Moving to the other side of the World

[Bex2804]

So, long story short, my partner of just over 2 years (been best friends for 5 years) decided to break up with me because he wants to enjoy being single and not have to worry about someone else. ( then at a later date decided to through the I don't love you anymore into it). This was about a month ago and I did all the bad things you aren't supposed to do during a break up and then decided to move on and try get on with my life again.

 

But here's the thing.. decided to start NC the other day and he wouldn't stop messaging me.. I stupidly replied yesterday as I'm not one to ignore people and now he's flipped the tables and is ignoring me. I wish I could just move on and tell him to completely do one but did I mention he broke up with me a few weeks after we got our visas granted to move from the UK to Australia in October?? So lovely of him. Anyway, we had always planned to book our flights on the 1st May and obviously when we broke up I went through the stage of doubting I could do it o my own and really struggling with it and now I've decided I can do it on my own but he now seems to still want to fly out there with me ( we are both still going either way)

 

and to still go stay with the same friends who live out there for a while and he asked about meeting up next week to discuss it and I said I would but basically felt we would be going our separate ways once we get there as I can't be friends with someone I still love. Wish I knew what to do, do I tell him straight out if he wanted to do the whole Oz thing with me he shouldn't have dumped

Me? Or do I let us book flights together and then disappear for a few months completely out of his life and let him miss me? Or what? I'm trying not to kid myself that we might get back together once we move and kind of become dependent on each other again but I'm not getting my hopes up. So confused and stressed

Edited April 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Maldives]

So, long story short, my partner of just over 2 years (been best friends for 5 years) decided to break up with me because he wants to enjoy being single and not have to worry about someone else. ( then at a later date decided to through the I don't love you anymore into it). This was about a month ago and I did all the bad things you aren't supposed to do during a break up and then decided to move on and try get on with my life again.

 

But here's the thing.. decided to start NC the other day and he wouldn't stop messaging me.. I stupidly replied yesterday as I'm not one to ignore people and now he's flipped the tables and is ignoring me. I wish I could just move on and tell him to completely do one but did I mention he broke up with me a few weeks after we got our visas granted to move from the UK to Australia in October?? So lovely of him. Anyway, we had always planned to book our flights on the 1st May and obviously when we broke up I went through the stage of doubting I could do it o my own and really struggling with it and now I've decided I can do it on my own but he now seems to still want to fly out there with me ( we are both still going either way)

 

and to still go stay with the same friends who live out there for a while and he asked about meeting up next week to discuss it and I said I would but basically felt we would be going our separate ways once we get there as I can't be friends with someone I still love. Wish I knew what to do, do I tell him straight out if he wanted to do the whole Oz thing with me he shouldn't have dumped

Me? Or do I let us book flights together and then disappear for a few months completely out of his life and let him miss me? Or what? I'm trying not to kid myself that we might get back together once we move and kind of become dependent on each other again but I'm not getting my hopes up. So confused and stressed

 

What a pickle lol you should read some of my threads lol they are really entertaining pickles haha.

 

I think he's trying to keep you as a security blanket. You know just in case things don't work out for him. He's already stated his feelings that in itself should be enough for you to say good bye. As hard as that is to do think about this......how can u expect someone who broke you to repair and fix you back up?

 

He's just gonna play head games with you and prolong your suffering don't buy into his mind games. Stating something like i dont love you anymore is a huge flag that your in for a world of pain having him pop in n out of your life. Your self esteems taken a massive hit so it's understandable you yearn for his attention but whats worse is having him stringing you along. Remember he is not getting hurt from this interaction you are. He's so insensitive to how you would be feeling he'd have no idea your hurting. I'd walk and end it

[Purepony]

Do your own thing

Forget that guy he sounds confused and lost... who knows maybe he rounds someone else, the point is do your thing and forget him or he's only going to string you along

[Bex2804]

We met up last night for the first time since we split just the two of us and went for dinner and have agreed to book flights together. I didn't talk about us at all but we were both being a bit flirty.. overall I did have a nice evening (turns out we were both watching exactly the same tv program before we came out which did make me laugh!) and he texted me once he got home saying it was nice to see me again and asked me why I seemed so stressed and thoughtful at times but I just ignored that. It's my birthday on Friday and I'm supposed to be going to a theme park for the day with a friend and then going out in the evening with pretty much all our friends so in two minds about whether to invite him and just have a day of fun ( we both LOVE theme parks) and don't invite him out ( who wants to see their ex out clubbing dancing with someone else on their birthday?? Not me!) but really don't know. I feel like if I don't invite him he'll realise I'm not hanging around for him anymore but if I do invite him we could start to re-build our friendship again? Kind of still a bit scared about booking flights with him and I kept on joking about how when we stay with our friends I'll get the bedroom and he can have the sofa and he was all like 'we'll sort it out when we get there'. Still so confused about what he wants! Feel like I need to disappear again after we book flights, he obviously still doesn't know what he wants and I'm not being dragged into that, I have proved I'm living my life without him and I think he's realising that...

