in the ER twice as I had very bad panic attacks. with a previous relationship.

 

this stems from my ex wife who cheated on me and this ex dating another guy when we broke up for a few months.

 

whats a logical way to move on, without being depressed if I should decide to? I get offers from women on OLD. I am a good looking guy, so its not a problem. but I feel im not being open with them. I do enjoy their companionship. problem is my mind and heart is with the ex.

Edited April 22, 2017 by restore

[Knix]

So there's a lot here that I want to address:

 

 

First off, IMO watching porn is NOT cheating. If she has a problem with it, she's incredibly insecure and needs to get some help. Watching porn with a partner can even be fun and sexy, you can't expect someone to only be attracted to their partner, ridiculous.

 

 

Secondly, the fact that she blocked you on everything is immature. She needs to grow up and handle things like an adult, if she wants to end things and end contact, fine... but playing games is just that... games.

 

 

Thirdly, you're admitting that you have abandonment issues and you hate being alone, so you need to get some professional help for that.

 

 

There's a great book called "Facing Love Addiction" Here's the amazon link:

https://www.amazon.com/Facing-Love-Addiction-Giving-Yourself/dp/0062506048/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1492958690&sr=8-2&keywords=love+addict

 

 

Not only is being addicted to relationships and fear of abandonment unhealthy, it also causes you to be in superficial relationships that give the other person all the power and control. Anytime she threatens to leave you, you compromise to whatever she wants. A genuine relationship is two people WANTING to be together, not NEEDING to be together.

 

 

I hope I helped Good Luck!!