rev808 Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I've been with this girl for 2 years. No I'm not a hot guy either, so I treat her well. Here's the story: Last weekend I was away for 2 days, She came over Wed, we spent a good day together, but I noticed she being different, sexually, & the way she acted. Thurs I decided to go through her picture mail & guess what? She sent a few x-rated pix to an unknown number. So I call it, the guy tells me, he met her at the mall, she picked him up, got his number. That night he got these x-rated pixs of her, so he called her and the next day, they slepted together, all night. Well I confronted her, and of course denied it, then she admited to it. Now comes Sat, she doesn't know what to do, but I asked her to try to work this out, she said no, she wanted to try the new guy out. That night I talked to this guy, and he found out who I was, so he didn't want any trouble, so he stepped off. She got mad, & I laughed. Come Sun, she wants to stay with me & work it out, I take her back. Yet she can't tell my why she did this, she said that she wasn't thinking & was confused. So I know she wasn't confused, what do you think? Should I suffer & keep going out with her? Mind you I can't get this matter of my mind. Plus he told me everything that they did & talked about, why? Cause he said he didn't want any trouble. Now all I hear from her is that she is sorry and it won't happen anymore, damm I'm so confused!
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 She's only sorry that she got caught, and that this guy gave her up so easily. She will be sweet for a while, but will eventually cheat on you again. It sounds like she has little or no feelings left for you, and stays only because its convenient to do so. If that is what you want, and can deal with being used and cheated on repeatedly - then stay. Otherwise - break up with her abruptly, put her on strict and solid 'no contact' - and begin the process of getting your head and heart back together so you can get over her.
Author rev808 Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 You are so right, and I know this will happen again. For some reason, I guess I want to hear it from other people. Everything was great, it just came from left field. I actually met the guy at a bar and he was kissing my *ss so much & he also said he was sorry. I told him I didn't blame him, she's the one that lied. He also stated that she actually made some future plans that week they were hanging out, with him & his 2 year old kid. What I can't understand is how can someone just meet another person & within hours send nude pictures, then sleep with them the next day. I would never be able to do that. I know I need to move on, I guess I just want to understand her way of thinking? Or just so in love I'd accept it, but I know I can't. Thanks...
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 What I can't understand is how can someone just meet another person & within hours send nude pictures, then sleep with them the next day... I guess I just want to understand her way of thinking? Your girlfriend is in a relationship in which she has fallen out of love with you, but still feels she needs to stay in the relationship. She stays out of guilt, nostalgia, security and obligation. She likely still has feelings for you, but they aren't feelings of desire, lust and excitement. If she were to be honest with you, I'd wager she'd tell you something like "the love I have for you is like the love I have for a brother". In other words, she has a bond with you - but it is a bond that is lacking in the things she needs for it to equate to 'happiness'. So, she fantasizes about that 'happiness' that is missing in her relationship with you, and she starts thinking that she can look for it outside of the relationship, from the relative safety and security of her relationship with you. So, she found someone. She didn't run toward him, so much as she was running from your relationship. She tried to over-compensate with this guy what she felt she was lacking with you. She thought she found what she was missing with you: lust, excitement, passion, desire, etc - but it wasn't really all of those things - it was her mapping her wishes onto a situation and seeing her interaction with this guy as something more than it really was. For him, it was just a convenient piece of ass, easily discarded when it stopped being convenient. For her, it was a man who desired her, wanted her, made her feel sexy, etc and she slept with him because her desire to be 'happy' overshadowed her logic which would have told her that he was just banging her because she happened to make herself available for that. She saw magic with this guy where none really existed. When she realized what the situation really was after he tossed her under the bus, so to speak - she came back to what she sees she has with you: safety, security, a man who wants her because he is "supposed" to - the status quo. She still has that void in her mind though - the void that will have her soon looking for 'happiness' again. Now, understand this: that void probably only exists in her mind. You could have a perfectly happy relationship in which you treat her like gold, but if her perception of it is that it is lacking in some way, then you are sunk. You can change a situation, but you can't change a person's perceptions of that situation. She has to find a way to fill that void from within your relationship in order for the cheating to stop. It doesn't sound like she's too interested in doing that. I expect if you stay she will continue to use you as a security blanket while looking for 'happiness' elsewhere.
Author rev808 Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 LucreziaBorgia, thank you so much. You make so much sense, & this other guy did state "I got these nude pictures, out of nowhere, so I knew I was going to get laid. So we talked and the next day I had a piece of ass in my bed." I do see it your way, and I think what she did, was so she can move on. So hopefully I can do this and let her know that this needs to end. When I met this guy at the bar last night I told him, it was ok to take her and he said no, cause he didn't want this to happen to him. Oh well, thank you so much.
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