[EmilyJane]

You haven't proved anything, it's been all of two minutes since you broke up.

 

Stick to your guns and ask him to find somewhere else to stay when you get here.

 

He broke up with you right before moving overseas.

 

He totally blew it and if you let him back this easy before he's even asked you will lose all power and reset the getting over them clock.

 

Go back to NC until he commits to you and for gods sake don't invite him out for your birthday!

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm sorry, but booking flights together sounds like a terrible idea.

 

Based on the information you have provided, it sounds like your ex wants to go out and meet other women and live a carefree single life, while you provide the familiarity and comfort of a friend. He may even flirt and be affectionate with you, but it doesn't change the fact that he ended the relationship.

 

Think about your reasons for travelling together. Are you secretly hoping that this is going to bring you closer together or at least keep you communicating for a while longer? You don't have to answer here, but at least think through your motives honestly with yourself.

 

It is your decision to make, but I'm afraid you are in for a world of hurt and rejection if you go through with it.

[Zahara]

I feel like if I don't invite him he'll realise I'm not hanging around for him anymore but if I do invite him we could start to re-build our friendship again?

 

There is no friendship to rebuild. You're facing a break-up and those emotions aren't going to allow you to breeze into a friendship. It's irrational to even think that you can go from romantic relationship to platonic friendship. This is likely your way of keeping a lifeline in hopes he changes his mind which is a bad idea.

 

Kind of still a bit scared about booking flights with him and I kept on joking about how when we stay with our friends I'll get the bedroom and he can have the sofa and he was all like 'we'll sort it out when we get there'.

 

He's told you he wants to end it because he wants to explore what's out there. He's going to be in a new environment with new people around him. What happens if he brings a woman to the home? What happens when you find out he's out there partying with other women? Can you really see yourself living under the same roof with someone that is not a part of your plans anymore?

 

Still so confused about what he wants! Feel like I need to disappear again after we book flights, he obviously still doesn't know what he wants and I'm not being dragged into that, I have proved I'm living my life without him and I think he's realising that...

 

There's nothing confusing. You're a familiar and secure fallback. He's told you he wants to be single and that he doesn't love you anymore. One month doesn't change any of that -- the only reason why he's back is because you started NC and he realized his dose of attention was not available anymore.

 

Save yourself pain and hurt. If you want to move, then move BUT make this your own journey.

[Bex2804]

I know I need to turn around and say we either do it together or not at all but considering we are going out there to stay with friends straight away and then go on a road trip with them I don't think there is anyway I will be able to avoid him at the start of it anyway... I want to see my friends and I know there's no way in hell he won't be coming to see them too. I'm not going to invite him out for my birthday, I can't deal with the stress. This all just sucks so much because we really didn't have a bad relationship at all ( everyone said we were the couple they wanted to be and they thought we would be the ones that stuck together) but obviously feelings change. If I do say I want to book tickets on my own then what happens if the situation has changed by October? Do I have a better chance of protecting myself if I book them with him now and then just go back into NC for a few months? Just thinking about if the situation does change it will be a sticky situation if we aren't on the same flights etc. Wish I wasn't on a time limit but I really can't wait any longer to book flights as the prices have gone up already

[Zahara]

If I do say I want to book tickets on my own then what happens if the situation has changed by October?

 

Stop. You book your own ticket based on what you have been presented TODAY and that is -- "I want to be single and I don't love you." You make your plans on your own. No one can predict the future so it's again irrational to set yourself up with any "ifs".

 

Do I have a better chance of protecting myself if I book them with him now and then just go back into NC for a few months?

 

Again, treat this as a break-up. You book your own tickets and you remain NC. If something changes by October and you both are back together, you'll just be on different lights and it won't be the end of the world. You're reunite in Australia.

 

I think you're making excuses to keep a lifeline.