bngo16 Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Hi everyone, I posted up a topic a while back about a situation I was in. I thank you for those that replied because it really helped me make decision. However I'm in a bigger situation that I originally thought I was in. Here's the story from the original post: "I'm in a situation where I know what I should do, but I'm not sure about the outcome. It's kind of a long story..... I saw this girl, K, a while back when school started. We were both university in coming freshmens and I saw her at an orientation that the school was holding. Anyways, when orientation was over, I never saw her again. Then the school year started it turned out she was a friend of a friend of mine. From there, we exchanged numbers and started to hang out with each other more often, like working out and going out with friends. She even asked me out to a movie and to a party too, but I never had the chance to go with her. I stared to like K. Well anyways, things were going great with her. Then I met another girl, D. I ended up dating D and soon after that things were going great with her. However, when we started to go out, I barely knew D and as the relationship progressed, it turned out that she wasn't really my type of girl and that was when the relationship started to go bad. I had to break up the relationship because I realized that I wasn't in love with D. After the break up, I went back to life, focused on nothing but school. However, K and I started to talk again. At random times, she'd call me and I'd call her. We eventually started to hang out again and last Saturday, we even went out with a couple of friends to see a movie. My friends were all telling me that she was giving me signs that day that she liked me. I like her too. My sitution here is..... D still talks to my friends and they tell me that she still misses me. I made a decision not to interact with other girls just for D's sake so she won't get hurt. However, many of my friends know that I like K and encourage me to ask her out. I really like K after getting to know her better, but I don't want to hurt D's feelings. I've been meaning to ask K out, but I'm not going to do that just yet until school starts again (since she's going back home to chico and I'm in Anaheim (9 hours away)) and I don't want to hurt D. Well, I've been contemplating about this for a while and decided that I won't ask K out until D has the chance to get over the break up. Some of my friends told me that if keep this up, instead of protecting D's feelings, it'll ironically hurt her even more. I don't want to lose this chance again with K like I did at the beginning of the school year when she asked me out to the movies. So.... my decision is to keep it at a normal friendship level with K and ask her out when D is cool with things between us. Is this alright to do?" Except, D seems to show signs of being suicidal. All of our friends have also noticed these signs too. D has been going through a lot of stress in her life and when we were dating, I tried to help her cope with her stress. She's fine now and she seems happy, but from i can see and from what my friends tell me, she still misses me (we broke up in April just to let you know). Also my friend S told D about how I like K now. I don't think I will ask K out and just remind friends with K. I don't want to put any more stress than neccessary for D because of her suicidal behavior. I've been reading up suicide too to learn how to deal with it and prevent it. So I guess I just want a second opinion on my decision and maybe some advice on how to cope and prevent suicide. I was also appriciate any other advice too on this situaiton, thank you very much for taking your time to answer my post.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 So.... my decision is to keep it at a normal friendship level with K and ask her out when D is cool with things between us. Is this alright to do?" D's problems are hers, and hers alone to work on - and should not be a factor in controlling what you want to do with your life. If you want to date K, then do so. Do not include D and her problems in your new relationship. The next time D's friends come to you with a 'she's suicidal' story, then ask them if they have been true friends to her and gotten her to a counselor so that she can begin to get the help she needs. D doesn't need for you to enable her suicidal behavior - she needs for you to move on with your life, so that she can let go and go find the help she needs. Hopefully her friends will help her with this by helping her set up and get to her appointments.
dr strangelove Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Hmm One day I was suicidal and I even wrote a post about it on here, I believe its since been deleted. The ex was one factor, but there were other things as well. It seems like you and D are still on good terms? I have a suggestion if you are so concerned maybe you want to call up a help line or talk to the student counsellor or something... for advice. I mean its one thing if you break up and gived mixed signals to D. I mean thats my problem my ex was still contacting me, and I guess I have sent mixed signals out to her as well. You could always meet with K in secret.. away from school..?? Let us know what happens...
Author bngo16 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 Well, good news things got a lot easier now. K kinda had a feeling that I liked her, so she just cleared things up for me and told me that she'd rather have it at a friendship level because she's not looking for a relationship..... but thank you guys for your advice. Does anyone have other suggestions to deal with D and her sitution on suicide?
lindya Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Does anyone have other suggestions to deal with D and her sitution on suicide? No, that's something for non-emotionally involved mental health professionals to deal with. Get involved, and you'll just push her up the roller-coaster a bit...which will only help her to plummet right back down with added speed - however good your intentions might be.
IfiKnewThen Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 wow i just really want to commend you!!!!!!!!!!!!! more people should be like you and give a damn about others and their feelings. its true you cant be responsible for how D feels. but i think it cool to try to be firends and "try" to help her get through this transition a little. i would be honest with D. i would say to her if i were you that i cared bout her feelings but i am not superman, nor God. maybe tell her you dont know how to get her through it but you want to be her friend (within reaso)n because you DO care. sometimes that alone can help a person move on. i think most of us get "stuck" when we experience the shock of the other person dropping us like a hot potato and NOT caring. i know i did. i often thought to myself if only my ex would be decent and friendly and show he gave a damn and acknowleged my feelings i might have moved on quicker. it may have provided some meaning and gave me strength somehow. but its touch and go because i dont know her whole frame of mind. but i think being indiffent is damaging too. all i know is, we need more humanity in this world and i am proud (who ever i am ) that you are the kind of guy who actually cares!!!! and you should be proud too. go you!! don't let people change you. you dont have to be a slave to anothers "hurt" feelings BUT, it is GOOD , DECENT, HUMANE, THOUGHFUL and CARING to give over to another human being the sense that THEY mattered! the fact that your taking your time with K too is noteworthy. i think people like you are a blessing, who care about others and live it. and show it. you should be cloned!!!
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