kiki2015 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Hi all! I wondered if anybody else had encountered this. I have a friend, female, who is a few years younger than me. She is engaged to a great guy, who has many eligable friends. Her fiance and I get along well as we have similar political interests (absolutely purely platonic) however some of his friends (also my age) have expressed an interest in me. Problem is my female friends hates it. It's very bizarre, I'm not interested in her partner at all, and she is engaged, however I feel like she is trying to sabotage any potential dates I have with his friends because f various reasons. I am wondering, I would like to keep a friendship with her however it's very difficult under these circumstances. Has anybody ever had this problem? I cannot imagine being the same way the other way round. I would probably actively encourage it if there was the potential that people could be happy. Many thanks
Jammer25 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Indeed she sounds jealous and protective. Understandable though, I mean especially during engagement it can be seen as a threat.
act00 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 If you, her friend, connects, dates, or hooks up with one of her groom's friends, and then you break up, it can cause riff-raff in this happy little friendship group they have with you and them. It will create drama. Friends could be lost, as after the breakup, one of the couple may drop out to avoid the other half of the couple. Lines get drawn in the sand, and people pick sides. Where are the loyalties? She will remain loyal to you, he with his, and that creates drama with them..."you can't invite so-and-so." Look at any divorced couple and see how friendships get divided. Will she be pissed off at her husband's friend for being a jerk to you, and demand he stop hanging out with him, or vice versa? Will she dump you to spare her relationship with her spouse and his friend? It may just be she does not want anything to change as far as their blended social circle. It's a little scary, and she might be reacting to it. I do agree, there could be jealousy issues, and it does come across as a bit petty. People will do what they do and choose who they choose, and who knows what consequences will come from it. You do say "several" of his friends are taking an interest, so I can see a bit of jealousy, but how many do you plan on seeing out of these several eligible bachelors? It's a bit of a slippery slope, I think, to get involved with someone who is part of the existing and long-time social circle, but these things can and do work out long-term, or can work out even if there's a breakup. No guarantees, but maybe she's reacting to fear of changing the status quo.
Popsicle Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Hi all! I wondered if anybody else had encountered this. I have a friend, female, who is a few years younger than me. She is engaged to a great guy, who has many eligable friends. Her fiance and I get along well as we have similar political interests (absolutely purely platonic) however some of his friends (also my age) have expressed an interest in me. Problem is my female friends hates it. It's very bizarre, I'm not interested in her partner at all, and she is engaged, however I feel like she is trying to sabotage any potential dates I have with his friends because f various reasons. I am wondering, I would like to keep a friendship with her however it's very difficult under these circumstances. Has anybody ever had this problem? I cannot imagine being the same way the other way round. I would probably actively encourage it if there was the potential that people could be happy. Many thanks Sounds like she secretly doesn't like you.
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 I'm just guessing here but maybe she's not liking all the attention you seem to be getting from everyone....she's feelin like the ugly duckling that no on cares about. The only way to figure this out is TALK to her. Just say "I have noticed your negative behavior towards me when it comes to his friends having an interest in me, Can you please tell me what the problem is? I want to keep things good between us, it can't happen if you keep getting upset with me....this is really confusing...." 2
Erik30 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Maybe she used to be the popular girl and in the past kinda thought of you as her "sidekick." So now it pisses her off seeing you getting all that attention from guys. (Instead of her)
kendahke Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Have you point blank asked her what her problem is? What you do with friends of his is really none of her business--it's not like she can date them. I tend to agree with Erik30--she's mad because she's no longer free to be the flirt/center of their attention and you are free to be that. But seriously--you need to get an understanding with her about where her interests in this ends. She needs to concentrate on her fiance. 1
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